Original subtitles

Hello, I'm Diarrhea Jones, and the inventor of D -pants.

D -pants are protective pants you wear under your trousers to capture and

contain your uncontrollable diarrhoea.

Just squirt away right into the plastic.

The diarrhoea almost never runs away through the tight elastic around the

ankles.

And my D -pants are discreet. As a matter of fact, I've been filling them

right in front of you.

And when they're filled up to the brim, you just hose them off in your backyard.

Hello, Jenny.

Ready for a new day.

Damn it, I forgot to tell you. My deep pans are not made for solid loaves.

It's too much for the plastic.

It'll rip a hole right through the back.

So please, keep it liquid.

This is Diarrhea Jones reminding you to squirt on the go and poo in your pants

with D -Pants.

Fresh hot cocoa.

Come to daddy.

Ow, hot!

Well, it's official. There's no way we're going to that party in this

out there. You said it, Tim. Eric, check this out.

Shake it, baby.

Shake it, baby.

Tim, careful of my new carpet.

Shake, shake, shake.

Ooh,

hot cocoa.

Careful, Tim. You might want to blow on it first.

What?

Not like this.

But like this.

Because it's so hot.

I'll take my chances.

Always a little behind the eight ball, aren't you?

Let me get another cup.

I'll get it, Mr.

Worrywart.

Anybody got any juggle cables?

Richard, come in here. Get out of the cold.

I tried driving.

But the car wouldn't start.

It's too cold out there.

Put down that battery and come get some hot cocoa.

Hot cocoa?

Oh!

That's a cool listing!

Oh, shit!

Hot!

You don't understand!

The crap!

That's improv.

I made that up off the top of my head. Hey, I want to spit on that person.

Acting! let you do this.

Love the camera, guys.

Love it.

Write that down! He fixed the fern back!

Which is a great stage name, by the way, Cassie. Get rid of Cassie. Your new

name is Fix the Fern Back.

Mr. Fern Back, how are you today?

Fix the!

Answer me, fix the!

Your smart -ass attitude is not going to get you into a good college.

I went to James Sprunt Community College.

Took acting there for seven years. That's Sprunt. S -P -R -U -N -T.

Guess what it spells with.

Rhymes with.

You stick your tongue in a burrito and all of a sudden people think you're

Let's go through everybody's names. What's your name?

Kathy.

Joyko.

Melinda.

Stanley.

Fix the phone back.

That's right Cheers

to you guys. This is nice.

Hey, you know what this reminds me of?

What's that Tim? The first video we ever made together

Okay,

guys, for the last of the hot cocoa.

Be right there.

What are you doing over there?

Peeing in a jar.

What the heck for?

In case the pipes freeze?

Hey, Rick.

Hold this for a minute.

Hey,

guys, you know it's supposed to snow outside.

David, it is snowing outside.

Oops, me so sorry.

Did you know I need to check my email because my wing long is down.

You know what that reminds me of? The first song we ever wrote together.

That doesn't ring a bell for me.

David, this might jog your memory.

Now I remember.

Email's the best way to communicate with your friends. Better than that antique

telephone you have at home. And we made a song up about it, and this is how it

goes. And this is Albert Herman. He's going to sing it with me. Hi.

Nice to see you.

Email's a great way to stay in touch with one another.

It's all right.

Jump online and write to a friend and stay in touch forever.

It's online.

Email's like speaking telepathically through a machine.

Staying in touch is using email better than your best dream.

Email's a great way to stay in touch with one another.

It's all right.

It's online.

Hello, I'm Dr. Alan Thicke. Studies have shown that short periods of sleep

during the day can drastically reduce the incidence of some minor illnesses.

And that's why I'm here to introduce you to a brand new fruit.

It's called the Cinco Napo.

This fruit makes you fall asleep and then wakes you up after only about 15

minutes. This is a truly amazing fruit.

First, the apples are injected with a mild bowel irritant.

Then the apples are dipped in a sleeping gel and set in the sun to dry.

Simply take a few bites from an apple and it knocks you out.

Oh, I'm so sleepy.

The apple juice sits in your stomach and then starts to gently irritate the

bowels. So you wake up.

You may want to wear your deep pants.

After all, a napple a day and a good nap a day will keep me away.

Great job.

47, 48, 49, 50, 51,

52. Full deck of cards.

Well, I'm out of ideas.

You know what? Just because we're snowed in doesn't mean we can't have fun. We

just have to put our heads together.

Interesting.

Check this out.

Hey, check out Richard, huh?

Go, Rich!

Go, Rich! Go, Rich! Go, Rich! Go, Rich! Go, Rich! Go, Rich! Go, Rich!

Check it, baby.

You know what, Tim?

This gives me an idea.

Nice. Hey, Eric, I love your ideas, man.

Check it out, Tim. All our friends are here.

Oh, snow, keep it coming.

Uh -huh.

Nice.