All language subtitles for the_weird_al_show_s01e01_bad_influence

Oh. This is a story about a guy named
Al, and he lived in a sewer with his

master pal, but the sanitation workers
really didn't approve, so he packed up

his accordion and headed to move to a
city in Ohio, where he lived in a tree,

and he worked in a nasally congestion
factory, and he played on the company

bowling team, and every single night he
had a strange recurring dream, where he

was wearing leader holes and in a bath
of sour cream, but that's really not

important in the story.

Well, the very next year he met a devil
-like dentist with a special attitude on

her arm, but he didn't even touch any
lobster, and after that he got himself a

job on a tater tot farm, and he's... And
his wife said he's got a flesh level

game 20 miles below the surface of the
earth.

And he really makes a mighty fine jelly
bean and pickle salad for what it's

worth. Then one day Al was in the forest
trying to get a tan when he heard the

tortured screaming of a funny little
man. He was caught in a bear trap and Al

set him free. And the guy that he
rescued was grateful as could be. And it

out he's a big shot producer on TV. So
he gave his all a contract and what do

you know? Now he's got his very own
weird ass.

Today's lesson is, don't follow people
who can get you into trouble!

Think for yourself.

Oh, hey!

How you doing?

I'm just putting the finishing touches
on my brand new invention, x -ray spray.

Check this out.

Ah, let's see, there's my clavicle, and
there's my sternum, and...

Hey, there's my car keys. I've been
looking for those.

Anyway, the other day I was out playing
43 Man Squamish with some of my friends

and I met this really cool guy named
Spike.

Spike's got this super cool exclusive
club. And you know what?

He said he might actually let me be a
member too.

Wow.

Oh, that's probably him now. He said he
was going to drop by with some of the

other guys in the club.

Hey, Spike.

Hey, Al.

How are you? All right.

Nice cake.

I bet you could throw a slamming party
in here.

Thanks.

Where are the rest of the guys?

Oh, uh, you know, they wanted me to come
over first and check things out. You

know, make sure you're cooling up.

Of course.

Oh, hey, if you want to see something
really cool, look at this.

Ah, that's creepy.

Oh, you know, it would be cool to spray
that thing on Christmas presents.

Sure. Oh, and then we could spray it on
just about any combination lock to see

how to open it.

I suppose you could.

Oh, hey, you haven't met Harvey yet.

No, who's that?

Only my best friend in the whole world.

Huh? Isn't that a rat?

No, he's a hamster.

Hey, Harvey, you want to sing the Harvey
the Wonder Hamster theme song?

Okay, here we go.

Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the Wonder
Hamster. He doesn't bite and he doesn't

squeal. He just runs around on his
hamster wheel. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey

Wonder Hamster.

Hey, Harvey!

So what makes him a wonder hamster?

Watch this.

Ladies and gentlemen, please put your
hands together for the most fearless

rodent in the world, Harvey the
Wonderhamter!

All

right,

Harvey! That was pretty cool. Yeah,
let's do it again, but...

This time, no parachute.

And let's make the car burst into flames
right before it goes over the cliff.

That'll rock.

I think Harvey's tired right now. Why
don't we do something else?

I don't know.

You know, I'm starting to think maybe
you're not right for the club after all.

I mean, look at you, Al.

You're not even hip to the one pant leg
thing.

Yes, I am.

What is it?

All the really cool guys in my club wear
their pants with one leg missing.

Oh. All my other pants are like that.

Really, I was just about to cut this one
off before you got here.

Look.

See?

It's gone.

I'm cool.

Everything's cool.

All right.

Well, you know what the really cool guys
in my club do?

No, what? Now, this is kind of a secret
club thing, but I'm going to tell you

anyway.

They dip their arms in hot, melted...

Chocolate. Oh, hey, I've got a vat of
hot melted chocolate right here.

Well, what are you waiting for?

I am so full!

Hey,

man, I'm just going to run to the
kitchen and grab a quick bite, all

Spike is so cool.

I think he's starting to warm up to me.

Uh -oh.

Sounds like Spike needs a little help in
the kitchen.

Dude, there's nothing to eat in here.

Just how far will Al go to impress
Spike? This could be trouble.

The Weird Al Show will be right back.

I promise.

My pal Spike here said he was a little
hungry, so I'm making him one of my

favorite snacks.

Hickory -flavored asphalt with anchovy
jello on whole wheat bread.

Like I always say, if you got blacktop
and you got gelatin, you got good

No, no, thanks. I'll pass.

So, Al, what do you do for fun on this
show?

Oh, lots of stuff.

Sometimes my neighbor, the Hooded
Avenger, comes over on his hood cycle

go... You mean that crime fighter guy?

I know that guy.

What a goober. But you don't actually
hang out with him, do you?

Oh, no.

Not really. I was just kidding. Good,
good. Because crime fighters are lame.

Yeah, I think so, too.

So come on, Al. Do something to
entertain me.

Oh, okay.

Oh, hey.

I know something really fun we can do.
Yeah?

Why don't we go into the next room and
watch TV?

All right!

Okay! Come on over here.

You can fit a... Well, okay, they're
fine.

Give me that.

See, I usually...

And that's why they called him Billy the
Chicken.

What a great story.

I was riveted.

Hey, what do you say we all sing a
little song?

What do you say we not?

Oh, no.

Did he just say what I thought he said?
I'm afraid so.

Water is wet. Oh, water is wet.

How much wetter could water get?

Not any wetter at all, I bet. Oh, water
is wet.

Isn't this fun? No!

You don't want to pay a lot for daycare
by pirates, but you expect the superior

quality and experience that only pirates
can provide.

That's why Pirate Daycare is the number
one daycare provider for children in the

entire tri -state area.

Our staff of highly trained, dedicated
daycare professionals is there to serve

all your child's daycare needs.

We also have a soft care program for
toddlers.

Call now.

Operators are standing by.

Yes, water is wet.

Wetter than an onion or a chia pet.

It's the very wettest thing that I've
seen yet. Oh, water, water, water,

water, water, water, water, water,
water, water, water.

Right now it's time for a special
bungalow -style fashion report.

Let's find out what's in this week.

Crutches, day -glow tube tops, and fanny
packs, but only if worn on the head.

What's out?

Tearing off one pant leg. What was that
all about?

I mean, can you believe that there are
actually some losers out there that

dress this way? Please. That is so five
minutes ago.

Anyway, next up...

I'm bored. Let's do something else.

I'm confused.

Is it cool or not cool to wear pants
like this?

Is it cool or not cool?

Where's the phone?

I've got to go call the rest of the guys
and tell them not to bother coming

over. If you're this wimpy now, you're
certainly not going to get past the

initiation. What initiation?

You couldn't handle it. Oh, sure I
could.

What do I have to do? All right. You
have to shave your right eyebrow.

Really? Are you sure that's cool? Not
only is it cool, it's mandatory.

Gotta do it or you won't get in the
club.

Okay, well, I'm just gonna go get my
shaving cream.

You guys watch this, and the next time
you see me, I'm gonna be unbelievably

cool!

Pizza?

Pizza delivery leaving you cold.

At Pizza Quick, we guarantee fast
delivery.

Our secret?

No box!

Most pizza places waste valuable time
putting their pizza in a box.

Pizza Palace?

Six seconds.

Antonio's takes eight!

Your pizza just got cold.

At Pizza Quick, your pie comes right out
of the oven and goes right out the

door. No boxes. No putting it in boxes.

No boxes!

Oh, thanks.

So next time you want pizza, Get it
quick.

Peach equipped.

Ready in zero sets.

Maybe I could just shave my underarm
instead.

It's cool, right?

Oh, yeah, Al. That is moving.

Moby? Moby means the absolute coolest.

Oh.

I am way Moby.

That's why I'm in the club now, right?

Well, no, there's something missing.

There.

That's much better. Kid, you got
potential.

Oh, hey, maybe that's the other club
members now.

Who's the brat?

Oh, it's Bobby the Inquisitive Boy.

Hey, yo, what happened to you?

Oh, yeah, I look totally Moby, don't I?

I don't know. Does Moby mean like a
dork?

So, Bobby, what can I do for you? Spike
and I are kind of busy here. Dude, am I

the only cool person you know?

I just scraped up my knee. What can I do
to make it all better?

Well, Bobby, accidents are just one of
the many mysteries of the universe.

Uh -huh.

Bill, can I get a Band -Aid or
something?

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.

Prevention is the best medicine.

Why don't I show you this short
educational film, and then maybe you'll

twice before you decide to hurt yourself
again.

Safety is everyone's business.

We can all stay out of harm's way just
by following a few simple rules.

When you're out in public, always check
to make sure no spies are following you.

If you find a spider on your shirt,
roll, roll on the ground.

Spiders are icky.

And if you lose a pants leg, call home
right away so your friends won't beat

up for looking like a dork.

Don't let your parents drive backwards
in the rain. It's just not safe.

If Dad needs to take a nap, tell him to
do it in a bed. That's what they're made

for.

And never, ever let your dog drive the
car.

Well, there you go, Bobby.

Hope that answers your question.

But what if my knee gets infected?

What if germs get in there?

And where do germs come from anyway?

Excuse me.

If your creepy little friend wants to
prevent a big accident, perhaps you

leave now.

He'll be gone in a minute. Let me just
get him a Band -Aid for his knee.

I guess you didn't quite understand me.

Either Nerd Boy goes or I go.

It's your choice, Al.

But choose now.

Okay, I'll get rid of him.

My man.

Hey, Bobby.

Hey, guess what I heard.

They're having a big party down at the
mall with the Mighty Morphin Ranger

people and that Barney Dinosaur guy, and
they're giving away a free ice cream

and horsey ride, so you better get
going.

See ya.

But I'd rather stay here with you.

Listen, Bobby, the truth is I've got
some new friends coming over. You're

not cool enough, okay?

So grab your wheels and hit the road.

I don't feel so good.

Stop being such a baby.

Come on.

Let's go break.

Okay.

It's cool.

Since when is it cool to blow off your
friends? I think that guy Spike is a bad

influence.

Hold your horses.

We'll be right back.

Hey, it's time for more of the Weird Al
Show.

Welcome back.

I know the place looks kind of messy
right now, but I'm right in the middle

working on a plan. Yeah, what are these?

Oh, that's a new invention I'm working
on. Super buoyant edible ping pong

Really? Edible? Yeah, but don't put that
in your... Spicy!

Yeah, that's the jalapeno flavored one.
I tried to warn you.

Anyway, I can tell by the old clock on
the wall that once again it's time

That's right. Well, let's see what we
got in the old mail bag this week.

Okay. Let's see what we got here.

Oh.

Oh, this is interesting.

Must be some kind of semi -precious
stone, maybe even a moon rock. Let's

Dear Al, I found this in my nose.

Okay,

that was...

Something. I'll try another one.

Dear Al, do you have any brothers or
sisters who aren't just cheap camera

tricks? Find curious.

Well, I do have my brother Alex, the
eight -inch tall savage warrior.

I love him very much, but alas, he's
nothing but a cheap camera trick.

It makes my mom really sad.

Let's move on.

Hey, hey, stop reading letters.

That's lame, all right? Nobody in the
club would ever do that.

Let's rip them up.

Come on, Al, rip them up.

Oh, hey, I bet that's the other guy from
the club.

Oh, hey, Spike.

Hey, Seymour, Seymour.

Al, that's Seymour, Seymour, Al.

He's in the club. Oh, hey.

What's that goop on you?

Chocolate. You know, the secret club
thing.

What is he talking about? And what
happened to your eyebrow?

Oh, I shaved it off for the club
initiation.

What initiation?

You know, the club initiation.

There's no initiation.

We don't even have any other guys in the
club yet.

What are you saying?

Wait a second.

Did you just make all this stuff up?

Well, yeah, making stuff up is cool.

You mean to tell me I ripped up my
favorite pair of pants, plunged myself

vat of chocolate, shaved off my eyebrow,
blew off one of my friends, put on

bunny ears and let you destroy my home
all so you would think I was cool, and

you were just making it up?

Yeah.

I am such a fool!

I knew this guy wasn't one of us.

Let's get out of here.

Where did you meet this loser?

Stupid!

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Harvey. Hey, pal.

Spike's gone. You can come out now.

Oh, that better not be Spike.

Oh, hey, guys. Am I glad to see you.

Cramming at least, Bobby. You were
right. He is covered with a tasty

coating. So, did you join his club?

Nah, he was a creep.

Duh.

Al.

I'm glad you figured that out yourself.

Some people never learn how to think for
themselves.

They just do whatever people tell them
is cool.

No matter how ridiculous that may be.

Oh,

look, more visitors.

Hey, it's my good friend, Barenaked
Lady.

Come on in, guy. Hey, Al, we were just
on our way to the Medieval Festival. We

saw some guy trying to rip off the
Hooded Avenger's bike.

What? My hood cycle?

Relax, man. We scared him off. Yeah, but
the guy was trying to spray the lock

with this thing.

My x -ray spray?

Spike! I can't believe it. What a worm.

Forget about it, Al.

Someday the sledgehammer of justice will
fall upon his big toe.

Hey, if you guys don't mind being a
little late to the medieval festival, it

would be great if you could do a song
for us. We'd be happy to as soon as we

out of these outfits.

Oh, cool.

That's great.

We'll be right back.

Wow! Following Spike may have cost him a
pants leg and an eyebrow, but Al

finally learned to think for himself.

The Weird Al show will be back in a
flash.

And now, back to the show!

Hey, look!

It's Barenaked Ladies!

Thank you.

Thank you.

But this is how it's supposed to be God,
and you just find that you don't know

any more than me

Maybe something you read.

That's making me think that I should
never have come here. I can offer you

I can tell you goodbye.

I can tell you I'm sorry.

But I can't tell the truth, dear. And
what if I could? But it ain't too bad,

ain't it good?

You'll go there again.

You'll see the chance of some juice.

Shoebox.

Shoebox.

Shoebox.

Shoebox. Shoebox.