Original subtitles

Easy now, girl. There's plenty to go around.

Good Lord.

I'll be zero.

Being L .A.'s hottest artist definitely has its perks.

This is dreaming. I don't want to wake up.

If he was still at the bomb, he wouldn't need us.

You know, I've got a sketchy print.

Hey, dog.

Hey, my beautiful people.

Not a bad guy yet?

Actually,

it's a bad girl.

Yeah, that's my favorite kind.

Hey, drink some food on the house for this group.

Thanks, Wellie.

Okay, so some mystery gal bursts into Bobby's house, totally freaks him out.

That is so not the way to think of a hot guy. Well, I don't think she was caught

in them.

Bobby.

Bobby.

Hold on.

You have to do that. That is such a turnoff.

She's clean.

Sketch me, Bobby?

I'd love to.

You've got a killer look.

Wow, that chin.

Those cheeks.

Nice.

You get a great pose, darling. Delicious.

Okay. There's your sketch.

Thank you.

All right, Relic. I need a refill. Got it.

Bobby. You've been avoiding me.

Well, excuse me.

When's your next auction?

Monday at the Holtz Gallery.

Oh, my God. It's you, isn't it? You're the one who broke into my loft?

I need that hand to paint. We must talk.

You're breaking my arm. I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. What are you

painting next?

Help. It's her.

Stay with us.

Not going to catch a nap.

What kind of a super stalker was that?

Hi, this is the girl working at a hot dog stand when a movie star asked me out

on a date.

I happened to save his life, and so in order to save Ace, he told everybody

I'm a professional bodyguard.

Which, of course, I am not. Trust me. So then I was asked to be a figurehead at

a bodyguard agency, and they said I'd never have to use any weapon or be in

danger. And I always am.

Nice bird.

Top speed 120 with 100 -mile cruise range.

Now, this baby can be dismantled and fit in the trunk of your car.

That's when you can say, booyah.

What's the billet?

Thirty -two.

Thank you.

I can get one shipped from Korea for about twenty -eight and a half.

Thanks for the ride.

Wait, wait, hold up, hold up. All right, ladies, all right.

Thirty -thousand, and I'm throwing a deluxe arm pack.

Booyah. Box it up.

What? Any buzz on the aquastalker?

She's beautiful, has a foreign accent, and likes the beach.

That covers half the bimbos in L .A.

I'm running her jets through Interpol.

No matches yet.

We need to move Bobby to the penthouse for safety.

He'll work there to get ready for the stalking he has coming up.

Val has to put down drop cloth.

We don't want any paint on the furniture.

Better than on his canvas.

Bobby Zero is a respected artist.

His paintings sell for more than the gross national product of chestnut.

Stop lame.

Say something.

No. People.

Okay, Bobby's attending a pre -auction party tonight. We need to set up the

and the ears of the gallery. Let's go.

What, you know I'm a collector?

$10 ,000?

That's a weak supply C4 for me.

Ah, so, you're the ones keeping my star in one piece.

Stephen Holtz, gallery owner. I'm the exclusive agent for Bobby Zero.

Once we get our equipment up, we'll be out of your way.

Gallery's closed until this evening. Place is all yours.

Do you have any idea who Bobby's secret admirer might be? Ah, Bobby has no

shortage of followers.

Johnny Lowe, one of our associates.

Nice to meet you. Yes, you too.

Ceiling security's camera up and running.

My, my, my, you people are good.

Show off.

Excuse me, I have a phone call.

I don't want any distractions.

I'm sure this stalker is just some overzealous fan, sir.

I've... Hired a bodyguard. Just take care of it. Fill me the next project.

This is the last one.

Actually, there are three more to do.

When I arrive, I want Xero's paintings completed with the proper color schemes.

Yes, sir, Mr. Van Loder. I'll handle it.

national treasure under our roof.

Yes. Being the figurehead of the most famous bodyguard agency in the world

not suck.

Oh

my

gosh, I think he's sucking me out.

I think he wants to paint you.

Shut up.

Would you get me some orange juice?

No, he didn't.

Speaking of juices, my creative ones need stimulation. This stale muller,

it's just not doing it for me, Val.

Did you just call our place stale?

A stale donut.

Well, you're going to need a cork, buddy, because we're going to stimulate

juices until you burst.

Uh -oh, what's going on here?

Time into the ballast, here.

Mmm, you gotta get it now.

Okay. You ready, Val?

Right foot, yellow.

You can do it, Val. You can do it. Rise like a serpent. Rise like a serpent. I

love the shape. The symmetry is so beautiful.

I'm asleep.

Perfect.

Okay, I'll get it.

Okay,

you. Do not move. Okay.

Hello.

Ah, you're going to have to amputate my foot. No.

Bobby.

What's with her?

Twister acting.

For your next masterpiece,

in shades of purple, if you don't mind.

Purple.

Purple. Purple.

What if I'm feeling chartreuse?

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, ours is not to question why.

Purple, if you don't mind.

When my hot tub heater broke, well, it was quite a surprise.

That's when I fathered Frosty Surprise.

Broken wings of love.

A melancholy encounter with an injured butterfly inspired this piece.

If this guy was any more full of hot air, he'd have taken off.

Can you feel it?

Can you feel the vibration?

Huh? Do you feel the love?

The butterfly.

Papillon in French.

Okay, now that's what I'm talking about. That's a bomb.

That's not my work.

Steven! We're at Sea of Tranquility. Steven!

What's the problem?

We're at Sea of Tranquility.

Let's do a little painting mix -up and Bobby's starting to hyperventilate. Take

a chill pill and then take him in the back room and find the right one.

I mean, how do you lose a painting? I don't know. Where did you put it?

I didn't. Steven put it somewhere. I don't know where he put it.

Let me... What happened to the alley guy? It's her.

Get those tires.

I know I did. I did too.

They're bulletproof.

Who are those guys?

I wonder if they felt the blast inside.

What the hell was that?

Nicky.

Are you okay?

No.

And neither is that canvas.

This kind of stalker uses a bulletproof escape van as backup.

My new fear is bullying.

Thank you for your wisdom, old great Zen master.

Guys, come take a look at this.

This is playback from the gallery's surveillance camera.

That's one hell of a flashlight.

Actually, that's a modified infrared resonance scanner.

Basically an x -ray pipe.

When did Stalker start carrying those?

She's no stalker.

More like an art thief.

Oh, yeah. Their role in the creative process is crucial.

Inspire!

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Slowly on, big guy.

Wait, but... What?

I need inspiration. This is how I create.

Not in this house.

Come on, girls.

Charlie Sheen's going to be sending a cab for you.

Adios. Vaya con Dios. Mamacita.

Bobby.

What's going on here?

Well, hello to you too, Stephen.

The auction is Monday.

Finish it.

Then I need two more. I can't just splatter paint up there. I'm an artist.

Not a bricklayer, okay?

No, no, no, no, no.

You are whatever I say you are.

The critics are always looking for a new darling, and this year I told them it

was you.

Two more.

By Monday.

Mr. H just flipped the script.

Totally.

We better keep an eye on him.

Nikki, Holt's making a pickup at the airport.

Tell him.

Toss will meet up with you.

Love to.

Oh, looks like Bobby Bobby needs a creative jolt.

I know.

Get your butt out of the swamp and do what you do best. Yeah, make like a van

and go. Paint, paint like the wind.

I don't know.

It's going to take some heavy doing and firing.

Well, how do we drop Twister?

I have an idea.

Keep going. Don't slow me down.

biggest American art collectors coming to the auction. I don't want any

problems. I made my point.

You'll finish.

Excuse me, Mr. Holt.

I found this in the back.

What should I do with it?

Who's the artist?

Unknown.

Original, angry, raw energy.

Well, register it for the auction.

It makes much money.

Yes, Mr. Holt.

She's a little more so.

Is she available?

Spoken for.

By one of Bobby's art assistants.

Pity. It's just my time.

Well, contact the agency. Have them send up a girl.

The usual.

Not a problem.

Johnny, where are you?

Johnny.

Have

you

ever heard of knocking?

Why are you harassing our client?

I don't want any trouble from you.

It's a little late for that, isn't it?

You're making a mistake.

Hi, darling.

D -I -A -K -G -B

-M -I -5.

Married four times?

You get around, Tasha Dexter.

Who are you?

One move and you're dead.

I was just going to do the same thing.

Maybe it's some kind of secret code.

I think it's a whole other painting.

It's a Van Gogh.

Don't make me use these.

It's all right, Val.

Ronit's a friend.

Are you okay?

I'm not the one who got my ass kicked.

Ronit's with the Mossad, Israeli intelligence.

Tracking down stolen Nazi treasures like this one.

Ten works have been moved from Switzerland to Argentina and then to

day. Holton's a fence.

Ben Loder's the seller.

Well, what does that make Bobby?

I think they call it a sucker.

Van Loder had the idea to cover masterpieces with primer and then have a

work painted over.

Bobby's prices were trumped up to establish cover.

The works were then turned over to Van Loder's buyers at a phony auction.

Great. I'm the art world's version of Milli Vanilli.

You guys just need to kick some ass and go get those paintings.

We will.

As soon as Holt springs them out of hiding for the auction.

Well, look at the bright side.

At least Bobby doesn't have a stalker anymore.

Thanks. Just send me the bill. I'm going to Palisades Park.

Is that something I said?

He'll be okay. We've got an idea how to figure out Ben Loader's next move.

Ben Loader holding up the Pacific Hotel into the auction.

You could bug his room.

Earth to Johnny.

I'm good, but I'm not invisible.

You don't have to be.

Can the Zen talk?

What did you find out while playing Spider -Man?

Well, uh, he ordered his call girl to his room.

You know, he likes him spunking and, uh...

So I was thinking, um... I know what you're thinking.

You're pimping me out now, is that it? Wait, wait.

I mean, this is for the good of the team, right?

Unless you have a problem with it.

No, I mean, no problem here.

I mean,

I guess if you're cool with that.

Well, we're only talking about bugging his room, right?

Enter.

You painting something, buckaroo?

Yes, you.

Kinky. Linda, are you comfortable?

Oh, baby.

He's a killer.

Oh, let me kill some more of that dog of you.

Baby, let me paint that dynamo. Morning.

For the cost of facial.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, the whip.

You are a beast.

You're a whore.

No games.

You will strip now.

I paid good money for you.

What do I look like, some bloody call girl?

Yeah. Wrong.

Technicolor dude.

I'm out of here.

I must.

I must.

You know, I think I'm going to miss Bobby Bobby.

I know.

We have his painting.

Yeah, they use him as a figurehead. He's so dirty. He's so mean.

You don't think he's really going to throw himself off the victim at

Park, do you?

No, I mean, he's a drama queen, but he's not going to be that stupid.

Yeah, because, you know, he has so much to live for.

Yeah, I know. So much to live for.

Like, uh... Like... Like, um... How do you think of so many things?

He wouldn't do that. No, I mean... I've got to find him. You've got to find him.

Go.

my hard drive, but I finally got something on Ronit.

Don't bother.

Ronit's a friend.

Did your friend happen to mention that 20 years ago her entire family was

slaughtered by Czechoslovakian communist agents?

Looks like Bobby might want to reconsider hiring us.

Let's find him.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Bobby!

Don't do it. You're too young to die.

I mean, I know your life is a total brick, and it's not even worth living,

look at the bright side.

You have both your ears.

You're way ahead of that Van Gogh guy.

Relax. I wasn't going to jump.

Oh, good. Thank God.

I didn't even know where I was going with that whole ear thing anyway.

Lots of Jones to paint, Val.

Well, Max and I will inspire you.

It's not that. I don't want to be an artist anymore.

Why? You have what every single guy in Hollywood would die for.

Chicks?

Name recognition.

You're a celebrity, okay? That's even better than being a movie star.

You don't have to do anything, and you're famous.

I don't do it.

You're right. Bobby Zero doesn't have to paint to be happy. I mean... Oh, wow.

This is so amazing.

Val, I... For the first time, I feel so free.

I... You're coming with us.

How much for freedom?

Complete the two paintings with the colors I've provided.

I don't think so, Buster. His painting days are over.

Whoa.

I've just been inspired.

What about irons?

Kill her.

Boy, I'm sure glad I took that painting course at UCLA Extension.

You can use them both until the auction.

Once it's over, we'll kill them both.

Enough of the Peeve and Tom business.

My trigger finger's itching for action.

Big surprise.

Look, we can't leave Val and Bobby hanging like this.

We must hold off until the auction.

Bernie's right.

Val and Bobby are safe until the auction.

If we rescue them now, she'll never get the panties. Whatever.

It will work.

Unless the world's greatest bodyguard decides to try something daring and

everything off.

I doubt it.

No way.

Highly unlikely.

Finally, something I agree with.

Twenty -seven. Do I hear twenty -seven? Twenty -seven, very good. Do I hear

twenty -eight? Twenty -eight, twenty -eight, last call, final warning.

Twenty -eight, going once, twice, and sold at twenty -eight.

Oh, first one's up next.

Frosty Surprise by Bobby Zero.

Catalogue number thirty -seven. Opening bid is...

50 ,000.

50 ,000. Do we have a 55?

It's going very well. Nine more and we get rid of these two.

We're going to die.

What are you going to call in the cavalry?

Do we have a 65?

Do I hear a 65?

Do I hear a 65?

$65. Madam.

I meant 65 ,000.

What, for that hungry crap? Are you kidding?

65.

65. Do I hear 65?

How do I know it's not a fake?

I don't care if it's a fake. I'll take it.

Rita, I didn't know you were an art collector.

I'm not. My mother -in -law is visiting me. I have 37 minutes to redecorate my

guest room. That doesn't give you very much time.

She's like that.

75.

Val, is that weird guy your date?

No, he's trying to kill me.

Oh, I just recently completed a course in self -defense. Would you care for me

to name him?

No. Ouch. Not right now. It's okay. I think I have it under control. Just keep

playing. Excuse me. She's just kidding.

You sit here and shop.

Do I hear a 78?

78 says Canadian.

I wonder if the lady would mind getting into the spirit of things.

Eighty -five cents, and I'll give it to you in shiny new pennies. See, that's

the spirit. That's the spirit. I'm going to bet a dollar.

Madam.

If you don't refrain yourself from this behavior, I will be called to another

security. We have to get out of here.

We haven't sold the paintings.

You stay here. I'm leaving.

Move now.

Valerie, Valerie, if you ever need a new bodyguard, please call me. I would love

to. The map.

Thank you.

I'm going after Van Loader.

You get the painting.

Here, take my car.

Don't you scum!

I'm done.

Hey, do you copy? I'm here, Tasha.

I've got you and Van Loader on my computer screen.

Don't let him get you out over the ocean. He'll outrun you.

I'll push him east.

Pass me the Van Loader's radio frequency.

One Van Loader gram.

Coming up.

Thank you.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I just get up.

Phew. Uh -oh.

Tata, your tank is flashing empty.

It might not be the best time for a dog fight.

I'm staying on it. I'm the weapon.

Tata, I'm serious.

You've got less than two minutes.

So stubborn sometimes.

Machine gun and missiles online.

Use the red button on the control handle for the machine gun.

That loader was enough.

That was just a warning shot.

I'm on the missiles, and I won't have to take you out if you do not land

immediately.

Tori, we don't think so.

He's right, Tasha. If you miss, you'll take out a dive scraper.

Tasha, you're running on fumes now. Please land.

Hey, Tasha, stop it with the missiles.

You got him boxed in.

You want to explain that?

Justice served.

Van Loder.

He's the check agent that massacred your family.

You never cared about the paintings.

I had my priorities. You would have done the same.

You're wrong.

I don't mislead friends.

You'll understand.

Maybe we'll work together again sometime.

Cops are everywhere.

Pull your disappearing act or you won't be working with anybody.

I've been thinking about that name recognition thing.

And since it's adios to art for me, how about this? How about this?

Bobby Zero's Recycled Art Supplies.

That sucks.

No, no, just wait a second. I'm just going to work my magic with your name.

come up with something.

I would do.

This was a killer idea. I can't thank you enough.

To Ground Zero, the coolest coffee house on the left coast.

Oh, wait, wait. I gotta show you guys something. Come here.

Look at it.

Ta -da!

My emerging artist queen.

whole new career.

I think I'll stick to what I do best.

Blowing things up.

Are you sure, Nikki?

Because these puppies have been drawing quite a lot of attention.

Hey, speaking of paintings, did you guys recover all ten of those stolen

masterpieces? Oh, yeah. Ronit's task force has them under lock and key.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

Rumor has it that they're having a hard time getting one back.

I don't know why.

No! No! Stop!

You can't take my mango!

You can't take my mango! We were just getting to know each other!

really well, and he's really my long -lost uncle!

His sister's brother died!

It's mine! I'm gonna cut off my ear! I need it! It's mine!