Original subtitles

Oh, this is so wonderful.

A ride along with real -life bodyguards?

I want to immerse myself in your dark, mysterious world.

Well, Bobby, five years on a series?

You must know everything about private eyes. Private eyes are out.

Bodyguards are in.

Night of the Bodyguard. We'll be at Major.

Major? Phil? You know, Smith & Wesson was one of my favorite TV shows. It

should have been canceled. Driver, slow down a little. My hair.

That's Tasha, the mean one.

Oh, I can't remember names. What can I say?

It was my one flaw.

You know, you should really watch Tasha for your movie research. She may not

look like much, but she kind of uses that against bad guys.

Anybody make that?

Yep, looks like a carjack in progress.

Oh, my God! You're about to see VIP in action.

Tasha, do something!

I am. I'm calling 911.

What?

We at VIP do not let our fingers do the walking. We let our fists do the

talking. You know, Tasha, I hate to say it, but Belle's right.

By the time the cops get here, it's going to be too late.

Did

you see

that look?

Tell me about it.

and how a bodyguard agency runs all right.

You got it? Yeah.

Yeah, that was Bobby Canary all right.

Let's get out of here.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

You don't get computers?

You make my eyes puffy.

Computers are a very important part of bodyguarding. With the right touch,

you're just a mouse click away from vital information.

See? There's Mr. Evil Carjacker, who, thanks to Tasha, is going to spend a

in dialysis before he's off to the big house.

Boring.

No offense, honey, but if any of this computer junk is in Night of the

Bodyguard, it's being rewritten.

Okay, check this out.

Oh, hold on.

They found this dude slain in a tree.

Oh my gosh, that's Mark Wilcox and Peter Stiles who replaced him as head of Tri

-Global Pictures.

The coroner said they had to pick up body parts in a bucket.

Yeah. Yeah, a little gnarly.

One of the cool parts?

The bomb blew the moon. We're 52 feet in the air.

Ah,

bodyguards, is this thing on?

Miss Canary, that reminds me.

I need your autograph.

Oh, I normally charge $20, but I'll offer you a discount since I feel sorry

you. I meant your signature.

This is an insurance liability waiver, and you forgot to sign.

Right there.

Oh.

Oh, enough with all this paperwork.

When do I get to see more bodyguard action?

Well, we got a couple of wussy gigs coming up.

She means a lot of very important work, like security checks and bulletproofing

that limo.

You could ride along if you want. Why not?

As long as you're going to do a bomb sweep of the car.

Sorry,

Mark.

Bastard.

Thought I'd never get rid of him.

The CEO is dead.

Long live the CEO.

It's probably bomb boy right now.

Talk to me.

You read today's paper?

No, I was out washing my own car. Of course I read the paper.

I want the rest of my money.

Yeah, especially like the bit about the spleen. That was a nice touch, Weber.

The money.

Today.

I... Might not be easy. My schedule's a little tight.

Then loosen it. And remember to follow my three I's. In cash, in person, in

public. Be at foam in an hour.

Alone. Failure to comply will result in your death.

Do I make myself clear?

Like Baccarat.

Huh?

Yes, yes.

It's a type of crystal.

Crystal clear.

Moron. We're having some fun with Steve Cannell's limo. Might be some good

research for you.

I almost worked for him a couple of times, you know?

That rocks.

Were we going to be like the chick from the A -Team?

Number one show in history.

Well, maybe the number two show.

That's right. Smith and Wesson.

Mr. Beltbuckle's about to come down from the mansion.

Did you fix up that limo?

Just got to load my AK.

Campbell's going to love this.

We take our job very seriously.

How about you?

What would you say in the face of danger?

Say? I don't say, I do.

Okay, but from my research, you know in film how actors have to say witty lines

in the face of danger?

It's because they have writers, okay? We don't need writers to do what we do.

Okay.

Work with me here.

You're tied up and you have to shout for help from me.

So?

Okay, how about Bobby Watham?

Okay, um, how about it's all you, baby?

Oh, yes, yes.

All right, okay, I would even say take care of business, girlfriend.

Oh, that was great, truly wonderful.

Thank you. Yeah, I thought about it. Sometimes we talk to each other that

and when I get to cook...

Even, darling.

Bobby Canary.

What's it been? Two, three years?

You have not changed. Oh, aren't you sweet?

Mr. Cannell, Tasha Dexter. Is it Cannell or Cannell? You know what? I can't even

remember. Hey, your team did a great job on this. Thank you.

Aren't they the best?

What exactly did you do?

Well, we coated the doors and the windows with high -impact polymer gel.

totally bulletproof.

When did he honor?

What's this?

AK -47.

You're kidding, right?

Oh, come on.

All those TV shows you do, the action, the guns, the criminals.

Come on, I'm a writer, not a gun nut.

Besides, belt buckle always scares them off.

You did it, Nicky.

Oh.

You guys might want to cover your ears.

Not a scratch.

We're not the fullest group. They're tired.

Anybody else make that van?

Yeah, about five minutes ago.

Let me reload and check it out while I wait.

Ah, look at those.

I guess it was nothing.

Well, now that that's done, who wants lunch?

You know, Bobby, I've got a deadline on one of my novels, and I always work much

better in the limousine.

Of course.

Weber, nice place.

You here often?

I believe you have something for me.

How's your doing

business with you?

Stick around.

These make it look like a business lunch.

Honey,

it's Peter Stiles, the new studio head.

Take a picture. Take a picture.

Cheese. Cheese.

That's a cool camera. Can I see that?

Thank you. I'm sorry, but my likeness has a certain monetary value that

diminishes unless I protect it very vigorously. But here's what you can do.

this 800 number, and they'll send you a free poster from Triglobal's latest

release. Okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

Come on. Thank you.

Nice.

You sure you don't want to fork over another half mil, have me take them out

too?

Peter!

Hi, hi, I'm Valerie Irons, remember me?

Yes, yes, yes, of course, the beautiful and lethal.

Valerie Irons. Yeah. It's great to see you. Is Tri -Global going to still do

that sequel to Mutant Battlestar?

Battlefield Uranus. Yes. We are seriously considering that. Seriously,

considering that. Listen, I'm sorry. I've got to go. I've got to go

out a director way over budget. Oh, yeah. Have you got a card?

Dial. Hey, sweetie, congrats on the bump upstairs.

Well, thank you.

You look great.

Bobby. Bobby.

Bobby Canary? Yeah, of course. We were just talking about you.

You were?

You bet. You bet. You would be perfect for next summer's tentpole action

release. I am serious. I am serious. You have your agent. Call me.

Have him call me.

Thank you, Peter.

Thank you very much.

Line at the little girl's room. Sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh, no. Oh, that's fine. I'd love to see Hollywood matching.

Oh, yes, please.

He's so fun.

Peter Stiles hasn't returned the last six calls from my agent.

That is, until he heard about Night of the Bodyguard.

Hey, ladies.

Hey. Hey, Bobby.

We were just passing through on our way back to the office and thought Bobby

would like to watch Nikki test out her new grenade launcher.

Illegit? Missing place on a nondescript could -be -any -year gray van with no

distinguishing markings. Not a lot to go on for taking a little more than a

minute, mister.

Yeah, well, we didn't have a lot of time to look, thanks to Bobby.

It still doesn't make sense to me, her taking on that gunman like that.

Are you sure you don't have any exquisite little details for me?

you know there was something i keep thinking about the way that van took off

yeah fast no no i meant that maneuver now not too many drivers can pull a spin

-out gag without rolling you've got any contenders in mind maybe

Listen, I'm looking for a guy, dark brown hair, about this tall.

He's over there.

Here's the sticker!

Hey, Durbin!

Are you ready?

Okay, okay, okay.

So, Jimmy, I'll get him his grant. I'm just a little short right now.

Not to mention slow.

Now, I don't know any Jimmy.

I made you at foam.

Band gag?

Uh -huh.

What do you mean, gag?

I was firing blanks. Why?

Why do you do anything, man? For a picture.

Hey,

hey, hey.

A guy hired me a few days ago.

Before that.

A phone gig.

He picked me up in that van.

You know the rest.

I've never seen him before.

He said paycheck.

Did he give you one? Yeah.

Right here.

Sean Costner.

JFDI Pictures.

What does little Miss Know -It -All keep in here that makes her so special?

Hello, VIP.

Kay. It's Johnny.

Johnny. Hi.

Listen, you know that itsy -bitsy little clue that you were looking for?

How about some undercover work?

Me?

Really? In the field?

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Okay. Okay, I got it. Thank you, Johnny.

Spill the beans, Coster.

Is there by any chance a Sean Coster here?

Mm -hmm. In there.

Yeah, I see that picture.

No, he's not there right now.

Hold it.

You might want to cover your ears.

Nikki, where are you?

You promised I could do this alone.

You're as alone as a gift, Kay.

I'm just kicking back listening to some of the classics.

What's going on?

Kay?

under the honor?

What's this?

AK -47.

You're kidding, right?

Oh, my God.

Who are you?

Oh, nobody.

I see you're making a movie.

Yeah. And it's already got a sexy female lead. Thanks, though.

In that case...

I'm with the union, local 4732. Do you want to tell me what you're shooting or

do you want me to shut you down? Because I can do it, mister. I can do it like

that.

Okay.

Look, I'm just a little two -bit production company.

I can see.

So who's the head chief?

Bobby Canary.

The Bobby Canary?

She's the executive producer.

Look, I just do what she says.

I mean, if she wants to make a little film to jumpstart her career, where's

harm?

Bobby set up the whole VIP ride -along just so she can make an action movie on

the cheap.

She thinks it's her only hope of getting back in the business.

Hey, you're in it.

How long have you been here?

Just got here.

It's coming with me.

You did good, Kay.

Yeah? Yeah.

And as a reward, you get to decide who tells Val the bad news about her friend

Bobby.

Tasha.

Film from those tourists.

They are morons. Spent the morning at our competition's theme park. Those

prices? Okay.

No,

I know. I know that broad.

That actress, Tweety Bird.

You know, the Charlie's Angels wannabe show.

Bobby Canary? Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Just talk to some guy with a video camera.

They're taping me.

It's not good.

They could have got you with Weber.

Hey, little Miss Songbird, a visit?

Get that tape.

And any copies?

I assume I should take this as far as I need to.

I mean, if she's not cooperative.

Think I want to know what you do?

Just take care of it?

Bobby's using us to make a movie. Are you sure?

How could Bobby be such a rotten rat think?

Nikki and Kate saw her little movie with their own eyes.

Oh, well, we would have done her dumb movie if she just would have asked us.

Right? In a word, no.

All right, she completely misrepresented Kate.

You got her involved.

You can call the plug.

You're the one who likes firing people.

Bobby, I gotta cancel the whole shopping trip. We need to talk.

Sure, babe.

What about?

Great, here we go again.

Where are you, Mr. Camera Guy?

Okay, we're going to play your dumb movie game, but this is the last time.

What gives? She keeps dropping back. Who runs a tail like that?

always win.

All right, bad guys.

Drop the hardware and hand over the babe.

She's with VIP. She must have backup out there somewhere.

That's right, lumpy. I got backup for my backup now. Pass her over.

Keep your chin up for the camera.

Val, I have to tell you something.

Now what's it going to be, boys?

Shoot her. Get off the pot.

She's probably getting this on tape.

Oh,

my

God, that was so real.

If you can act like that in a little home movie, imagine how you could do it

a big -budget feature and a real director.

You know about my movie?

Of course I do. We're VIP. We know everything. I know all about the guys

around with the cameras and the fake guns.

Oh, my God.

This gun is so real.

Val, so are those guys.

I didn't hire them.

K checked every studio and night of the bodyguard is not on anybody's slate.

I made it up.

I'm sorry.

I don't blame you if you hate me.

You don't, do you?

Oh, please.

You're Bobby Canary.

Smith and Wesson totally rock Sunday night.

But you still should have told us.

I became a star by thinking only of myself.

Somewhere along the line, I forgot how to let that go.

But, Val, I'm only 35.

Okay, 37.

But you could put out a fire with all the creative juice I have left.

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.

You're just at a low.

Kind of like a stock market.

You just had a tech wreck, and you're waiting for a summer rally.

Now we just have to keep you alive for your comeback.

Matches on that limo.

Do you know there are over 25 ,000 registered limos in Los Angeles County

and if you stack them into N, they reach halfway to Las Vegas?

All right, how far are you?

Barstow.

I would help if we knew what the kidnappers were after.

If Bobby would tell us.

Maybe we should take a look at the footage they already shot.

Might pick up with someone following him.

Does that mean I can stop looking for limos?

No.

Two big guys scared off by one little girl.

It was a movie. I wouldn't believe it. I'm telling you, there was something

strange going on.

She either had backup or maybe they were taping the whole thing. I don't know.

But I never saw anybody go up to Tiny and take away his gun like that.

Well, maybe you should hire better people.

Lucky for you, there may be a smarter way to get a hold of Bobby Canary.

Mr. Buckle's about to make his way down from the mansion.

Did you take care of that limo?

Just got a little by AK.

Well, what do you think?

I mean, I know it doesn't have a lot of production value.

Shh.

Bobby Canary.

Bobby.

Sexy thing.

Pete Stiles.

Peter, you dear man.

How are you?

Talk about being in the right place at the right time.

Who, me?

No, no, no, me.

When I ran into you the other day at phone?

Listen, Tri -Global is fast -tracking this new chick Roman Empire flick,

Gladiatrix. So, you already have a lead.

I wish. I wish. Drew, Julia, Cameron. I mean, they're the obvious choices, but

who wants to go there? I need something that they don't got.

Watch it, Victor.

You're talking about my friends. Very good actresses, one and all.

Ask yourself this question. Has the American public gotten their fair share

Bobby Canary?

Well, yes, I see what you're saying.

I mean, I have been a bit underexposed with all my charitable work.

Exactly. So listen, you get that cute little tush of yours down to a

facility, and you do a screen test for us, and listen, not a word to anybody,

this thing is trehot.

Peter, I'm yours completely.

All right, here's the address.

Yes? Yes?

Uh -huh.

Okay.

But for my research, you know, in film, when stars say witty lines and say

things... Oh, hey, Bobby.

Because they have good writers. We don't need writers for what we do.

Oh, you're not one of those actresses who hate to see themselves on

are you? Oh, hardly.

Uh, Val, I have to go get something in my car.

You think you could come with me?

Maybe I should go, too. No, no.

Not necessary.

We just, uh, kind of go down to her car. We don't need a babysitter.

As everybody knows, the bad guys never return to see the crime.

this is the movie you want to do. You know, it might just be a bunch of women

dressed in goofy outfits during gratuitous violence.

Who cares?

This is my big chance, Val.

Nothing's going to stop me now.

All right, let me see if I've got this right. As long as it's on TV, you guys

will watch anything.

Chill out, Tosh. Kay might have found something. Hold on.

Right there.

In the background, that's Peter Stiles. He's the new top dog over at Tri

-Global.

He's entitled to eat at home.

Yeah, but who's the slab of meat with feet?

I know that guy.

Sonny Weber, the pro hitter.

Bobby was right in front of them, so she must have seen something. I'll go get

her.

And who said it was just TV?

This is not good.

Well, not exactly Universal Studios, is it?

Well, some of the finest TV ever made was shot in a warehouse.

Hello? No time for phone calls. We have to get the star ready for her screen

test. Well, you know, some guys never learn. This time I'll show you no mercy.

I've been telling you since you left VIP.

You ain't got no backup.

Any luck on triangulating her cell phone?

That only works when her cell phone's on.

Then I call my studio contact.

Dial is gone.

Nobody knows where.

Or it's a big fat nothing.

I mean, do you even know this dial, dude?

Bobby's such a total flake.

Yeah, but from the looks of this tape, Bobby caught Stiles paying off a hitman.

Two days after his boss's son splattered over a perfectly good Mercedes in a

parent head.

I'm checking.

Wait! minute.

I bet I know where they went.

They're not after Bobby at all. All they want is her videotape.

Good call.

JFDI pictures.

And what happens when they find out that this isn't there?

Let's get over there and make sure that doesn't happen.

Val, isn't this about the time you make one of your patented escape moves?

Just lead the way.

I'll follow.

I told you, a quick study.

Bobby, those are real guns.

Remember what happened to your purse?

It's one thing to lose an accessory, but another thing to lose a major organ.

Are you telling me this could be the end?

That I may not have a comeback?

Well, you know, I'm not a negative person. I never said that.

Good.

So what are you going to do?

Everybody out. And you, you better not be lying to me.

You think this is over, Kim?

Not really.

This is going to be a tough one, Tasha.

Maybe I should take it alone.

Take care of business, girlfriend.

I could have done that line much better.

I could swear the phone stuff is on this cassette.

Not you

again. Look, I gotta make a living.

Tanit Spindlehead, where are they?

Where are who?

Val Irons and your boss, Bobby Canary.

Them?

Hey.

How we doing?

Not good. We've been through every second of that videotape. There's

there about your meat and phone.

All right.

Get him out of here. Get him someplace loud where we can make him talk. I want

that tape.

Where do you, I don't know. I haven't heard from Bobby all day. What's this?

More footage?

No, that's a live feed from the video band.

Where's that band?

It's at Colorado Boulevard Bridge, three miles from here.

What, you're going to kill her because she's not telling you where the tape is?

That'd so be movie.

Maybe my assistant did not explain things to you properly.

You are both going to die.

That is how these movies end.

Does this mean that I'm not up for gladiatrix?

Do you have any idea how much of a washed -up has -been you really are?

If I was making a movie about a washed -up has -been, you still couldn't get a

screen test.

That is so unnecessarily harsh.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Do what you gotta do.

Val, I know you told me never to let my true feelings show that he's not worth

risking my career over, but it doesn't matter anymore.

I have to say it.

You're a wimp.

You always have been.

You couldn't even get the lunch orders right when you were a gopher.

Ha!

A little tougher than picking up coffee, huh? Hey.

What's the matter?

You big weenie. Afraid of getting a little blot on your hands?

You had to hire a big, hired, tough guy to do your shooting for you?

Huh?

What's the matter? Come on and shoot me.

Or don't you have the Kajani's?

Kajani's? Come on, Mama's boy.

I'm waiting for you.

I just learned something.

It's a lot harder to shoot somebody in cold blood than you think it is.

And I don't think you got the Kajani's.

Am I right?

Okay. Okay, I know you think I'm some pampered exec, but I boxed in college.

I let her in an ass -kicking.

Oh, my God.

Bobby, she made the most ultimate sacrifice.

Val, there's no blood.

Was that bitchin' or what?

Either the best performance of my career.

You know, Val, I think I still might have a shot at an Oscar.

I could have just gotten that scene on film.

Well, we got the bad guys.

Take five. Miss Canary.

Chasing down criminals on TV is tough work.

But with whisper glide, titanium strength, I don't sweat. I glow.

I keep my cool.

Cut. That's a wrap,

Bobby.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Bobby, that was so fantastic. I totally believe that you don't sweat.

Yeah, congratulations on your new career.

I am ordering my Woodspur glide online right now. Oh, it's great.

I hope the folks in Japan feel the same way you do.

Hey, this is about to live with Bobby.

You check it out?

Yeah, it's not going to blow up.

But I should look to be sure.

Yeah.

Hey, it's a movie script.

Scooter and the Hitman.

A true life story of a hitman and his dog.

Written by Sonny Weber.

He's the trigger who killed Stiles' boss.

Probably had it sent from prison.

I like the title.

This is good.

Oh, my God.

Let me see.

Wait, when I'm done. When I'm done.

Another VIP top secret technical briefing. Tasha Dexter on weapons.

VIP is one of the few bodyguard agencies licensed to carry weapons in almost any

U .S. jurisdiction and most parts of the world. It's not a license to kill. It's

more like a license to wound.

This is a license to kill.

Nothing out of store. I got that in an earlier job.

My primary carry arm is a silenced Ruger .22 long rifle.

I can hit a dime 200 yards away.

Some people call it an assassin's gun. I call it my gun. It's quiet, extremely

accurate, and in the right hand, extremely effective.

If I'm going into a serious combat situation where I may need more

I might substitute for a Special Forces AK -45.

I carry a compact lock backup.

Afghanistan.

Good times.

Assault rifles, grenade launchers, couple of M60s, a Browning in storage.

Nicky wanted a 30mm cannon, but I had to draw the line somewhere.

I think I'm the only one on the team that carries a knife.

They say when a gun and a knife get in a fight that the gun always wins.

That's true until you get about three feet apart.

Val's primary weapon is her high -heeled shoes.

I hate to admit it, but she was pretty effective with him.