Original subtitles

You know, I never thought anybody could wear me down shopping.

But, Val, I think you have definitely done it. You know what? This is really

important, Max. It's my high school reunion. I have to find the perfect

For people you haven't seen in ten years?

Now go to the closet. Pick out an old dress. They won't know.

You must be tired.

I'm not even going to think about what you just said.

Okay. I need something that says success.

yet hasn't forgotten her roots.

Oh, speaking of roots, I would love to see where you're from. Max,

I've decided I'm going to take Johnny.

Johnny? Yes.

Tasha and Mickey and Quick are training seals somewhere.

It was something that they were obligated to a long time ago before

along, so I felt bad and I'm glad to go.

Oh, I have an idea.

Since you're not going, I could borrow that long, black, slinky dress you have

upstairs. The black dress would be perfect. I know.

You

haven't

been locked in yet. Check out the manifest.

We'll keep him in the produce center.

Pete, tell me you've got the ship's plans.

Every deck and porthole.

Looks like this barge is in for a little excitement.

Let's go.

I was just a girl working at a hot dog stand when a movie star asked me out on

date. I happened to save his life, and so in order to save his life, he told

everybody that I'm a professional bodyguard.

Which, of course, I am not, trust me. So then I was asked to be a figurehead at

a bodyguard agency, and they said I'd never have to use any weapons or be in

danger. And I always am.

I've been thinking about this whole training seals thing. You guys know how

feel about animal school.

Navy seals training.

We're going up north to learn amphibious tracking maneuvers.

Oh, well, in that case, I don't want you to be late, so keep packing.

Oh, my God!

I found it. What?

The Ricky Martin website you've been looking for?

Try your yearbook online.

Eat Vancouver High Class of 1990.

Inman is gross.

Wait, where's Iron?

Are you sure you graduated?

Yes, Kasia. It's just not in the 90 -year book. It's in 91.

Because I skipped picture day that day with an amount of crew.

Are you sure we're popular?

Cross -referencing your name against class picture quotes? I get 29 hits out

a class of 43.

Take a look at this.

Graham Henry.

Life goal?

To light an M -80 under Val Iron's skirt.

That's very forward.

No, he meant that literally.

He was the Nicky of high school. Always wanted to blow some fucks.

I can see that.

Hey, Fabian Miller.

Captain of the Vancouver Wildcats.

Fabian looks so cute.

Life goal?

To have Val Iron jump out of a cake at my birthday.

Hey, Nancy Biggs, Cable World Network reporter.

Number two in the country next to Blitzer. Oh, that must have killed her.

Life goes to be a successful broadcast journalist and to prove to the world

Valerie Irons is a great big phony.

Well, who could blame her?

Here you are, 1991.

You were class president, Nancy was vice president. You were captain of the

volleyball team, and she warmed the bend.

She graduated with a 3 .9 average, and you had a 4

.0?

Val, you were smart.

So what happened?

What do you mean, what happened?

You get a pretty good education at Eaton's department store, you know.

Math at the cash register, chemistry at the perfume counter, geography in

vacation wear.

And I memorized the entire condensed version of Shakespeare while I was

my hair highlighted at the beauty salon.

I had to stay up all night, every night, to get a 4 -0.

Really? So did Nancy Biggs. That's all she ever did was work, work, work.

What did that ever get her?

Pulitzer.

Pulitzer schmulitzer.

I bet she doesn't even try and have a good time at the reunion.

She'll probably bring her cameraman as a date.

So she's definite?

We're in Los Angeles with a cameraman.

She and 27 other unsuspecting passengers.

You match them up with their yearbook photos?

Yep. Got a dossier on all of them.

Along with Geth.

Forty and all.

Oh, nice round number.

That pleases me, Tyrone.

Miss Biggs may not know it, but she'll soon be reporting the Shining Brigade's

demands to the entire free world.

It's been a very special 10 years, a time when life changes from wistful

yearbook images to the real thing, career, romance, family,

and in some cases, maybe even a little success.

Oh, my God.

You have not changed.

Well, neither have you.

Henley. Henley! Oh, Henley.

Henley. Oh, call me Firecracker.

That's my nickname at the dot -com where I work.

Really? Yeah.

Well,

this is my friend Johnny Lowe. Oh, hey. Nice to meet you.

So, what have you been up to?

Oh, I got married. I had two kids. I got divorced.

I got remarried, though, and I had two more kids.

I got divorced again.

So that's one kid every 2 .5 years, if you're counting.

I'm doing fine, though.

Listen, I'll go get our tickets and meet you in time.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

Okay.

What do you mean you don't remember me?

Whoa.

Can you believe an ex -teacher's trying to crash our reunion?

Actually, Val, we've got a couple surprises.

Don't tell anyone.

Okay. I've got three dozen M80s hooked up below deck to fire confetti into the

ballroom when I pull the switch.

That's pretty groovy, huh?

Totally groovy.

Val, do you want to hear the other surprise? It's a cake, just for you.

Okay, I'll see you inside.

Miss de la Cruz, assistant vice principal of lunch.

Excuse me, miss.

Vice Principal De La Cruz.

Oh, well, if it isn't little Val Irons.

My, how you've grown.

Yes, Miss De La Cruz and I were very close in high school.

Even though she kept showing up wherever she wasn't invited.

Well, at least some students were more appreciative than others.

Yes, and some teachers were a little more sensitive than others.

Okay, fine.

All I wanted to do was meet some of your smelly little friends, okay?

Okay, fine.

You can stay.

It's fine.

But you're not going in dressed like that.

No problem.

Do what we do when we're not on the list.

I heard you signed up for this gig.

Just like old times, huh?

Let's hope you don't screw up like you did in Malaysia.

Malaysia?

Look at her.

Can you believe it?

Hi.

It's time not to believe.

Everything about her.

She's had liposuction, lip injections, nose job, probably a couple ribs

And everybody knows about the implant.

I don't think so.

Please, if she stood next to a radiator, she'd melt.

Do I know you?

I don't think so.

And don't ask my personal opinions like that.

if I didn't think of this before.

Can I interview you right now on camera for my CWN report?

Are you kidding?

It would be an honor.

Great, great. I'll just get my cameraman.

Okay.

Didn't Nancy make it her life mission to out you as a phony?

Yeah.

We'll change.

Anyway, I want to help Nancy.

You help her? She's an internationally famous reporter.

Yeah, but she's so serious.

Go to her having fun, letting fate take its hand.

On schedule?

Right where we need to be.

The mini -sub is on its way.

I'll take that with me, if you don't mind.

Suit yourself.

In that case...

There are reunion guests who require our services.

I just thought of your name tag.

Want to know what's inside the cake?

Maybe. Yeah, you do. You do.

Fabian Miller.

When I toot the ship's horn.

he comes just like he wanted Val to do for him.

Pretty good, huh?

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Okay.

Valerie Iron, East Vancouver High School, class of 90 and 91.

Ten years ago, you were a volleyball player, an ace student, and a gymnast.

you have the famous security agency, VIP.

Yet you yourself have no training or experience. Isn't that true?

Actually, Nancy, I present an outward appearance of no experience so I can

up a bad guy.

So your clients don't mind that right before you were a bodyguard, you were

selling hot dogs on a roadside stand.

Well, as we all know, calling the tail of the pup a roadside stand is like

calling the queen Elizabeth a jet ski.

Very entertaining.

But let's talk about the nitty gritty of bodyguarding, shall we?

Well, can that wait? Because I drank like a whole keg of Snapple on the way

here, and I really have to go.

Is this the line

to the laden room?

There has to be another bathroom on this boat somewhere.

But my really big invention was the one to Brock.

Yeah.

Confetti? Henley.

We've secured the upper decks. None of those reunion bozos will bother us.

What does it matter?

In exactly five minutes, everyone aboard this ship will become a hostage of the

Shining Brigade.

Guess what I invented?

Where's that?

The Wonderbra. Thanks for asking.

So if anybody mentions it, you know, just play along with it.

You know, those are the hard hors d 'oeuvres. Come none of the sternos of

attention please.

Thank you.

You are now in the care of the Shining Brigade.

Follow my commands and no one will be hurt.

Me?

What do you want?

Just a little attention.

Which is why you, with your satellite uplink, are going to broadcast our

to the world.

Presuming, of course, that you have no philosophical problem with that.

Shani McGee, that Faust is a genius.

All right, back to work.

There's 50 million in gold coins down there with our name on it.

is going to be to quit from quacking that guy.

I'd like you to head for target practice.

Val doesn't know what she's missing.

She's probably on the Queen Elizabeth right now sunning herself with a little

pretty umbrella drink.

Hey! Hi!

God, it's so hard to find a bathroom around here. It's really nice talking to

you. Bye!

Swirly shirt.

You too. Come here.

Watch it.

Or what?

Hmm?

Hmm?

Or... I would have to hope that you have the safety on that thing.

Oops. Guess I didn't.

The next one goes through your eye socket.

Now, you two weren't on the guest list. Who are you, and why are you here?

I'm Johnny Lowe, and this is Maxim de la Cruz.

We're the party planners.

Yes, we are.

Now, you see this entire nautical theme?

Our idea.

Nautic? This is a ship.

See?

We're good.

Frisk them, and don't take your eyes off them.

lady, please.

You don't have to be like the rest of them. You know, have some compassion.

Take your hands off or I'll shoot it off.

We need to move faster.

I thought it was with you.

You

sure

you want to go through with the reporter thing? I mean, why call attention?

Call misdirection, you idiot.

This reporter thing will hold their attention while we get the gold.

If it's even under here.

It's under here, all right.

I killed three men to get this information.

The last one, the last one heard it firsthand from the OSS agent who stashed

here during the war.

Gold coins, just like this.

It's a shame they never made it to the French resistance.

But then their loss is our gain.

This is Nancy Biggs aboard the Queen Elizabeth, where a terrorist group

themselves the Shining Brigade have taken my high school class reunion

I give you now to the group's leader, Faust.

Good afternoon.

We hereby demand the release of all our Shining Brigade comrades from prisons

around the globe.

We also demand a helicopter to take us from this ship.

All hostages are safe and well cared for.

A condition that will change drastically should anyone attempt to disrupt our

little reunion.

You have one hour.

Play back.

An ace student and a gymnast. Now you head the famous security agency, VIP.

Yet you... yourself have no training or experience it's too early fast forward

wait vip that's valerie irons yeah so what she's

infiltrated the ship she's probably watching us right now guess again she's

probably in the bathroom shut up get boiled back up here and you're gonna do

exactly as i say

Bye -bye, Donnie.

This list really needs to be updated a little more often. Police and other

emergency vehicles arriving at the shore.

But our captors hold all the cards in this face -off.

Tensions are running very high now, folks. Tasha, pick up.

Attention,

Queen Elizabeth.

This is Captain Dunphy of the Vancouver Police.

We just want to talk.

Call me at 555 -0179.

Captain Dunphy, I presume?

Yes.

Yeah, you know, it's really very enlightened of you to want to talk.

But, um, I don't know. It just seems so... 90s.

That's thanks.

So now you listen to me, and you get this right.

This ship is booby -trapped to 120 pounds of plastic.

If you make any sort of move, the hostages will die. If you do not release

comrades, the hostages will die. If you fail to deliver my chopper, the hostages

will die. You have one hour.

Positions, positions.

Boyle couldn't find irons. Researched the whole ship.

She's good.

She's going to pull something. I know it.

Well, why did you let her on board?

Weren't you the one that was in charge of checking the gas?

I wanted to end the year.

Well, remind me. Inscribe that on your gravestone.

On your knees.

Attention, Valerie Irons. Your presence is requested in the ballroom. If you're

not here in one minute, the party planner for this lovely event, Miss

la Cruz, will be executed.

That's all.

up already.

Can we also get along?

I guess not.

Valerie Iron.

Someone's going to pay for bringing you on board.

Oh, they already did.

Kay, my assistant, she paid $75 for the two of us.

Two? Yeah. Me and my roommate here. She came with my date.

You live with the inventor of the Wonderbra?

I thought she was the vice principal in charge of lunch.

I thought she was the party planner.

I'm very versatile.

Enough!

She serves her purpose.

But as for you, you weren't in the yearbook.

Someone brought you here.

South.

He went to high school with us, all right.

But if we get out of here, I'm going to tell the truth.

all about the heroic bodyguard who did nothing because she's a fraud.

She's right.

I'm not a real bodyguard.

I know I head an entire agency, but I know nothing about being a bodyguard.

The only thing I know about being a bodyguard is what I read in

Weekly. You know, the movie stars that have some big dude lurking ten feet

behind them, and if you try to take a picture, they're all here in big

I think maybe you are telling the truth.

But if you're not a bodyguard, who's going to save us?

No one is going to save you.

No one!

That's it. You, over there, sit down or you're the first to go. Keep an eye on

the doors. Both of you.

I don't think they trust you, Val. Well, they shouldn't because I found this.

It's a GPS submarine signaler. See, I knew it was important.

What is it?

It's like a remote control to bring in a submarine.

I don't understand why I have this if they plan on leaving by chopper.

I don't know, but there's something down there and it's not swapping the deck.

I gotta get down and out.

How about all these guys?

I've got some ideas.

I'm still here.

We're working on your demands.

It's time to let some hostages go.

Sorry, no can do.

If we think you might kill them all anyway, we have nothing to lose.

You, bodyguard, come here.

Why don't you give your professional opinion about what I'll do if they don't

back off?

For sure, this is Valerie Irons.

Here you are, sir.

Val Irons.

Val, listen, we're going to need to verify your presence on the ship so we

the Shining Brigade's not holding...

Fine, all right, then. Then the next sound you will hear will be one of my

bullets going through a hostage's skull.

Maybe one of you have been up to lately.

All right.

Not bad.

It's a pretty cool playground.

All right, let's switch gears and try something a little more rugged, all

Let's go.

What the?

I've got ten messages for you, Molly.

Okay. Tasha, I have been trying to reach you for hours. Have you not seen?

There's no TV in train steel land.

Thou's reunion has been taken over by terrorists.

Queen Elizabeth, fill us in on the way.

I need to borrow your boat.

Joyriding is not an art, General.

RZ, this is Superboy.

We're moving a rescue op that needs our attention now. You have a rescue op.

Nice grasp of the language.

I bet your lips don't even move much when you read. And which of you,

is going to pilot that?

She is.

You can loan it to us. I promise it'll come back in one piece.

Then come and get it.

I don't know. My arm.

Wait a second.

Excuse me.

Listen, I planned the inaugural ball for the prime ministers in Kuala Lumpur.

And some of the people there had the same symptoms.

Bone degeneration.

This is the Hanta virus.

Have either one of you been in Southeast Asia?

We were in Malaysia.

You better check the back of her tongue.

But don't touch her.

You're a good, smart guy.

Okay.

Open your mouth.

Close your eyes.

Take out your tongue. You see?

Right there? You see it?

arms it's a hairball this man is sick put him in the corner over there

Remember?

Every time I get rid of a guy up here, more come up and down the fence.

I need some kind of a distraction.

Okay, Mr. Shining Brigade. I don't want anyone to get hurt on account of me.

I have your signal thingy.

Yeah. What are you doing?

How do I know you're not bluffing?

Oh, it's the size of an X -Tel phone. It's got blinking little lights all over

it. Looks like it's worth about 59 cents.

Don't think you've got enough, that pretty little bodyguard.

Okay, mister, you better just give it up right now because my team has a really

good way of tracking everybody down and there's a lot of...

With it?

No, no, no, no. I don't think so.

See, when I get what I want, this ship's going to suffer an unfortunate

accident.

Now you say goodbye to your friends.

Can you believe the things that people leave behind on cruise ships?

Huh?

Good job. Here.

Go help with the hostages. I'll call you when the sub's here.

We have just witnessed a brave and heroic act taken place right before our

eyes. Unfortunately, it was done by an admitted fraud, Valerie Iron.

Six cases, two of us.

Divides nice and evenly.

I heard that.

Your partners are going to rat you out if you leave them high and dry.

True.

But here's an idea.

What if we leave them dead along with all the other hostages?

You're the great Valerie Irons.

Take me to the signaling device and you might still have a chance to save the

ship. Or you can die.

Follow me.

It's right over here.

Hold your fire, man.

Looks like Val Irons and the people have this under control.

Change of plan.

You and I are going for a little swim. I'm not leaving without the gold. We've

come too far. We'll jettison the gold and we'll find it later.

Go somewhere.

Mercy.

My main concern right now is getting off this ship.

Okay, keep it moving, they believe.

There you go. Good job.

Forty hostages held in terror by the seven gunpersons. Now, everything seems

be under control, but we have heard a rumor that there is a bomb set to go off

and blow up this final ship.

All right, that's it. Get out of here.

Forty -eight seconds?

Fancy cars, Mercury trigger? I don't think so.

What do you mean you don't think so? But they kept us on passage. You don't

think so? You can't handle this? I could handle this, but not...

36 seconds? Come on! Well, what about the girls and the gold and the spouse?

Food. Sharp food. Okay, so are we, little Jeff. Right now. Let's go.

I guess Quick and Nicky are home recovering.

Well, they earned their off.

Surprised you weren't too sore to come in, too, after all of those training

exercises.

Those, they don't even faze me.

Oh, turn on the TV because we're missing the Nancy Big story on the reunion.

Oh.

Did you say something?

Nope, nothing.

Beyond the drama and tragedy of the Queen Elizabeth, the reunion served its

purpose, reuniting classmates and friends.

Val Irons and I, once volleyball teammates, student council leaders, and

buds, have managed to stay in touch over the years.

No, we haven't. But seeing her at this particular event was a sight for sore

eyes. Actually, Nancy, I presented outward appearance of no experience to

up the bad guys.

And trip them up she did, but not this reporter.

I knew back in high school that Valerie Irons and I would both be going places.

I just didn't know we'd be teaming up to catch a crew of international

terrorists.

Reporting from Vancouver, I'm Nancy Biggs with CWN.

Wow.

She's one tough reporter. Very cool under pressure.

But she said we were best friends and she hated my guts.

That's what reporters do, Val.

It's called stint.