Original subtitles

Move!

Never. This tree has stood tall against wind and weather for more than a hundred

years. It's been around longer than you have.

So if you chop down this tree, you chop down America.

Val, it's a eucalyptus. It was shipped here from Australia.

Whatever. It's still a living thing.

Save the trees!

Save the trees!

Can't we just beat the crap out of somebody and go home?

No, we gotta stay here till Martin Sheen gets here, I promise him.

Great, that could be days.

Well, I told you to go to the bathroom before we left the office.

Look, lady, our company owns this tree, and whether you like it or not, it's

coming down.

Hold it!

Hold on!

Wait a minute, Val!

I have it!

The court paper, it's right here.

The court paper says that your tree has a stay of execution.

Oh, yeah?

Well... This is what we think about your court order.

Wait a second.

Those aren't lumberjack shoes.

You probably never cut a tree down in your life.

You protest busters.

Ferguson, Park Ranger.

May I see your demonstration permit?

Permit?

Well, you did apply for a permit, didn't you?

Champions of freedom don't do paperwork.

That's a pity.

For demonstrators at $1 ,000 apiece, pay the fine at your local precinct.

Hi, this is the girl working at a hot dog stand when a movie star asked me out

on a date.

I happened to save his life, and so in order to save him, he told everybody

I'm a professional bodyguard.

Which, of course, I am not. Trust me. So then I was asked to be a figurehead at

a bodyguard agency, and they said I'd never have to use any weapon or be in

danger. And I always am.

$4 ,000 could have bought the damn 350.

That's our third pro bono gig this month.

At least she could have done something, blown something up.

We need to get down to business. No more of this bleeding hard crap.

Charity starts at home.

We need something high profile.

The right protection gig will put us back in the headlines.

Here we go. She posted a video ad.

Defarge Industries.

Number two on the Fortune 500 list.

Hello, I'm Cora Defarge.

If you're among the world's top security professionals, then Defarge Industries

is prepared to make you the offer of a lifetime.

A team of no less than five seasoned professionals is needed to act as my

personal bodyguard.

Skills in marksmanship, martial arts, counter surveillance, and bomb disposal

are a must.

In exchange, I'm offering a compensation package that will make you the richest

bodyguards in the world. Only the best of the best need apply.

Look at this.

Supervise a security force of hundreds.

Oh, enjoy paid vacations for you and your family at our company retreats in

Paris, Bangkok, and Rio.

I always wanted to blow up Paris in the spring.

Three million a year, that's serious change.

Uh -oh.

What about Val save the damn ice rally on the 5th?

I don't know. She's not going to like that.

She will.

Once I feed her these numbers, she's bound to listen to reason.

I don't know about that.

Give the shirt off her back for some of those groups.

Yeah, I think I got it covered.

I'll meet you there, Kay.

Get naked!

Okay, team, down the bugle, call in the cavalry, down the... Where'd everybody

go?

Dennis' appointment.

It was a group emergency thing.

Guess who we are going to protect.

Paul McCartney.

Sir Paul to you. He's playing at a benefit on Friday, but there's been a

threat. So if we don't protect him, the whole shebang could go down like a

yellow submarine.

Whoa, back up. Did I hear the word benefit?

For PETA, the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals. I, for one, think

very important cause.

Saving poor little defenseless animals from becoming fur coats or circus

performers. Paul McCartney asked for us why.

Probably because we're free.

Defarge Industries is advertising for bodyguards.

This is a serious opportunity.

Top echelon where we belong.

This is serious, too. What about the PETA bomber?

Cora Defarge.

Snack on bumper press.

Besides, it's not the ones you threaten you have to worry about. It's the ones

who bomb first and then make demands later.

You guys go check out the PETA event.

But the real bodyguards of VIP are going to start doing real bodyguarding.

Eat your veggies, not your friends.

Good one.

Stick to the strategy. She's got a tough rep, so she needs to be sweet -talked.

That's me.

You just flash your pearly whites.

Waste of silver tongue.

Gentlemen.

Hello. How you doing?

Liz Defarge is taking her exercise.

This way, please.

VIP, I assume.

Oh, poor Dawson. Wonderful accountant, not much of a sportsman. Just set him

over there.

Where's Miss Irons?

She had an appointment.

In Tel Aviv. Barack won't make a move without her. I've been studying your

dossiers.

Impressive. But not impressive enough.

I'm sure we could prove otherwise.

Our associates, Tasha Dexter and Nikki Franker, are on their way.

I'm an owner of a multinational corporation.

That makes me a target for extremist groups, some of them quite violent. My

former bodyguards were eliminated by just such an attack.

Frankly, I don't think you can cut it.

Didn't she read the papers?

Those charity gigs.

Cora DeFord is not going to hire the same people who protect Pee Wee Baseball

tournaments.

Cora wasn't kidding.

She does have trouble.

Hey, guys.

Can you come help, boys?

We're on to Sancora on invoice.

You won't have to.

You appear to have passed Mr. Farge's test.

If you're still interested, the job is yours.

Now, it could be a ho.

PETA has a lot of friends in the business community, but we do have some

enemies, too.

Anyone in particular?

Well, PETA puts out this list.

Businesses to boycott. Drug and makeup companies, circuses, aquariums.

Wow. Any one of those companies could have planted a big kicker right

us and we wouldn't even know it.

Like where?

Here. There.

Everywhere. Maybe you should check.

All right.

No locks, huh?

Tempting fate.

Use a little more water.

Aha! With a naked eye, that might seem like a simple little everyday light

switch, but... I just do this.

Kay and I are such the rainmakers.

We can also make snow, fleets, maybe even a perfume.

Monsoon.

Hair splitter.

Kay, we need to call Johnny and Nikki and tell them they'll have to stay late

tonight so they can help organize the event.

They can't.

Why not?

VIP's already been hired by Cora DeClarge. She's expecting us at 9 a .m.

Well, not me.

I'm Peter Barron, so thanks, but no thanks.

We signed a contract.

I hope the ink's not dry.

DeFarge Industries is on PETA's top ten businesses to boycott list.

VIP cannot cross that picket line.

So Cora is out.

Finito. Hate to disagree, Val, but VIP is committed.

So that's it?

Sayonara, little guy. Hello, Miss Big Buck.

That's what VIP is all about?

No, but it's about taking pride in your work.

We're tired of your penny -ante gigs.

This is important to us.

Sorry, Val.

If that's how you want it, you can take the V .I. out of V .I .P. because I'm

out of here.

Me too.

You might as well stay.

Cora's given us our own office.

Is that it?

Yeah, Val.

That's it.

Our in -house architect is drawing up plans for your new office space.

You may choose your own furnishings.

Mrs. DeFarge suggests Harrods in London. A shopping trip will be arranged if you

wish. Oh, I wish.

I hear the Concord's got a dope sound system.

Yeah?

First paycheck.

Come get me one of those. That won't be necessary.

Your new vehicle's arrived this afternoon.

Satellite systems, phones, leather interiors have already been installed.

Of course, I'll need your birth date.

Why, are you throwing us a party?

Miss Lafarge's gift list.

Each year she sends something a little special, like Super Bowl tickets.

And, of course, access to our fleet of corporate jets.

50 -yard line.

VIP box.

Ah.

Anything else?

One last item. Company manual. Every well -run corporation has its rules.

Do take a moment to memorize them.

You've got to be kidding, right?

I don't know.

Bad guys don't need rules.

Neither do we.

He's kicking Super Bowl. Hit me.

Yes,

like I said, I want a security camera over there. And one over there, too.

No, I want the metal takers in the front.

And a sign, too.

Thanks. You in the carrot suit.

Where's your ID?

Next time, wear it.

Now go make a salad. Make yourself useful.

Can I get a soy latte?

Ms. Irons is where?

An emergency meeting with Arafat.

If it's not one, it's the other.

Our contract with VIP guarantees me the services of everyone.

Please make sure she understands that.

As for my schedule, on the 7th, I'm in Belgium for a trade summit.

We'll be returning home on Air Force One. Hope you don't mind bunking with

Secretary of State.

On the 15th, we're in Bora Bora.

Quick, I trust you can scuba dive?

I do.

Now?

Johnny, how's your Cantonese?

I seriously doubt Zheng Zemin will fall for that one.

Crack the books. We're in Beijing on the 18th.

Nikki, I need you in New Delhi on the 21st. I hope you can handle these

missile tests because they can be a real bore.

Oops.

I mean, I can take it or leave it. Try leaving it. As long as you're working

me, there won't be any unnecessary explosions.

Asked this afternoon.

The latest container ship in my fleet requires christening.

Can you please secure the area for my arrival?

I'd be happy to.

One more thing.

Your clothing seems a little inappropriate for a corporate setting.

Perhaps we can think of something a little more professional on the way of

draft.

Look, you're taking this.

Same to you.

Listen, I am not wearing this.

Hey! No one's worth messing with my chance to be at ground zero.

Could handle one corporate humiliation.

Your vehicles are ready.

Want to explain this while you still have teeth?

The charge industry insists that its employees drive fuel -assisted cars on

company signs.

Don't forget to punch out.

There are over a thousand names on this list. I cannot security check them all

in 24 hours.

Kate, this is an animal rights event. All you have to do is go to the gate and

look for anyone wearing leather shoes.

Oh, and check their breath.

One whiff of beef jerky or chicken salad, call the cops.

Val, look over there.

That guy looks like a man.

Is he wearing a carrot suit?

No, but he's got a video camera.

And I think he was keeping our security set up.

That's him right there.

We need more shows like World's Worst Plagues.

Disaster.

What's going on?

Did you

kill him?

No. Don't touch him. Don't.

Okay.

1862 Harbor Road.

That's down by the dock.

It's a warehouse owned by L .A. Storage Facilities, a subsidiary of DeFarge

Industries.

As in Cora. This is getting better all the time.

This is Cora's warehouse.

Time to do our thing.

DeFarge Industries.

Our head honcho's on our way down here and we need to secure the dock.

What do you want me to do about it?

You've got an open window in the second story.

I need it closed.

This warehouse is restricted entry.

Look. I get really pissed if I have to repeat myself.

I'm going in. Try it when you're going down.

military issue. The serial numbers are gone.

You know how illegal it is to own gold bricks in the U .S.? This is the real

deal.

What is this supposed to be?

It's an astray.

It's African chimpanzee. They catch the chimpanzee, cut off its hands.

Courier shops pay a fortune for those things under the table.

Per infraction, somebody just racked up about three lifetimes in a federal pen.

The barge into three.

I own thousands of warehouses. You pulled me out of a need of inventory?

The L .A. storage facility I checked.

One of your subsidiaries.

Well, just because I own it doesn't mean I control the content.

Christy. What are you doing here?

Quick. Tasha.

Val found this address in the pocket of a crime suspect.

Oh. If you don't mind, I'd like to look around, ask a few questions.

Defarge Industries is happy to cooperate.

Where are those broken crates?

These are medical supplies for a Turkish relief project. It's been going on for

months.

I'd forgotten about it.

Those weren't here an hour ago.

Then you have the wrong warehouse.

I know what I saw.

Ah, me too.

We should have pocketed some evidence so we could nail her.

Ah, wait a second.

I know someone in here's in court about your shipping line for illegal

smuggling, but we don't know it's her.

Is that what you think?

Or is it just that you can't admit Val back to the right horse?

Get me Cheswick in London, then patch me into Tokyo.

Right away, Mr. Farge.

I want an explanation.

And not the company line.

I have over 3 ,000 employees worldwide.

Not all of them are as bright as you.

Sometimes I have to sweep up the mess.

Look, I'm not going to risk a billion -dollar industry for a couple of monkey

paws. You understand that power is just increased responsibility.

I'm counting on your loyalty.

South African Relief Project.

Okay, sneak in. We get the dirt on Cora, and then we sneak out.

In some law enforcement circles, they call that breaking an intern.

We're not going to break anything, okay?

We have this.

Issued to Valerie Irons Protection from Cora DeFarge herself.

Now, if you're caught or questioned in any manner, the VIP will have to disavow

any knowledge of you.

I've never been disavowed before.

You probably woke up the whole West Side.

You're just mad because I kicked your ass.

I knew it was you.

No, you didn't.

What's going on?

Just passing through.

In night vision goggles?

Nearsighted. Both of us.

Such a curse, having foresight.

You never reported for work. You've been avoiding me. I don't know what's going

on here, but I'm going to find out.

At least someone knows the meaning of the word loyalty around here.

Handcuff them and then call the police.

Yeah, but I'm a little curious.

You said your last security team was eliminated?

It's not true. I checked. They got on a plane. Your plane. And we never heard

from again.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Either I get some answers or we start protecting someone else.

Like who? PETA? I don't think so.

We have a contract.

Apparently you haven't read the fine print.

VIP is exclusive to Defarge Industries. I own you lost stock.

And uniform.

Do you go to prison with them or call the police?

What's it going to be?

Take a grisby.

And we never got to work together.

What a pity.

Talk about employee loyalty.

Go ahead.

Stab the figurehead in the back. Live and let die. Well, you're not going to

have Val to kick around anymore.

Shut up, Val.

Sure, go ahead. Diss me. Throw me in the clink. It's a far, far better place

than I go to.

Okay, maybe not far better.

I liked Maui a lot.

I am so glad I wore clean underwear.

I'm going to need some handcuffs for them.

and I thought you called... The weather phone. Things are about to heat up.

Let's see if we can get some answers.

Okay, we gotta do it fast because the PETA thing is gonna start in a few

minutes. Let's go.

Stop.

I think he stole Cora's Christmas card list. This is a bunch of famous people.

Click on a name.

Oh, my God.

Alex Baldwin wears 100 % cotton shorts.

I knew there was a reason I liked him.

That's a P .I. list.

Those are all his political affiliations and every rally he's been to for the

last two years.

There's Paul McCartney.

This isn't a Rolodex. This is a Hitler.

Try this one.

Cape Town, South Africa.

Container shipment 263 content.

30 surface -to -air missiles.

Gold ore, uncut diamonds.

Animal skins.

Lion, gazelle, and mountain gorilla?

That's Cora's signature.

There's no risk in a billion -dollar business. This is how she built it. If

found out about this, they would destroy her.

She knew PETA would try and hire VIP because of Val's reputation.

And she lured us in with that phony video ad to keep us under her thumb.

The PETA bomb scare? It's Cora behind it. Okay, I'll get quick and Johnny will

try and stop Cora's shipment.

That leaves me and Val to save PETA.

It's true.

You were the only one that stood by her when she needed someone.

But we need firepower, and that's Nikki. Call Nikki and have her meet Val at the

PETA event.

Show some respect.

Come up here.

We lost her.

Here it is. Crate 263.

South African Relief Project.

Got him.

Make yourselves comfortable.

I'm honored to introduce to you, Paul McCartney.

Wait. She doesn't want to kill anybody. She just wants to disrupt the event.

Come on, you stupid

rat. Get off your pizza.

It was in her purse.

It's small.

It's lightweight.

She had to hide it somewhere where no one would think of looking.

I hope you're here. I hope you're in.

Stand on the run.

Mickey, that's Cindy from the 52.

He switched to a blue wig.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Okay. Now what do we do?

Normally toss it over the wall and blow up Melrose.

Okay. And normally what do we do? We find a bump or something absorbent and

spongy and stick it really deep.

It has so many uses.

It's sealed.

Did you know that if you took all of the shipping crates in the world and

stacked them end to end, it would go around the equator twice?

Okay.

Just thought we'd like to know.

We need to get this door open.

I got it.

All the MREs.

I was ready to eat.

Which means there's definitely got to be Sterno in here.

Uh -huh.

Sterno. Sterno, flower, gunpowder.

Time to make a Siberian two -play. Open them up.

I can't just leave it there.

Take it out to sea and dump it. I'll be on the boat.

I'm glad you can't put that baking cloth together.

You guys might want to take cover.

Johnny, come on.

Come on.

Are you wonderful people?

It's gorgeous to see you all here. Thank you very much for coming.

I'm very proud on behalf of my whole family. Now, listen, pal. I'm not

protecting the Rainforest Rally. I'm still itching from the last tree I hung.

Let's get a little milk for the rain.

Mickey, okay, you can protect the Rainforest Rally, and you can do the

festival, and Johnny can protect the people.

Uh, how far out in the sea do I have to swim?

Better buy some water wings.

These beautiful creatures that we share the planet with are just our neighbors.

All we need to do is just be better neighbors.

So, it's my pleasure to kick things off by introducing the one and only

Valerian.

You're on. Come on, Val.

Yeah.

Thank you, Pluto.

Thank you, Paul.

Peter may be the biggest animal rights group on the planet, but we're just

getting started and we need everybody's help. And I'd like to ask each of you to

make a new millennium resolution to educate yourself and others to help stop

senseless cruelty.

Good for Val.

Yeah. And she's right. She's right.

I've always been... Pete's working for Cora.

Cora thought she could buy us out of protecting Peter.

Mm -hmm.

She didn't count on one thing.

Okay, admit it. Val was right about Cora.

I just wish we had been able to bring her in.

And they never found the body.

A big ocean.

Fish food.

Maybe.

I'm very honored.

Touché, Valerie Iron.

Until we meet again.