Original subtitles

Oh, well, there you are.

Are you going to do that right now?

I mean, it's just after five o 'clock.

I just finished my work, but I wasn't expecting to see that. And where is it?

Do you even have a dick? What is that?

Are you some kind of mutant?

that I thought you were going to show me something.

That is ridiculous.

That's so tiny.

Where's your dick?

And what is that? A finger in your pants?

That's like the size of my, like the tip of my little finger.

Really?

Oh, I'm sure it gets a lot harder. It gets a lot bigger when it gets harder.

Sure. Yeah.

With a dick that size, you're never going to have anybody interested in you.

Just give up. Give up.

Your dick is too small to ever have anyone wanting it.

It's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous.

It's really, really tiny.

Now, look.

It's so tiny that no girl is even going to be able to mount you. They're not

going to be able to feel it. They're going to think they're with a woman.

almost nothing there.

But you know what?

This is how much you don't have a chance. You have no chance with any

So let me just show you what you are going to be missing, okay?

You showed me, obviously you think that I must be some kind of authority on

this.

You're a boss.

You said you wanted to show me something.

You're showing me a teeny tiny world's smallest penis.

I mean, at least you're entertaining me. I can say that

much. But this, see these tits?

You are never going to attract a woman's nice, big tits. Not with a tiny dick

like that.

Your dick is just, it's so tiny. I mean, it makes a toothpick.

look long and you have no chance

zero at ever having a real woman in your life so

I mean this is this is what you're going to be missing right here this kind of

curves it's not it's not in your future

This is what you're missing with that tiny dick of yours. Go on.

You might as well stroke it. I mean, I can't hardly see it to begin with. So,

like, stroking it doesn't let you go. I mean, do you need tweezers or something?

You need a special tool to stroke that tiny thing?

Oh, my gosh.

Magnifying glass. Can I get you a magnifying glass? Because, really, I

look at the size of my nipple.

It's bigger than your dick.

Well, I mean, I guess thanks for showing me.

Go ahead. Show me what you can do with something that tiny.

Keep me laughing.

Oh.

Let me see. The last time I've laughed this hard.

I mean, say you did manage to attract a woman, and then

it's time to make out.

You start feeling her.

She starts touching you, and then she puts her hand down your pants, and she

feels.

Is that a clitoris? Because that's the size of a clitoris, like really tiny.

Oh, my God. Like, why did you even think to show me this? Did you think I would

have some compassion for you? Did you think I'd feel sorry for you?

No, I don't.

Your dick is so small, you will never have anyone take their bra off like this

right now.

You can just forget about it. That's not happening.

You know, even less likely for you is that someone would ever...

Take their panties off.

Because for a small dick like that, I mean, I'm not going to feel it anyway.

what's the point?

Well, you better take a look because this is the only pussy anyone's ever

to show you.

Tiny cock.

Mini dick.

Teeny weeny.

call you Dinky, how about?

Go on, Dinky.

Look it up.

Look and see.

Like, literally, maybe some special equipment

is created for a small dick like yours. I mean, here I am pinching my clitoris.

This feels pretty good. This is probably really similar to what you're doing

with your tiny, tiny dick.

Just like that.

But I'm a woman. I'm supposed to have a small clitoris. You're supposed to have

a cock.

No one's even going to feel it.

Good Lord, isn't there something you can do about that tiny dick? I mean, you're

just pretty ridiculous.

Honestly, ridiculous.

I'm looking at it. I keep looking at it because it's hard to look away.

Do you think that you have some kind of exposure?

like, um, radioactive exposure that shrinks your dick. Like, did you, did

use any kind of odd ointments on it when you were going through puberty or

anything like that?

Because your dick is, like, ridiculous.

It's so small that it makes twigs look big. I mean, your little twiglet

please me if you were the last dick on the planet. Like, I will have a better

chance getting off of my pinky.

So, I don't know, I don't know how to help you here, but I can assure you,

you have, like, basically zero chance with any woman having a dick that

small. Like, your dick is so small that maybe you're better to represent

yourself as a lesbian.

And see if, you know, maybe you can wear strap -ons for her or something like

that. Like, or your hair long.

Because that dick is, like, microscopic.

You know what?

You know what we're going to do?

Let's take a look at it. Let's take a look.

Maybe, like, with a magnifying glass, maybe you can do something to feel

for yourself like you have a larger dick. And maybe that can start with some

kind of healing process for you.

Because talking to me about it, like, all I can say is

your dick is too small.

It's too small to even be considered a dick.

Ridiculous.

You have the most ridiculous penis I've ever seen.

I mean, I'm surprised you're not more ashamed.

Like, don't you feel really pathetic?

I'm sure you did something wrong because your dick is... Let me put it this way.

Like, if there was a gnome and he had a dick, it would probably be bigger than

your dick.

So, if we called you gnome dick, that would actually be a compliment.

Miniature gnome dick.

miniature, tiny, teeny, weenie.

Well, I hope you're happy with yourself.

No one else will be.

Ever.

You could not satisfy even the tightest pussy, even the tiniest woman.

It has to have a cock go inside her. You're not going to make it past the

You have zero chance of pleasing a woman. So just give up now and be done

it.

I mean, maybe there's some kind of, like, enhancement or something.

I don't know.

But I don't know if I could just deal with myself if I was your size.

Ridiculous.

Oh, you're still here? You're still going to hang around?

Well, we might as well make the most of this moment because you're never going

to watch a woman get dressed either. No one's going to stick around for Mr.

Teensy Weensy Weenie.

Tiny whiny dick.

No.

You know those miniature hot dogs?

Maybe if you put one of those in your pants, you could pull someone long

that they would like, start to like you for who you are, because they're never

going to like you for your dick.

But a miniature hot dog would be a huge improvement on what you've got going on,

and then it would be a reasonable lie.

Because then when they see the size of the real dick, it's more like a Tic Tac.

They're all to be close. They're all to be emotionally connected. So

there you go.

That's my advice to you, oh teeny weeny.

See if you can just improvise, you know.

Start with food.

That's probably the only way you'll get someone to suck your dick.

if you have the miniature wiener in there.

They think it's your dick. They think it's decent size compared to the tiny,

infinitesimal size of your cock.

Oh, I don't know how to help you. I really don't. I mean, your situation is

truly pathetic.

So, I guess you can just rest easy knowing there's

There's nowhere to go but up. No one is as low on the totem pole as you with

your tiny dick. That makes you automatically below the lowest of men.

And so you can just feel really secure that you

will always fail because your dick is so small.

That's all, that's really all I can...

All I can say in the form of any kind of positive reinforcement.

Well, you chose to show me your tiny dick.

I mean, you had to expect something like this.

Well, teeny weeny.

Feast your eyes on this, because this is the last time that you'll probably ever

see a woman getting dressed.

When your dick is that small, you're out of the running, pretty much.

A woman likes something to go in them.

Not a little ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

A little twig, twig, twig.

That's nothing. That does nothing, okay?

I would get more pleasure from a woman rubbing her clitoris on me than your

tiny, tiny, tiny dick.