Original subtitles

Oh. This is a story about a guy named Al, and he lived in a sewer with his

hamster pal, but the sanitation workers really didn't approve, so he packed up

his accordion and had to move to a studio in Ohio, where he lived in a

he worked in an angel deconjecture factory, and he played on the company

team, and every single night he had a French recurring dream, or he was

leader holes and in a vat of sour cream, but that's really not important in the

story. Well, the very next year he met a dental hygienist with a special

attitude on her arm, but he didn't even touch any walls or a number, then he got

a public job on a tater tot farm, and he spent

Outro Music

Today's lesson is, a true friend is someone who helps you believe in

and achieve your goals.

Alright, here we go.

That's it. Come on now, Harvey. Show me what you got.

Come on. Ha!

In your face!

Harvey, what's wrong with you?

I've never beat you in air hockey before.

Something on your mind?

Don't want to talk about it, huh?

Okay. Oh, hi.

I'm just doing a little bonding with my best friend in the whole world, Harvey

the Wonder Hamster. Hey, you feel like singing the Harvey the Wonder Hamster

theme song?

Sure you do.

Oh, Har... Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonder Hamster. He doesn't bite and he

doesn't squeal. He just runs around on his hamster wheel.

Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonder Hamster.

Hey, Harvey!

Well, that was fun, wasn't it?

Wasn't it, pal?

Harvey, what's wrong with you? You've been acting really strange ever since

agreed to do that death -defying stunt on today's show.

Hey, wait a minute.

That's what's bothering you, isn't it?

You're nervous about doing the stunt.

Well, I sure hope you get over it because you're ruining my show.

Remember, it's the Weird Al Show, not the Harvey the Wonder Hamster Show. It's

about me, not about you.

Look, I don't have time to talk about it right now. I've got a TV show to worry

about.

Excuse me, Al. Oh, hey, everybody. It's Weevil Zappa.

I've finished polishing your bowling ball collection, and it is beautiful.

can I have some of your famous chocolate lasagna now? Did you finish dusting the

atomic super collider in my basement?

Um... Dweezil, Dweezil, Dweezil. If I reward you without you having to earn

what kind of lesson am I teaching you? Now go finish that list of chores I gave

you, and then later, maybe, you can have some chocolate lasagna, okay?

Okay, where was I?

Oh, yeah. I know a lot of you out there like to cable surf or channel hop or

whatever you want to call it, and I don't want any of you to feel like

missing out on something by watching this show. So as a public service, I'd

to save you wear and tear on your remote controls by showing you what's on the

other channels right now.

Hey,

do I smell fish sticks?

Yo, Sabrina, I'd come to your house after school, but my scuba tank isn't

working.

Sabrina the Teenage Fish will continue in a moment.

Add a three -finger pattern, just like your normal finger picking.

And then we weave in a pretty little counter line.

Oh, this one's so easy, it practically plays itself.

Billy, the 300 -pound chicken, has announced that he will run for mayor of

Chicago. Mayor Goldman of Chicago could not be reached for comment.

When a man you never met before suddenly comes up to you and says, May I take

your order, please?

You know your shampoo is working.

May I take your order, please, shampoo?

Available now at beauty salons everywhere.

There's something weird in the fridge today. I don't know what it is.

food I can't recognize.

My roommate won't throw a thing away. I guess it's probably his.

It looks like it's alive.

Congratulations to our new state swimming champion, Sabrina.

Well, who could that be?

Hold on.

Hold your horses.

I'm Dr.

Phillips, door -to -door pet psychologist.

Have you any disturbed pets?

Wow. What a coincidence.

Well, yeah. In fact, I've got this professionally trained stunt hamster,

well, he's a little nervous about doing his big trick on my TV show.

Textbook. You have a TV show? Yeah. In fact, we're on TV right now. Look.

Hi, Mom!

I'm sorry.

That cameraman looks just like my mother.

Anyway, for hamster therapy, you're looking at one hour a day for five

Wow, that long?

Well, almost all of it is just training him to stand this miserable little couch

here.

I don't know.

Well, of course, if you're pressed for time, we can always use duct tape.

No, that's... Why don't we just get started here?

Harvey, this is Dr.

Phillips. Hello, Harvey.

I want you to tell me what this inkblot looks like to you.

Uh, are you sure you know what you're doing here? I've had much tougher cases

than this. I once had an obsessive -compulsive schnauzer who would dig up

bury the same bone 300 times a day.

Huh. So I can't hardly get us back together. I've got a TV show to do here.

I think...

You should spend a bit less time worrying about your own needs and a bit

about how you might help Harvey achieve one of his goals.

Well, I... You don't like that idea?

How about this?

Harvey... Snap out of it!

I'll give you something to be nervous about! Hey, hey, hey! Who does?

I was just beginning to reach him!

Sorry about that, Harvey.

Well, I can tell by the old clock on the wall that once again it's time

for... Al's Mailbag. That's right.

Let's see what our viewers have to say this week.

Okay.

Got a letter here from Mary Taton from Waukesha, Wisconsin.

And Mary... Oh, it's an envelope full of...

Beef stew.

That's sweet.

Thanks, Mary.

What else do we have here?

Looks like a letter from Ed McMahon.

You may have already won $10 million.

Oh, cool.

Okay, our next letter is from... Oh, no!

It's the Yoko Ono alarm!

That can only mean one thing.

It's time to go to a commercial!

Don't go away!

We'll be right back with Harvey's big stunt!

Wait a minute. I thought Harvey was nervous about doing that stunt.

Looks like Al's so busy thinking about his own needs, he's forgotten about the

needs of his hamster!

You will train harder than your opponent.

You will train longer than your opponent.

You will do everything, everything you can to defeat your opponent.

But you know what?

He's still gonna kick your butt.

That's right. You heard me. I've seen him play. I've seen you play. And quite

frankly, he's just played better than you.

Forget it through that thick skull of yours, muscle boy. You might as well

now. He's going to clean your clock. He's going to mop the floor with your

That's right. Jump your little rope. That's precious.

But all the rope jumping and weight lifting in the world isn't going to help

win. Say, maybe if you got a brand new pair of shoes, you'd have a chance.

Nah, forget it. You're hopeless.

Let's get out of here. Out! Out!

Sports you. You don't deserve to wear them.

The Weird Al Show will be right back.

I promise!

All right!

The Weird Al Show is back!

Okay, right now it's time for the highlight of the show. A very special

performance. By the world's greatest living stunt hamster, my close personal

friend, Harvey.

And today, Harvey won't be performing just any stunt.

Oh, no.

Today, he'll be performing the most spectacular, the most hair -raising, the

most satisfying stunt of his entire career.

That's right, pal. Today, you're going to be breaking the world's record for

longest untethered hamster stunt freefall.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Harvey!

Okay, Harvey, anytime.

Come on, Harvey, we're waiting. Let's go.

Hey, what gives?

You're not really scared, are you?

I don't believe this. If it were me, I would have jumped already. You are so

lame. Come on, you wimp. Jump!

Jump! Jump!

Harvey! Oh, you big baby.

That's right. Go on home, you coward.

Oh, who could that be now?

Uh -oh. It's J .B.

Toppersmith, the guy that gave me the show.

I wonder what he wants now.

Oh, Yankovic, how are you?

How's the show going?

Oh, just fine, J .B. Look, Yankovic, I was wondering what you've got Harvey the

Wonder Hamster doing on this week's show.

I'm not sure Harvey's up to performing today.

What are you talking about?

He's under contract.

Yeah, I know, but he just... All right, never mind, never mind. Lose the

hamster.

I got a much better idea, anyhow.

Two words, Al.

Giant banana.

What? Oh, yeah. I think the show should have a giant banana on it. Kids love

bananas. They're hot right now. Really? Oh, trust me. Look, I can't sit here and

argue all day.

Uh, we okay on the banana?

Sure, JB. I just love bananas, personally. I eat 30 or 40 a day. Did

all the vitamins are in the skin?

I wasn't aware of that. Trust me.

Anyway, I gotta go. Thanks a lot, JB. See you. Bye.

Okay,

Al. I finished sorting all your pennies by year.

Now can I have some of that chocolate lasagna?

Dweezil, look, I'm kind of busy right now.

I'll save you a piece, I promise.

In the meantime, you want to be a good little pop star and take out my trash?

Sure. No problem.

Hey, someone's at the door.

Hello, Alfred.

Mrs. Piesenmeier, my childhood accordion teacher.

Wow, I haven't seen you since you were this tall.

So what brings you here?

Oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd pop in

borrow a galvanized universal socket wrench.

Oh.

There you go. Oh, thank you.

Oh, and how's Harvey?

Fine. Gee, it's great to see you.

You know, you were the first person who really believed in me and encouraged me

to play my accordion, and I'll never forget that.

Well, you were the first student to fill his accordion with jello, and I'll

never forget that either.

Hey, Mrs.

Fessenmeier, as long as you're here and we're talking about the good old days,

why don't I show you one of my home movies?

Oh.

I have to do that. Oh, no problem. Look, the projector's already set up. Have a

seat. Oh, I really should be. I gotta... Okie dokie.

Here's a little film I like to call My Summer Vacation.

Well, one of the high points of My Summer Vacation had to be our family

the zoo.

See, there we are. There's me and Mom and a monkey and a...

I don't know what that is.

Oh, there's my old friend, Dr. Demento. He just loves to hang out by the lion

cages. He likes to feed them, too.

I keep telling him that he's not supposed to, but, you know, he's just

What a kooky, nutty guy.

Boy, Harvey used to love going to the zoo, but he always got kind of nervous

around the reptile house.

Good popcorn.

Anyway... Oh, look, here I am at the horse stables. I always wanted to learn

to ride a horse, so I figured I'd finally give it a shot.

Look at me! Woo!

I'm Cowboy Al! Ha -ha! Look at me!

Uh... Uh...

I thought I'd cut this part out.

Maybe I'll try again some other time.

Ah, what could be better on a hot summer day than a lovely picnic in the park?

The only thing that ruins it are those darn giant radioactive grasshoppers.

Man, are they annoying.

I wish they could do something about those things. They really bug me.

Oh, I also got a part -time job at the circus last summer. It was a lot of fun.

Harvey even taught me a stunt, how to get shot out of a cannon.

Here I go.

Wow, what a thrill that was.

And boom!

Whoa!

It didn't go as planned, but Harvey said I did a good job. That was back when he

was supportive, before he decided to ruin my show.

Well, I guess that's it. You want to see another one, Mrs. Besenmayer? Oh, dear.

Oh, I just remembered. I need to go home and floss my gerbil.

Wow. I never even knew she had a gerbil.

How about that, Harvey?

Harvey.

Hey, look at the Hooded Avenger. He lives in the cave next door. Real nice

Very clean.

Let's find out what he wants.

Wake up, Al. If Harvey's ever going to do his big stunt, he'll need your help

and support.

Hold your horses.

We'll be right back.

They left a couple of these Chinese food menus on my door. I think one of them's

yours. I'm just dropping it off.

Thanks. You feeling okay, Al?

You don't look so good.

Hey, where's Harvey?

Well, he locked himself in his house.

Really?

Why?

Harvey and I had a little fight.

He won't do what he's done.

He's acting like a jerk.

Did you do something to upset him?

No.

All right, I called him a wimp.

And a coward. And a big baby.

But he's still acting like a jerk.

Al, let me tell you a little story about a fight I had with my good friend, Mr.

Molasses. The slowest superhero ever?

I used to love hanging out with him.

We had some great times together.

But every time I'd go out crime fighting, he'd want to tag along.

So I'd have to drive the hood cycle at two miles an hour so he could keep up.

We ended up getting in a big fight over this.

We stopped talking to one another.

And then five years ago, he was in a freak road paving accident.

And I've missed him ever since.

You mean he... Yeah, he moved to Boise, Idaho.

Why?

You know, I hear he changed his name to Mr. Pancake.

But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him.

I wish that we were together fighting crime again.

Come on.

Pull yourself together.

Something like a good friend, Al.

You remember that.

Well, thanks, Hooded Avenger.

I'm going to make up with Harvey.

You know, I think I just figured out what that pet psychologist was trying to

tell me.

If I can help Harvey achieve something, then he'll feel better about himself and

have more confidence.

Excellent idea.

Well, good luck, my friend. I've got to run.

Oh, looks like it's time for the giant banana.

Giant banana, everybody.

Hey, hey, hey, watch it!

have a trail.

That's it. Get out. Out.

I knew I shouldn't let JB talk me into that.

Hey, Harvey, forget it. I was going to buy you a new one anyway.

Harvey?

Harvey, open up.

Hey, pal, it's me, your old buddy Al.

Come on, let's make up.

I miss having you around.

Harvey, look.

When I say that you can achieve whatever goals you set for yourself, I'm not

just spinning your wheel.

I know you can do anything you set your mind to doing.

Just think back on all your hours of hard work practicing to become the world

-class stunt hamster you are today.

999. One more, Harvey. You can do it. One more.

Come on. You can do it. Okay, Harv. Let's get those legs in shape.

You ready?

Run, Harvey. Run.

Faster! Faster!

Move those legs! That's it! Come on!

You can do it!

Harvey, I believe in you.

You can do it!

You know you can!

Well, Al finally learned that a true friend is someone who helps you believe

yourself and achieve your goals.

Hi, hon.

Hard day at work? Oh, don't even ask.

Hey, what's for dinner?

I'm making roast beef. What do you want with it?

Potatoes? Green beans?

How about bananas?

Bananas? You can't have bananas with roast beef.

Now you can.

Huh? Introducing new Silly Choice Dinners, the new line of dinners where

dinner you desire is possible, like roast beef and bananas.

Bananas? Or fried chicken and pancakes.

Pancakes? My goal in creating Silly Choice Dinners was to make available the

dinners that I want to eat. I love them, and I think you will, too.

Try all 15 varieties of Silly Choice Dinners, like grilled salmon and

Pancakes? Again? You've got two dinners with pancakes? Or spaghetti and rubber

bands.

Rubber bands?

You can't have rubber bands for dinner.

Yes, you can with Philly Choice.

Philly Choice dinner, now in your grocer's freezer.

The Weird Al Show will be back in a flash.

Well, that's it for this week. So until next time. Al, Al, check it out. Some of

my finest work.

Nice.

All right, that's it. Where's my chocolate lasagna, man? Oh, okay. A

deal. I tried over this.

Oh, would you look at that? Harvey ate the last piece.

Well, we'll get you some next time, okay?

Oh, yeah.

Uh -huh.

Sure, sure.

Okay, I do all this work. I get nothing. No chocolate, nothing. That's his

problem.

Anyway, as I was saying, until next time, eat your vegetables, brush your

27 times a day, and remember, Harvey is a professionally trained stunt hamster.

So if there's any hamsters out there watching, don't try this at home. Oh,

most importantly, always watch out for speeding locomotives, because you never

know. Whoa!

You know I'm fat, I'm fat.

You know it, you know it, you know it, you know it.

you know i'm huge

i'm fat you know you know i'm fat you know you

know