Original subtitles

Can you pass the lobster fra diablo?

More champagne.

Ah, yes.

Looking good, Peter.

Feeling good, Bert.

Here's to our last ride on the corporate gravy train. Because as soon as I quit

tomorrow, it's goodbye wine and tea, hello macaroni and cheese.

I don't know how comfortable I am with you quitting your job. Are you sure this

is the right thing for us? Shrimp?

If I have to spend one more day at that chemical company, I won't be able to

live with myself.

I don't care. They can take my clothing allowance, my company car, my... Ooh,

caviar.

You've really outdone yourself.

The corporate gold card.

Take one last look.

I'll miss you.

Au revoir, mon chéri.

How are you going to expense this?

Are you wearing hairspray? What, do you think I just wake up like this?

There. Chemicals.

We've talked business. I'm entertaining clients.

I'll buy that, but, um, one question.

What about them?

How often do you see a string quartet?

Almost never.

There you go. They're an endangered species.

Come on, Berg, you will not.

No, no, I am going to name a medical procedure after you.

Okay. It's a crowded restaurant, right? Lots of people. A guy.

Won't fill birth tables. Somebody else. Wait!

I know the Kathy maneuver.

I mean, I could name a disease after you, but you don't want some guy running

around scratching himself saying, damn, I've got Kathy.

What is that?

Oh, just, uh, it's just my beeper.

I, uh, I use it for medical emergencies.

And after he graduates next semester, Pete here will be designing skyscrapers.

That's big bucks.

Wow. Really? Well, yeah, I mean...

It's a really tough job market out there, you know what I mean, with the

and the competition the way it is. And I'm lucky to get out there and actually

get... Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Like I said, Pete here is going to be designing skyscrapers. Yes, I am. Great

big toe.

I finally did it.

Excuse me, that's my friend, and she finally did it.

So, how did it go?

I was in rare form.

Bottom line, Sharon, did you quit your job or not?

Oh, man.

I storm into Gillingham's office, totally unannounced. He's like, huh?

Half an egg salad sandwich falls out of his fat face onto his monogram shirt.

Yes, you da bomb!

She's da bomb?

Wait, what, really? I thought I pulled it off. You really did.

So I tell him I'm finished working for his stupid chemical company. If he wants

to get on TV and say that the...

hole in the ozone layer is our window to the Lord? Be my guest.

Yes, she the bomb!

Stop!

I tell him I have to live with myself.

Outstanding, Sharon. And what did he say? You know that slob had the audacity

try and bribe me? He refuses my resignation and then tells me to take

weekend to reconsider the company condo in Aruba.

Why can't you ever go to Aruba by yourself?

Well, he said I could bring you guys.

Pete, we're going to Aruba.

Forget about it, Berg. I can't go.

What? That's exactly what Gillingham wants me to do. He knows if I go, I'll

too guilty to quit.

Why in the hell would you feel guilty?

Look at the stress they've put you through, huh? Can you feel that?

You have to absorb that stress?

Ah, me and Pete.

I'm fed up with these people. That's it. We're going. No, Berg, I can't go

either. I have that big interview with Barbara and Associates on Monday

Yes, Monday.

conveniently located on the other side of the weekend.

Look, this is my future we're talking about here, all right? If I get this

I'm going to be set after graduation. Whereas, if I go to Aruba with you, I'm

going to come back with a hangover and one eyebrow shaved off.

I couldn't help it, okay? It was twitching the whole time you were

It's fine.

Sharon and I can't go without you.

When did I say I was going? In my head, Sharon. The second you said Aruba.

Bert, I'm trying to quit my job.

I have to... Put together a resume.

Yeah, Burke, I gotta go buy a new suit. I have to start meeting with

headhunters. Who are you people?

Where's the girl?

Where's that girl who's senior break jumped over a hotel jacuzzi in a golf

And they said it couldn't be done. And you, the man.

immortalized in Palm Beach after drinking seven buffalo sweats in under

Yes! Yes, which was followed by me passing out and you shaving my eyebrows.

You know what?

I'm listening to all of these reasons why not to go, and I'm thinking that

are the reasons we have to go. I mean, maturity.

You're stalking us.

Bearing down on us.

You look like that boulder that was bearing down on Indiana Jones in the

beginning of Raiders. Come on.

Are we going to let it catch us?

I think not.

When is the next time that we are going to have the opportunity and the freedom

to fly first class?

First class?

First class to Aruba!

We owe it to ourselves.

No, no, no.

We owe it to young people everywhere to dodge that boulder and get on that

plane.

Now, hey, you tell me I'm wrong, I'll never mention it again.

But if I'm right,

that we're about to have the best weekend of our lives.

Who's with me?

is to be a local folk legend there within two hours of arrival.

All for fun. And fun for all!

Aruba, Jamaica Ooh, I wanna take you to Bermuda Bahama, come on pretty

mama Chilago, Montego Baby, why don't we go?

I can't. What if it's an emergency?

They wouldn't be at the bat signal.

Leave us a message.

This is Frank Farber. I'm calling for Peter Dunville. I was hoping to get in

touch with you right away.

Don't pick up the phone. Don't pick up the phone. Mr. Farber. He picks up the

phone. This is Pete Dunville.

I'm sorry.

You can't make our meeting on Monday?

Today? No, no.

Wait, drinks this afternoon?

Margaritas on the beach. Served by waitresses and so on.

Well, you know what? We could put this off until you're back in town if you'd

like.

You don't like.

Okay. Okay.

Copley, Flatha, hotel, 20 minutes.

Hey, don't worry.

This is merely a speed bump on the road to paradise.

That's good stuff. Somebody write that down.

Guys, just go without me.

We never... We never leave a man behind. We took an oath. All for fun.

Thank you.

Oh, great.

Great. They have room on the 2 o 'clock flight to Aruba. Excellent.

But one of us has to fly coach.

Wait, I never sat in first class.

We'll tell you when to fly.

Okay, no problem.

We'll be there in time for sunset.

Yes. Okay, Pete, it's up to you. In and out. Look, Burke, my father personally

called to get me this interview, okay? I can't blow it.

You can do anything if you set your mind to it.

Just take control.

One drink, get job, we're gone.

Bert, this is not a guy you push around, okay? This guy, he collects guns. He

hunts bear.

He killed his first grizzly by the time he was 10.

Big deal. I killed 200 whales by the time I was 23.

Don't say that. That's not true.

Even if it was, we're going to Aruba.

What am I doing here?

I went in there to quit.

Then Jabba the Hutt dingles Aruba in front of my face when I'm packing a

suit.

What does that say about me?

That you're a sellout who likes to swim.

I'm kidding.

You're a wonderful person who we love. Yes, we do.

Thanks, guys.

Okay, all better.

The long pedal makes it go.

Pete, I can already tell you everything your dad said you were.

I go by my gut, and my gut tells me...

You're my kind of guy.

Thanks, kitten.

I'd like to have that mounted in my office, huh, Peter?

Yes, yes, yes. She's a very good waitress.

Well, Mr. Barber, thank you so much for letting me take up all your time. Wait a

minute. Where are you going? You're not going to make a man drink alone, are

you?

No, of course not.

Bottoms up.

Whoa, hold up there, Pete. There is no bigger disgrace than hurrying a fine

brandy. You gotta warm it in the palm of your hand.

Brandy is only as good as the time you spend with it.

How much time?

Not long.

A couple of hours.

You also have to go to Australia, Peter.

Beautiful women.

And they're descended from prisoners, so they don't mind being tied up.

Yes, yes.

And their summers are our winters, so... Now, Malaysian women... You know what?

I'm gonna go refill the cashews.

Stop sniffing it and just drink it. What do you want me to do? The guy's a

psychopath. Pete, if we leave right now, we'll still catch our flight. Look,

it's not gonna happen. He hasn't finished insulting every nationality on

yet.

Guys, just go without me. Never. So what are we gonna do?

I came up with never.

Just do something.

Don't worry, okay? I promise.

By midnight tonight, we will be sipping Mai Tais under the moonlight.

Let me ask you something, Pete.

You ever been with a lassie?

I'm sorry?

You know, a Scottish broad.

They'll take care of the old Loch Ness Monster.

That's very romantic, sir.

I have been going to Scotland seven or eight times a year since I was your age.

Mm -hmm.

You know who's never been there?

Who?

My wife.

Preaching to the choir, Mr. Farmer.

It's that father.

The archie.

Archie? You know, architect with the building.

Yeah, yes.

Yes, I am an architect.

Oh, I think you won't.

I know.

This is the happiest moment of my life. It's me, your little laddie wee Willie.

Oh, I have been searching high and low for you. You know, you've left a trail

half -breeds all across Europe.

You must like to work out, if you know.

Oh, really?

Where's the manager?

You're me da.

I am not your da.

Look at the resemblance.

Of course, I had 40 pounds and 50 years. Oh, no, just a second. Don't you

remember Phyllis? A great big gangly woman, yellow teeth, iron lung.

She's me mum.

That sounds like a lot of people. Oh, God.

Rest her soul.

She died in a freak rugby accident.

This is all very interesting. She lay there.

Dying on that field, her cleats all bloodied up.

Her final wish was that I find you, Frank Faber, my father,

so that I may have peace, hope, and a Porsche 911

Turbo.

I've got a surprise for you.

Sis, get your camera!

Would you like me to take a picture of you and your kids?

No, absolutely not.

Oh, that's great.

That's nice.

This is impossible.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at that. That's not burlap, you know. I think we've really hit the point

gold here. How much do you pull down? Oh, this is insufferable. Nice meeting

you, Pete. I trust I can count on your discretion.

still work for you?

Okay, I'm on my way.

Okay, you see how it works is the car takes us to the airport, but first,

you have to get into the car.

My company just dumped 30 ,000 gallons of toxic waste into Chesapeake Bay. I

have to go make a statement. We're never going to make the flight. Right, how

long does it take to say oops?

Guys, go without me.

And I say we're all going.

We can't give up the fight, but I am not the son of Frank Bob.

I'm changing lanes here.

Lady, lady, look, you don't understand.

We represent the youth of America, okay? We have an appointment at midnight with

three Mai Tais.

Yeah, the coach is fine.

Seats don't have to recline.

Ooh, they're right near the bathroom.

Ow, ow, we'll take them.

All right, all right, we're on, we're in, we're there.

You guys should just drop me off and go without me. Look, we took an oath. Yes,

Mai Tai's by midnight. Yeah, Jared, just get up there, make your statement,

don't take any questions, and we'll be on our way.

Burt, I have to take at least a few questions, otherwise it looks like I'm

covering up.

No questions, Steve, forever.

Get up there and spin, spin, spin.

Spin, spin, spin.

Burt! My company just dumped 30 tons of toxic goo into Chesapeake Bay.

Well, if these things happen.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. No doubt you've heard about the shoreline

that rammed into one of our tankers in Chesapeake Bay.

A team of engineers from Immaculate Chemicals is already on the scene,

the situation and providing coffee and croissants.

to inconvenience fishermen.

Now, I only have time to take a few questions.

Over here. Right here.

Here we go. Yes, Mike Bergen, Daily Planet. Miss Carter.

I'm going to get right to the point.

Exactly what color was the tanker?

What?

We believe it was blue and white, possibly with some red trim.

Next question.

Thank you. Over here. Right here.

Filmator, Boston Globe.

Is it true that the tankard involved in this atrocity failed repeated

inspections and was recommended for decommission over two years ago?

I'm sorry. I was pointing to the gentleman behind you.

Pete Dunville, Boy's Life.

Would you qualify the tankard in question as a boat or a ship?

It was a tankard. Thank you. Anyone else?

Let me ask you this.

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Look, if you reporters aren't going to take this seriously, neither am I. This

press conference is over.

What did you get for the first question?

We cannot be tough. We are in love with ourselves. On to Aruba.

Jamaica, ooh, I want to take you to Burmese.

Mama should learn how to read her gas gauge.

Read Mama?

Didn't know she was going to be driving all over Boston.

All right, well, Sheriff, when's the last time you checked your oil? Pop your

hood. Hey, look, this is just a minor setback. We have, like, over half an

to make it to the airport.

In fact, I laugh at the setback.

Ha -ha!

Okay, what's that?

I don't know. I've never done that before.

Let me have a look.

Yeah.

Step back.

What do you know about cars?

I know you hate it when I pretend to know something about them.

It's coming from here.

Bird, it's your beeper.

Whoa, hey!

My first beep!

Sheriff, get the camera.

the hospital.

Don't answer the page.

Hey, this is Mike Berger. He answers the page.

Well, did you try Louise?

What about, what about Tracy?

Oh, come on. There's gotta be someone else.

Okay.

I have to fill in for a guy in my class. His grandmother died.

Oh my God.

Could her timing be worse?

You've got to get out of it.

Oh, well, what do you expect me to do? Lie?

I can't.

Wait, what do you mean? Michael Bergen of the Daily Planet can't lie?

This is really different, right?

Oh, you've come so far.

You think I don't want to go?

Every synapse in my brain is telling me Aruba, but I can't.

You guys go without me.

We're not going without you. We took an oath. Yeah.

Then what should I do?

Look, if I don't show up, there's going to be five med students who think that

I'm sick, right?

Big deal. It's not like they're expecting me in surgery.

Oh, but they paged me. I mean, I should be there.

That's true, too.

I don't want to go to a Roebuck!

Do you also want to be a doctor?

Look, Bert, whatever you decide to do, we're behind you, so...

Okay. Let's go.

Hi,

excuse me. Hi, hello.

Hi, hello. Hi. Oh, very tall.

There we go.

My time's at midnight.

My time's at midnight.

Berg, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be here.

Welcome to Bacon Street Pizza.

Nice hat.

My first beat, and I rose to the occasion.

Oh, our little boys growing up.

And I'm taking you two down with me.

Oh, a little limbo. You da bomb!

Where did he start that? I don't know.

And now the American broadcasting company String Quartet playing the theme

Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place, followed by the fourth movement of The

Carey Show.