Original subtitles

Orbital anomaly detected in item 3719B, Chinese long -range communication

satellite.

Meteor hit. We can tell I've got re -entry for 09, 17, and 20 seconds.

It's a Chinese weather satellite, sir.

I'm not sure why NASA security requested briefing. Because the Chinese were

photographing military sites and not rain clouds, Lieutenant.

Any idea how many bases this bird flies over? It's a 47 -degree band over the

northern hemisphere, sir. That would include Russia, England, our basic...

Where? Where will it hit?

Pacific Ocean, third quadrant.

Off Baja, sir.

Sir, Agent Keller?

For the first day of the Gondi Invitational Boat Race.

On the water now, Jimmy Malibu. Dean Franco takes his test run through the

course.

Hey, what'd I tell you? This Jimmy Malibu kid's a regular flying fish.

I mean, look at him. He's like a trout with wings.

Yeah, if you don't mind him making his turns too wide and jamming his bow into

the surf.

I could save 20 seconds off his qualifying time.

Well, maybe you could join the team yourself.

Grandpa, we talked about this. I have a job.

Okay. Maybe you'll help Jimmy out, all right?

Hey, what's he doing? Taking a linguine break?

He's probably blowing out his car. We'll see him in a second.

The blind fish just got his wings clipped.

Maroni looks hurt. We gotta get to him.

Mickey!

That's what I'm talking about.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Look, it's not like I'm going to split down in cocoa butter and bake myself.

It's a legit gig.

For your grandfather, the mobster?

Tasha, pull the wrench out of your crankcase.

It's only a boat race.

So VIP provides protection and the replacement driver.

I can handle the boat.

But yeah, they do need protection.

Not the Don's typical muscle.

Jimmy Malibu got conked in the middle of the ocean.

I guess Val won't mind a little fun in the sun.

All right, we'll meet you there.

So, we got a deal?

You're looking at your new driver.

Good.

How's Jimmy?

In a coma.

Look, this isn't just about winning a race.

I want to get the bastards that did this to Jimmy.

I'm all over it.

He's a good humor man.

Ah, Lago.

International playboy.

If that guy was any more foolish, the son of his head would explode.

Okay, I'll see you at the time trial.

Ciao, Bella.

Nicky must be around somewhere.

Hold on a second.

Sounds like a big, impressive double -barreled Nicky Frank walker. I heard

Hey, Valerie.

How are you?

I'm peachy, Don. How are you?

Oh, I'm sorry. Johnny, Don, Don, Johnny.

Good to finally meet you, son.

What are you doing?

I was just telling Johnny how I could hear Nicky at work.

How many guys get to have a granddaughter like that, huh?

Oh, probably just as many girls that have a mobster as a grandfather.

Genie boss.

That girl.

Who is she?

Valerie Irons.

Valerie Irons, detective.

You.

Lethal.

Nonsense. I want to meet her.

We'll be right back.

My fair lady, Hepburn and Harrison, Warner Brothers, 1964.

I need iron.

Flagler.

Iron.

Valerie Iron, your reputation precedes you.

But your beauty could only be hinted at.

I think I need some fresh air.

We're outside.

Are you here for the races?

Well, that's my yacht.

I pass through life. I look this way and that.

I don't even think about which way I'm going until I see something that I like.

That's kind of how I feel when I'm dragging my diaper.

Valerie, I've been rude, chasing your friend away. Perhaps I can make it up to

you, say, with dinner.

On my yacht tomorrow night.

How do you know that wasn't my boyfriend?

What kind of boyfriend would leave you alone with me?

So, dinner it is.

I'll have my man Thomas pick you up.

for a reason. She could be a distraction or a respite from the tedious job of

selling top secret information.

Progress report.

I expect... We cover 80 % of the data.

Anything new in our underwater drop box?

We're trading offers with your broker.

He's got a guerrilla cell in Central America bidding on the West European

imagery. They want more details.

Download a photo of one of the Ukrainian bases. They're worthless anyway.

And this time, no screw -up. Keep your divers away from those speedboats.

We're probably under surveillance, which is why we're making the exchange below

sea level, right under their noses.

Now I'll want to celebrate in style.

Get a couple bottles of the Jouet 72 on ice for myself and the irons, will you?

Yes, sir.

And there go the six boats in the final elimination round of the Dunsey

Invitational. This will determine the remaining four spots for tomorrow's

How clear here.

Hey, did we ever stop to think that maybe somebody doesn't like this Jimmy

Malibu guy?

That is an easy gig for us.

Quite like a waste of time.

We'll see.

A lot of them. Hmm.

Guess he just has one name.

Like Sting.

Or Moseley.

But they're rock stars.

Generally, you don't see... one -name businessman.

Now, if I were to only have one name... Kay, can you zip it, please?

Kay, can you zip it?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

So, all I need to know is that Lagos is a one -name billionaire.

The FBI did start a dossier on him, but it was nothing bad.

Oh, we could rate one of those for being a vegetarian.

That'd look okay.

I think Mr.

Lagos is going to have his hands full. Mm -hmm.

Invitation is for Miss Irons.

Alone. Listen, she's not getting on that boat without me.

Sorry, pal.

Orders are orders.

Oh, yeah?

You gonna stop me?

Try me. Uh, boys, this is my date, and I'm going to paddle that little canoe

over there by myself if you can't work it out.

Will somebody help me?

After the problem that Nicky's grandfather had, I just don't think that

should be out there by yourself.

This has nothing to do with the Don.

Plus, this guy's a little pussycat, right?

Mal, I'm telling you.

Johnny, I'll be okay.

Just in time.

You said join you for dinner.

In an alley?

Let me ask you something.

What makes dining out something you look forward to?

The valet parking?

Having some Brad Pitt wannabe recite moronic specials? No.

It's the food. It's the chef.

I mean, look at me. I got our fresco dining prepared how and when I wanted.

My two hot cannolis. Tamales. We're the two hot tamales.

Oh, he can call us anything he wants, Milliken.

Don Franco, you're in luck. We put Anticuccio's back on the menu tonight.

it's my favorite.

I mean, you know, it's not an Italian dish, but it's okay.

Enjoy.

Hey, come on.

Sit down.

Well,

this one seemed to bother him.

Hey, maybe he was out at one of these buoys and he saw something.

Someone. He didn't get cold -caught by a cuttlefish.

Do you like cuttlefish? Because we've been working on a recipe of mine.

It's a little bit like calamari. So delicious. And actually, it's my recipe.

Let's eat.

Mangia, mangia.

Hey, solo?

Yes.

And then I poked his eye out with my shoe, and then I kicked him in the

and I took his hands and I cuffed him behind his back with a bobby pin.

Wow. Those are very special bodyguard moves, so I don't want you to try them

because he'd get hurt.

Sounds intimidating.

It does?

Darn it. Um, well, I'm sure it's much less interesting than what you do.

What do you do?

International arbitrage, manipulating the markets.

You know, my staff is preparing an excellent dinner.

But... It won't be ready for a while.

I'm cruising to Aruba in a few days. Come with me.

Well, I have a very important appointment for a facial.

Just give it to me.

Do you think you could show me a little more of that remote gizmo thingy?

What temperature would you like your sheets?

Oh, I like them toasty just out of the laundromat. But, you know, I'll take

to go, please.

Let's go for 37 even.

I'm not stupid. I'm Canadian. I know that's 98 .6 degrees Fahrenheit.

Oh, I don't even know your name.

Well, I feel like I've known you forever.

Oh, really? What is it?

Lennox, Lagos, Lagos, Jackson, something like that?

Stay the night.

I want you with me.

I'm sure other bimbos go nuts for your little tugboat thing over here with your

remote -controlled gizmo and your sexy music and your yummy little toasted

thingies.

But, um, this bimbo isn't going overboard for any of that.

I wasn't talking about me.

Perfect. Sergeant, sir.

Did you have way too much fun?

I've no fun at all.

Can it.

White house down.

Oh, he had very pretty lips.

Next time I date some super rich guy with one cool name and a fabulous boat.

Will, would you take me case by case?

Yeah.

You got company.

Hold tight.

How rough were you with this logger, Stu?

Could have been a lot rougher.

Hang on, Raiden, hang on.

I've got a little surprise for you.

Keep going, we'll set him off.

What have you been trying to pull?

Have luck and see him. No!

You don't know who you're screwing with.

Sure I do.

Two bozos who told me the oldest trick in the book.

Out.

Up the car.

Slowly. Who are those guys? They're not stylish enough to work for Lagos.

May I?

National Security Agency.

We've had Lagos under surveillance.

I knew that guy was a cheese ball.

Worse. We have reason to believe he has in his possession a downed Chinese spy

satellite.

What is that, some sort of federal crime?

Oh, I guess maybe it is. Well, it's a good thing I don't have to see him

Wrong.

That's exactly what we need you to do.

Make another date with Lagos and get back on board his yacht.

For the good of your adopted country, Messiah.

Allen's Gilmore Osteen.

Lagos.

Total phony.

But he yachts in and out of ports all over the world, no questions asked.

Amazing where he can go with a clean suit and a fancy boat.

Okay. Let's say he really does have this satellite.

He'll try and sell the information, right? He's a terrorist, most likely.

That's why we have to stop him.

Keep a close watch. Nab him in the act of selling the stuff.

We've been out on like a baby tea on Britney Spears.

Visual and electronic surveillance.

Nothing. That's why we need your Miss Irons.

Once she confirms Lagos has the bird, then we can move in.

I'm not sure we want to put Val in the middle of all this, guys.

She already is, Sonny.

We lost five agents trying to get this close to Lagos.

Very encouraging.

Look, one whiff of anything hanky, we're all over that yacht.

Just make sure she finds that satellite.

Just me.

Or is anyone else frightened?

Try annoyed.

Uncle Sam's agenda might not be ours.

You know something, don't you?

Nikki called a little while ago.

She says Jimmy Malibu might have seen a marker buoy out in the ocean. Could be

logged with his drop point.

You really think that's what Jimmy Malibu saw?

Makes sense.

Bids, sample photos, cash.

It's probably all being exchanged underwater about a half a mile from

yacht.

You purposely withheld this information from Agent Keller. I don't trust the

NSA. Lagos is a magnet for information brokers, terrorists.

That's why he's more valuable outside of prison.

Well, I'm all for busting Lagos. As long as we keep a close watch on Dale.

Good time for a fishing expedition.

Count me in.

Thanks for coming along, Mac. When I said I wanted to go to a cool party, I

meant like a movie premiere or a birthday bash in the Hollywood Hills.

we just go dancing or something?

Oh, Largos likes to dance. Sure.

Uh -uh.

Trendy cute guy alert.

Who's the hunk?

That would be Thomas.

Oh, well, in that case, we've been in danger before.

Mr. Largos is pleased you called.

Oh, well, he owes me a set of body temperature sheets.

Mm -hmm. You know, king size with a fitted bottom, kind of like yours.

Who's this?

Maxine. Silly.

Mr. Lagos is expecting only one.

He didn't tell you about the two of us? Oh, well, I'm sure he wants to keep us

both for himself.

Bookends.

Valerie, I was so glad to hear from you again.

After yesterday.

Oh, well, you know, a girl doesn't want to seem too easy.

Eh, since when?

On top of it, to bring a fellow enchantress.

Careful, I might put a stub on you, silly.

So, where do we begin?

Nope. Super.

Nope. Monopoly? Uh -uh. DVD collection?

Videos.

You got videos. That is so 80s. You got this big old yacht and there's some

videos.

I know.

How about I just sit back, relax, watch

YouTube?

Let's see what we have there.

This is from the same buoy Jimmy Malibu saw.

That's right.

100 megabyte memory stick.

Let's see here.

They've converted the satellite photos to JPEG files.

This one is labeled Ukrainian Ordnance Facility.

That's all there is.

It's a teaser to seal the deal. Name of wire?

I don't see that.

But it does show the agreed -upon price.

$200 million? Wow.

To be exchanged tomorrow.

You were right, Tash.

At least now we know what his game is.

Sure does give us a leg up on the NSA.

Whatever you're planning on doing, it happens after we get Val safely off the

boat, right?

Absolutely.

Good. Okay, do me a favor. Just let me get a copy of that photo, if you don't

mind.

What? Like you guys don't collect photos of Ukrainian military bases? Come on.

Are you okay?

I think I pulled a hamstring.

Oh, we gotta find out what that satellite thingy is.

Oh, there's the remote thingy. What else does it do?

Then again, it might just be the engine room.

We have to do this, Max. We have to do this for the good of our country.

You're Canadian.

I know. Go first. Go, go, go.

Either the Incredible Hulk dropped his Palm Pilot or you found your satellite,

honey. Oh, good. Now I can blow off Mr. Liver Lips and get rid of that federal

agent guy.

We were just looking for the little girl's room.

She's the one that called you Liver Lips.

Take them upstairs and watch this one very closely.

Aren't you going to undo your pants again?

We've

got

Max and Lago's lab dog headed for shore.

No Val.

That certainly doesn't sound good.

Oh, hold on.

That's Val's private line.

Val? Hey, listen carefully.

Um, I'm staying here. Everything's cool, but Max has to go back to shore. She

has a dentist appointment.

A dentist appointment?

Yeah.

Dentist. You know, as in the guy who cleans your teeth, drills your teeth

once in a while. Kind of like, um, Tasha's first husband.

Thank God you didn't stay with him, or he'd be in dental floss right now.

Kay? Yeah, I'm here.

Are you sure you're okay?

Val, there's something that you want to tell me. If you're not okay, just cough.

Of course I'm okay, Kay. God, I just don't want everyone to worry like you

turn into a worrywart.

Whatever you say.

Bye. Bye.

Very convincing.

If you hurt one hair on Max's head,

One hair isn't going to make that big of a difference, but you know what I mean.

What is Val Irons doing?

What gives, Max? I got a race to start in about one minute.

Um, uh, during the race, a guy's going to come up to you in a white boat. You

need to give him the symbol up.

What do I look, like a post office?

No, listen, listen.

Jimmy Malibu stumbled upon an underwater drop box, so did VIP, so the bad guys

had to change their plans.

See that guy ten foot behind me?

He's got a gun pointed right at you.

And Lagos, his buddy's got Val locked up on that yacht over there.

He is not going to take his eyes off of you until you start that race. So you

see, we don't have a choice.

Right, Mickey?

Slowing down.

You don't slow down in the middle of the whole place.

What the hell is Nikki doing?

What the hell is she doing?

Kay, have we heard from Nikki?

No. Quick sorrow with Maxine, then the race started, then... What exactly did

Val say when she called in? That she's okay.

I gave her the opportunity to tell me anything she wanted in secret.

She didn't say a word.

Did you know the Lagos wasn't listening in?

No.

Did Val say anything else?

No. Except that Maxine has a dentist appointment.

Oh, and how nice it would be if you were still married to your first husband.

The dentist.

Were those her exact words?

I think so.

Okay, do me a favor. Take your right hand, make a fist with it, and punch

yourself right in the face!

Why?

Because my second husband was the dentist. My first husband was the... The

Oh, my God!

An expert in disguise and infiltration. Which is what Val could use right now.

It was code.

I'll tell Johnny and quit.

See, Taka?

Tasha? Tell me something.

When you applied to be Lago's butt boy, were you a shoo -in?

Or did you have to provide references?

One push of the speed dial, pal, and Lago's dust your boss down on his.

that hot shot?

Huh? We're about to find out.

Tasha, go.

You would have been better off going to Aruba with me. Oh, yeah. Well, you know,

you need to take projection a little better.

Wow.

You okay?

Yeah, even better. I figured I had a...

a little Chinese satellite for me. It's down in the wine cellar.

You're at the case, Valerie Irons. It's work.

You're taking him to the police, right?

That's our business.

Just like you said.

I hate being right.

You got a problem?

With his bottom feeder in the open market? Yeah.

Well, how's this for an answer?

Too bad.

Except for one thing.

Logger's his buyer.

If I don't call our colleague Nicky Franco right now, he gets the goods.

Tough call, isn't it?

Not really.

Nicky!

Vow, safe, and sound.

Do your thing, baby.

Don't have to tell me twice.

Green Franco boat is rejoining the race.

Don't forget about the world's greatest boat

racer. I'll remember that if you can remember to put the sweet potato greens

the curry.

Whatever. What's going on?

This is Don Franco's way of thanking us for winning the race.

Yeah, well, look.

Agent Keller made me an official deputy national agent.

Johnny? Hmm?

This is a fake.

You can buy it at a toy store.

That's what they want you to think.

Okay?

I'm kidding.

Ha -ha.

Anyway, I just came to get my things.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Believe me, you want to taste a bit.

That would be good.

Excuse me, lady.

I think I better check this food make sure it's safe. Yeah?

You're right, Mr. Secret Agent, man.

All right.

Get the show in a row. Pass that.

Pass, yeah, that.

Good.

Johnny, try this.

For another classified look inside the infrastructure of VIP, today's subject,

billing. Protection is not an inexpensive business, for the client or

We're the best at what we do, and that doesn't come cheap.

How'd you like to see him? Now!

Probably the ugliest part of our job is the billing.

Probably the prettiest part of our job.

Collecting our check.

We charge for bullets.

Tires.

We go through a lot of tires.

And a lot of clothes.

Hold on a second.

Uh... Val wears a lot of clothes.

It's all about looking good.

We'll see.

And then, of course, there's the damage to public and private property.

We've added a few minor but very necessary items to our contract, such as

illegal firearms insurance and hacking insurance.

This one is labeled Ukrainian Ordnance Ability.

I think the weirdest thing I had to build a client for was sodium pentothal.

Plastic, weird.

Booyah! I said, damn it, right?

Damn it.