Original subtitles

Hey, Johnny. Uh -huh? Did you know that contrary to popular belief, the smell of

smoke may not actually wake you? That's why we have smoke detectors?

Because smoke detectors, Johnny, what do they do?

They save lives. They save lives.

Right. See, the smoke and the poisonous gases can actually numb the senses,

lulling you into a deeper sleep.

I kind of like this conversation.

Okay, that's Sharon. I want her to speak this room perfect. Get rid of this box.

It's finished.

And it's beautiful.

Yeah, I know.

See, all these fixtures, they're all antiques, all extremely rare, except for

this one, which I got at Target.

I, um, I, uh, installed the smoke detectors.

Whatever. God, I love this place. It only takes six months.

And, like, 85 years.

It's great. I mean, look at it.

You know, I mean, you want to entertain, you use this room.

You know, you want to hang out with junkies and pee on the floor, you use

room.

Okay, okay, so what are we going to get started on the rest of the house?

Okay, funny story about the sitting room. It took up a little more of our

savings than I thought it would.

Oh, okay. How much more?

All of it more.

What are you saying? That we have no money? That we're broke?

But it's full of love.

Johnny!

For those of you keeping score, 81 points.

This house has been nothing but trouble. No, sweetie, listen.

Don't worry, all right? I got us into this mess. I will get us out of it.

Word of God, I'll do whatever it takes.

I'm sure it's going to be all right, guys.

Here you go.

What's that?

That's a bill for the smoke detectors.

What goes here?

Hey, Mrs. Bergen.

Hey, you look great.

Yeah, I know.

You know, it's two months since Halloween. You can take off your costume

Oh, no, no, no. I'm a fireman now. But you're not working.

No.

Well, it's a good thing you're not a clown.

You two should go on the road.

Just get my own bag. Come on, please. Lift with your knees.

Wow.

Wow, your mom looks horrible, I know.

The divorce has been really hard on her, so I just wanted to show her a good

time, you know, like my dad used to do.

It's going to bore me into a coma, but I'm going to take her antiquing to the

museum. Ooh, ooh, and then you know what? You have to go to Cafe Maurice and

the creme brulee.

You know, because that's where all us firemen get our...

Pastries.

Bye, Ms. Bergen.

So, what's on the agenda tonight?

Oh, well, I thought we'd check out the Fine Arts Museum. Apparently, there's a

display of fine art.

Yawn. What?

That's the sort of stuff you and Daddy used to do.

Michael, it's time you knew.

Your dad's a geek.

Well, what would you like to do?

Let's get drunk.

I'm sorry.

When did you start drinking?

About 10 this morning.

Okay, it's cute when I do it.

All right, fine. Okay, look, we'll go have one drink, and then we'll go check

out the ice sculptures in Boston Commons.

Yeah, or we could get an icicle and jam it in my eye.

There's my baby boy.

And there's the lady who was dancing to Fever on top of the bar last night.

Till you pulled me off, party pooper. Okay, you start wearing slacks. You can

dance in any bar you want.

Mrs. Bergen?

Ashley.

Hey, man, your new chick is hot.

She is my mother. She is not hot. She is warm and snuggly.

But she's like a nine.

Watch what you say around her. They just got divorced.

Oh, so she's like available, huh?

So, are you ready to go to dinner?

Oh, you know what? I can't. I'm not going to leave until ten. I'm sorry.

Oh, hey.

Why don't we have dinner?

Okay. Absolutely not. Hi.

See,

my mother and my ex -girlfriend are not going out.

Why? I don't know. It's creepy.

Hey, if you're going to talk me up, at least introduce me.

Oh, I cannot believe my mother's staying out all hours.

Hell's gotten into her. I've seen this before. She's in her terrible 40s.

Unit 12, what's your 20?

You talking to lonely truckers again?

to go to where the fires are, you know? Gain experience up close.

Okay. I'll shove your head in the oven. You keep your eyes open.

That's a good one.

My parents are still married.

What time is it?

Five after 11.

I told her 10 .30.

I must have forgotten to wind my watch. Oh, the unwound watch trick. You got

that from me.

These two gentlemen were kind enough to walk us home. This is Marcel, and this

is Stanley.

So, um, maybe we'll see you guys again tomorrow night.

It was nice to meet you, Marcel.

Great. Um, so, this is good night.

Good night. Good night, Stanley.

Good night, Michael.

Good night, Stanley.

Could we have a moment, please?

Absolutely, Mom. I think the men need to talk.

So, Stanley, what do you do for a living?

I teach high school English. That's very respectable.

Where do you live?

Over on Newberry.

Oh, that's a hip neighborhood. You must be the cool teacher.

What do you drive?

I have a minivan.

Also known as the Shaggin' Wagon? I don't think so. You just peddle your

someplace else.

What is wrong with you? He was a nice guy. That was just rude.

You know what? He's always rude. I don't think you raised him right.

You know, we had a wonderful evening until I broke... curfew. Okay, Mom, I'm

only going to say this once. I don't like your new friend. That Ashley girl?

Nothing but trouble.

Michael, lighten up. I'm going to spend time with whoever I want. You know, I

think I've heard enough. We'll talk about this tomorrow.

Go to my room.

Good night, kids.

Good night.

I cannot handle her anymore. She's out of control.

Oh, Bart, ease up. She's just trying to have a little fun. Yeah, you know what

fun leads to? Laughter. Happy memories? Okay, shut up.

Who wants to go?

Repeat, two alarm fire at 106 Devon Road.

106 Devon Road? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Move it. That's my house.

What? I left my drill there.

Hey, you've got to stay on the other side of the line. Oh, no, no, no. It's

okay. Dunville with the 54th.

Stand down.

Backstage pass to fires.

Sorry I'm not more excited, Pete, but my house is far into the ground.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but when that happens to most people, they have to

from the curb.

Sharon! Hey, sorry, sir, you're... Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's cool.

Hey, I got your message. You want to go home? Are you okay?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It's gone.

It's completely gone.

Oh, honey.

Hey, Johnny, I'm really sorry, man.

Thanks.

Hey, listen, why don't I leave you two alone for a little while?

Hey!

Dunville with the 54th! When are we going to play you guys in softball?

dreams for us.

I'm so, so sorry.

You know what, Johnny? It's okay. You do not have to be brave for me. Just go

on. Let it out. Let it out.

This is so great!

What?

Oh, honey, we were so screwed.

I think every penny we had into this place, and the more I spent, the more it

just kept sucking me in deeper and deeper. This was the biggest mistake.

I ever made.

54th. Oh, Hammy, fire inspector.

Any idea what caused her to go up?

I know better in the light of day.

No one was living here, so that rules out things like irons, candles, and so

forth. Could be electrical.

I wouldn't rule out arson.

Really?

Really? Who would want to do that?

Be surprised.

It's a sick world out there.

You mind? We just suffered a great loss.

All right, you know what?

I'm going to get right to the point.

I know you burned your house down.

All right, I'm going to get right to the point.

You're sitting on a Fig Newton.

Laugh it up, firebug.

Come on, Pete, you can't be serious. I am serious.

You know, arson is the fifth leading cause of death in this country.

Or it's heart disease. I can't remember. It was a quick read.

Pete, I had nothing to do with that fire. Then where were you last night?

I was at my mother's.

Mother's? What were you doing there?

Drinking.

Drinking at your mother's house? She's hard to take.

So if I was to call her right now, she'd back up your story?

Who?

Your mom.

What are you doing with my mom's phone number?

Cut the crap.

All right, because there's going to be an investigation, and it'll go easier on

you if you just come clean. He said he didn't do it. Oh, and with you busting

his hump 24 hours a day? Hey, Johnny, why did you buy that dump? Johnny, we

no money. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. We live in a basement.

Oh, my God, he did do it.

I didn't. Okay, beep, beep, beep. Come on, you have to help. Even if I wanted

to, I can't unless I know how he did it. I didn't do it. Pete, you've been my

friend long before you were a fireman. Please, help us.

All right.

All right, all right. I'll go over there and I'll clean up your mess.

But I'm doing it for her, not for you.

Come on, you believe me, don't you?

Oh, baby.

Of course I do.

There you are.

Burke, I heard about Sharon and Johnny's house. How are they?

How are they?

Okay, their house burned down. I'll give them that.

But while that was happening, you were gallivanting around town with my mother,

so the question is, how is Burke? And I gotta tell you, he's not doing too good.

Burke, we had a great time. What's the big deal? I don't want you hanging out

with my mother anymore.

Well, I'm glad you said this. It'll give us something to laugh about when we go

out tonight.

Oh, look, look, I'm furious.

Here, okay, I don't want you taking her places. I don't want her meeting men,

especially the type of freaks you go out with.

Ferg, your mother's an adult. Maybe you should start acting like one, too.

Okay, you know, I am an adult, actually. And as an adult, I'm going to say this

once, so I'll make myself perfectly clear.

I'm her little boy. She's my mommy. That's the way we're going to keep it.

Good, Inspector, it's you.

Because I heard a noise, and I thought that maybe it was, you know, looters.

What are you doing here, Dunville?

Oh, I'm just looking around.

You know, I'm always humbled by fire.

How she can be so helpful, yet so hurtful.

Well said.

So, um, did you figure out what started it?

Yes, I did.

Really? What?

I'll show you.

Someone put some flammable material, paper, cardboard, and so forth, right in

front of this furnace.

When it kicked on, hot time in Old Town.

Hot time in Old Town.

That's very poetic, sir.

I don't show that side often.

Wait a minute. I'm confused.

What's the furnace doing there? Shouldn't it be in the basement?

No, it was right here.

There was a wall, and they put it right behind the little door.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, so, uh, so that cardboard, that could have been like a, you know, a shoe

or a cereal box or a, you know, smoke detector box.

Good work, Dunville.

All fine examples of cardboard.

So, um, any idea who did it?

Well, there's not enough evidence to pin it on anyone.

Oh, so case closed, right? No clues, case closed.

Yeah, but if I had to guess, it was either an extremely clever arsonist or

someone who knows nothing about fire prevention.

And I guess that rules out you and me, huh?

This is going to be great. Just you and me on a Saturday night. How's checkers

sound?

I should have written casual on the invitation.

Michael, I'm going out. I wish you'd come with us.

Up?

Ashley and I are meeting some friends we met the other night. What exactly do

you think you're doing?

I'm being a woman.

Well, stop.

Michael, listen to me.

Just because your father left to find a new life doesn't mean my life has to

end.

Apparently, I'm still hot.

Yeah, but... But you were hot with Dad, you know?

And there were... Like...

You know, and now it's like my mom's turned into some wild woman on the town

I worry about.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just don't know who... I don't know who

to be with you.

How about my son?

I don't think you could handle any more responsibility.

Okay. How about we stay home and I make you dinner instead?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's fine.

Okay?

I'm fine with it, really. Go have fun.

Mac and cheese, your favorite. The kind with wagon wheels?

You go put on your jammies and I'll get started. Okay.

You go ahead. I'll meet you there. He always falls asleep right after mac and

cheese.

Hey, Johnny.

Hey. So, listen, um...

I worked it out with the inspector, you know, so there's no need to thank me.

You could just do me a favor someday.

What favor?

I didn't do anything.

Talk about ungrateful.

Okay. Pete, you want to know where I was that night? Yeah.

I was in Medford pumping gas. Make a little extra cash, pay off my credit

Then why didn't you just tell Sharon that?

I've got my pride.

You know, I got us into this mess. I wanted to be the one to get us out. You

know, you want to look like a hero in your wife's eyes.

Yeah, well, you can start by not sounding like such a sissy.

You know, a real man would ignore that comment and not kick my ass.

Listen, don't tell Sharon I didn't do it, okay?

She's been so good since she pushed me into a life of crime.

It's so sweet how you guys don't tell each other anything.

Hey, how'd the fire start anyway?

The truth?

Yeah.

It was your light fixture.

Yeah. No way.

Yeah. It happens all the time. I mean, don't feel bad. You know, an amateur

electrical work, and next thing you know, hot time in Old Town.

That's very poetic.

Thanks.

I don't show that side often.

I cannot believe my mom's staying out all hours.

What time is it?

I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I got it. It's like 5 after 11, right?

Apparently there's a beautiful display of fine art.

Yawn.

What? Well, I thought that you and Dad always did it, but that's awful.

I will

as soon as I swallow.