Original subtitles

Oh. This is a story about a guy named Al, and he lived in a sewer with his

master pal, but the sanitation workers really didn't approve, so he packed up

his accordion and headed to move to a city in Ohio, where he lived in a tree,

and he worked in a nasally congestion factory, and he played on the company

bowling team, and every single night he had a strange recurring dream, where he

was wearing leader holes and in a bath of sour cream, but that's really not

important in the story.

Well, the very next year he met a devil -like dentist with a special attitude on

her arm, but he didn't even touch any lobster, and after that he got himself a

job on a tater tot farm, and he's... And his wife said he's got a flesh level

game 20 miles below the surface of the earth.

And he really makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle salad for what it's

worth. Then one day Al was in the forest trying to get a tan when he heard the

tortured screaming of a funny little man. He was caught in a bear trap and Al

set him free. And the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be. And it

out he's a big shot producer on TV. So he gave his all a contract and what do

you know? Now he's got his very own weird ass.

Today's lesson is, don't follow people who can get you into trouble!

Think for yourself.

Oh, hey!

How you doing?

I'm just putting the finishing touches on my brand new invention, x -ray spray.

Check this out.

Ah, let's see, there's my clavicle, and there's my sternum, and...

Hey, there's my car keys. I've been looking for those.

Anyway, the other day I was out playing 43 Man Squamish with some of my friends

and I met this really cool guy named Spike.

Spike's got this super cool exclusive club. And you know what?

He said he might actually let me be a member too.

Wow.

Oh, that's probably him now. He said he was going to drop by with some of the

other guys in the club.

Hey, Spike.

Hey, Al.

How are you? All right.

Nice cake.

I bet you could throw a slamming party in here.

Thanks.

Where are the rest of the guys?

Oh, uh, you know, they wanted me to come over first and check things out. You

know, make sure you're cooling up.

Of course.

Oh, hey, if you want to see something really cool, look at this.

Ah, that's creepy.

Oh, you know, it would be cool to spray that thing on Christmas presents.

Sure. Oh, and then we could spray it on just about any combination lock to see

how to open it.

I suppose you could.

Oh, hey, you haven't met Harvey yet.

No, who's that?

Only my best friend in the whole world.

Huh? Isn't that a rat?

No, he's a hamster.

Hey, Harvey, you want to sing the Harvey the Wonder Hamster theme song?

Okay, here we go.

Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonder Hamster. He doesn't bite and he doesn't

squeal. He just runs around on his hamster wheel. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey

Wonder Hamster.

Hey, Harvey!

So what makes him a wonder hamster?

Watch this.

Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for the most fearless

rodent in the world, Harvey the Wonderhamter!

All

right,

Harvey! That was pretty cool. Yeah, let's do it again, but...

This time, no parachute.

And let's make the car burst into flames right before it goes over the cliff.

That'll rock.

I think Harvey's tired right now. Why don't we do something else?

I don't know.

You know, I'm starting to think maybe you're not right for the club after all.

I mean, look at you, Al.

You're not even hip to the one pant leg thing.

Yes, I am.

What is it?

All the really cool guys in my club wear their pants with one leg missing.

Oh. All my other pants are like that.

Really, I was just about to cut this one off before you got here.

Look.

See?

It's gone.

I'm cool.

Everything's cool.

All right.

Well, you know what the really cool guys in my club do?

No, what? Now, this is kind of a secret club thing, but I'm going to tell you

anyway.

They dip their arms in hot, melted...

Chocolate. Oh, hey, I've got a vat of hot melted chocolate right here.

Well, what are you waiting for?

I am so full!

Hey,

man, I'm just going to run to the kitchen and grab a quick bite, all

Spike is so cool.

I think he's starting to warm up to me.

Uh -oh.

Sounds like Spike needs a little help in the kitchen.

Dude, there's nothing to eat in here.

Just how far will Al go to impress Spike? This could be trouble.

The Weird Al Show will be right back.

I promise.

My pal Spike here said he was a little hungry, so I'm making him one of my

favorite snacks.

Hickory -flavored asphalt with anchovy jello on whole wheat bread.

Like I always say, if you got blacktop and you got gelatin, you got good

No, no, thanks. I'll pass.

So, Al, what do you do for fun on this show?

Oh, lots of stuff.

Sometimes my neighbor, the Hooded Avenger, comes over on his hood cycle

go... You mean that crime fighter guy?

I know that guy.

What a goober. But you don't actually hang out with him, do you?

Oh, no.

Not really. I was just kidding. Good, good. Because crime fighters are lame.

Yeah, I think so, too.

So come on, Al. Do something to entertain me.

Oh, okay.

Oh, hey.

I know something really fun we can do. Yeah?

Why don't we go into the next room and watch TV?

All right!

Okay! Come on over here.

You can fit a... Well, okay, they're fine.

Give me that.

See, I usually...

And that's why they called him Billy the Chicken.

What a great story.

I was riveted.

Hey, what do you say we all sing a little song?

What do you say we not?

Oh, no.

Did he just say what I thought he said? I'm afraid so.

Water is wet. Oh, water is wet.

How much wetter could water get?

Not any wetter at all, I bet. Oh, water is wet.

Isn't this fun? No!

You don't want to pay a lot for daycare by pirates, but you expect the superior

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That's why Pirate Daycare is the number one daycare provider for children in the

entire tri -state area.

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We also have a soft care program for toddlers.

Call now.

Operators are standing by.

Yes, water is wet.

Wetter than an onion or a chia pet.

It's the very wettest thing that I've seen yet. Oh, water, water, water,

water, water, water, water, water, water, water, water.

Right now it's time for a special bungalow -style fashion report.

Let's find out what's in this week.

Crutches, day -glow tube tops, and fanny packs, but only if worn on the head.

What's out?

Tearing off one pant leg. What was that all about?

I mean, can you believe that there are actually some losers out there that

dress this way? Please. That is so five minutes ago.

Anyway, next up...

I'm bored. Let's do something else.

I'm confused.

Is it cool or not cool to wear pants like this?

Is it cool or not cool?

Where's the phone?

I've got to go call the rest of the guys and tell them not to bother coming

over. If you're this wimpy now, you're certainly not going to get past the

initiation. What initiation?

You couldn't handle it. Oh, sure I could.

What do I have to do? All right. You have to shave your right eyebrow.

Really? Are you sure that's cool? Not only is it cool, it's mandatory.

Gotta do it or you won't get in the club.

Okay, well, I'm just gonna go get my shaving cream.

You guys watch this, and the next time you see me, I'm gonna be unbelievably

cool!

Pizza?

Pizza delivery leaving you cold.

At Pizza Quick, we guarantee fast delivery.

Our secret?

No box!

Most pizza places waste valuable time putting their pizza in a box.

Pizza Palace?

Six seconds.

Antonio's takes eight!

Your pizza just got cold.

At Pizza Quick, your pie comes right out of the oven and goes right out the

door. No boxes. No putting it in boxes.

No boxes!

Oh, thanks.

So next time you want pizza, Get it quick.

Peach equipped.

Ready in zero sets.

Maybe I could just shave my underarm instead.

It's cool, right?

Oh, yeah, Al. That is moving.

Moby? Moby means the absolute coolest.

Oh.

I am way Moby.

That's why I'm in the club now, right?

Well, no, there's something missing.

There.

That's much better. Kid, you got potential.

Oh, hey, maybe that's the other club members now.

Who's the brat?

Oh, it's Bobby the Inquisitive Boy.

Hey, yo, what happened to you?

Oh, yeah, I look totally Moby, don't I?

I don't know. Does Moby mean like a dork?

So, Bobby, what can I do for you? Spike and I are kind of busy here. Dude, am I

the only cool person you know?

I just scraped up my knee. What can I do to make it all better?

Well, Bobby, accidents are just one of the many mysteries of the universe.

Uh -huh.

Bill, can I get a Band -Aid or something?

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.

Prevention is the best medicine.

Why don't I show you this short educational film, and then maybe you'll

twice before you decide to hurt yourself again.

Safety is everyone's business.

We can all stay out of harm's way just by following a few simple rules.

When you're out in public, always check to make sure no spies are following you.

If you find a spider on your shirt, roll, roll on the ground.

Spiders are icky.

And if you lose a pants leg, call home right away so your friends won't beat

up for looking like a dork.

Don't let your parents drive backwards in the rain. It's just not safe.

If Dad needs to take a nap, tell him to do it in a bed. That's what they're made

for.

And never, ever let your dog drive the car.

Well, there you go, Bobby.

Hope that answers your question.

But what if my knee gets infected?

What if germs get in there?

And where do germs come from anyway?

Excuse me.

If your creepy little friend wants to prevent a big accident, perhaps you

leave now.

He'll be gone in a minute. Let me just get him a Band -Aid for his knee.

I guess you didn't quite understand me.

Either Nerd Boy goes or I go.

It's your choice, Al.

But choose now.

Okay, I'll get rid of him.

My man.

Hey, Bobby.

Hey, guess what I heard.

They're having a big party down at the mall with the Mighty Morphin Ranger

people and that Barney Dinosaur guy, and they're giving away a free ice cream

and horsey ride, so you better get going.

See ya.

But I'd rather stay here with you.

Listen, Bobby, the truth is I've got some new friends coming over. You're

not cool enough, okay?

So grab your wheels and hit the road.

I don't feel so good.

Stop being such a baby.

Come on.

Let's go break.

Okay.

It's cool.

Since when is it cool to blow off your friends? I think that guy Spike is a bad

influence.

Hold your horses.

We'll be right back.

Hey, it's time for more of the Weird Al Show.

Welcome back.

I know the place looks kind of messy right now, but I'm right in the middle

working on a plan. Yeah, what are these?

Oh, that's a new invention I'm working on. Super buoyant edible ping pong

Really? Edible? Yeah, but don't put that in your... Spicy!

Yeah, that's the jalapeno flavored one. I tried to warn you.

Anyway, I can tell by the old clock on the wall that once again it's time

That's right. Well, let's see what we got in the old mail bag this week.

Okay. Let's see what we got here.

Oh.

Oh, this is interesting.

Must be some kind of semi -precious stone, maybe even a moon rock. Let's

Dear Al, I found this in my nose.

Okay,

that was...

Something. I'll try another one.

Dear Al, do you have any brothers or sisters who aren't just cheap camera

tricks? Find curious.

Well, I do have my brother Alex, the eight -inch tall savage warrior.

I love him very much, but alas, he's nothing but a cheap camera trick.

It makes my mom really sad.

Let's move on.

Hey, hey, stop reading letters.

That's lame, all right? Nobody in the club would ever do that.

Let's rip them up.

Come on, Al, rip them up.

Oh, hey, I bet that's the other guy from the club.

Oh, hey, Spike.

Hey, Seymour, Seymour.

Al, that's Seymour, Seymour, Al.

He's in the club. Oh, hey.

What's that goop on you?

Chocolate. You know, the secret club thing.

What is he talking about? And what happened to your eyebrow?

Oh, I shaved it off for the club initiation.

What initiation?

You know, the club initiation.

There's no initiation.

We don't even have any other guys in the club yet.

What are you saying?

Wait a second.

Did you just make all this stuff up?

Well, yeah, making stuff up is cool.

You mean to tell me I ripped up my favorite pair of pants, plunged myself

vat of chocolate, shaved off my eyebrow, blew off one of my friends, put on

bunny ears and let you destroy my home all so you would think I was cool, and

you were just making it up?

Yeah.

I am such a fool!

I knew this guy wasn't one of us.

Let's get out of here.

Where did you meet this loser?

Stupid!

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Harvey. Hey, pal.

Spike's gone. You can come out now.

Oh, that better not be Spike.

Oh, hey, guys. Am I glad to see you.

Cramming at least, Bobby. You were right. He is covered with a tasty

coating. So, did you join his club?

Nah, he was a creep.

Duh.

Al.

I'm glad you figured that out yourself.

Some people never learn how to think for themselves.

They just do whatever people tell them is cool.

No matter how ridiculous that may be.

Oh,

look, more visitors.

Hey, it's my good friend, Barenaked Lady.

Come on in, guy. Hey, Al, we were just on our way to the Medieval Festival. We

saw some guy trying to rip off the Hooded Avenger's bike.

What? My hood cycle?

Relax, man. We scared him off. Yeah, but the guy was trying to spray the lock

with this thing.

My x -ray spray?

Spike! I can't believe it. What a worm.

Forget about it, Al.

Someday the sledgehammer of justice will fall upon his big toe.

Hey, if you guys don't mind being a little late to the medieval festival, it

would be great if you could do a song for us. We'd be happy to as soon as we

out of these outfits.

Oh, cool.

That's great.

We'll be right back.

Wow! Following Spike may have cost him a pants leg and an eyebrow, but Al

finally learned to think for himself.

The Weird Al show will be back in a flash.

And now, back to the show!

Hey, look!

It's Barenaked Ladies!

Thank you.

Thank you.

But this is how it's supposed to be God, and you just find that you don't know

any more than me

Maybe something you read.

That's making me think that I should never have come here. I can offer you

I can tell you goodbye.

I can tell you I'm sorry.

But I can't tell the truth, dear. And what if I could? But it ain't too bad,

ain't it good?

You'll go there again.

You'll see the chance of some juice.

Shoebox.

Shoebox.

Shoebox.

Shoebox. Shoebox.