Original subtitles

These are the journals of Darian Lambert, Captain, Fugitive Retrieval

.D.

2193.

Selma, visual mode.

Yes, Captain.

How are the conditions at Kirkwood?

There's no substantial change since your last inquiry, Captain.

Conditions remain ideal.

Two feet of new snow on a four -foot base.

I can't wait to get there.

There he is.

A television transmission you should watch, Captain.

Selma, I need a vacation, okay?

Business can wait till I get back.

One could say this comes under the heading of recreation, Captain.

It concerns one of your favorite comedians, Joey Miller.

Joey Miller?

What is he doing in the 20th century?

It appears he has won the Sunshine State Lottery.

Mr. Miller, how does it feel? Is that the best question you... can come up

who writes your dialogue?

As you can see, Mr. Miller is quite a comic.

In fact, he performs nightly at Miami's Barracuda Club.

You are going to continue performing despite winning a lottery, aren't you?

you kidding? I'll still be making him laugh 200 years from today. In fact,

be a lot funnier.

Oh, excuse me. Pressing business.

Quite a guy.

As you know, Mr. Miller will be receiving his jackpot in installments of

,000 for the next 20 years.

Joy Miller won the lottery in the 20th century. I wish you hadn't told me that,

Selma. Why is that, Captain?

Because he obviously brought the winning numbers with him.

Selma. Cancel the resort flight and book me on the next flight to Miami.

Yes, Captain.

I already have.

I should have known.

It began in the future.

A time machine called TRAX.

Criminals who vanish.

And a lawman who must pursue.

Into the past.

Now he's among us.

A special breed of man.

He has one weapon and a computer named Selma.

Good morning, Captain Lambert.

With her, he will travel through our world.

Searching for fugitives from his own.

Knowing he cannot go home until he has found them all.

His name is Darian Lambert, and this is his story.

Oh, is this living or what?

All right, cuties, who's got the sunscreen?

I do. And I've got the lip balm. Lip balm?

You know, so your lips don't crack and peel.

Oh, balm. I thought you meant like balm explodes.

You mean Oscar ointment, tube style.

Oscar what?

Oscar tube. He makes ointments. He's a friend of mine.

Anyway, listen, girls. Hey, I've got a friend named Oscar. Yeah.

Funny thing is he won $12 million in the lottery, just like me. Guy got lucky.

So he comes over and he says to his wife, honey.

I won the lottery. I won 12 million bucks.

I want you to start packing.

She said, winter clothes this summer.

He said, I don't give a rap. I want you out of here in 10 minutes.

This guy's nutty. He was up in Procardia, and he sees this naked lady

hovercraft. And he said, hey, my wife's got an outfit just like that.

Only hers is wrinkled.

Gee, Joey, you're real funny.

Oh, I used to be funny. Now I'm just amusing.

Well, make way, girls.

Last one in is a dartle.

A turtle?

Never mind.

Hi.

Having a nice day, Mr. Miller?

Yeah, it's really terrific.

I saw where you won the lottery.

Oh, you saw that, huh?

Mr. Markham asked me to remind you that you owe him some money.

i've been meaning to get around there maybe tomorrow no no no he'd like to see

you a lot

Joey, so good to see you.

Hello, Mr. Markham. Sorry I'm a little late getting here.

I've been out celebrating, you know.

Of course, Joey. The point is that you're here now.

I'm sure you want to settle your account.

Oh, sure, sure.

Let's see.

How much was it?

It's $100 ,000.

No, that can't be right.

Of course, you forgot the interest.

Interest? Nobody said anything about interest.

There has to be interest.

This is not a charitable organization, is it, Paco?

Well, how much?

$150 ,000.

$50 ,000 interest?

You misunderstand, my friend.

The interest is $150 ,000.

Altogether, you owe me a quarter of a million dollars.

That's outrageous!

It's what I charge.

Look. I only got 250 from the lottery, and I spent a lot of that.

I gotta wait a year till I get the next installment.

Joey.

Joey.

Joey.

I'll tell you what I'd do for you.

You pay me 200 ,000 today, I'll carry you for the rest.

At the same rate of interest?

I'll never get out from under.

You might as well kill me.

That is an available alternative.

Wait a minute, look.

We can cut a deal here. I could work it off at the casino, you know, entertain.

Joey, as far as I'm concerned, you're a very funny man.

But faith it, audiences don't understand your material.

It's a little dated.

What am I going to do?

Have the money on my desk in 24 hours.

You going somewhere, Joey?

What? Oh, me?

Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere.

Oh? I think you are.

Oh.

Who are you?

I'm a big fan of yours, Joey, from the 22nd century.

Darian Lambert, fugitive retriever. Oh, you got the wrong party, pal. Look, I'm

no fugitive.

No, you're just a thief.

Thief? Look, I never stole anything in my life. Oh, a couple of jokes way back,

maybe.

You used your knowledge from the future to steal the lottery payoff.

Oh, that. Look, I checked. Nobody was going to win this week. Who did I hurt?

A woman named Laura Jackson.

Who? Next week's winner.

The money would have rolled over to her jackpot.

Well, she's still going to win, maybe a little less, but nobody will ever know.

Sorry, Joey.

Any way you cut it.

It's still stealing.

Okay, okay, look.

We can deal here. I'll pay back the money.

You will return it.

But then I'm going to send you back.

Well, what if I can't return it?

Why not?

I haven't got it.

Come on. Now, who do you think you're kidding here?

Look, I sort of invested it.

Well, uninvested. I thought you were a big fan of mine.

Joey.

Breaking the law isn't funny.

Either you return the money and you go back free and clear, or you go back to a

prison term. Now, which is it?

Okay, okay, look, I'll pay back the money.

When? I gotta have a little time.

I'll give you 24 hours.

24 hours.

Okay, and don't try to go anywhere, okay? Because I'll throw the book at

All right, all right.

The thing you do?

Yeah.

I love myself now. Yeah, I hope so.

Talk to me, Irv. I've got a problem.

Yes, Mr. Miller. Well, there's this one guy who gave me 24 hours and is going to

send me to jail.

Then there's this other guy. He gave me 24 hours or he's going to have me

killed. And I can't go back home. I owe everybody money there. They'll feed me

to the fishes.

Correct. Correct? You have a serious problem.

Well, don't tell me if I'm serious. Give me some answers.

First, I must ask you some questions.

Like what kind of questions?

Do you wish to live?

Of course I wish to live. What kind of a stupid question is that?

Mr. Miller, I cannot help you if you do not cooperate. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Herbert, go ahead.

Do you wish to go to jail?

No. Do you wish to pay your debt? I can't.

Computing data.

In computing, the solution is simple.

Yes? Go on living.

How? Reach an accommodation.

With who?

The most dangerous immediate antagonist. You mean Markham?

Affirmative. Well, how do I do that?

Make him an offer he can't refuse.

Think I've got it.

Hey, thanks a lot, Irv. You're a pal.

I am an integrated reference vortex. Whatever, whatever. Just take a break.

Yes? Let me talk to Markham.

Joey Miller.

Yes, Joey. Do you have the money?

Forget about the money. I got something better.

There's nothing better than money.

Listen, I got a deal for you. You're gonna thank me believe me I'm always

willing to listen

Herb, are you there?

Yes, Mr. Miller.

I think I'm being followed.

Yes, but it is unlikely that they will kill you until you speak to their

employer.

Is that the best you can do?

Have a nice night, Mr. Miller.

Visual mode, Selma?

Yes, Captain.

I think I've got it about figured out.

Joey did the lottery because he got himself into debt with the mob.

That is a remarkable conclusion given so little doubt, Captain.

May I ask how you reached it?

Well, after a certain length of time on the street, the cop just starts to

notice things.

Yes, Captain.

Precisely what things did you notice?

Well, for one thing, that's a carpet joint.

I perceive no indication that it sells or contains woven floor coverings.

No, Selma. A carpet joint. It's a 20th century slang expression for a fancy

gambling room that is disguised as something quite ordinary.

Ah. But what makes you think Mr. Miller is in debt to organize crime?

Might he not be an investor in this carpet joint?

No. He's a compulsive gambler.

Compulsive gamblers always end up big losers.

Indeed, Captain.

But I'm not aware of any data to indicate Mr. Miller's wagering is

Well, I did cheat a little.

It's common knowledge back home that Joey gambled himself into a hole with

Morelli brothers.

I see.

I'm afraid he's in there now trying to gamble himself out of trouble.

A perilous undertaking.

You're right.

I think we'd better go in there and get him.

Mr. Markham, I owe you $250 ,000.

I'm not going to pay you the money.

Hear me out, just so we can work a deal.

I want you to give me $500 ,000 in cash.

I want you to forget about our debts, and I want unlimited credit in the

And for what am I going to be so magnanimous?

For $16 million, give or take a few cents.

What kind of lunacy is this?

How are you going to get me that kind of money?

I've got the winning numbers for tonight's California lottery.

You don't really expect me to believe that.

How do you think I won the Sunshine State Lottery?

You had it wired.

I got my methods.

The point is, I'm willing to sell you the numbers.

I don't get it.

You could go and buy a ticket yourself and have it all.

Look, I couldn't win another lottery without calling attention to myself.

You don't expect the cash up front, do you? I'm not an idiot, you know.

Look, you got a couple of minutes to buy a ticket. I'll hang around the casino

until the drawing.

Hey, what have you got to lose?

A lousy buck for a ticket?

I think I may have underestimated you, Joey.

But tell me, why are you settling for so little?

Well, look, I'm not a greedy man, Mr. Markham.

All I want is to settle my debt with you, pay off my partner, and have a

of bucks for myself.

Partner? Yeah, forget him. You deal with me.

Very well, Joey.

What are the numbers?

Eight, 19, 24, 32, 51.

And 53.

I hope you think you're not trying to make a fool of me.

Hey, I'm not that dumb, Mr. Markham.

Take these. Have some fun on the house while we wait for the California

Wow. Hey, these are $1 ,000 chips.

Don't try to leave the casino.

Not a chance.

Not a chance.

There's something irresistible about a man in a tuxedo.

Who's there?

You do not remember?

Step into the light so I can see your face.

Not unless you can guess my name.

Brenda.

No, no, I meant... I meant Jane.

You really know how to hurt a girl.

Lorraine?

You're getting warmer.

Yeah. Diana.

No, not Diana.

Then who? Just give me a clue.

Soma!

Here we

go, all the way from Wombat.

Here we go, rolling in. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Blonde lady's ready. Hot feel those vibes.

Oh, I love it. A four. My favorite number. Give me the odds. Hard four.

four. Ah, thank you, sweetie. Wait a minute.

Here, start a clamp.

Here we go. Come on. Hard way four. You can do it. Two, two.

Yeah, right back.

Boy, when you're hot, you're hot. Let it ride. Let it all ride.

Here we go. Come on. One more.

One more. Here we go. Yeah, come along.

Hey, hey, move that. Make that number. Here we go. Yeah.

Move it a little. Come on, honey. You can do it.

Hey, I need a six. I need a six. Six a winner. Six a winner. Yes, yes.

I got it again.

Let it ride. Let it ride. That's enough for me. All bets down. New shooter

coming out.

Come on, new shooter. Number seven.

Number seven. Come on, number shooter.

Maybe you ought to quit while you're ahead. What are you doing here?

Seven. Come on, come on.

Seven a winner. Come on. I just thought you might need some help carrying home

all the cash.

Look, you don't understand.

I think I do.

Now for the results of tonight's California lottery.

And the winning numbers are 24, 8, 51, 19, 53,

and 32.

Tonight's jackpot is estimated at nearly $15 million.

$15 million.

The wise guy did it.

You gotta get out of here.

Not without you and the money. What money?

That money.

What happened to you?

Shut up.

See that guy over there? Wait a minute.

Holy smoke, if I cash all this in, I think we're even. Well, good.

Let's go. No, one last roll.

Lucky seven. I win.

I got it. I win.

I win. I win.

You're coming with me.

Not very likely.

They got away?

Damn. Don't worry, Mr. Malcolm.

I'll put the word out. They'll be dead before the morning.

Don't you dare.

You gonna let them get away with this?

You don't get it, do you?

Those guys have wired two state lotteries.

What they did, they can do again.

Put the word out.

But I want them alive.

This looks like a good place to talk.

Hey, what's wrong with my house?

You're right.

Dumb idea.

All right.

Let's start at the beginning.

How'd you get to this century?

Ernest sent me.

Ernest sent you?

Hey, what is there, an echo in here?

Ernest. The janitor at Trax? Yeah.

You know, he's got that son, the boxer. The one you helped out once.

Well, he wanted me to thank you again.

How do you know Ernest? Oh, he's an old fan of mine.

He got all shook up when he heard I was in a little trouble.

With the Morelli brothers?

Morelli, Schmorelli. Look, they're small potatoes.

I dropped a bundle with the Pacific Quadrant Syndicate. Now, you don't fool

around with them.

And then Ernest offered to tenport you away from all your troubles.

Yeah, he snuck me in late one night, you know, and the rest is history.

Or it will be history.

Which is it?

Joey, your problem isn't gangsters. Your problem is gambling, and you brought

that back with you.

I know, I know, I admit it. Look, I got into a jam with Markham, and that's when

I come up with that lottery idea.

So what did you do, bring back a 22nd century almanac?

Better than that.

I brought Earth.

Yes, Selma.

Captain, an ERV, or Integrated Research Vortex, is a limited application

primitive computer.

Hey, you got one too.

Let me see that.

Hey, I want that back.

Don't worry, I'm not going to keep it.

Hey, yours is camouflaged.

Selma, I want you to erase all data that could be used to unfairly win games of

chance. Mr. Miller, I don't want to lose my memory. Oh, have a heart. He won't

feel a thing.

Erasing it. Now, wait a moment. You have no right to...

Deletion complete.

Talk to me, Irv.

Who's going to win a third race at Pimlico?

Daisy, Daisy.

Daisy wins the third race at Pimlico?

Give me your answer, too.

Thanks a lot.

Joey, when are you going to learn that gambling never gets you out of trouble?

It can't, huh?

What do you call this?

Chopped Nutri -Cuts?

How much did you win?

Plenty, and I would have won a lot more enough to pay off everybody if you

hadn't interfered.

I thought you were in danger.

I don't care what you thought. You had no right to grab me in the middle of a

run. Well, I think that question is in kind of a gray area.

What do you mean gray area? It's open and shut. Look, you gave me 24 hours to

come up with the money.

I could have paid off everybody. You didn't, so all bets are off. Wait a

Wait a minute. We didn't have a bet or a deal.

I gave you a choice, and that still stands.

Now, I may have overstepped my authority. A little.

So I'm willing to work with you.

Okay? What do you want to do?

What do I want to do?

I got a half a million bucks here. I want to go cash in my chips.

Oh, you don't think that's a little risky?

Risky? Not for me. Look, I didn't beat up Markham's guys.

I didn't trash his place.

Markham's got nothing against me.

Okay, you can cash in your chips.

But you get into trouble, and you're on your own.

Fair?

I ask no more.

You can walk from here. I'll wait.

I won't be long.

I hope not.

Here's some.

Captain, was it wise letting Mr. Miller return to the carpet joint?

Maybe not, but he leveled with us, so I'm willing to take a chance.

He's not taking a chance, a form of gambling.

I suppose so.

And did you not say that gambling is never a way out of trouble?

Selma, sometimes I wish you just weren't so logical.

Uh, excuse me.

I'd like to cash these in, please.

Oh, of course, sir.

And, uh, tell Mr.

Markham that Joey Miller is here, and I'd like to collect what he owes me.

Joey, my friend.

You left so suddenly.

I didn't get a chance to thank you.

Well, your ship came in, just like I promised. Your debt to me is paid in

as we agree.

And this fulfills the balance of our agreement.

Wow.

Oh, gee,

Mr. Markham, I feel I ought to return some of that seed money you advanced me.

Oh, forget it, Joey.

Consider it a bonus.

Well, Mr. Markham, it's a pleasure doing business with you.

I'm glad you feel that way, Joey.

Because I've got another little matter I'd like to talk to you about. Oh, gee,

I'd like nothing better. But maybe some other time.

Joey.

I said I want to talk to you. Oh, I can't do that now, Mr. Markham. I've

got to get going now.

You're not going anywhere, Mr.

Miller.

There's going to be a special lottery tomorrow.

It's a big nine.

Nine states participate, nine numbers will be drawn.

Yeah, I heard about it.

The payoff will be in excess of $100 million.

No installments, Joey.

One lump sum.

Look, I know where you're going, but I can't help you. Yes, you can.

You're going to give me the winning numbers.

I don't know them.

But you can find them out.

Look, you don't understand. I can't do that anymore.

You don't understand.

You give me the numbers, you won't leave here alive.

Where are you now that I need you?

What's that?

Oh, it's my partner. He knows all the numbers, see.

The gentleman who caused the disturbance earlier.

Yeah, that's right. It was him.

Yeah.

Yeah, I should have known you couldn't rig a lottery on your own. What, me? Are

you kidding?

I'm a schnook, you know that.

Yeah, yeah.

But you still have some value.

You're going to deliver your partner to me.

Hey, I can't do that.

Of course you can.

We're going to let you go.

I feel certain that you're going to return with him.

I can go?

That's what I said.

Gee, thanks, Mr.

Markham. And listen, you can count on me. Of course.

To make certain Paco and some of his boys will follow you.

And I want him wired, so there'll be no tricks.

Just fine.

Something wrong with your eye?

What are you talking about?

Your eye. You got some kind of twitch.

You don't have to say it so loud.

Somebody might hear you.

Joey, stop it. Will you get in the car? That's not the smart thing to do right

now. Move.

Joey, get in the car.

It's a trap. Go.

Go. Go.

Look at this.

He's a cop.

Captain, no less.

Funny company you keep, Joey.

Shoot him.

Wait, hold it. Look, so he's a cop, so what?

I'm a cop, too, so we're both cops.

But that's okay, because we're dirty cops.

What are you trying to say?

I'm trying to say that we can work a little deal out here. Look, you want to

the big nine numbers and we want to go on living. So we're cops. We got cop

resources. You know, we can come up with numbers.

Can't we?

Hey, sure.

I don't like it, Mr. Mugg.

This is some kind of fed up.

Maybe.

But Joey delivered the California lottery.

I think he can do it again.

Call your friend.

Over there.

No tricks.

I hope Selma's there.

Lottery. Selma.

Yes, Captain.

Give me the winning numbers for tomorrow's big nine.

Then I'll get some shut -eye.

Lock them up.

Separate rooms.

If I win, you walk.

Otherwise...

Hey,

hey, hey!

Don't move, Selma.

Yes, Captain.

You sound crabby, Selma. What's wrong?

Captain, my sixth general order prohibits me from facilitating an

Yes. But you ordered me to provide information to known criminals for

purposes. It seemed necessary at the time.

Indeed it was, Captain. But it introduced a logical...

inconsistency which i cannot reconcile let me make it easy for you selma i've

got an idea that will resolve your dilemma that is very welcome news

first i want you to give a call to the lottery commission and here's exactly

what you're going to tell

Good morning, Joey.

I trust you got some sleep.

What happened to my partner?

Unharmed, I assure you.

I wanted to enjoy the lottery results just with you.

Please, help yourself to coffee and rolls. Numbers are on the pad.

I read the national computer check.

Lambert's not a local cop.

He's a fed.

Racketeering Investigations Division.

How about Joey?

He's nothing.

He's a show bringing Lambert to me.

Take the cop out.

I want to play with Joey a while.

How are we doing? Well, we got the first one.

Two out of two.

Captain, someone's coming.

Time to watch the

lottery, boy.

Your time's up, pal.

I love it.

Now, just two more.

Seen anything?

There!

67. The number 67.

Yeah. Now, give me a five.

And now for the final number. Come on, five.

Come on, five. Big five.

I can't understand it. It's got to be a five.

What?

She's got it now.

And here it is. The last number in tonight's big nine is the number...

Hey,

Joey.

You've made me an obscenely wealthy man.

I only have one regret.

What's that?

That I gotta kill you.

Wait a minute. We can deal here.

No more deals. You gotta die.

Why?

Because you lied to me, Joey.

What are you talking about? The numbers were good.

They were so good.

I don't need you anymore.

Because you're not a cop.

Your partner is no longer among the living.

You've got that wrong.

I'm a very live cop.

You're not supposed to be.

Sorry to disappoint you. Now drop the gun.

Yeah, score one for the good guys.

Joey, did you ever cash in those chips?

Yeah, they're right over here.

Take it. Hot damn.

Joey, just your winnings.

You don't mind if Joey takes his winnings, do you?

No, sir.

If it looks so downhearted, I'm going to let you keep the jackpot from the big

nine.

You're kidding.

I'm not the kidder.

Joey is.

Joey, let's go.

You

okay?

Yeah.

Look, I can put the word out on these guys.

What for?

They made me richer than I ever dreamed.

Let's find out exactly how much.

Here we go.

Thank you, Jill.

Ladies and gentlemen, not only do we have a winner, we've made lottery

We don't have just one winner. We have one million winners.

What? The bad news is that with that many winners, the cash value of a

ticket is...

$67 .32.

Let's go.

I'll have Selma return this to the Florida lottery pool by electronic

I shall also foul up the California computer.

Sir Markham never collects.

Boy, I would love to have seen his face when he found out about the big knife.

There you go.

That's legitimately yours.

I'm afraid it won't come close to paying off my creditors back home.

Don't be so sure.

20th century currency is very valuable in our time.

Collectors will pay you ten times their face value.

I don't think I've ever seen you speechless before.

Gee, I don't know how to thank you.

I'll keep your nose clean and give up the gambling.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm cured.

Really?

You ready to go back?

Oh, yeah. You have no idea how hard it is to talk to people that don't know

the Cubs won the World Series this year. I can relate to that.

And another thing. You know, I'm a funny guy.

I mean, I get off on making people laugh. And here, I'm just not funny.

I mean, I've tried.

I even tried to backdate the material.

Nothing works.

It's tough for people to get your glycophys routine when they don't know

you're talking about.

You really are a fan.

I'm one of the biggest fans.

You know, you used to do this routine.

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the Gligotron. Yeah. Can you do that

for me now? Oh, can a fish swim?

A funny thing happened on the way to the Gligotron.

Grand Commission tone, sir.

Yes, Zelda.

Captain, what was the funny thing that happened to Mr. Miller on the way to the

Gligotron?

I can't remember.

We'll have to ask him when we go back.

Time Tracks is a Gary Nardino production in association with Warner Brothers

Television.