Original subtitles

The Orange Crush.

Orange County, Orange Crush. Get it, get it, get it, huh?

Get it!

The birds can be so quaint.

Yeah, real friendly, too.

This is what I get for going on a company meeting with the company

A mystery tour.

Why do you have to be such a stick in the mud?

This trip might have nothing to do with bodyguarding, but it has everything to

do with business.

Okay, you've beaten it out of me.

heavenly acres timeshare condominiums serving all your personal and business

vacation needs you hauled us down here to invest in a condo what can you think

of a better way to get the perfect hand and potential clients get off the

freeway the directions are very specific it says right here right at heavenly

acres road and left at heavenly get off the freeway now

Val, 11 o 'clock. Look out!

Oh, my

God,

it's A .J. Popoff. Oh, my God, it's Valerie Irons.

Lead singer of the band Lit.

See? I told you there'd be celebrities in distress in Orange County.

I think distress doesn't quite cover it.

If those guys are autograph hounds, they belong in a kennel.

They're souvenir hunters, man. They're chasing me all over the place. They took

my pants.

These guys are me business, man.

You guys cover me?

Happy to.

All right, guys, fun's over.

Tuck your tail between your legs and go home.

Just give us the juice, or we'll take them ourselves.

You're going to have to leave the party papers where you found them, guys.

Sorry.

Who's going to make me?

That'd be me.

There's no way to treat Calvin Klein.

AJ, you all right?

Dude, what's going on?

Nice legs.

Yeah, if you like chicken.

Oh, thanks, man.

Dude, save it for the show, man. Put on some pants.

Jeremy, right?

Yeah. Lit.

We're VIP.

Jeremy, Alan, Kevin. I'm Quick Williams.

That's Tasha Dexter. Hi. Of course, you know the beautiful and lethal Valerie

Irons. Nice move, Val. Yeah, I got here just in time.

You're definitely hired.

What? Excuse me? We're playing the Brent Center tomorrow night, and if we don't

get some practice time in, we're going to blow it in our hometown.

I know it's short notice, so double your fee?

Dealio! Dealio?

Gee, they took my Iron Maiden belt buckle.

Dude, when are you going to run your shop at Walmart?

I was just a girl working at a hot dog stand when a movie star asked me out on

date. I happened to save his life, and so in order to save his, he told

everybody that I'm a professional bodyguard.

Which, of course, I am not, trust me. So then I was asked to be a figurehead at

a bodyguard agency, and they said I'd never have to use any weapons or be in

danger.

So you guys decorated the place all by yourself?

Sure did. Ten years. We're constantly perfecting the vibe.

It's real tight, though.

I mean that, sincerely.

Fuzzy dice?

We'll cherish them.

Mind if I check out your security system?

Yeah. Chain and padlock.

Better start making out a shopping list.

Ruto, we are practicing.

We've been at it since dawn.

What's that?

No, it's not the CD.

We're just really tight. We've been on tour all year.

Oh, AJ?

Oh, he's fine. Never better.

It's not just losing the bell buckle that's got me all freaked out.

It's being here, I think. Just back in Orange County. You know, this is like

big hometown, homecoming show.

You're nervous?

Yeah, I want to be at my best.

I'm afraid I'm going to screw something up.

You know what? That totally happened to me once. I was skiing with my mom down

the bunny hill, and I was heading toward this really, really gnarly mobile, and

I choked.

So I remembered that I had my magic earmuffs, so I went for it.

I closed my eyes, and I ended up, like, two heels over on my ass flying down a

nice track.

So you screwed up.

No, I came in fifth in the men's lute.

Oh, cool.

So I remember those magic earmuffs were my, um, lucky charm.

Wait, lucky charm?

That's it?

It is. Hold on.

You guys really want to bring showbiz back to rock and roll?

Check this out.

Pretend this is your stage.

head's on fire well maybe it's like a few more adjustments uh yeah maybe a

couple elvis presley had this belt buckle he needed the cat's eye it was

lucky charm until fans stole it and it's been missing since no wonder he started

taking karate lessons yeah i've been looking for this belt buckle for years

this morning look what showed up the cat's eyes are waiting for you 2 p .m

ep you think this has something to do with the belt buckle

Yeah, changing hands, I know it. It's so weird. It's like an omen or something.

I mean, the bell buckle and you show up on the same day.

How weird is that?

Yeah, that's pretty weird.

So, you need me to find the seller before this mystery buyer does and out

-negotiate him?

Yeah. Can you do that?

So that's why they call it the cat's eye.

Five flawless orange agates surrounded by 1 ,700 gold rhinestones in a faux

platinum setting.

Elvis was the king, all right. What about the ad?

AJ's right.

See the ad code, 260 -2? Business -related personal ads are always coded

two. Or so I've been told.

You think you can break the L .A. Times computer and get an address on this

sucker?

So, hey, Mom.

The item is ready for pickup. Two o 'clock sharp.

Pay ten million by electronic transfer?

What makes you think it'll still be there?

The item's camouflage when no one will find it.

I give the guy a code phrase, he gives us a belt buckle. Simple as that.

Check the email.

Got it, Brock.

Brickmaster is the code phrase?

Idiot.

He uses my name and he can't even spell it right.

Hollywood and La Brea. Let's get over there before he loses the damn thing.

This is all vintage stuff.

This is the place Val's got to be.

Kay outdid herself again.

Mm -hmm, but did she get a free badazzler with every phone survey she

I don't think so.

Okay, people, this could get tricky.

The cat's eyes in here, we've got to take it out nice and easy. So no hitches

and no jacking up the price.

I'm the negotiator. Okay, I'm your backup, just in case you know you lose

voice.

Okay, and, A .J., you have to wait outside with Nicky and Johnny. Oh, come

can't wait to see it. Of course. I know. That's why I don't want you drooling

all over the counter when I'm trying to get the price down.

You got to go. Bye. Bye. Go.

What can I show you?

We're looking for a little something that holds up your pants.

Now, I know I'm a little early, but if you have the time, I have the dime.

Is that all you have to say?

Conference.

See, I told you, Val, you have to start off with a funny story. Watch.

You know, the funniest thing happened to us... I'm closer. Oh, wait.

Give my girlfriend a chance here. She really wants that buckle. Yeah, don't be

brickmeister.

What did you say?

I said don't be a brickmeister.

Wait right here.

Here it is.

Value rock.

How much was it? A hundred bucks.

And I had to force it on him.

It's gotta be worth thousands.

I'm closing up.

Not for me, you're not.

I'm the brick master.

You do have it, don't you?

Lock the door.

Something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?

There, the blonde chick. She's the one who said the code phrase.

Or maybe you thought you could collect twice on the same merch.

Oh, Brock, that's not some chick. That's Valerie Irons, the bodyguard.

Well, somebody hired themselves a very expensive go -between.

Get the van.

You got it.

This won't even hurt.

Wait till the guys see this.

They're gonna freak out.

I can't wait to get back to the warehouse and rehearse.

What does he want?

They want to kill us! Get out! Get closer.

It has to be a bomb.

What the hell is this?

You'll find out.

Maybe it's just moisturizer.

AJ, are you okay?

Yeah, I guess.

Does that kind of thing happen all the time?

Yes, AJ, this happens all the time, okay?

I've been feeling the time where I can get it

from.

And I've been losing the grip on what I used

to hold.

If I could get another chance and put it in a big lock bag and keep

it in my pocket.

Keep it in my pocket.

Keep it in my pocket.

Sell me when I start to blow it. Won't you show me

what I need to do before you hate me?

I can never live without you. Sell me before you're better off without

me.

Before you're better off without me.

I've been watching you.

You're sleeping with a troubled look.

I'm sure your bad dreams are probably all

about me.

I'm better off without me.

If I could get another chance, I'd put it in a Ziploc bag and

keep it in my pocket.

Keep it in my pocket.

I've hacked into every speed trap security cam along Hollywood Boulevard,

starting at the memorabilia shop, and there is no sign of this van.

Try matching facial descriptions with the FBI database.

Think you can match some faces?

Another sorry buts anywhere.

All right, I'm out of here.

Where are you going?

Going down the walk of fame.

24 left, 36 right.

Enter.

Rookmaster.

Stiles was shot just a minute after you left.

The van that attacked you was seen leaving the store.

Well, that doesn't mean that they're after the cat's eye.

Check this out.

You don't need a code phrase to pick up a Brady Bunch thermos set.

Right. Like you would know that.

Brady Bunch, huh?

I was speaking hypothetically. Boys, the point is, if they're willing to kill

for the belt buckle, it's got to be worth more than a hundred bucks.

We got to get a closer look at that buckle.

Well, good luck.

Just lucky Tom. Yeah.

Dude, I think this belt's working.

Have you heard me sing this good, ever? I have not. Hey, dog.

We're just going to have to find a way to inspect it without him knowing. It's

been a while.

Okay.

AJ. AJ, smell something?

Smells like a hit. AJ.

Hey, what's going on? Yeah, yeah. Sounds good.

Hey. Let's go.

Wow.

Nice shoulder, man. Okay.

Now lie back and relax.

This won't hurt a bit.

The paint's gone, guys.

Now it's over here.

Ooh, that's really bad. That could be a trilateral infarction.

Don't you worry, though. I'm going to have you check down a tiffy.

Hold very still.

What do you mean, nothing? The rhinestones are glass, the cat's eyes

the setting some kind of aluminum alloy.

So this is just a belt buckle.

They've installed motion detectors, laser net.

The FPS place locked up. We'll never get past.

We'll see about that.

Lights out.

One, two.

She wakes up lonely.

She hangs a picture by the phone. She hangs a picture by the

phone. Yeah.

If you wake up lonely If you telephone me

This is not an entourage. This is all of Orange County.

Where's Val?

Fitness, sir.

I told her the party stays inside.

Well, you know Val.

Should have brought Quick and Johnny.

18th hole.

Masters champion.

Somebody knows the story.

It's a bit dry.

Looks like I'm your worst enemy, gentlemen.

Aw, hell.

Kate, you're a serious professional.

It pays to have a mathematical mind.

Pretty sneaky, sis.

Now deal me another hand if I give you anything.

What are you going to have?

So, do you want to party later or what?

coming your way.

Gun! Everybody down!

Cap, I see my backpack.

Let's roll What

the

hell it did the hat the natural war the night he met Ava that buckle where is it

AJ better be okay. You're a dead man.

I want that belt buckle.

You pull another switch, they'll be scraping this kid off the walls.

Oh, jeez.

We want the kid. We don't care about the buckle.

Good choice.

Now put it in a backpack and take it to MacArthur Park.

Midnight. No cops, no press, or you'll never see your lead singer again.

That's it.

We got till midnight.

No, we have till 7 .30.

If AJ doesn't show up at the gig tonight, people are going to notice.

Well, then you've got four hours to find AJ and get him to the concert.

If you don't mind me asking, how are you going to do that?

Well... Johnny and I have to take you guys to the rehearsal hall.

I'm sure Tasha and Quick have some ideas.

You don't have a clue, do you?

Listen, lit biscuit or whatever, how would you like a hot cup of shut the

up?

I hit every snitch who rolls me one and threaten the rest.

Nada.

Not even a micro dot. We missed something.

Tasha, I think you're going to want to take a look at this. What do you got?

Val's light show?

I got it from three different angles.

Then I noticed something a little out of the ordinary.

Coming off the belt buckle.

What the hell is that?

It's a binary code.

A cryptographic key used for accessing top -secret databases.

Those first eight numbers, that's a standard CIA routing code.

You think these guys are stupid?

More like crooks.

A code this extensive could shut down every government computer from the NSA

the Department of Agriculture.

Sell this on the black market for some serious cash.

Okay, crack into the CIA.

Check their files on information brokers.

Wait, didn't we already go for an ID match?

A suspected criminal.

Even if these guys were never arrested, they probably have their own filing

cabinet at Central Intelligence.

Wait there. Two back.

Thelonious Brock.

Surveillance footage.

Zoom it in.

He's an arms dealer. The buyer's probably a Chinese national.

Wait, hold it there. Check out the sign on the truck.

Zoom it in.

Centinella Woodworking, Los Angeles.

No need for applause. The figurehead has done it once again.

The band is rehearsing and Nikki and Johnny have their backs. And I found

to go to Pug Rescue and I got a little one -eyed pug, isn't she?

It's beautiful, Val. I gotta go.

Where? What's up?

Nothing you need to worry about.

Tasha's going undercover.

Did you find A .J.? We don't know, but we have an address.

His name's Brock. He's a major international arms dealer, and he's

furniture warehouse as his cover.

I'm going with you.

Give me a good reason why I should take you with me.

Good -bye, jerkies.

And I have the perfect cover for you, too.

The Ingeborg sisters.

They're Swedish arms dealers on Interpol's 10 Most Wanted list.

So, you're the Ingeborg sisters.

Ja. Where are you from?

Sweden.

My sister, she gets a little carried away. Sweden.

Nice merchandise.

Thank you.

It's a military issue. Only the best.

So how many of these can you lay your hands on?

Twenty.

Twenty!

My sister, she gets carried away.

Have what they call a party.

Through there.

Oh, danke. Au revoir.

My sister, she's different.

Nice, yeah?

Val, over here.

Get me out of this place, God.

Val!

Hey, shh. Be careful. We can't get out of here.

No, I'm not.

Don't leave. I've got to get you out of here.

VIP? Kay.

Val, where are you? The concert starts in 20 minutes.

Kay, listen to me and do exactly what I say.

Do not, repeat, do not remove the buckle from the rehearsal warehouse.

Val? Don't argue with me, Kay. And tell Tasha, Nikki, Quick, and Johnny to stay

out of this. I can get the belt buckle myself.

Val, they're already... No buts, Kay.

Just tell them to stay right where they are. Because if they don't, it's Ixnay

on the LV and AJ.

Now get the buckle.

I can't see.

Well, where's the light switch?

It's over there.

The concert.

Who's counting? Wait for me, you guys.

Slow. Slow down. Oh,

God,

we're going to die.

Our first show at home in months and we're going to show up dead. You think

is risky? Try wrapping from housewares to accessories during a Kmart parking

sale.

My God.

She thinks she's at Kmart.

They're heading to the brim. I want that bell buckle.

Dave, you're dying, my man.

You're out of time.

Okay, the brim center is? Downtown.

Downtown is?

Back that way.

We'll take the peanut fruit.

What's up, guys?

What's up, guys?

We go on in like two minutes.

I need it.

Oh, God, stop tamming out.

It's just a belt buckle. It's a bunch of rhinestones and silly rocks.

Luck is one -tenth belt buckle, nine -tenth inspiration, three -tenths

inspiration.

That's why they make that secret platinum stuff. Get in there. Break a

guys. You got it.

Val, that's 13 pence.

TV. I still can't believe it. Our own music video.

Totally off the wall.

Okay, everybody.

Are you ready to rock and roll?

Yeah.

She calls me up, insists I come here, and she's not even here.

Where is she?

In Orange County buying a condo.

What?

No.

She's using your credit card.

Whatever. Where's my keys? I'm going.

I've got them, and you can't have them.

Give me my... What is the obsession with my keys right now?