Original subtitles

L .A. just moments before convicted serial killer Thomas Binford Shackley is

scheduled to be moved across this very street for maximum security to the

execution chamber. Hey, out of my way. Hey, you got press credentials?

I'm blocking my shot.

No, I'm blocking the blood flow to your brain. Which do you prefer?

Okay. They never learn.

gonna like it what i wouldn't do for one hand grenade i

enjoyed

killing every one of those people i have nothing more to say

rest of you guys maybe she's blending in with the crowd you know she is very

And watch out for those hands, or those could be dangerous.

Goodness, those shoes.

Boy, what size are those puppies?

Thirteen.

But do you know what they say?

Big feet, big heart.

Come on, Shackley, this isn't a pick -up for us. Do you have any more brilliant

questions?

Yeah, um, what did you have for your last meal?

Lobster.

Cholesterol, don't you think?

It matters in this case.

Oh, hi!

Society page, layout meeting in five minutes. I can tell time, thanks.

I know when the editorial meeting is. I'll be there.

Marco, it's me.

Oh, hi, Jerry.

So are we still on for tonight?

Are you watching the Shackley coverage?

Really, Jerry, I cover the creme de la creme of Vancouver society.

I don't know why I would be interested in some... Just take a look. Some

bodyguard hired by the county works her way next to Shackley. There might be a

lifestyle piece to that.

Bodyguards are in, Margo.

Wait a second. That's no bodyguard. That's Valerie Irons. You know her?

For God's sakes, Margo, get on the ball. Find out what they're talking about.

Fine, but what about tonight? I mean... Forget about tonight. Get this story.

As commissioner of the county penal system, it is my duty to report to you

at precisely 10 .16 a .m. today, Thomas Benford Shackley, convicted of six

counts of murder with special circumstances, received a lethal

and in accordance with the laws of the state of California, was executed.

His body is now en route to the county coroner's office.

That is all. Thank you.

You

won't

mind if I smoke, will you, Tommy boy?

I get a cigarette.

I thought you said the phony shot

was supposed to knock you out.

You're a very light sleeper.

Did you get the other body ready?

Yeah.

I grabbed the body from the morgue myself.

Very good.

I checked my Swiss bank account.

You still owe me money.

You get the rest of the money when the job is finished. That was our deal.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

You know, I really don't know if the end of things are not good for your health.

Especially if you're a bad guy.

Don't worry, Val. These ones are only packing quarter loads.

For the training session we're running with the county sheriff, remember?

Hostage retrieval.

Booyah. Right.

I'll be doing my hair.

Then I suggest you use lots of extra hold hairspray. Because you're going to

in front of the cameras all day if you grant all of these interview requests.

CNBC, Court TV, Vancouver Monthly.

Vancouver Monthly? Mm -hmm. I know somebody from there.

Margo Burns. She's a reporter.

We were camp counselors together at Camp Kikiwachi.

Haven't seen her for five years.

You know, Val, those kinds of friends are going to be crawling out of the

woodwork because you're as close as they can get to the scoop of the century.

Oh, no, no, no, no. She is not a friend. She tried to kill me in archery classes

because we like the same boy. So if I never hear from her again... Hello, VIP?

One moment, please.

Val, you are never going to believe this.

It's her.

Who? Margo Byrne.

Margo Byrne?

Hi, Val.

Hi. You know, your ears must be burning because we were just talking about you.

You were?

I didn't know they got the Vancouver papers there.

Or maybe you read my book.

Is it a paperback?

Oh, listen, Val, enough about me. How have you been, dear?

I do hope you've forgiven me for that unfortunate archery incident.

Oh, archery. I don't even remember that.

Good, good.

Well, listen, the paper just gave me two tickets round trip on the West Coast

Starliner Express.

And I was thinking I could pick you up on your end for the trip back.

Just us two. It'd be like we were back in jail.

And? And you could give me an exclusive interview with the last person to speak

to Shackley the Slasher.

Oh.

Okay, so I get to go hang out with you, and only you, on a train that I can't

escape from, and all I have to do is not answer all the questions from all those

interviewers that want to have interviews with me?

Yeah!

All right, see you at the train station.

Better than hostage retrieval.

She doesn't bring her bow and arrow.

I wonder if she's the same old airhead.

Gosh, I hope it's just some cows or something.

Oh, my God, a stomach. Three days on a train, salary irons.

Sorry about the extra protection.

It's for your own safety.

You're healing well.

The voice box should be 100 % in no time.

With a brand new voice to go with my new face.

Face.

Laser surgery heals fast, but I wish I had one more day.

I'm sorry. I had an execution to attend to. Now let's get on the train so we can

finish what you started.

Did I leave my scalpel someplace?

Smart idea getting on the train.

You're out of local jurisdiction as soon as you board.

Now do me a favor.

Don't call, and don't write.

Don't worry.

But I would like to leave you something to remember me by.

Remember, I had the chance to kill you, and I didn't.

I'll forget you ever saw me.

What are you whining about?

Oh, now this is civilized.

Oh, I can't wait for some time.

Oh, well, why wait?

I have been saving this for so long because I was stuck on a runway for 16

once in Miami, and they just put a hand in and stuck out like peanuts.

Here.

Oh,

Val, we're going to have so much fun.

Just us two.

Maybe not as much fun as you and Shackley the Slasher had, huh?

I need some ice.

Oh, Mr. Porter?

Yeah? I need some ice.

Um, which way?

Up ahead, three cars on your left. Then when you curve around the snack bar,

four cars after that on your right.

Oh, God.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I'm coming through.

Oh,

excuse me. I'm coming through. Sorry,

I'm somewhere.

Oh, right here.

Sorry,

I was looking for the ice machine.

One core down, I believe.

We have a burn patient. Please, I cannot hold any germs.

I thought I told you to lock the door, Doctor.

Yes.

Those ice machines can be very trying, can't they?

I didn't find the ice machine, okay? I need you to come back down the hall with

me right now.

Why? Because I just saw Thomas Binford Shackley.

Really? I heard he was dead. Well, I just saw this guy down there. His whole

face is wrapped up like a mummy and he's with a doctor and he's got a raven

tattoo on his neck.

Okay, Val. I get it. I get it. You've been wanting to get back at me for years

and this is your chance.

You take the free ticket, you come along for the ride, but you have no

intentions of telling me what happened on that hot date with Tom Shackley, do

you? One slip of the bow.

I'll just go by myself.

What? Well, he's here, and if you don't believe me, I'm going to get train

security and prove it. Oh, no, you won't. I'm not letting anybody get

a phony story like that. Come on.

Come on.

Please. Please, follow me.

Wait up. Wait up. I'll go.

I'll go.

That one right there.

What's going on?

Apparently nothing.

Satisfied, Val?

Yeah. You'll have to excuse my friend.

Sorry. You know, Val, shock therapy only sounds scary.

Rule number one, always give them a clock.

It raises their anxiety and gets them looking the other way.

Looking the other way for what?

Rule number two, once you get your hostages, make sure the bad guys don't

follow.

We normally read them their rights.

Okay.

I've now read every magazine on board this hunk of pig iron.

How long should I count on you keeping up this stupid game?

Why do cows always look so happy?

You'd be happy, too, if all your outfits were leather and your meals were free.

No, I wouldn't.

Val, why don't we just start with you telling me what you talked about with

Shackley?

Well, I don't know why you don't believe me. I am a very trustworthy person.

You know, Val, do you want the truth?

I think you're trying to upstage me again.

What? Oh, it is so your history. I tell you, I like the camp swim instructor.

Next thing I know, you're getting selected as a lifeguard.

I go on a date with Ricky Schwing, Judith's counselor, four years running.

Next thing I know, he's asking you out.

Hello, does anybody else hear this?

So if that's what you have to do to be comfortable in the skin of Val Irons, I

won't stop you.

Let's just get back to why we're here.

Three days of bonding and an exclusive story about the last words of Shackley.

Hello? You can talk to him yourself.

I'm going to the little girl's room.

No, no.

After you.

I'm a sucker for these things. I mean, how many things are free and still have

good taste?

I'm a sucker, too, for attractive women.

Jason.

Jason Monroe.

Margo Burns.

Perhaps you've read Vancouver Monthly?

Oh.

You haven't, have you?

But I wish I had.

Are you dining?

Yes, actually, with a friend.

A friend you have to meet.

You just ordered.

Well, that's what dining cars are for, right? Meeting new and exciting people.

certainly feel like I just have. Waiter, I'll take my order over there.

This is Jason. We met over men.

Enchanté.

Oh, are you from Canada?

Iowa, actually. I'm in the insurance business.

Oh, how interesting.

How about you, Val? What do you do?

Val and I are old chums.

We used to do everything together, right, Val?

Yeah. Playing Ricky Swing.

Mademoiselle.

Madame.

Merci. I had no friends with the official language of Amtrak.

So, the magazine business. That sounds very exciting.

I bet I know what story you're after.

You do?

Well, the government train where they do all the alien DNA research.

He is adorable.

That is a funnier story than the one that Val wants me to cover.

Should I tell him, Val?

No. Do tell.

Val. thinks Thomas Wilford Shackley is on this train.

Check out.

Yeah.

Just forget I even said anything, okay?

And it's you.

Oh, man. Oh, man.

Bon

appétit.

Not bad.

You guys were down at that Shackley wing thing the other day, weren't you?

That was us.

The county hired us to enforce credentialing.

It sure helped us out. We didn't have the manpower to keep that back alley

covered. Who's covering the alley?

LAPD? Uh -uh.

Sheriff Piggle told us he had the private contractors on that detail.

My mistake.

I assumed that was you.

What's up?

Making a new buddy there? Hey, didn't Teagle tell us to stay away from that

alley?

Yes, sir, Mr. Mayor. Go ahead and call my editor.

He's on the horn with your mistress right now.

Oh, so delightful.

Oh, well.

Val, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just dropped my fork.

Company couldn't offer to marry it. I'm sure it'd cover it.

You don't have a loyalty policy?

Sorry.

Sometimes I get so carried away with myself.

So lucky.

Any luck down there?

Oh, yeah.

Bad luck.

I've got a business call to make, so why don't you ladies come by my room later

for a drink? Say, in about an hour? We'd love it.

Well,

you two work it out.

Oh, my God.

What? You think you're the only one men look at?

That's him. That's Thomas Shackley.

I cannot believe you.

And do you know what he was eating?

Lobster. Only it was so French you didn't notice.

So?

So, that's what I talked to Shackley about. His last meal.

And his shoe size.

Let me get this straight.

You were next to Thomas Shackley. You could ask him anything you want and you

asked him his shoe size?

He has really big feet.

Well, so does Bozo the Clown. Is he on this train?

Do you know what percentage of men have really big feet like Max size 13?

Do you?

No.

But I can find out.

And he did not sound like he was from Idaho either.

Ay, Fernando!

No seas ciego?

No puedes ver que ella es una flor preciosa?

You're right, Val. It does mean something. It means that I met a lovely

had a big seat and ordered the special of the day. And you are not going to

spoil that for me.

Where are you going?

To freshen up.

That's fine.

Just make sure there's a competent doctor waiting on the other end.

No, no, no. Just a couple loose ends to mop up.

All right.

Starting with this one.

In last words, doctor.

How do I look?

To die for.

Val, get over it. For once an attractive man made a play for me instead of you.

And you can't handle it. Okay, well, how do you explain this, missy?

There is no Jason Monroe in the Idaho or Iowa area that's in the insurance

business. Says your little pocket thingus. Big deal.

Oh, I'm not going to let you go.

Hmm. I do think this perfume is too strong.

No,

it's fine. Oh, don't wait up.

Nobody's going to believe me.

Okay, what would the VIPs do right now?

Let's see.

Quick, while he'd be all level -headed, Tasha would totally bang on me.

Nikki? Yes, Val?

Nikki?

Is that you?

Yeah, right here.

Where?

You're getting warmer.

Is that really you?

Of course not.

I'm just an ethereal projection of your unconscious mind's conceptualization of

what Nikki is.

Oh. Well, how'd you get all those big words?

Why? What do I look like? I'm stupid?

All right, well, if you're really me and you're just living inside my head, tell

me the truth.

Did I see what I thought I saw?

The answer's right in your heart.

Well, ethereal Nikki, tell me what I'm supposed to do.

Well, I'm only good with bombs and stuff like that, but I can tell you this.

Believe in yourself.

Call your friends while you still can, and enjoy the ride.

Put him up.

Sleeper car 307.

Okay. Get the irons broad and dump her body as soon as we hit the tunnel.

What about the magazine lady? Maybe she phoned in a story.

Leave her to me. I'll find out if she spoke to anybody.

Listen, we're entering communications blackout range. Just handle your end.

Done.

I'm so glad you could go.

Thanks for inviting me.

Oh, I've been dying to see what these front cars look like.

Happy to oblige.

Come on.

Come on!

Oh,

Jinkies, this is just like that Steven Seagal movie.

It's the quantum design telegram for you.

When did it come in?

Just now.

Um, well, I'll be right there. I just need to put a robe on.

Practical Joke and David Duchovny. Want to help?

I can't. I'm sorry I have this little serial killer problem.

I gotta go.

Okay. See ya.

Hi,

Tasha.

I know, I know, this may not mean anything, but I received a partial email

Val that I found rather disturbing.

Let me guess. She found out there's no sun deck on the train.

No, worse.

It said, Shaftley is a lot.

Remember how after that whole Danger Island fiasco, she kept seeing that

Talbot guy everywhere she looked?

You're worried Val's having nightmares?

She's very sensitive.

What else did she say?

You mean before she got cut off in dark territory?

She wanted to know what percentage of men wear a size 13 shoe, and whether or

not there was a Jason Monroe living in Idaho or Iowa.

Thanks, Kate. Keep trying to reach her.

You heard from Val?

She emailed Kay that Shackley was alive. She started asking about size 13 shoe.

Normally, I wouldn't give it a thought, but basically... Sheriff Teagle lied to

us about the alley where Shackley was transported to the coroner's vehicle.

That story your friend told about seeing Thomas Benford Shackley on the train.

Pretty frightening, isn't it?

I wouldn't lose sleep.

Truth is, we're not even really friends.

But being a reporter and all, I mean, you've got to chase down every story you

can, right?

It's nice of you to be interested, but we don't have to talk shop.

About this Shackley business?

Not even so much as an alert to your office?

What do I look like, a dope?

Wait here.

I've got a surprise.

this end.

Val,

this jealousy has gone too far.

That was him. He said to thug after me. That was definitely Thomas Binford

Shackley. All right, that's it.

I'm going back to my room, and you can stay and have your little fun with

and you just let me know when it's my turn, okay?

It's your turn all right.

In fact, everybody's going to get a turn.

You see, I believe you about being too big a dope to listen to your beautiful

friend here, which means that my secret is still safely aboard this train.

You, on the other hand, could have spoken to so many people. We'll just

kill them all.

Jones, how's it look?

All set.

All right. You stay on board till the chopper arrives.

Smith?

What about these two, dead or alive?

Well, I prefer that they go with the bomb and make it look like the work of

terrorists, just like everybody else, but if they act up.

I just got Hilo dropped a mile due south of the train.

If I've deciphered Val right, he's under the name Jason Monroe.

Approach with caution.

Don't worry. I'll get some thread as soon as I'm on board.

He'll think I'm just another passenger.

All right. This will probably be the last time you can get through.

I'll rendezvous north of the blackout point. Good luck.

Did you hear what he said?

Yeah. So we're all going to die if I had a nickel for every time I heard that

one.

Is that all you can think about is yourself?

He called you beautiful.

I'm the dope, and you're beautiful.

It's all my fault, isn't it?

People don't really like me.

Terry, my editor, he couldn't wait to drop me like some social outcast.

It's okay, it's okay. No, people like you.

Like, um...

This girl over here, you like her, don't you?

Ever heard the phrase, better off dead?

Time for a change.

Excuse me, I need some help. When anyone have any clothes?

Talk about bad time.

Excuse me.

I don't know how you got this far, but you're not taking one more step.

Just like that.

How about you? You really need to back that thing up. All right? Just back it

up.

Well,

it's all your fault.

My fault? You invited me.

Only you would go making a wrong turn looking for the ice. Well, if I didn't

make a wrong turn, I wouldn't have found out that was Thomas Binford Shackley.

I'd rather not know.

Well,

some magazine writer you are.

Oh, you think you'd be better?

I didn't say that.

Hey, settle down.

Stay out of this.

You always have to do better than me, don't you?

Well, you have terrible taste in clothes.

All right, that does it.

All right, that's enough, you two.

Oh, good plan, Beth.

I'm sorry about the clothes thing.

I'm due for a change.

Well, we gotta get out of here. Yeah.

Not so fast.

Guess you have to be fine with the bullet holes after all.

What left of you.

It's a long story.

I bet.

I don't suppose Nikki's here.

Is she? No. Why?

Have you ever seen Nikki actually defuse a bomb?

Damn. Looks like a mercury switch.

No way we can move it.

Quick, I don't know what you really have in mind here, but we gotta get out of

here. Yeah, Val's right.

Ladies, please.

Miss!

Jones, where are you? The limo's almost here.

Watch your step. Be careful, ladies. Be careful.

Yep.

Who's going to take care of those bad guys? Don't worry. I've got some help

coming. We're here pretty quick.

Cool. Let's get them across.

Come on.

Thanks for the help, man. No problem, Q. Oh, and don't worry. We've already

processed your membership.

All right. Cool.

You all right?

and hook the other side now.

or suffer the consequences.

Who am I speaking to?

Dr. Dexter, VIP.

You've got nowhere to go.

But you can go to hell.

Go back, go back, go back, go back.

I really think you ought to reconsider.

Doctor, we need to hit the car now.

The car with the bomb is empty.

We're not shattered.

It's not going very far.

Thomas Binford Shackley hoped to escape death row, but in the end, it was only a

delay. Arrests in this scandal, including Sheriff Teagle, were made

the dogged investigation of this reporter.

But I owe a huge debt to my good friend, Valerie Irons.

Starliner Express agreed.

Our good friend is enjoying her complimentary trip, even as we speak.

Meanwhile, Margo here is taking all the credit.

I'll show up from the caboo.

We know.

Train travel really is quite lovely.

Maybe we should all take a trip together.

I've already got my vacation planned.

Coco's got a beachfront in Bimini. Check it out.

Nude basketball?

Ouch.

We have ramming speed.

Fire in the hole.

There we go.

Get down.

It's a place of business, Nicky.

Oh, yeah.

This episode of VIP featured music by Uncle Cracker.

Now for another VIP biography.

Theodore Quick Williams, born 1970, Harlem, New York.

Specialty, street fighting, small arms fight, boxing, covert operation, martial

arts, forensic, ladies' man.

I'm a bit of a risk taker at times.

I'm very methodical.

Sheriff Teagle lied to us about the alley where Shackley was transported.

Violence.

Well, you know, violence never solves anything.

Definitely a mean thing.

Quick is definitely my road dog.

You know, we sort of watch each other's back.

I know that if I go through fire, he's going to come in safe.

Quick, William.

Forget it.

If you have a lady you want guarded, he's your man.

Excuse me, I need some help. Would anyone have any... Women love a well

man.

It's a long story.

Fast calls.

Lots of beautiful women.

We work hard. We can play even harder.

I've already got my vacation planned.

You have to live life to the full.

That's what it's all about.