Original subtitles

Where is Coltero? We've got $10 million worth of diamonds here and no one to

protect.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. That's what I get for hiring some...

celebrity bodyguard.

He's just a has -been TV star.

Oh,

now I remember your TV show, Private D.

I used to watch that show when I was a little, little, little, little girl.

Not long ago.

Would you do that pose?

Oh, and say the thing you used to say.

You mean... Time to cash out.

There's a boat coming up from behind.

Freeze!

Hands up!

Freeze! Hands up!

Shut down the engine.

Now!

Take off the jewels and put them in the bag.

Put them in the bag.

Hurry up! Hey, easy.

We'll cooperate.

No need to get rough.

It sounded like an explosion.

No, no, it's just the boat settling.

Quick, wait.

Nice to meet you.

I know I heard a gunshot this time.

Shouldn't you check it out?

All right.

Okay, okay, easy. Nobody else get hurt.

Especially me.

Free.

Colt, where were you?

I radioed you they were coming. You could have stopped them from boarding

ship. Well, I was tied up.

Besides, Quick and Tasha have it under control.

Huh? Get down.

Time to cash out, punks.

Tasha, Quick, tie these punks up.

Nicky, you notify the authorities.

These people all work for you?

I always have associates working undercover.

I was just waiting for the right time to spring the trap.

You're diamonds, I presume?

You're a genius.

Now that I've saved the day, I did notice one of your models was a little

frightened down below.

I think I better check on her.

What an amazing man.

Cool as a cucumber.

How long have all you guys worked for?

Too long.

Just...

James, what are we having today?

Crepes du bec?

Eggs benedict?

No, it's your favorite.

A hot dog?

I don't like hot dogs. You love hot dogs.

They're all you eat.

Hot dogs.

Hot dogs.

Hot dogs. Hot dogs.

Hot dogs.

Hot dogs.

I say, can I have a hot dog? No.

No.

Welcome to Tale of the Pups.

What kind of hot dog can I get you? A chili dog.

What extra chili?

Chili dog, extra chili.

Coming up.

There has to be something in there.

Welcome to L .A., honey.

What did you think? You'd hop off the bus and become rich and famous

Well, if it's not a dream.

Oh, look, there's a limo. A limo.

Where's the limo?

I don't know what that is.

It's, um... Oh, my God!

It's Bracelet! That's Bracelet! You are Bracelet!

You caught me. Uh -huh.

Could I have a hot dog, a little mustard, no onions?

Do you want a hot dog?

Even movie stars have to eat. Yes, you do.

Yes, you do.

Oh, no, don't worry about it. It's on me. It's on her. Yeah, you'll give me

something to write home about. Thank you.

Thank you very much. You're welcome. You are welcome. You're so welcome.

You know,

that was really nice of you.

I hope you'll give me the opportunity to pay you back.

Maybe take you out to dinner?

Dinner?

My new film premiere is Friday. I don't have a date.

Would you like to come with me?

You don't have a date?

Sure.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'd love to go.

Well, you're my lawyer. Deal with it.

I've called that boy for years.

They've got everything they need to get you on tax fraud. Oh, poppycock. How can

they get me on tax fraud? I don't pay any taxes.

That's the point.

All that money you've been hiding over disease, you have to bring it back and

pay what you owe today, or the IRS is throwing you in jail.

All right.

Didn't realize it was this serious.

Let me just straighten a few things out, and I'll call you this afternoon.

Bye.

Call Tarot Security Services.

Hello, Kay, baby. This is Cold Arrow. I want you to book me on a noon flight to

the Grand Cayman Islands.

I'll be dropping by to pick up a few things.

Right, boss. Do you want a town car to take you to the airport?

Capital idea, Kay. And listen, anyone who calls in from here on, you don't

where I am.

Right, boss.

Time to cash out.

Punk.

Brad Cliff invites you out on a date and you don't know if you want to go?

I didn't say I wasn't going.

Why would he ask me?

Have you looked at yourself in the mirror since puberty?

I can't afford to buy anything for a Hollywood premiere.

I keep telling you I'll lend you the money to buy yourself something. And

when you get rich and famous, you can pay me back in style.

Are you sure this is where the starshop? Yeah, yeah. I just saw Angeline here

the other day.

Where are you going? To a funeral?

Okay.

Sweet, sweet. What, do you want to church now?

Look, you got it. You got it all.

Let it out. Let it all out. Am I right?

Let it back in.

Back in. Who's going to rest it in bed?

One,

two, buddy.

For the first day.

But you might sit down for when you need to close the deal.

She's starting to get the idea of what I'm going after here.

You understand.

That's it.

Oh, my goodness.

Cinderella with an attitude.

Elegant.

Not too available.

Well, see, now that's what the matching purse is for.

Let Maxine show you a little something that she learned on the way to the

laundromat.

If Mr. Movistar gets out of line, you handle him like this.

And then he's a gentleman again.

We'll take it.

Make sure the funds are transferred.

I am not taking another bullet for that jerk.

If you go, I go. Let's face it. We all should have gone long ago.

Look, the three of us make a great team. We could start our own company.

Why not?

How about Tasha Dexter and Associates?

What could be more glamorous than an ex -model who spied for the CIA?

I never worked for the CIA.

Oops, I forgot.

You're not allowed to talk about that.

But Dexter isn't your real name, is it?

Too bad the Cold War ended.

Otherwise you wouldn't be begging for work.

Better yet, how about Mickey Franco and company?

Everyone in law enforcement knows of the New York Francos.

I never got mixed up in my uncle's business.

More the pity.

Given both your shady backgrounds, Quick Williams and partner, that might be a

natural idea.

Oh, yes.

We all bet on the young Quick going into his middleweight championship fight

until he was disqualified under our charges.

I was framed because I wouldn't take a dime.

We quit, Colt.

This time with Rue.

You owe us $5 ,000 each for the last job.

We want it in cash.

Fine. You know, they all turned on me in episode 13 as well.

But I survived then, and I survive now.

I just think it's a shame it has to end on such a bad note.

I was about to offer you all a very sweet deal.

But you're not interested?

Your ticket to Grand Cayman.

The town car is waiting for you out front.

Thank you, Kitty.

I think I'll miss you most of all.

You know, with my name and your abilities, Cold Arrow Security became

in celebrity protection.

After all your hard work, I hate to sell it to strangers, but... Wait a second.

Slow down.

You're selling the entire business? The offices, the jet, the guns?

No.

I'm holding a garage sale and selling them off piece by piece before I fly out

in an hour.

What I'm saying is that this whole thing could be yours, if you want it. Plus

the great cold arrow name and the slogan, time to cash out bunk.

What's your bid? Quarter million?

Hundred thousand?

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll sell it to you for $5 ,000 a piece.

Deal? I want to see the fine print.

I want to see a contract.

I want to see the book.

All right.

There's the fine print.

You fill it out however you want.

So, goodbye.

Good luck.

And I'll even toss in the jag.

Wow.

He just sold you the whole company with a blank contract.

So, why do I feel so dirty?

Because somehow, someway, he's...

Done it to us again.

You look nice.

I've got great instincts about people.

I knew right away that you'd clean up good.

Thank you.

It's tough on me, you know.

I never date the same girl twice.

I can believe that.

My female fans want to know that I'm unattached.

Keeps them dreaming.

Besides, a guy like me should have spread himself around.

Don't you agree?

I think he should be spread around.

Funny thing, I don't date the same person twice either.

And driving up now is the star of Cruel Justice, Mr. Brad Cliff.

It may have looked like I grabbed her as a shield, but actually she leapt in

front of me and I was trying to push her out of the way.

Why would she leap into the path of a gunman?

Well, because she's a professional bodyguard.

A bodyguard?

The best.

I could have taken care of that guy, but hey, it's her job.

If she insisted that in this type of situation, I should drop to my knees

her. For her safety as well as my own.

So you're a bodyguard to the stars.

Yeah, I'm a bodyguard.

So as a professional bodyguard, you're trained to handle these situations.

You weren't afraid?

No, no, I wasn't afraid.

I do this all the time.

This is Liz Smith reporting in the aftermath of Brad Cliff's latest movie

premiere, where the real star was the celebrated bodyguard Valerie Irons.

one of Hollywood's unsung heroines. I first met Valerie when she was

Babs at the... Irons is well known in Hollywood, where her clients are rumored

to include Madonna, Tom Cruise, and Harrison Ford.

This recent attack highlights the growing need for celebrities to hire

-profile... So the competition heats

up.

And he's on the run from the IRS.

So much for the great Colt Aronay. Wait a second, Kay. You said we had a million

sticks in Athens.

We do.

But... It's all in personal loan to Colt. But what about the jet, the cars,

offices, the penthouse?

Everything is under long -term lease. We don't own anything.

So we're broke?

Well, comparing outstanding receivables... No, no, no. Jump past the

talk. What's in the bank cash?

$210. I knew it. He took us again.

So if we liquidated the company, it wouldn't even be worth the $15 ,000 that

gave him.

Actually, um, it's just a little worse than that.

It would cost $100 ,000 to cut the company down.

Here you go.

Don't I know you?

No, you don't. Thank you.

Okay, I got it. We call the globe. We find out how much they're willing to pay

for the inside story of how Valerie Irons has read...

Cliff got secretly engaged.

I'm not going to do that. Okay.

Okay, even better.

The inside story of you protecting Ellen from gay basher. I'm not a bodyguard,

okay? I felt sorry for him.

Okay, fine, fine. I wasn't afraid at all. I do this all the time.

I'm a terrible liar. This whole thing's going to blow up in my face.

Okay. Well, then fine. We'll tell the inside story of how you fooled

No.

No. Forget it.

I'm going to think of something.

You're looking at this in the wrong way.

It's a very successful company.

It grosses $3 to $4 billion a year. That had to be worked out without cold

arrow. He was right about one thing. Famous people like famous names, or at

least semi -famous names.

I've got to eat something.

Why couldn't we get someone else for name value?

Semi -famous figurehead.

This time we get a fair share of the profits.

Sure. Let's just call up Valerie Irons. I'm sure she's not busy.

Valerie Irons? Okay, okay. It was a dumb idea. Don't rub it in.

You know what? There's something funny about that whole thing.

I mean, how come we have never heard of this Valerie Irons?

Yeah, that's me.

Oh, but you're like... I made up this little thing, okay? I mean, I'm not a

bodyguard.

Cover the exits.

Did you want a hot dog?

Oh, Detective Grisby.

Myron Green. How do you do? Mr. Cliff's personal manager.

Thank you both for coming, but where's Valerie Irons? I assume she went

everywhere with her.

What?

Oh, the bodyguard.

Right. I, uh, I let her go.

She was too expensive.

You still got that guy locked up, don't you?

Oh, we do, but this isn't over.

Did you find out why he wanted to kill Brad?

His name is Frank Shackle.

He's a right -hand man to Jackson Assar, the head of the Texas Mad Dog Militia,

an anti -government fringe group.

Sound familiar?

Assar. Mad Dog.

Vaguely. But let me refresh your memory.

The scene from your latest movie.

So.

The fearless Jackson Nassar.

Crying like a little girl.

You're not so brave without your guns and your mad dog militia, are you,

Nassar?

You and all your anti -government militia buddies make me want to puke.

You think you're patriots?

You're nothing but a bunch of cowardly whiners that can't act in the real

Oh, yeah.

I remember now. You see, I like to rewrite my lines, and I saw this

article about this militia group and... You used the name of a real night...

What, are you crazy?

What? Thought I'd give the film a touch of reality.

What? You think there's some kind of connection between all this?

Valerie Irons Protection, VIP.

It'll be the hottest name in high -profile security.

And we'll take care of everything.

You'll never be in any danger.

You won't even have to carry a gun.

You'll probably never even leave the office.

You'll get an expense account, company car, corporate jet, and a suite at a

luxury hotel.

You'll probably clear better than half a million a year.

The only downside is you'll have to dine at the best restaurants, stay at the

finest hotels, and hang out with famous people.

Wow.

Never have I wanted something more than listening.

Never have I listened so closely to

what you're saying. You couldn't hurt me if it's right.

you get this car? Well, get in. I want to tell you all about it. No, I'm not

getting in. I'm working here. I can't get in. Take a break. I can't take a

break. She's not going to give me a break. She's taking a break.

I'm not taking a break. Get in the jet. I'm going to show you my new penthouse.

Penthouse. Sunset Boulevard.

Sunset Boulevard.

Get in.

I'm taking a break. I'm taking a break. And I quit.

This is the car.

Everyone's ready to move out.

Good.

This time we'll launch a full -scale war to get close.

Look at how many Hollywood hot shots he has protecting him.

Nobody stops Jackson.

Nobody.

place don't you think oh it's like a hotel look at this hollywood sign indoor

outdoor pool oh man is this real home it's beautiful it's gorgeous this is

kind of weird these pictures yeah it's kind of creepy him staring at us like

this you know with you taking his car and his pin out well he's stuck him with

long -term lease they had to give it to somebody and i am the world's most

famous bodyguard

I hope he doesn't have to wear his clothes, too.

This is so cool.

Peter?

I wonder what this big red button does.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Um... Tell me again what happened to the old figurehead. Was he killed or

something?

They promised me I'd never even touch a gun, so... I'm sure we can just...

Get rid of all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. Val, are you sure you've thought this

the way through?

I really like the jag.

I got the phone listing changed already.

We should put a giant portrait of Val right there.

Enough with the portraits.

Let's go upscale with some art deco furniture, impressionist paintings.

Boring. Let's strip the walls and go industrial with graffiti, black leather.

Hey, hey, let's make sure this idea works before we sink any money into

remodeling.

With that nut and a star running around, the police can't provide enough

security. We have to call Valerie Irons. I don't care what it costs. She's the

best. My Brad deserves the best.

I forget her number.

I guess we'll have to find someone else.

Don't be ridiculous.

Madeline!

Give me Valerie Iron's number. I need to speak to her immediately.

Yes, sir. I think it's unlisted.

I've got it. Valerie Iron's Protection.

VIP. They're in direct resistance.

They are?

Valerie Iron's Protection?

Yes.

We've already got our first client.

Sounds like a big one.

I think.

Could I ask you to hold one moment, please?

It's Radcliffe's manager.

You want to talk to Valerie? It's an emergency.

Cliff's manager?

Well, Cliff knows she's a fake. They're trying to blackmail us. No.

He has to keep this a secret more than we do.

Maybe he hasn't even told his manager yet. Even worse. This could all blow up

she takes the job.

I'll handle it.

This is Tasha Dexter, Ms. Irons' lead associate.

I thought you finished her work for Mr. Cliff.

Jackson Nassar?

Mad Dog Militia?

She's...

Expensive for around -the -clock protection.

$25 ,000 a day, plus expenses and a $100 ,000 retainer. $25 ,000? We never...

What?

All right, of course.

He said fine.

He's coming down with a cashier's check.

What are we going to do? For $25 ,000 a day, whatever the hell they want.

Call Valerie. Tell her to get down here fast. She should wear something

appropriate.

Tell her to dress the part.

Amazing what you can order from me.

You

know,

Val, I've been thinking.

So you get shot at every once in a while.

Take a bullet here or there.

I mean, it beats working at a hot dog stand.

Maxine? Maxine!

Hello? Hey, I'm sorry. My mind wandered.

I gotta go. They called already. They have some kind of job offer.

Oh, wait, wait, hey, hey. You know, Val, I've been thinking. You're leaving me

in a bind.

But with having to find a new roommate and our apartment wasn't so hot and

there's an extra bedroom.

Statistically, it is not safe for a girl to live alone in a luxury Pantone. See,

see, you're reading my mind. Would you please move in with me? Well, I don't

know about... You're messy.

Okay, forget it. We're not just kidding. We're not just kidding.

I want to move in. Thank you.

Okay, well, what am I supposed to wear? I gotta go.

Um, um, um... What does a famous female bodyguard dress like?

Dress to kill, honey.

Dress to kill.

Oh, I don't know just what to wear.

Flip's heading across town.

Do you want us to run him off the road?

No.

It's not just about him anymore.

I want to send a message to all of Hollywood.

I want Valerie Irons.

She really is a bodyguard.

Yeah, of course. You hired her.

Oh, wait a minute. You didn't hire her, did you?

No. I asked her out on a date. Oh. When that guy came running in out of the...

You lucky S .O .P. Only you.

could ask a pretty girl out on a date, and it's the night you get attacked, and

she just happens to be the best bodyguard in all of Hollywood.

Yeah.

Yeah. She was working undercover at that hot dog stand.

No wonder she took the guy out.

She was pretty upset that I blew her cover with the breath.

Oh, yeah, she's good all right.

Yeah, she's damn good.

I don't know what kind of agency you worked for before, but our dress code is

strictly business attire. Blow off, man. It's a great angle. Besides, Cliff will

be here any second.

But Cliff at first line?

That doesn't make any sense.

As if any of this does.

I knew she was a bodyguard. I was just curious to see what her little game was.

I got a sick sense about these things.

I know another professional when I see one.

And this is your office.

The desk is bulletproof.

Oh, this remote controls the alarm, the light, the emergency escape door, and of

course... You know, I didn't think I was going to be in any danger. You know,

you guys handle the tough stuff. I never touch a gun, remember?

What is all that for?

Nothing.

Cultists have it installed to impress girls.

He used the escape door to leave work early.

I see.

Most of what we do around here is really, really boring.

I'm sure this case will be just like that.

It couldn't be the elevator.

That's Nassar getting out of the van. Another van in the garage, one on each

side of the building.

Looks like he brought the whole militia.

All units, move in.

Be careful.

We'll be able to force Spock to get to a van.

We are on our own.

I am not losing our first client without a fight.

I thought I'd estimate who we're dealing with.

Valerie Irons won't go down without a fight. This is not a business about

It's about common sense.

And people skills, of course.

There's going to be a bloodbath.

We'll try and get Cliff back here on one team.

Okay, call 911.

As if.

Of course, sometimes things do get a little...

Crazy around here.

Well, I counted at least 25.

You think we got a chance?

Nope. Me neither.

She had that 100 -yard stare, that I'm -ready -to -die look.

I remember, nom.

Brad, you never went to nom.

Did a film about me being a nom.

Same thing.

Burned out of face, death, and smear.

Ah!

They're in the lobby. Nikki, stop the elevator!

You could have just pressed the stop button.

I'll pin them down below.

They're coming.

Up the stairwell. Be careful.

Let's go. Welcome to Valerie Irons Protection.

I assume you're Mr. Green.

I was told that you would have a cashier's check for the retainer.

Thank you.

You understand it's non -refundable.

I'll put you in north side.

Move, move!

Nikki, they're coming up the fourth floor stairwell.

Get ready.

Don't take any chances. Just try to keep them pinned down until SWAT gets here.

Nikki, there are too many of them. Retreat until we can join you. You can't

them all on by yourself.

I said retreat.

We got to get down there, Kate.

Get dead meat into the back.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you would follow me this way.

Okay, get behind the desk. It's bulletproof.

If things get too bad out there, escape door.

And, um...

Just in case. Yeah.

Good choice.

Very accurate.

An expert can hit a dime at 100 yards. Well, at least they say.

Nikki's only done it at 20.

If we live through this, I want to read my job description.

Hello, Mr. Plutzmeier. I know they're shooting up your floor.

We're under siege by the Texas Mad Dog militia. Vicki, hold them off. We're on

our way down.

Tasha, I'm in trouble here.

See if you can make it to the stairs.

They've taken over the fifth floor.

Our YVA floor.

I'm blown to Fresno.

Nikki, let's try to do this without destroying the entire building.

You could try.

Put the sun back up.

Party time! Party time!

Hey, pal, pretty slow first day so far.

Hopefully you'll pick up in the afternoon.

Did I mention that you'd never be in any danger?

I'm going to kill those guys.

All right.

Pretty intense.

Regroup on the seventh floor.

Tasha,

be careful. He's right on your tail.

Nikki,

you have got to get those charges set. Quick to Tasha or leave the ground.

Give me one more second.

We were treated to the eighth floor. They've got the seventh floor.

Now they're using the service ladders.

They're coming at you from both sides, Tasha. You've got to get out of there.

That's right.

Who around? You don't stand a chance.

Nicky, we need some help. Get ready with the stun charges.

I'm on it.

So come and save us.

Hello, VIP.

Hey, Val. How you doing?

I can't talk right now. I'm really busy.

All right. Look, I need you to pick up some things. I can't. I can't. I can't.

really have to go.

No, no, no. Don't give me that un -miss -important attitude.

Looks like they're recovering.

Is it stuff?

They're heading for the stairs.

Okay. Load the building.

Thanks for showing some restraint.

What's all that noise in the background?

Are they doing construction or something?

It's really about time. I've got to go. I can't talk right now, okay? I'm doing

my part. You need to do your part. I've been cleaning up here all day.

Now, look.

Coffee. Okay.

Milk. Cheese. Whiz. What was that?

Well, is it the police?

It's in cold.

I didn't film well, Kyle.

They got their own lingo.

You're prepared for anything.

Go. I'm great.

My legs are shaking.

They're just going to catch us anyway.

Why not beg for mercy? I'm good at groveling. Look, you spoiled movie star.

do exactly what I say, or I'll kill you before they do.

Okay, okay.

Drop it.

Here I am.

Take your things with George.

We're clipping irons.

The roof.

Helicopter. Long gun.

Secret escape stairway. We got men all around the building. They'll never get

out. Get them before the cops arrive.

Right.

Where does the passageway go?

Well, maybe you don't care about yourself.

But you do have three friends here.

Two floors below.

Room 752.

Another pathetic lie.

I would have thought Valerie Irons would hire better.

I guess you don't take me seriously yet, do you? No, I'll talk.

I'll talk. If you want to know where Irons is, I will tell you.

I'll tell you.

Well, the first thing you have to understand about Valerie Irons is she's

most brilliant mind in professional security.

Absolutely the best.

Unquestionably a genius.

You're stalling. Where's the passageway go?

That's what I'm trying to get to.

She didn't go down that stupid passage.

You think she's so dumb as to leave the door open to show you where she went?

She's like a chess master.

Always on the offensive, always one step ahead.

You see, we're all just pawns.

Really? Nassar, it's a trap. She's right behind you. You really expect me to

believe that?

Checkmate.

Well...

I underestimate you.

But I have your friend here hostage. Drop it, or I'll kill her.

Pull that trigger and you're dead.

She can hit a dime at 20 yards.

100 yards.

Right.

Sorry, Val.

Val is a three -time IPSC combat shooting champ. She'll double -tap you

your finger can flinch. If you go up against Valerie Irons, you get hurt.

Well, I heard you're good.

Are you that good?

Do you want to find out?

I'm telling you, this lady's a killer.

I've never seen anyone as scary as her.

And you should know, he was a man.

Please don't get blood and brains on my Armani blood.

Nice work, Val.

By the way, your safety's on.

So,

the fearless Jackson Nassar.

Brad.

Shut up.

Well, Messiah, you've done it again.

Los Angeles and the rest of the United States, thanks for capturing a dangerous

psychopath.

I'm sure this is the last time we'll be in your debt.

Well, I couldn't have done it without the rest of my team.

It's going to work.

Pleasure to work for you, man.

I underestimated you.

You're a natural.

Can't want to raise.

Now that's class.

Shall I pour you a glass, madam?

Yeah.

So, first day on the job.

What do you think?

Hmm.

It beats working at a hot dog stand.