Original subtitles

Get away, you bibos. The killer's right behind you.

Don't turn around.

Don't... Start making out with the other girl.

I know who you did last summer.

You guys.

Trick -or -treating, neighbor Petey.

Hey,

Irene. It's a nice costume.

Cat.

How'd you come up with that one?

Oh, I'm not just any cat. I'm my favorite Mr. Jeebers.

It was only fair since he dressed as me this year.

Listen, we're in the middle of a scary movie marathon, so... Oh, I like scary

movies. All right, great. Well, we'll send them over when we're through. Oh,

wait, wait. Can I stay?

You know what?

It might be a little bit uncomfortable. We're actually watching dirty movies.

Oh, I love dirty movies.

Yeah, see, it's already uncomfortable.

We don't need them, right, Irene?

Sorry, I mean Mr. Jeebers. Your costume is so convincing.

We've got nicer friends in the spiritual realm.

Hail Satan.

Calling in another favor.

Red Rover, Red Rover, send Satan right over.

Devil in the house.

Hey, Pete, do you have your uniform for me? Oh, yeah.

So, going as a firefighter, huh? No, I am going as a person with low self

-esteem who has to wear a uniform in order to compensate for his lack of

manhood.

Yeah, well, I'm going as Ashley. Look at me. I'm stupid.

Berg, would you stop playing with your hair? Well, look at this chunk of hair.

Mine of its own.

Damn cowlick. It's grown completely resistant to hair gel.

Your whole head's a cowlick.

My hair is the key to my looks, and without my looks, what am I? Huh?

That's right. Just some guy with charming brains.

A cowlick's a tragedy?

Try being a woman. Have you ever been plucked, waxed, and exfoliated by a

Slavic woman?

I mean,

trust me, looking good is a full -time job.

Evidently, you don't work holidays.

Come on, it is a well -known fact that men have life easier than women. I mean,

you get paid more, your dry cleaning's cheaper, and horseback riding?

The only time you put your feet in stirrups.

Oh, because you got a winky.

Yeah, but I hate presenting it just to get the discount on dry cleaning.

Nah, I like the cat costume better.

Sorry.

and Sharon ignored your host vessel, too.

Fine, then I got some, too.

All right, here you go.

There's a line of kids waiting to get their Halloween candy x -rayed. Oh,

Let me just go get changed.

If you come across any milk duds, make sure they find their way into my office.

Oh, my God.

What am I going to do? He can't see me like this.

Quick, put a bag over your head.

Hey.

Nice costume.

Thank you.

You know, originally it was just a hump with, you know, hair growing out of

it.

Then I just... I painted the eyes and the mouth.

That's real.

Can I touch it?

You do, and you'll lose a finger.

You're good.

I didn't even see your lips move.

Yeah, well, you know, if my career didn't work as a firefighter...

What did you eat for dinner?

Very funny, Dunville.

Now knock it off.

Knock it off. Knock it off. Your turn.

Don't test me, Dunville. I'm not too old to kick your butt.

Oh, sure you are. That's why the union won't let you climb the ladders anymore.

Sorry, sir.

You'll be fighting fire with a mop for the next week. Yeah, well, you can take

that mop and just... Hand it to me!

You have a you -who.

No, Tony, I'm serious.

Oh, come here.

Let your husband see his wife's little dream.

What's that?

It's exactly what it looks like.

How do I take it off?

Well, trust me, the more you pull on it, the less you're going to want to get

rid of it.

In fact, it won't stop growing hair no matter how much I cut down the hair.

Just keep growing back.

I'm starting to look like Pete Sampras back there.

What's so funny?

Nothing. Pete who?

Sampras.

What was that? Samp... Knock it off!

What's on your shoulder?

Just this terrible white head.

That Claracil's really starting to work.

You should really pop that.

Sharon, I am just a little weirded out, all right? And I do not like the name

Little Sharon.

Well, Little Johnny was already taken.

Okay, what happened to you guys? I'm a freak. I'm ugly. I'm with stupid.

That's not so bad.

Now she can be a model for a very specialized magazine.

What kind of magazine? Stop it!

How do we end up so cursed?

Irene.

Irene, when I told her she couldn't watch scary movies with us, she said she

going to curse all of us.

Let me get this straight, then. So, in a way, this is... It's so good.

This is all your fault. You make me ugly, Pete!

You're ugly. Look at the growth underneath my neck.

Ashley, there's something on your shirt.

Pete, I'm not falling for that.

Eh, doesn't matter.

Wait! Look at that! Look! Hey!

Fighting is not going to help us solve anything. Now, what we need to do... is

find a way to get rid of my wife's winky.

done with your... soul.

Listen, we were wondering if you...

I know a lot so little.

Why are you plaguing us? Because.

I think you're too good for anyone else.

I'm going to break that thing apart.

Wait a minute.

I know who you are. I went to parochial school.

I'm not scared of you. You remove these three plagues. Let my...

You're so brave.

Are you... aroused?

Sorry, baby. It has a mind of its own.

Thank you, man.

Ew. Ugh.

Devil vomit is nasty.

one of your mortal souls to be damned to hell for all eternity.

Oh, that's so good. Well, ten minutes to decide which friend you like

the least.

We have eleven minutes. I gotta go to bed.

How are we gonna make a decision like this?

Well, I was always told you should never nominate yourself.

What's that, Ashley?

pot over there i mean what does she do that's so special hey no way is it going

to be sharon all right i love my man wife wait a minute wait a

minute guys look at what we've become we're supposed to be sending one of our

best friends to hell yet all we can do is bickering backstabbing now the only

fair thing to do is see if we can all agree on one person

feet to play guitar for the pooch.

No!

No!

Please! Johnny!

Johnny!

Johnny! Johnny!

Johnny! You're so brave pushing around that armless guy.

All right.

We've made our decision.

Is it you?

No, it's not. See, you think you're so smart. It's Bird.

How's that supposed to mean? Berg's better than me? Suddenly I'm not good

for the devil?

Ow! Ow!

What'd you do that for?

I was just seeing if it was hollow.

Enough!

Hurry up, Berg. Hell away.

Ooh.

It's toasty.

I guess this is it, guys.

I want you to know that I still love you.

Oh, sure.

It's easy to say you love me now, Bert, but why couldn't you just say it when we

were dating? Because I was talking to Pete and Siren.

But don't feel bad about me, guys.

We're probably going to end up down there eventually.

Thanks.

All I ask is that you enjoy this. Precious gift of life that I give you.

For it truly is a gift.

Maybe, maybe someday you'll tell your children about your old friend Berg.

The guy with the great hair and the killer smile.

And two functional arms.

Yeah, you better believe we will, buddy.

Bye, guys.

Hey. What's this?

I'm the one that caused this mess.

It should be me. I'm the one that ticked off Irene. No, no, no, no, Pete. It

should be me. I mean, I could have been nicer to her. Well, it shouldn't be me.

I've been nicer in several different and interesting ways.

It's too late.

You've already told her.

No, it's not. I'm going with Bert. Me too. Thanks, guys.

But I'm trying to destroy your friendship.

You can't go.

Well, you know what? If my wife is going to hell, then I'm going to go with her.

No, no, no, baby. I want you to stay.

I want you to live long and be happy.

Thank you. Okay.

Love you.

It's all of us or none of us. All right, you win.

Yeah!

I'll take all of you. Aw.

Must have been bluffing. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, don't you see?

It was our love for each other that saved us.

Only love can defeat the devil.

What happened? What's going on?

Mr.

Jeebers, we have another one for our collection.

Three. Okay.

One.