Original subtitles

Okay, let's do some laundry.

Okay, and yet he wore a tank top to his uncle's funeral.

Well, these are the only clean clothes I had left because Ashley is still upset

about our breakup.

She squirted a bottle of ketchup in my closet.

Why is that funny?

Because Ashley came upstairs last night to borrow a bottle of ketchup.

Well, why are you still letting her live here? When they split up the family

assets. He kept the castle, but she got his jewels.

Okay. All right. No. The fact is that I haven't had an opportunity to talk to

her yet.

Okay? So the second she gets back here, I'm going to tell her that in no

uncertain terms, she... Shh. Shh. Here she comes.

Bye, Ashley.

Bye, Johnny.

Bye, Ashley. Bye, Pete.

Bye, Ashley.

We're stopped at the laundromat.

You might want to pre -soak that.

Thank you for the tip. You know, this is really unhealthy.

I

know

that there is pain.

But you hold on for one more day.

And you break free from the chain.

Don't you know? Don't you know? Things will change.

Things will go your way.

So hold on for one more day.

Hold on for one more day. Things will go your way.

Guys, we passed six laundromats on the way here. What's so special about...

There's beer here!

Gentlemen, welcome to the soap bar, where cleanliness is next to

Beer, please.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Look, there she is.

Oh, look, look. See how she pours her bleach?

Like an angel.

I wonder if she's related to the girl you saw last week who pumped gas like an

angel.

I'm gonna go ask her if she wants to have a drink.

Oh, come on, Pete.

Every guy in here's probably offered her a drink. You've got to set yourself

apart. You know?

Beautiful women like that, they need more than words.

What do you suggest?

Fake quarters.

They'll make you seem like a rebel.

Dangerous.

Unpredictable.

And value -conscious.

Good God, you're cheap.

It's because I don't throw my money away on laundry like you guys.

You're right. You grab the washboard. I'll meet you by the river.

You really think this is going to work? Hey, believe me, the quickest way to a

girl's heart is free dry time.

Why don't I just use real quarters?

She's not that hot.

Oh, looks like a machine's opening up.

Sorry!

Yeah, I guess I got here first.

I was a little bored. I thought they might want to play Trivial Pursuit. Oh,

hey, wait.

I'll play with you.

Well, I like to play with the guy because I like to win.

Well, I understand, but we could have a little wine and chat about what's going

on in our lives.

Listen, Ash, it's nothing personal, but I just don't think it's a good idea for

me to hang out with you.

Since when?

Since you and Berg broke up.

It's like my mom and her ex -husband.

When they broke up, I just always stuck with my mom.

It's just, you know, because I knew her longer.

Well, I'm sorry it has to be that way.

Yeah, me too.

Hey,

Sharon. Look, as long as we don't talk about Burke, I don't see why we can't

split a bottle of wine and play a game of Trivial Pursuit.

Why don't you...

This will be fun.

If you like humiliation.

If you can.

I can't believe you got all your clothes into one machine.

This one isn't even wet.

Hey, whoa, whoa. Whose shirt is this? It's mine. Thanks, buddy.

Hey, you got those little fabric sheets?

No, I forgot those.

Ah, the right's on me.

I believe people throw these out after one use.

I guess some people just don't realize the value of... a penny.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Allow me.

Wait, are those slugs?

These are fake quarters.

Well, I don't think that you should be doing that.

I understand. You, you're a good woman. Me, I'm a rule breaker.

No, no, don't be stuck. Don't be stuck.

Looks like you picked a bad dryer.

And Dirtbag shouldn't have broken up with me minutes after I moved in with

So I ask you, who's the bad guy?

Once again, we... not comfortable talking about Burke.

So could you just please answer the trivia question?

I am sorry. You're right.

It's just that he's been ignoring me ever since he broke up with me. He ducks

at the hospital. He hides in his bedroom. I've discovered he lacks both a

and a spine.

And your final answer is mitochondria.

Great. That's the second game in a row where I didn't get a turn.

I feel bad. Here, take some of my pieces.

No, I don't need your pity pieces. No, I only know this stuff because I went to

college.

I went to college.

No kidding. That's so funny.

Okay, you know what? Forget the game. Let's just talk about dirtbagging.

You know, this place isn't really that original.

You know, my grandmother used to drink and do laundry.

Almost forgot about my clothes.

Huh. You know, it's amazing how dry your clothes get when you use real money.

Oh, you're not still mad about the slugs. No, why would I be mad? It worked

a charm. She thinks I'm a rebel.

Tomorrow I'm going to ask her to jack a car.

My clothes. Where are my...

Somebody stole my clothes. All right.

Nobody move.

Hey, wait. There's something stuck on the side.

Oh, thank God.

Hey, it's my shirt.

Who would want to take your clothes? The man. The man. The mean old man.

He's mad at me because I beat up the washing machine. Everything I own. What

I going to do?

Here's a slug. Call the police.

I've never been the one who's been dumped. It's not...

Oh, you must know exactly how I feel.

Hey!

Oh, no, no, no, I'm sorry.

I only meant that you'd understand because you've probably been dumped a

Oh.

Hey!

Well, okay.

But you know... Whenever I got dumped...

My girlfriends would not leave me alone until I was able to, you know, laugh

again. Oh, you're lucky.

I don't have any friends like that.

What? Yes, you do.

And her name is Sharon Carter?

Wow.

Who's Sharon Carter?

Triple nitty.

Jod.

Be my bridesmaid.

I do.

I already did. Five times.

Nice suit.

Thank you. I'm glad you like it. This morning, a guy at the gym said the same

thing.

That's the worst hangover of my life.

Where'd you go last night? Nowhere. I stayed here and got drunk with Ashley.

What? You guys aren't even really friends.

Well, we are now. I invited her to be in my wedding.

What?

Check your notes.

You can't just...

To have me and Ashley in the same wedding, you know, we don't mix well

We're like oil and Satan.

Paul, it's too late now.

Assuming you're oil, I've already made a promise to Satan.

Don't worry, she can't hold you to that. You know why?

Because everyone knows that alcohol makes you do crazy things.

I have a tattoo on my left butt cheek that says, tap the Rockies.

I'm not going to disinvite Ashley.

She'll get mad, break into my place and throw a condom at me.

You see, that's the kind of person you're dealing with here. Exactly.

Which is why it's not worth the trouble to me.

What about the trouble of planning your wedding for eight months?

Your wedding, Sharon.

The most perfect day of your life.

Yeah? What about it?

Okay. Imagine Ashley's there.

She's sitting with your Aunt Gladys.

You know, the one with the silver tooth.

You don't think she's going to make fun of her?

Oh, come on.

You know Ashley, okay? She mocked everyone.

She doesn't care who's feeling she hurt.

She did mock me playing Trivial Pursuit last night.

Oh, man, I just thought of something else.

What?

What if... What?

She feeds Johnny's fat little nephew.

What's his name?

Fatty, matty, two -by -four, can't fit through a... You know, the fat kid.

You mean Steve?

Yes!

Steve! Man, he's fat.

I was just going to have a field day with him and his manly sister.

Oh,

Bert, you've got to help me. Okay, okay, don't worry. Don't worry, okay?

We're going to fix this whole thing. In the meantime, though, you know, we've

got to get rid of that hangover. Yeah.

Okay, how do some...

running eggs, and a greasy pork chop smothered in rum gravy sound.

Be sure to hold your hair back.

Rick, you've got to buy some new clothes. That suit's starting to get an

Isn't it ironic?

The washers are all spinning.

But not for me.

Here she is. Here she is.

Now I can smooth things over with this.

Like I got her a roll of quarters and it's wrapped in a bow. Made it out of

fabric softener.

I can't believe you're using real quarters.

You're giving it to the man so easily.

Here. I worked on something for you last night.

I do believe this will get you all the free dry time you want without breaking

the mission.

Aren't you a little old to be a juvenile delinquent?

It'll work.

Just gotta test it first.

Oh, my God.

What? There's the old man who stole my clothes.

I bet he's here to pull another heist.

Makes me sick just the thought of my pants having to sit through diagnosis

murder.

What are you going to do?

Well, I'm going to stand up to him.

You give these old people an inch, and eventually they'll take another one.

probably don't remember me slugs right um listen i just i want to apologize for

yesterday it's just that i wanted to meet you so bad and i was trying so hard

think of it in i got nervous and i lost my head well you could have just said hi

hi hi wow that was easy and no dryers were harmed

Don't worry about it. He'll come clean.

Seriously, that's just wrong.

Check me out. It worked and I still got my quarter.

Do you know him?

No.

Move along.

The laundromat is not the place for this nonsense.

Take it to the bar.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Hey, Pete, we'll meet you over at the bar.

You do know those guys.

All right, you're right. I do. I do know them.

And you know what?

Let's be honest.

You and I, you know, we work.

Sooner or later, you're going to have to hang out with my friends, and we can

both see where that's going to end up. So, you know what? I'm just going to

us both a lot of heartache. And, you know what? Just let me walk away.

Okay, you know what? You go first.

You know, this is the first time I've ever been kicked into a bar.

hanging out with me it meant a lot and um i really wanted to talk to you about

being in the wedding me too uh wow i wasn't thinking clearly so yeah i wasn't

even thinking blurry and uh i totally forgot that my cousin spencer dropped

of the wedding so now they're only going to be five groomsmen instead of six oh

oh well you know what you can relax sharon

Really? I am perfectly comfortable walking down the aisle alone.

It'll make me feel special, like I'm the center of attention.

Right, okay.

Then I should probably tell you about the Bridemaid's Dress. I think you'll

it. It's a puffy drape number.

Yeah, and it probably cost too much, and I'll never get to wear it again.

And then with my job at the hospital, I'm sure I'm not going to be able to

you with the wedding shower and 15 other excuses why I shouldn't be in your

wedding.

Except for the truth.

You don't really want me in.

Yes, Ashley. No, no, no. Stop it. It's okay.

You don't hold people to drunken promises.

Otherwise, I'd have a Tap the Rockies tattoo on my right butt cheek.

So you're not mad?

Yeah, I am.

Because, actually, I thought we grew a little closer last night. We did.

Just not close enough for you to be honest with me.

I'm sorry. I just assumed since you were so bitter and angry with everyone else,

they'd be that way with me.

Surprise.

I know. It would be much too awkward to have me there with certain other people.

And I wouldn't want to do anything to ruin your special day.

You want to know something?

I think you're a really good person, Ashley.

You mean that, or are you still a little buzzed from last night?

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

I didn't know.

No, I mean it. And I think you're kind of funny, too.

You're everything I wish I could be.

I'm a riot. People just think I'm arrogant.

Seagull, or a seagull.

Can I ask you something?

Will you be in my wedding?

I'd love to.

You know me, always a bride, never a bridesmaid.

You are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly.

Sharon, fly.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You guys want to go?

Yeah.

Yeah, I've been scouting this place for four days now.

I'm never going to find my laundry.

The perp's probably four states away by now.