Original subtitles

You think you saw love in Sharon's eyes.

You know what I saw?

Pain. Pain because of me.

I'll let you know where I am.

Sharon, will you marry me?

Yes.

In theory.

In theory. What the hell does that mean? I don't know. It is what it is. But

it's a yes, right?

Yes. In theory.

I heard yes.

Oh, no.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Why did Pete go to Paris?

For the snail.

He left because of me, didn't he?

Yeah. That's why everybody goes to Europe.

In fact, at customs, they ask business, pleasure, or because.

Why are you being like this?

I'm not being like this.

I'm being like this.

Okay, here's your name tag, James.

Oh, actually, everyone calls me Germ.

Yeah, but you see, Germ is not the best nickname in a restaurant.

That's why Rat lost his job.

Good point, sir.

Sir.

You don't have to call me sir. I'm not your boss.

I know, it's just my dad taught me to respect, like, older people.

Hey, do you know my dad?

Do you know at the age of 25, the human body begins to degenerate?

You stop producing brain cells, and your ears, they begin to grow hair.

You can't stop the inevitable.

You can only slow it down with beer.

What's with him?

The new kid at work called him sir.

Oh, man, what a horrible thing to happen to somebody so vain.

You know, the fact that somebody realizes they're really good looking,

labeled vain.

Thanks for inviting us down for dinner.

Well, we wanted to celebrate your engagement. Engagement in theory.

Hey, Sharon, you know what? We haven't had a chance to see the ring.

A marquee? It's beautiful.

Gosh, one might almost be tempted to wear it on the outside of the blouse.

We don't want to rush things, right, honey?

Whatever makes you happy, sweetie.

If you're happy, I'm happy.

So apparently I'm very happy.

Bonjour, everyone!

Ah, Pete, you're back!

Pete, say, how was the trip? Oh, it was great. It was great. And I want... Wait.

Colette.

Bonsoir.

Hey, look what Pete brought me from Paris.

Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Colette.

She doesn't speak English.

That would explain the gibberish.

How did you two kids meet?

Oh, oh. Oh, well, my first day in France, some con artist stole all my

I got stinking drunk in the pouring rain, and I fell into the street, and

Colette ran me over with her car.

That's exactly how my parents met.

What happened to the apartment?

Oh, Pete, the winds of change.

The previous pallet wasn't working for me, so I decided to go sort of a ranch.

Ashley? I am so whipped.

You guys must be hungry.

Want to join us for dinner?

Ooh, champagne.

What's the occasion?

No occasion, just a few friends having dinner.

Sharon and Johnny are engaged.

Wow.

Wow, engaged.

Actually, we're engaged in theory.

Oh, well, hey, congratulations. I'd explain to Colette if I spoke French and

understood what you were talking about.

Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple. An

engagement is a promise to be married.

And I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married.

Hence, we are engaged in theory.

Good luck finding a card for that.

Colette, are you hungry?

I don't know if it's the wine or

someone making out with Pete, but I've lost my appetite.

Hey, man, I noticed you didn't charge your friends for that slice.

Oh, yeah, because I found it in the bathroom.

It's cool. I used to sneak my friends a slice now and again.

Oh, you mean when you were my age?

Come on.

You know, we're practically the same age. I mean, I'm into the same stuff you

are.

Yeah, right.

What are you doing this afternoon? Maybe we can hang out.

Well, look, if you really want to, me and my friends, we're going to drain my

parents' pool.

Drain party.

Yeah.

And then we're going to skate in it.

Huh? You guys have to empty it to skate?

Hey, Burke.

Hey. Okay, Colette. I want to be completely honest with you.

I worked here for three years.

Okay, and with tips, I still only managed to make minimum wage. I was a

loser.

Hey,

I don't understand same -language relationships.

Germ, get her whatever she points to. Pete, can I talk to you for a second?

His name is Germ?

Yeah, he's cool. He's up, Grandpa.

All right, I'll be right back. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Dave?

You can imagine what happens when I leave for work. I don't have to imagine

You left your door open this morning, Peter.

How long are you going to keep this up, huh?

What are you talking about? This thing with Frenchie.

I mean, come on. You know, you're just doing this to rile up Sharon. I bet

just some woman you hired.

Okay, first of all, I'm broke.

Secondly, this has nothing to do with Sharon, all right? Colette is amazing.

love is unconditional.

No questions asked. She asked questions.

You just don't know what they are.

Admit it, Pete. You don't really love her.

You see, we connect in a way that you will never, ever understand.

Come on, Colette.

We're out of here.

Leavey.

Exit duvet.

You want to go for a car ride?

Hey, honey, can you grab me a beer?

Sure.

Hey.

No, no, baby, this is a soda.

Well, it depends on how you look at it.

You see a soda, I see a beer in theory.

Was you?

We just stopped by to give you your engagement gift.

Oh. You shouldn't have.

I know. That's what I said. But Colette, she insisted that we buy it.

Or she was hungry. I don't know.

She seemed very excited.

Thank you very much. I'll put it right over here with the others.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go get started on those thank you notes.

So, that, uh, seems kind of silly to wear that thing around your neck.

Oh, yeah, you're probably right.

But at least Johnny speaks English.

Hey, do you mind sharing? She's sitting right here. Oh, she can't understand me.

She can tell by your tone.

Okay.

But I'm just saying, we have bimbos in America, too.

You should be happy for me. I'm in love. I'm happy for you.

And I hope you're...

Oh, that's very nice.

I hope you're not engaged in theory.

Only because someone in your life caused you to not commit completely.

Not following you.

Okay.

Let's just say there's someone you had feelings for.

And you thought that they had feelings for you.

And they might have.

But said person has moved on.

Is said person Tommy at the market?

I just thought I'd mention it.

Hey, what did I miss?

Apparently nothing.

Oh, we're going to go.

Pete told me he went to Paris because he had feelings for me.

Whoa, what?

What did you say?

What was I supposed to say? Colette was sitting right there.

Oh, I don't know. How about, um, I'm in love? Or how about I'm engaged?

How about I'm in love and engaged?

Do you see a theme here?

Are you jealous of Pete?

I'm an idiot. Why should I be jealous of the guy you kissed?

How many times have I told you? I was drunk. Man!

If it's not that, then why won't you give me an answer? I did answer you. I

yes in theory. Yeah, and about that, I've asked around. There's no such

Why do we have to rush into this?

We've only known each other for six months.

You know what? I guess that's the problem.

You've known me for six months, and you feel rough, and I've known you for six

months, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Where are you going? I need to go think.

You know what, Sharon?

I deserve better than this.

Think about that.

Baby, what were you thinking?

Skateboarding in a swimming pool with a bunch of teenagers?

Look, me and Sharon, we're just blowing off a little steam, all right? Pete and

I used to do it all the time.

Yeah, but honey, that was a long time ago.

I mean, look in there.

This is no place for a 26 -year -old to be working.

I mean, drag in a whack -a -mole and you got a Chuck E. Cheese.

You know what our problem is, Ashley?

You speak English.

Bird!

Hey,

bird. Yeah, here's the Betty.

The Betty is Ashley, and let me take a stab in the dark. You must be Jerome.

Yeah, and you're hot.

And your name suits you.

Ho! Ho, ho, ho, ho! What the hell is going on in here? We can't have a band

here!

Unless they rock!

Hey, Pete.

Looks like Colette finally found someone else to talk to.

Yeah, why don't you try it?

No, but, Pete, this is your big chance. Now you can ask Colette any questions

you might have about her. I know everything I need to know, Ashley.

We're in love.

Well, um, here's one that's really been gnawing at me.

Uh, Colette, what do you see in Pete?

She said he's the nicest guy she's ever met.

Back in your box, Pandora.

Beacon Street.

Yeah, hold on. I'll page him.

Harold Sack?

Is there a Harold Sack here?

No. What?

Oh, sorry. Hold on, hold on.

Harry Sack.

I'm looking for a hairy sack.

Hey,

you.

Stupid kid.

She wants our issues.

Colette would like to know something.

Anything, anything.

What kind of a name is Burke? It's actually short for Bergen, which is

She's so relieved she thought it was Jewish.

Wow, and it sounded so beautiful in French.

Come on, your French must be a little rusty. Ask her something simple. Ask her

what we did today.

And best of all, he's not crawling with Algerians.

Come on. She didn't say that.

Oh, not exactly. I had to clean up the language.

A lot.

Are you okay?

Yeah,

I need some air.

Pete, Pete, hold on.

You gonna be okay?

You know, Burke, I was in love and everything was perfect.

For a little while.

I took her out. It was a Friday night. I woke alone to get the feeling right.

We started making out, and she took off our bed. But then I turned on the TV,

and that's about the time she walked away from me.

Nobody likes you on your train.

George! George!

What, it's too loud?

No! I've been naked!

What's my age?

Yeah,

well, that's... That's our gimmick, you know, until we can afford some costumes.

Jack!

Jack, come here! I have something I want to say to you.

Guys, I'm going to pull the plug.

Party's over. Everyone's got to go home.

No!

I'm going home!

Wait, what?

For some reason, I don't know, the idea of a band playing naked just doesn't

thrill me anymore.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm home.

Enjoy the pizza place, Drew. She's all yours.

I quit.

Yeah, all right, but before you go, I'm going to be late tomorrow.

Hey.

Hey.

Where's Colette?

Oh.

She's gone.

Really? Yeah. Turns out we weren't as compatible as I once thought.

You know, me being from New Jersey and her being a vile racist.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

You know that guy you were talking about?

The one you said moved on?

Oh, you mean Tommy from the market?

Yeah. Has he really moved on?

Yeah.

Yeah, he realized that he...

Would have screwed up a great friendship over something that wouldn't have

worked out.

That's probably right.

It's a knight necklace.

Call me crazy, I think it would work better as a ring.

It's not that simple.

It's complicated. There's a lot of things going on. Sharon, there's always

of things going on.

I guess it doesn't matter. I mean, Johnny's gone anyway, so... What do you

he's gone?

Sharon, he moved out of your apartment like a half hour ago.

What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Where did he go? I don't know. He just took

off. How could you let him go? We've got to go find him. Why? Why? You don't

really want to marry him? Yes, I do.

See?

It's not that complicated.

He didn't really move out, did he?

How should I know? I was busy driving Adolf back to the airport.

talk to you about?

I got something I want to tell you, too.

I'd like my ring back.

What?

Well, seeing as how winter's right around the corner and we're not getting

married, I'd like to get my snowblower out of hock.

Well, you can't have it.

Fine.

Then I'm taking this clock.

What?

Johnny, you're right.

You probably do deserve somebody better than me.

But I want more than anything for you to be my husband.

Will you marry me?

Johnny?

So, now you're asking me to marry you.

What an interesting situation this is.

Tony. No, I'm torn.

I mean, I love you, but that's a beautiful clock.

Okay, listen, come here.

You realize, if I agree to marry you, we have to actually get married.

Yes, period, because I plan on telling people.

Yeah.

Then yes.

Oh, man.

I should have let you twist in the wind just a while longer.

I'm old.

You're not old.

They're young.

I want to be young.

You are.

Come on, it's all relative. At the hospital, you never feel old. That's

of all the death and suffering.

Right, and at the hospital, you're seen as a young intern, whereas at the pizza

place, you're just seen as a loser.

You have such a gentle way.