Original subtitles

happening crowd.

Check. Latin hip -hop dancing.

Que como te gusta.

Beautiful sweaty men.

Mmm, that's what Kate gets here.

Oh, our Latin hip -hop night is a major success.

What's up? We got a gig with Jennifer Lopez?

Yeah. It's gonna be muy grande.

That means very large.

I know she's a starbot. Yeah, well, I am dying to meet the beautiful and

talented Miss Lopez. Where is she? She's not here.

Send her people out?

Sort of.

Why do I get the idea that this is a woman about?

Is the idea to get VIP a job?

I guess it is.

Rumor has it that she's looking for a new place at the farm.

And her entourage is out counting for locations.

She's going to flip when she sees this bash.

And her people will call our people, our people will call Puff Daddy's people,

Puff Daddy's people will call the village people, and we'll be issuing.

Okay, what do you want us to do?

Well, I just kind of told Relic that we would do a little phone security check

so we could have it on the market.

All right, let's give this place the once -over.

We do get our fair share of drinks on the house.

Time to give something back.

Speaking of trying to get to third base, look, there goes Mark Quinn from the

Royals and Adrian Gonzalez, the Marlins' number one draft pick.

That old guy's trying to shake his old booty across the floor.

Oh, who really cares? It's time to shake our booty real bad like a rock.

I've got time.

Hey, Mark, Adrian.

How are you? Do you mind if my friend Max and I get a couple of your John

Hancock? Yeah, no problem. If we get a picture of all the guys on our team,

we're going to be jealous. Oh, well, yeah, of course.

Rookie of the year.

Uh -huh. So you can hit, you can run, you can catch, but can you dance? Can I

dance? I gave up a career on Broadway to play baseball.

Really? No, not really.

Well, it must be pretty exciting for you being the league's number one draft

pick. Definitely.

I wish we would have met last year and put a draft.

Why? You need some help with the cuts?

No, but I would have invited you to my high school prom.

Oh, I don't know if you're ready for the majors, buddy.

Thank you. Thank you.

Damn, you got big.

Why not?

I'll make you a nice home.

Done. I got a sniper.

Get down. You stay with the target. I'll get the computer.

I thought I'd ruin a good party.

Well, that bullet had your name on it.

Me?

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

That party sucks.

Jennifer Lopez will never perform at foam, and someone's trying to kill me.

At least I got some cool autographs.

I don't understand how some guy with a sniper rifle got into foam.

Maybe the doorman was only frisking the ladies.

He didn't go in through the front. The security tape shows the shooter entering

through the storeroom. That door's always locked, so somebody must have let

in.

Well, well, well.

I've got our shooter.

Manuel Garza.

Radical for hire from Latin America.

He's got ties to over a dozen different revolutionary groups.

Yep. Just another international loser trying to bump me off.

God, I love this job.

Ooh,

there's the laser sight right on the back of Val's head.

Wait. Run that backwards, real slow.

A real sniper's trying to do the job in just one shot.

On the back of Val's head?

No, right between the eyes.

Val's not Garza's target.

The dancing machine is.

Oh, good. Well, since I'm not in any danger here, can I go? Because I need to

meet Max and we need to go down to film and kiss a few butts so we can have

another hip -hop night.

Val, do you know this guy?

He was with the baseball players?

He's too old to be a player. He's got to be a coach or something.

Allow me.

This is just going to take a second.

Did I tell you that I reconfigured this program so it can ID cars, too?

You know, I mean, some cars just look like they have a face, like they're

smiling at you. Okay.

I may be able to lift some audio from our mystery man.

I am renting a

beautiful house in the Malibu Gulf.

You must both come and visit me.

Exactly what I'm going to do.

This guy doesn't even know he's in danger. You know what else he doesn't

That he's a client, because he isn't.

He will be after he sees the footage.

There you go.

Isn't that so not cool?

Excuse me, sir.

The level you swing, you're going to go back to the minor leagues.

Can I help you?

I think I can help you.

I work for Valerie Irons Protection.

VIP, huh?

I heard of that.

Do you always walk onto other people's property?

Well, after checking out every recent rental in Malibu Cove just to find you.

Yes, sir.

We believe your life is in danger.

And someone tried to kill you last night. My life is in danger.

That is, that is upsetting.

What is your name?

What way is this?

Luis Montes. Call me Luis.

I've known many ladies in my time. Perhaps it is a jealous husband.

So will it be?

You drive a nice car.

A problem.

What's that got to do with it?

That's nice wheels.

You must let me drive.

No, no, no, you see.

I am a businessman.

And I am always chauffeured around in Buenos Aires.

I never get a chance to drive.

So you let me drive.

And you explain protection to me. Come on.

You and I, Juan Luis.

Thank you.

So tell me, how did you hook up with all those pro ball

players? Baseball.

That's why I came here.

You like baseball?

Cool.

I dig Sammy Sosa.

Oh, yes.

He has a beautiful swing. And another one is Gary Chaffee. The same

thing.

Ah, baseball.

It's the greatest thing to come out of America.

Was Fantasy Cam living up to his name?

Oh, sure.

Yesterday, I strike out Sean Green.

With my slider.

A lot of people go through their whole lives, never pursue their dreams.

But did you have a dream that you did not pursue?

Ah, no biggie.

I boxed a little.

Oh, you... Oh, wait a minute.

I know you.

Quick Williams.

What, you forget the whole introduction thing back at the beach house? No, no,

no, no, no. I saw you kick the gandules out of the... Don't tell me... Hector

Tragonsa in Miami. This was... Yeah, years ago.

Wow.

That was one bullet tough Cuban.

You were at that fight?

Oh, yes.

When our prize fighters come to this country, we watch them very well.

What do you mean, watch them well?

I mean, Latin.

Yeah, we stick together.

Look, I make you an honorary Latino.

All right, class, on one.

No, no, no, that was on two.

No, official Cuban style is on one. Okay, so make a Cuban libra with a root

beer. No way, Jose.

In the way that you're, you make the big move on the second beat.

Okay, class.

Why don't we just take five while somebody gets their mambo together,

All right.

Yeah, someone's going to be jumping right out the door if you don't get with

program.

Dance lesson.

Well, it's good if we fill them with the mambo and start till we get another

shot at Latin hip -hop night.

Where's the regular guy?

Well, he quit his day job at the ballet park yesterday right in the middle of

our party. I know.

He said this molo dancing genius.

He happened to quit before or after our little shootout?

Before.

Why?

No reason.

Okay, so anyway.

One. It's on one.

Okay, but I don't think so. Just making sense.

What's up, girl? Like, heard you lost your valet guy last night.

Complete nightmare.

Guy just quit and walked off.

Who's the villain?

Gotta take the stock, boy. I have inventory duty.

So there was no guy in the stockroom all night?

Nope.

I need the name of the valet guy who split.

You're not going to hurt him.

Well, not me.

Why'd you quit foam, dancing boy?

I was taking a smoke break, and this guy came up. Give me a big wad of cash.

Moment of split.

What's his name, Manuel Garza? I don't know. I've never seen the guy before.

Anything else you want to say before I permanently cut the airflow to your

brain?

He gave me a pack of matches to light my stick in my back pocket.

Back pocket?

Thank

you.

Captain said that guard that you might swing by here.

Well, sniper's got to have his caffeine.

There's our guy.

Yo, caffeine boy. Can we buy you a latte?

That was a bonehead move, Gus.

You can't win.

They have more like me coming for him. He will die.

A rich businessman from Buenos Aires is in town to go to baseball fantasy camp.

He has no idea why his life's in danger.

The old guy's a lot of fun.

You should meet him, Tasha.

He'll loosen you up a bit.

There's a party going down over here later.

It's just one old guy, Quick. You can handle it.

No, seriously now.

I think we should have all hands on deck. This Garza dude's an international

assassin. Who knows what he's up to?

Was an international assassin.

Garza met the business end of a Lincoln over on Wilshire.

Before he checked out, he said there were more men coming after Montez.

As in professional hitmen?

He didn't mention whether he was in the hitman union or not.

Copy that quick?

Loud and clear.

Listen, Kay has the address to the beach house.

Party starts around three.

I'll see you there.

Thanks.

Kay, give me that address.

Right after I call Val.

I have a standing order to notify Val.

in case of any festivity, party, bacchanal, or hoedown.

So, Luis, do you mambo on one or on two? I cannot reveal my secrets.

All right, quit hogging.

I want to know what it's like to dance with the real deal.

No, no, no, wait, wait, please.

Let an old man, Rest for just a minute.

What the hell?

That is some great dancing with a professional.

You know what? We should get him to teach dance lessons at home.

Oh, my God. Can you imagine all the cute guys could dance like him?

It's called relic.

You know,

it won't look good if our boss dances you into another grade.

I haven't danced like that.

Madeline's a wonderful partner.

Val learned the mambo yesterday.

Really?

Amazing.

She has the same fiery spirit as my Madeline.

Madeline? Mm -hmm.

A frequent dance partner.

We used to wow them at all the official functions.

What kind of official functions?

You know, corporate functions.

In Buenos Aires.

Come on, quick.

Take a walk with an old man who needs some fresh air.

I'll take a look around.

Can I help you?

Where are you going?

So you sure you never heard of a guy named Manuel Garza?

I know a Willie Garza.

He's a fisherman.

I know a Paquito Garza.

He sells coffee futures.

And I know who banged.

But he used to work for my father.

I never heard of Manuel Garza.

Manuel Garza was a pro shooter who tried to kill you the other night.

He died in a car chase.

How unfortunate.

Garza said there'll be more hitmen coming after him.

Well, I'm an old man.

I may have met some enemies in my time.

What's going on, Luis?

You ever notice what a baseball looks like at the end of a game?

Yeah, it's a mess.

And the more scarred it is, the better the game.

Well, life is like that, too.

You're a young man.

You'll see.

With all due respect, in my line of work, I play some piss, innit?

Really?

I don't believe it.

Busted six times.

Reset four.

See that?

A fish hook.

I was fishing for bonito with my friend Ernesto in the Gulf of Mexico.

Check that.

Dude tried to get my attention with a cattle prod, baby.

A bayonet in 1965.

All right, tell me about the one I saw at the hot tub.

Oh, this one.

Wow.

This one was for love.

I'll tell you about it sometime.

But listen, all that business with the duck and the duck.

You buy me an American cheeseburger with fried potatoes, and I will teach you.

Are you going to teach me? Of course.

Well, you better come on with it, baby.

This is Harlem style, baby. Harlem style, baby. Harlem world, baby. Where

at?

There's only one professional dancer in Argentina with the first name Madeline.

Yeah, she's five years old.

Keep digging.

Tasha, I've hacked into nine highly classified agencies. I could go to jail

600 years.

Take out dancer and cross -reference with the name Mamba.

Focus, Kate.

Madeline Cordova.

She's a suspected assassin on Interpol's shoot -on -sight list.

But she's not from Argentina.

She's from Cuba.

Oh, you have to try a veggie dog. They are the best.

Well, never tasted so good.

I prefer an authentic American cheeseburger with fries.

You're going to have to mambo for a week to burn that off.

We don't have such delicacies in my country.

What country is that, honey?

A strict one, but a great one.

Uh -oh.

Hello, Smokey. People are eating around here.

Oh, my God. I haven't seen a cigar that big since...

What? What?

Well, I thought Arnold smoked one, and, uh, that meanie from, uh, you know,

Cuba. Yeah, that's what I said. What makes you think he's such a meanie? Ice

cold beverages.

Hmm.

Excuse me.

Hello? Remember the woman Luis said he danced with?

Yeah, Madeline.

She's a Cuban assassin, known for breaking her victims' necks while she

the mambo with them.

Sounds like Luis got away lucky.

I'd say he's the only guy who ever survived a dance with her.

Luis hangs out with Cuban assassins.

Think about it.

The love of baseball, the assassination attempt, the cigars.

Luis said something about going fishing with his buddy Ernesto in the Gulf of

Mexico.

Ernesto?

As in Ernest Hemingway?

This may sound weird, but...

I think Louise is Fidel Castro.

Get down!

Get down!

There go our bacon sausages.

Whatever. Do your talk, man.

Let me blow that fire. Go for the gun. Right?

No, Val, I don't think that was you.

We've got to thank that mystery man.

Where'd it go?

You know what? This always happens.

As soon as we find a good place to eat in this town.

Val and Nikki took a week back to the beach house.

Where was the sniper hiding?

Right up there.

He took that shooter out with one round.

Now, you sure he was shooting at them and not at you?

If someone's firing at me, I'm going to know it.

Compliments of the film camp.

I hate to say it, but I think our mom will open his feet out.

What gave it away?

The beard or the military fatigues?

I don't think it's such a bad idea.

I could make a few adjustments to this photograph.

All right.

Well, you kind of have to use your imaginations for the fatigues.

It doesn't add up.

Fido Castro risking his life for what?

Baseball fantasy camp?

Come on.

Everybody knows Castro's a baseball nut.

Dude makes De Niro from the movie The Fan look like a wuss.

Guys, he's not Castro.

All right?

You haven't spent time with him like I have.

You're right.

We haven't had enough time to get too close to a client.

You know, Cuba only has a 6 % illiteracy rate, and that's all thanks to Castro.

I don't care if he turns them all into Stephen King.

Fidel Castro stole five mil from my grandfather's Savannah Casino.

And you know my soft spot for the communists.

It's not my fault you got booted out of the party.

Boot you out of this room.

Try it.

Okay, you two, break it up.

I mean, there's just no need to get ugly.

Until we have some concrete evidence, we don't really know who Louise is.

All right.

I'll ask her.

Where do you think you're going?

Got some of my own checking up to do.

Still got some pepper.

Could have been a professional.

But it was not in my destiny.

I was to do other things.

Like lead one of the last communist bastions in the free world?

What are you trying to say?

There's some people who don't think you're... Who you say you are.

And who do they think I am not saying who I am?

I know this is crazy.

But grow a beard and drape some camo over you and you look an awful

lot like Fidel Castro.

I am Latin and I like to play baseball.

So I am Castro.

I like to dance too.

Does that make me Ricky Martin?

So you're telling me you're not Castro? No.

I'm telling you it doesn't matter who I am.

What matters is friendship.

Okay.

I'm your friend.

I'm also your bodyguard.

And not knowing who you may or may not be puts my life and the lives of my

colleagues in danger.

Danger?

Yes. Danger not what your business is.

Danger.

And here I find myself.

A client and not a friend.

I was hoping for a more scenic rendezvous.

Say, uh, south of the border.

I'm in a rush.

And you know how I hate to be rushed.

And if the agency knew I was here, they'd have my ass in a sling.

You afraid of a little ass slinging?

What have you got?

Every ten years, Castro cleans house.

He gets some stooge to be his decoy.

He sends him out to lure out any would -be assassins.

It doesn't make any sense.

This guy knows Castro better than Castro.

Luis Montes is from Buenos Aires.

Buenos Aires Sanitarium, Puerto Rico.

Delusions of Castro?

Guy's a joke. Totally pathetic.

You know the really bad thing is they actually let him believe he sneaked out.

He thinks he's free as a bird and he's really here to take a bullet.

What have you got for me?

W Hotel, Friday night.

No rushing.

Uh, I'll be in Hong Kong.

It's too bad.

Oh, no.

No.

What?

Unbelievable.

Man, I don't want to hear it right now.

Just a straight answer.

Who the hell are you?

Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, this will be a good fight.

For it's not the time or the place.

Huh?

Don't tell me.

This is your son on leave from the army in town to go for a little sightseeing

trip with pops, right?

This is my sobrino, my nephew, Ramiro.

And how did you know?

That's the most ridiculous thing I could think of.

You do not believe he's my nephew?

I don't believe I can get a straight ass out of you.

Well, the answer's lying you heard.

Believe what you know is true.

All right.

That's it.

I'm out.

All right?

Obviously, you have all the firepower you need.

VIP is officially off the case.

Oh, just answer.

Yeah.

Look, I'm not in the mood right now, all right?

What?

If my CIA contact

is right, quick to be expecting company any moment. More like right now.

Remember yesterday when I told you that I reconfigured the face recognition

programs to ID cards?

Vaguely. Then you bark, Kay.

Kay. Just like that.

Anyway, I hacked into the Caltrans PCH camera near Louise's house and started a

search for the black excursion from Jody Maroney.

And look at this.

How cool.

They'll be pulling into Louise's driveway any second.

Hello?

We got to stop being like this.

Mira.

Mira.

Mira acá.

Friends of yours?

What is your definition of a friend?

Ouch.

I deserve that.

We gotta get you out of here.

What's going on?

Time to call the cavalry.

Maybe they were treating.

Sounds like they're gone.

Sounds like they've got the place to grind it. What's surrounding back?

To move in along the perimeter and pick them up.

Oh, no. Luis is such a good dancer. We have to save him. We will.

Well, then move it.

Move it.

Val.

What's she doing?

Perfect.

No, Max.

And one of those things myself.

Any more ammo in the house? Neither.

Attention! You inside!

All we want is a heavy!

I'm coming in through the back door.

You two stay put.

Hope your army trained him well.

to point those thingies at me.

What are you doing here?

I'm here to save Luis.

And, you know, I think Tasha, Johnny, and Nikki are outside doing the tactical

perimeter thingamabobbies.

I love those thingamabobbies.

Uh, or inside.

Our only way out of this is to split up. No.

This is what we do.

Ramiro, quick.

You draw the assassin's fire.

The Chen Jiu -Chi maneuver.

I call it survival.

Only an expert military tactician would know this move.

You are him.

All right, can we have the identity crisis later? Because I kind of don't

to die, okay?

Okay, we followed Louise's plan.

Bueno.

Say hello to my little friend.

Nothing but name.

Being Cuban, would you still call this a Mexican standoff?

I shot.

My shoulder.

I think I threw it out.

No more baseball camp for you, mister.

You know, you really impressed Nikki and Tasha with that little defensive

maneuver of yours.

Not bad for a businessman from Buenos Aires.

You are a true friend, Rapido.

If you are ever in my country, say hello, eh?

We will treat you like a hero.

Which country is that?

I'm here.

It's like Louise's left has paid off.

Does he mean Castro?

Oh, Castro. Castro Oil.

Castro Enterology.

What's in her name?

Sounds like a rug like that.

The Pistons?

Well, you know, I still think only Castro could have known that Chinese

Well, whoever he is is one smart dude.

He got VIP to bail him out and get him out of the country.

Yeah, I'm going to miss that dude.

Very special delivery for one, William.

And Louise.

Cubans. That's just Cubans.

But that was a person of granted.

There's only one thing to do.

So we'll take this outside?

Mm -hmm.

Excuse us, lady.

Shall we?

Another behind -the -scenes look at VIP.

This week's feature, the cars of Valerie Irons Protection.

I think a car says a lot about who you are.

It's like an extension of yourself.

You drive a nice car.

Prowler. I work the prowler.

Nice like a bull.

It's cool, sexy, and always looks good.

Cuidado con la transmisión, amigo.

I'm the kind of woman that likes the finer things in life.

The best.

Motorcycles definitely is my passion.

It gives me a sense of freedom.

My ride's a Dodge Dakota quad cap.

I made a few modifications.

Bulletproof glass and body armor, rear smoke screen, I tricked out the tranny.

James Bond, eat your heart out. Are cars an extension of a person's personality?

For Val, definitely.

Me? Val drives a Viper. I'm very slow.

Like I said, cars are an extension of oneself.