Original subtitles

Judge, what happened? What did she say?

Uh, well, she said, um, oh, God.

And, um, and then she ran away.

Oh, man.

All over Boston yelling for Sharon.

I did find one, but she was 97.

What are you doing? I'm leaving.

I took all my money out of savings. I'm putting them in the sock, and I'm going

to the airport.

I'd put it in your jockeys.

People are less likely to pick your underwear.

Look, Burke, he who hesitates is lost.

Once in my life, I'm going to do something without worrying about every

thing. Where the hell is my lip brush?

Okay. You can't go yet, and I'll tell you why, okay? Because she looked at

She looked at you. You know what that means?

No. What? What does it mean, Berg, that she loves me?

Yeah. Or I reminded her of someone. Someone she loved. Or I had something in

teeth. Like love.

You think you saw love in Sharon's eyes.

You know what I saw?

Pain.

Pain because of me.

I'll let you know where I end up.

Hi, Pete. No, Ashley, don't look at me. Berg will think we're in love.

Where's he going?

Nowhere. No, no, I mean right now.

Hey, baby, what's up?

Sharon.

You're home.

Yeah, you hungry? I got Chinese.

Well, no, I'm not really so much hungry as I am curious about, you know, how are

you?

Can you put the food down for a second? Because I really feel we need to talk

about what happened tonight.

Oh, fill me in. Is it good?

Well, it starts off good, but ends up with me in my formal wear wondering,

the hell is wrong with you?

You're acting really strange.

I'm acting strange?

I'm acting strange?

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Are you going to sit there and tell me you don't remember anything that

tonight?

I don't know what has gotten into you, but I'm just going to pretend like this

whole conversation never happened.

I don't suppose you'd want to trade seats with me?

No.

See, it's just such a long way to Paris, and I've just been through a really

traumatic emotional ordeal, and it might make me feel better if I sit next to

the window.

Oh, I see.

No.

So, you going to Paris?

Of course you're going to Paris.

That's great. That's great.

Vive la France.

I only said that because I just decided to go there when I got to the airport.

I'm healing the old heart with a little adventure.

Healing the old heart.

Little adventure.

Yep, just hopped on the first flight to Europe. Actually, the first flight was

to Turkey, but I don't speak Turkish, so... I don't speak French either.

But, I mean, you know what? It's got to be easier than Turkish. I mean, have you

ever heard that language with all the... Excusez -moi, monsieur.

I think you are sitting in the wrong seat.

Thank God.

Berg, I made breakfast.

Thank God.

I smell toast. I thought I was having a throat.

This being our first morning in the apartment without Pete, I thought it...

What?

I don't know.

Something seems different.

Well, I don't hear Pete singing Rhinestone Cowboy in the shower.

I'll figure it out.

He's got the ball.

Two seconds to shoot.

Game's on the line. One. Fakes right. He shoots.

Nothing but wall.

You can't just get rid of everything you don't like. Of course I can, honey.

I'll get it!

It's probably the new girlfriend I ordered.

Hey, Bert, can I ask you a question?

This is it.

Something really weird is going on. Sharon is acting like I never even

I have a similar story. Last week, I asked her for ten bucks.

She just stared at me.

I suppose there's another guy, do you?

No!

No.

Usually in these situations, the simple answer is the right one.

Which is?

Sharon's unbalanced.

She's crazy. Let's take a walk.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

I love it or death, but... but look who my girlfriend is.

Well, what should I do?

I'm a doctor.

Don't pick at it. It'll go away.

Your attention, please.

We will arrive at Charles de Gaulle Airport in 30 minutes. Man, it's amazing

fast six hours can go by when you have somebody to talk to.

Anyway, so I screwed everything up with Sharon. And she gave me that look, and

that look, it just said so much.

Funny. You don't strike me as the kind of guy who can read a look.

Oh, well, you know, you could have said something six hours ago. I was waiting

for a pause.

Fine. I won't talk anymore.

And could I maybe get a little piece of the armrest?

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

I couldn't help but overhear you earlier.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You know, I talk really loud. I grew up in a

very long house.

No.

I mean, it sounds like you had a really hard time.

Aw. Well, I'm fine. Love sucks, that's all.

I hear ya.

I fell in love with my best friend, and all my friends told me I was crazy.

Yeah!

Not crazy.

Yeah, they're crazy.

And when I told him to meet me at the Eiffel Tower so I could tell him I love

him, they told me it was a terrible idea.

And you're going.

Bad idea?

Yeah, yeah. If we're calling great ideas bad ideas now.

Well, what if he doesn't feel the same way?

Is that your ticket?

Yeah.

Well, look, excuse me, but Miss Negative does not have C -12F.

Baloo does.

Yes.

Bates, follow your heart. And not just for yourself, but for everyone who's

sat in C -12F.

I will.

Will you come with me?

Yes.

Yes, yes, I will.

Wow.

It's all so clear now.

What is?

That I must suffer.

So that I can teach others.

How the hell did you get this down by yourself?

The gods of good taste empowered me.

I'll have you know that each and every item in this apartment has been

handpicked. Every single one has a story to it. I know. And every story...

starts with.

Okay, so Pete and I were totally hammered one night. You know what?

I don't have to listen to this because bottom line, bottom line is that this is

still my apartment and I will decorate it any way I want to. All right,

something else is gone.

Aren't you guys ready yet?

You asked us to go to the wharf today?

Except, of course, in Sharon's world where perhaps you didn't.

You know, this way I can have a few friends over for a game of mirror.

And you finally got rid of the stupid oars you guys stole when you were

hammered.

You took my oars?

It's amazing.

You can remember every detail about this apartment.

You must have, like, the best memory ever.

Come on, Berg. Everyone thinks the apartment looks better this way.

Wrong. Only the women do, because women have no concept of the hoop.

As decoration, right, Johnny? I helped her take it down. What?

What is wrong with you people?

You know, Pete hadn't left town. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Pete left town?

Why?

I, uh... Look,

look, okay? He left so fast last night, I didn't get a chance to ask him

anything. It was all just a blur of socks and money.

He left last night? You mean after I saw him at the pizza place?

Aha!

Aha!

What?

Last night at the pizza place?

You said last night at the pizza place? You remember!

No, I don't! I... Where am I?

What's going on, Sharon? Why don't you just talk to me?

You know... Stay out of it. Okay.

Fine. That's okay. You know what?

Maybe your idea was best. Let's just pretend like I never asked you to marry

That went better than I thought.

Why are you staring at me like that?

I'm not looking at you.

I'm looking at the chair. It's gone insane.

Sharon, why can't you just give Johnny an answer?

I can't. If I say no, it's going to ruin the relationship.

Oh, so you want to say no? No, I want to say yes. So say yes. But then I'll want

to get married.

Exactly.

What am I not getting?

Sharon loves Johnny, but she can't say yes because...

Something's holding her back. So, instead of being honest, she's opting to

Johnny roast slowly in the flames of uncertainty.

Yes!

No, you can't do that, okay? You can't do that. You have to be honest with

Johnny and tell him that you're in love with Pete, too.

Pete?

That's ridiculous.

I'm not in love with Pete.

Pete's my friend.

I mean, sure, I'd be sad if he died, but... Is that love?

Fine. If that's not it, then tell me something.

What is it?

I... Bert, you don't understand, you know? It's a lot of things. Okay. Like

what? Like it's... Like... Like it's too soon.

Problems with her family.

My mother! Her mother, right. See?

So, your mother hates Johnny? No, my mother loves Johnny.

So she loves him too much? No, my mother's been married three times!

And once to Johnny!

Doesn't want to rush into marriage and make the same mistakes that her mother

made.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

That is it.

I said, oh, yeah, that's it.

But really, I'd watch Johnny around your mom.

Look,

Sharon, I really do understand how you feel, but...

You can't just leave it this way with Johnny forever.

But how do you tell a guy who knows he wants to be with you for the rest of his

life that you're not sure yet?

I can't believe I thought this whole thing was about Pete.

It is!

Come on, what are you talking about?

Fates, it's been like ten minutes, all right? Maybe he's having a hard time

finding the place.

It's the Eiffel Tower.

Did I hear you ask for an Eiffel Tower?

No, um, we're looking for a man.

Monsieur, I can arrange that for you.

What is your price range?

They say the French aren't helpful. Thanks.

I can't do this.

I can't tell him I love him.

What? No, no, no. Listen to me.

Be addicted at the moment that's going to change your life forever.

And the worst part is not him not loving you. It's not knowing whether or not he

loves you or not.

Wait a minute.

Yes, that's right.

Are you sure?

I'm willing to bet the last unbroken bit of my heart on it.

Okay.

Oh, no.

What? What oh no? What if he's waiting at the bottom?

All right, well, let's go down and check.

Wait, what if he comes up here while we're down there? What if he takes the

elevator while we take the stairs? All right, calm down, calm down. Okay, I'll

go down and check.

You wait here, okay? Oh, that would be fine. All right, but how am I going to

recognize him? What does he look like?

He has one arm.

What?

It's not great for him, but it sure helps me.

Excuse me, sir.

Did you see the woman I was with?

Yes, sir. She left right after you, monsieur.

After me?

Well, not right after. First, she took some time to go through your luggage.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, come on. Please, not the money sock. Not the money sock. Not the money sock.

She left the sock.

She left the sock.

She took the money.

She took the money and left the sock.

Absurd.

Oh, my God, what am I going to do?

I would jump off this side.

The view is beautiful.

There you are. Where have you been?

Do you know what time it is?

Went out for a walk.

You know what?

Funniest thing happened to me.

I asked this guy for directions, and he answered me.

Okay, I get it. No, no, no. And then I asked the grocer if the melons were

fresh, and you know what? Craziest thing, he answered me, too. I nearly

down. People were answering me wherever I went. Pretty soon, I was doing it

myself.

Do you want fries with that? No, I say no fries!

Johnny, I want to give you an answer. I do.

But?

Don't you understand that?

If you don't love me, just tell me. I do love you. Well, then what is the

problem?

time until I get an answer. Now just trust your feeling.

Let go. No.

Let go.

No. Let go.

No.

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

At least I know this time you heard me.

I love you.

I really do love you.

I love you too.

Ask me again.

What?

Can we propose to me again?

Okay.

I was in a bad mood earlier.

Take your shoes off first.

Sharon, will you marry me?

Yes.

In theory.

In theory. What the hell does that mean? I don't know. It is what it is.

But it's a yes, right?

Yes. In theory.

You're a fool.

There's no such thing as love. It doesn't exist.

Do you know where the word love comes from? It comes from the word leaf,

which means egg, which means zero,

which means nothing.

Your friends are idiots.

They're stupid.

So, would you buy me a drink?

Don't let Paris fool you!

There's no such thing as love!

Monsieur,

is it lifting?

Will people be shit?

I lose you too?

Okay, Ashley, I've decided to let the org and the basketball hoop

go, but only if that's the last of my stuff you get rid of. You couldn't find

them, could you? Well, it's like you work for the mob.

Don't worry, Berg. From now on, I promise I'll check everything with you

Sir, how would you feel about losing the coffee table?

In front.