All language subtitles for Whip It (2009)_track3_[eng]

(IN DISTINCT CHATTERING)

Five minutes,
my little lambs.

Has anyone seen
Bliss Cavendar?

Pash , this can't
be happening .

(LAUGHING)

WOMAN: Why aren't you
backstage, Brooke?

You know how it is.

They get to a certain
age, they don't want
you back there.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

She said
she'll meet me here.

Really? That's odd .
Mmm-hmm , mmm-hmm .

PASH: It says "temporary."

It did a minute ago,
I swear.

My mom is
gonna kill me.

(APPLAUSE)

(PIANO PLAYING)

EMCEE: Now, Miss Amber Black.

If I could have dinner
with anyone, it would
have to be God .

Because what they say
is true. God is great.

(APPLAUSE)

Don't tell them
that I did it, okay?

Those are the rules,
you're not allowed
to tell .

(EXCLAIMING)

Let go.
I'm your only friend .

Corbi Booth ,
ladies and gentlemen .

If I could have dinner
with anyone, it would
have to be my grandfather.

I love you , Papa.

(APPLAUSE)

And now,
also from Bodeen ,
Miss Bliss Cavendar.

(PIANO PLAYING)

(PIANO STOPS)

If I could have
dinner with anyone,

it would be
Amelia Earhart,

because not only was she
a ploneer of aviatlon ,

but she was
a great woman
in history.

Thank you .

(PIANO PLAYING)

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

So enlighten me.
What was that
little stunt all about?

Are you trying to
sabotage your chances?

Or was it just your
blological urge to make your
mother look like a jackass?

It was just a dare.

Oh . How did that
work out for you?

Not so great?

(EXCLAIMS) Corbi .

Congratulatlons, honey.
Well-deserved .

Thank you .
Thumbs way up.

Thank you ,
Mrs. Cavendar.

Bliss is so hard
to beat. Usually.

Well , the Blue Bonnet pageant
is right around the corner.

And we'll be there.
Come on , honey.

Oh . See you later.
See you .

I'm sorry that
these pageants

don't live up
to your high moral
standards, Bliss,

but there's a lot you
can learn from them ,

no matter what you
go on to be in life.

You think you're
being judged up there
on that stage,

but no one's asking you
to be Miss America.

I wanna be Miss America.

And you're gonna be
the best one ever,
sweetheart.

Teeth .

Eyes.

Trudy, bless your heart
for fitting us in .

Well , hell .
Shit happens.

Let me get my foils.

BROOKE: Now,
what were you thinking ,
getting blue hair?

ANNOUNCER ON RAD!O:
Fourteenth drive
in the red zone.

They have now given up
nine touchdowns

and three field goals.
We'll see how
this one ends up.

He's only had one takeaway
in the red zone.

Hey.

(LAUGHS)

I won another one.

Lord , child ,
you are unstoppable.

And had I known
what you were up to,
I would have bought a ticket.

BROOKE: Earl .

I mean , dang it, girl ,
what has gotten into you?

J ust defective, I guess.

BROOKE: N ice parenting , Earl .

Come on , now.

Ooh , I'll see you later.

(CH UCKLES)

WOMAN : Dinner.

Serlously, out of all
the places to go to
in the world ,

who would come to Bodeen?

PASH : Them .
I mean , they're smart,

at least they just
pass through .

BIRDMAN : Go ahead
and mock it.

But without
the Blue Bonnet factory,
this town wouldn't exist.

You know what, Birdman ,

I think I preferred you
before you got promoted .

You know, now
you're all corporate.

I know. I miss
the old Birdman .
Yeah .

Ladies, don't let
the tie fool you .
I'm still one of us.

But y'all are gonna have to
start calling me Dwayne now.

It's more dignified .
No.

Birdman is the only thing
you have going for you .

(TRUCK APPROACHING)
That's what you think.

BLISS: Really?

PASH : Yeah .

PASH : Hey.

Make sure they
tip you this time.

Hey, what can I
get you guys?

Hey, Corbi .

So what are you , like,
alternative now?

Alternative to what?

What's the name of that
thing that if I eat it
real fast, it's free?

That's the Squealer.
You have to eat it in
three minutes or less.

Yeah , you bring me
a Squealer.

And I don't mean Corbi .

(LAUGHS)

(SQUEALING)

BOY: Let's go, buddy,
pick it up. Come on,
come on.

Oh, yes.
You got it,
you got it.

PASH: I can't believe
you used to share
a bed with her.

Baby, baby,
get it, yeah.

You make it sound very dirty.
It was just sleepovers.

Come on. Come on.
Baby, do it. Do it.

Go. Go. Go.
Go. Go. Go.

Come on.
Come on, Colby!
Yeah.

That's my man.
Come on, Colby.

(ALL CHEERING)

(GRUNTING)

It's free, bitches.
It's free. It's free.

I was thinking

maybe we could
go to Austin and
do some shopping.

Really?

BOTH: (SINGING WITH RADlo)
Teach them well
and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty
they possess inside

...them a sense of pride
to make it easier

You hate them.

Well, they don't have
duct tape on them.
That's an improvement.

Hi.

Thanks.

Ooh !

Pretty vases.

(MALE CLERK LAUGHING)

MALE CLERK: They're great
for tulips, really.

Um. . .

Thank you. Yup,
I changed my mind.

No, please, Bliss.
Come on.

Don't. . .
Don't be embarrassed.

It's funny.

I'm supposed to buy you
shoes from a head shop?

Does that really strike you
as responsible parenting?

Fine. 'Cause shoes
are a gateway drug.

For gosh sakes, Bliss.

(PHONE RINGING)

ANNOUNCER ON TV:
It goes out of bounds
near the 42 yard line.

There is a flag down.

Yeah, it's Earl.
BROOKE: Hello, Earl.

Can you please explain
to your daughter

why it's inappropriate
to buy shoes
in a head shop?

Dad, it's not like that.

(LAUGHING) You took your
mother to a head shop?

Are you off your nut?

You know,
if she wasn't here
and I used my own money,

it wouldn't make
a difference.
That's not the point.

Look, I am in the middle
of a deal here, okay?

So whatever
you all work out
is fine with me.

Give me that.
Okay?

Earl, do you know
how hard I have worked

to raise these girls in
a drug-free environment?

Yes, I do.
Exactly.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Hi.
Hey, girls.
What's up?

Hello.
Dropping
my flyers off.

Perfect.
Hurl Scouts-Holy Rollers.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

See you then.
Thanks, girls. Bye.

Come on. All right,
let's go. Come on.

BLISS: Screw you
and your grandma's
Chevy Celebrity.

(CHUCKLES)

Here.

No, what are you doing?
Yes, yes, yes.
You got stiffed

on your tips again,
just take it.
No.

Just take it, take it.
No.

What is this?
What is this?

Roller derby?

This is. . .
This is tomorrow.

This is in Austin.

Yeah, I know.

Will there be
cute boys there?

(BOTH CHATTERING)

Hey, Mom, Dad,
we're gonna go
to a football game.

It's an away game, but. . .

The team
kind of needs us.

No, no, no,
not "kind of,"
they do.

EARL: Well, sure.

Hey, I'll tell you what,
I'll take you.

No, it's cool.
You have your car.

Yeah, I have my car.

No, but I mean, you know,
we can watch together.

Earl, let the girls go on
and have their fun.

And then you and I
can nuzzle.

(BOTH GASPING)

I kind of feel bad
lying to them.

I don't. I give my
parents straight A's.

I get freedom.

(SCREAMING)

(SHEENA IS A PUNK ROCKER
PLAYING ON RADlo)

(SINGING)
She's a punk punk,
a punk rocker

Punk punk, a punk rocker

(SCREAMING)

Well, the kids
are all hopped up
and ready to go

They're ready to go now
They've got their surfboards

And they're going to
the discotheque a-go-go

But she just couldn't stay

She had to break away

Well, New York City
really has it all

Oh, yeah

Don't say I never
gave you anything.

Sheena is a punk rocker

(CROWD CHEERING)

Okay, everybody,
and welcome to skate night
at the Warehouse.

I'm a little hung-over
tonight, so I...

Anyway, let me introduce you
to our first team.

Coming to you from
the streets of Austin,

men, hold on
to your cookies,
it's the Hurl Scouts.

Number 99, captain
of the Hurl Scouts,
Maggie Mayhem.

Number 69, Bloody Holly.

Number 3, Rosa Sparks.

Number 2, Smashley Simpson.

Razor Magee's Hurl Scouts
have come in last place
three years running.

This league has five teams,
each with their own theme.

What outlaw do we have
skating against
the Hurl Scouts

this fine Texas
evening here?

I'm talking about the girls
so bad that even God can't
keep them in line.

Give it up for the
undefeated Holy Rollers.

Last season's champs
are led by their captain,

the league's leading
scorer, Iron Maven.

Yeah, she's the one
from the flyer.

I'm feeling hot
in these polyesters
right now, baby.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's play some
roller derby.

(BLOWING WHISTLE)

A jammer scores
a point in this course

by passing members
of the opposite team.

Maven gets a great jump.
That's fast.

And she's out
to an early lead.

Iron Maven,
ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, the ones to watch
tonight are the jammers.

Those are the ones
with the stars
on their helmets.

Some of you might remember
watching derby on TV
back in the '70s,

but it was reborn right here
in the heart of Texas,

a true Austin traditlon.

Maven's heading up
on the outside but it's
real crowded in there.

(GRUNTS)
That's a big hit
by Rosa Sparks.

Jackie Daniels is down.

Lucky for
the Hurl Scouts this is
only an exhibitlon bout

because the Rollers
are in control.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKER)

(CROWD CHATTERING)

MAN: Thank you, Maggie.

I just wanna tell you all
that you're my new heroes.

It's your
first time here?

Yeah.

Well, put some skates on,
be your own hero.

(LAUGHS)

The last time
I wore skates, they had
Barbies on them.

Hey, you know, none of us
knew our ass from an
elbow pad when we started.

You should come to
tryouts on Tuesday.

You have to be 21 .
You're 21 , right?

Two. . . I'm 22.

Yeah, I just had my. . .
I had my birthday, so. . .

Great, it's this
Tuesday at 5:00.

It is?
Yeah.

I'm Maggie,
Maggie Mayhem.

I'm Bliss,
but I can change that.

Yeah, you'll have
to change that.

Don't be late.

"Twenty-two.
Just had my birthday."

Twenty-one,
it's a red flag.

Twenty-two's way
more believable.

I guess, 'cause you're
not actually gonna do it,
so I guess it makes sense.

Why don't
you and I try out?

Excuse me?

I didn't have
a Barbie-roller-skating
phase. Okay?

I had a fat-kid-sits-inside-
and-reads-a-book phase.

You know that.

Well, what makes you
think I won't try out?

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CHUCKLES) Because
you'd be scared
to go without me.

And those
roller derby girls,
they're tough.

And you are not.
Ow!

Geez.
How dare you?

Not to mentlon
your mom.

She doesn't
have to know.

You don't have
the balls.

I can grow the balls.

(WHIMPERING)

No way.

Mmm.

Hey.

Do you have room
for one more?

I like your hair.

Thanks, hon.
I do it myself.

DRIVER: All right,
next stop,
downtown Austin.

DERBY PLAYER 1 : Hey.
DERBY PLAYER 2: Hey.

What's your derby name?

Pocket Rocket.

What's yours?

Jaba the Slut.

Hey, you made it.
Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm glad
you came.

Thanks.

What is that?

That would be Razor.
He's our coach.

He's a good guy.
And he really
knows his derby.

All right, ladies.
Let's roll.

Ooh, jean shorts.

Every single day.

(METAL BANGING)

Meet the
Manson sisters.

Gift from the Ottawa
Women's Hockey League
to the Hurl Scouts.

They both seem
really aggressive.

Maybe we can finally
win a few this year.

Maybe.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

All right, listen up,
fresh meat.

There's a lot more
to derby than fishnets
and picking out a tough name.

This is a sport.

Now, the league
has six spots open.

So whatever shred
of talent you have,

hope you leave it out
on the track for me today.

Okay, what is it?

Sorry.

Just what are the rules?

Derby 1 01 , people.

Four blockers from each team
are lined up on the track.

Ten feet behind them,

two jammers are lined up,
one from each team.

We're the ones
who score.

First whistle blows
and the pack takes off.

Then a second whistle blows
and the jammers take off.

Some of us faster
than others.

Once the jammer
breaks through the pack,

she hauls ass around
the track a second time
and tries to score.

For every player
on the opposing team
the jammer passes,

she gets a point.

Most points wins the game
every single time.

Now, line up
and get you some.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Get up.

Go, ladies. Move it.

Up, up, up. Go.

Looking good, Barbie.

It's roller derby,
not cotilllon.

Come on,
put a hit on somebody.

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

God damn it, Diane.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Hey. That move will
get you tossed from
a game.

There's no place in
this sport for that.

What?

Okay. Sorry.

But I like the aggresslon.

Is it bad?

Mmm-mmm.
Mmm-mmm.

No. Mmm-mmm.
Mmm-mmm.

Forty-one,
gotta improve on that.
39, 32, not bad.

Twenty-nine. Let's go.

(EXHALES)

Twenty-three?

Looks like you've
got some competitlon.

Yeah, yeah, wake me
when she learns how
to throw a hit.

(EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

Or take one.

Hey, you're
Iron Maven.

That's right,
kiss-ass.

Why don't you suck up
a little harder?

There's still part of
your face that doesn't
have doodie on it.

MAVEN: Nice shorts.
BLISS: Help.

Can somebody help me? I. . .

Just kidding.

Hey, by the way,
you made it,
you're a Hurl Scout.

Nice work out there.

(CAUGHT UP IN YOU PLAYING)

(SINGING) I never knew
there'd come a day

(CAR HORN HONKING)

When I'd be saying to you

"Don't let this good love
slip away..."

Your feet are on fire.
They're on fire.

Serlously, look,
they're on fire.

You're changing
your schedule?

Well, I have to.
You know, for practice.

Don't leave me alone
with Birdman.

You can change
yours to mine.

I can't. I'm actually
taking an SAT class,
remember?

(BELL RINGING)

So caught up in you,
little girl

That I never did
suspect a thing

So caught up in you,
little girl

That I never want
to get myself free

(EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHING)

You caught me
Baby, you taught me

How good it could be

BROOKE: Shania, I am not
cleaning Salisbury steak sauce
off of that fringe again.

Hey, I just wanted
to let you guys know

that I'm gonna change
my work schedule

to Mondays, Wednesdays,

'cause I wanna
take an SAT class
on Tuesdays, Thursdays.

I'm impressed.

Me, too.

I like smart girls,
that's why I married
your mama.

Well, that and I
knocked her up.

So caught up in you,
little girl

You're the one that's
got me down on my knees

So caught up in you,
little girl

That I never want
to get myself free

And, baby, it's true

You're the one

Who caught me
Baby, you taught me

How good it could be

Fill your days
and your nights

No need to ever
ask me twice

Oh, no

Whenever you want me

Shouldn't. . .
Shouldn't we, like,
be practicing soon?

Yeah, hurry up, you guys,
we don't wanna be late.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Careful, Pee-Wee here
might get the idea
we actually win.

You don't?
Hell, no. Never.

All that "We're Number 1 "
corporate crap doesn't apply.

Our bad attitude's
an asset here.

Okay, ladies.
Check it out.

Hot off the presses,
brand new playbooks
compiled by yours truly.

Your hands clean?

Yes, my hands
are clean.

Pay particular attentlon
to Play Number 3.

I think it's gonna
blow your doors off.

Smashley,
you're late as per usual.

I know.

Well, then you must also
know that there's nothing
cool about being late.

Hey. . .
RAZOR: Let's hit the track.

Who's up for
Lovejoy's later tonight?
$2 pitchers. Beer?

SMASHLEY: I'm in.

ROSA: Me, too.

I'm in.

You weren't invited.

I'm still in.

There's no such thing
as a scrimmage.

We practice
the way we play.

Maven, you know
what to do.

Bliss, show me
something good.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

You ready?
(SCOFFS) Am I ready?

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

RAZOR: Let's go,
ladies. Skate.

Don't block your own player,
let's go.

Crossover the turn,
stay low.
Crossover the turn.

Bend those knees.
Bend those knees.
Bend those knees.

BLISS: Ow!

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

What the hell
was that?

You had Maven beat,
but she smoked you

'cause you're too
scared to throw a hit.

And then you quit.

I need you to
be a lot more. . .

I want you to
start being a lot. . .
Ruthless.

Yeah.

That's right,
you little peanut,
I need you to be ruthless.

This is
a contact sport, Bliss.

Eventually I'm gonna
need you to make contact.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Next group up.
Back off, Razor.

MAGGIE: Just ignore him.
SMASHLEY: We do.

Serlously.

I mean, he's right.
I'm not cutting it.

You know what I
like to think about
before every game?

My ex.

Little piece
of advice, Bliss.

Don't fall for your
reglonal manager

and think that he's not
gonna give you crabs

because he cheated on you,
'cause it happens.

And when I think
about myself in the shower,
using that special shampoo,

which, for the record,
doesn't make anyone feel
very special at all,

I really, really
wanna hit somebody.

You have to find that
thing that really pisses
you off and you use it.

Have you ever had crabs?

No.

No. Okay. My doctor said
it was really common, but. . .

B-man, come on.
What do you say?

Pash has to come.
You know,
it's my first game.

Yeah, well,
what about me?

I mean, did anybody
bother to think,

"Hey, Birdman might
appreciate hot girls in
fishnets and roller skates

"beating the crap
out of each other"?

No, they did not.

Do you wanna come, too?

Yeah, but I can't.
I have a prlor engagement.

I'm covering for Pash.

(EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)

Yes. We love you.
Birdman.

Yeah?
You know
we love you.

Thank you. We do.
You know that, right?

Yeah, yeah. Not enough.

We're crazy about you.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You can never have
too much eyeliner.

Or LashBlast.

Here's a little gift
from the team.

Safety is sexy.

You'll need these, too.
Those are just sexy.

Guys, thanks.

Let the bout come to you.
Let the bout come to you.

Let the bout come to you.

So, are you ready
for your big debut?

Has anyone ever thrown up
on the track before?

Yeah.

Let's get them.
Kill them dead.

Skate fast, skate hard.

I'm gonna puke.

JOHNNY ON PA:
During the day, they
go by Peggy, Francine,

Tammy, and Rachael,
but here...

All right, let
the bout come to you.

Okay.

ALL: One, two,
three, kick ass.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)
And they're off.

Jamming for the Widows,
Eva Destructlon
against the Hurl Scouts.

Bloody Holly who
makes her way out
to the pack.

And, oh, she passes the block
with a beautiful
backward skating.

But wait a second,
from out of nowhere,

Eva Destructlon shows up
right on her tail.

Each girl the jammer passes,
they get a point.

Pass a girl,
get a point.

And she's gotten
the first seven points
of the game.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

And the Widows
take the lead.

Hey, Black Widows,
my spidey senses
are tingling.

About to make a sequel
in my pants.

Yeah,
Spider-Man 3 and a Half?

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Yeah, it is
three and a half
inches wide.

(IMITATING TROMBONE)

Air trombone, yeah.

Nice jam, man.

That was amazing.

Thanks.

Yeah. Thank you.

Where did you learn
to skate like that?

Well, I once tried out
for the Olympics,

but that didn't
exactly work out.

You gotta maintain the
triangle configuratlon.

I've been over it and
over it with you guys.

What do you want
to do? Come on.

I don't need to do
the triangle. I need
to get up there and. . .

JOHNNY: It's the
second quarter and we
have Manson Number 1

jamming for
the Hurl Scouts.

This is a rough
contact sport.

These girls are lean,
mean skating machines.

And they gotta go fast
if they wanna get past
the blockers

who are trying
to knock them down.

And by "knock them down,"
I mean "beat them to a pulp."

Eva's gonna grab
another four points,

bringing
the Widows' score to 26
over the Hurl Scouts' 1 0.

Team captain Maggie Mayhem
doing the honors for
the Hurl Scouts, but... Oh!

Getting Widows jammer
Honey Suckit back
for that rail check

and Whiskey sweeps
Manson Number 2
out of the way,

making room for Honey
to widen the gap

to collect another
three points there
as we go into halftime.

That makes
the score 29-1 0.
Come on.

(HORN SOUNDING)

They say the Scouts have
the most loyal fans,

and being the worst team
in the league, Lord knows
they need them.

Oh, Rosa Sparks,
no, you didn't.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

God damn it.

JOHNNY: Okay, folks,
the Widows have a pretty
comfortable lead here

late in the game.

Hurl Scouts coach Razor

still sticking with
Smashley Simpson
as the jammer.

She's up against the Widows'
speed woman, Honey Suckit.

Oh! The Widows' jammer
hip-checks Smashley.

Well, our favorite
Whole Foods checkout girl

is about to bag
her some Honey.
Hey.

(ALL CHEERING)

Clean-up on Aisle 5.

With time left for
only one more jam,
and the game out of reach,

Smashley Simpson
is out of here.

Okay, you're in.

Show me why they
call you Ruthless.

(EXHALES)

Go get you some.

Okay, Austin, get ready to
meet your newest Hurl Scout.

Here she is, Number 22,
the fastest thing on
eight wheels, Babe Ruthless.

Babe Ruthless?
All right.
Go, Babe Ruthless.

(WHOOPING)
JOHNNY: All right, it's
the final jam of the night.

I like the taste
of fresh meat.

And Razor,
with nothing to lose,
throws the rookie

into the last jam on
her very first game.

And dang.

Babe Ruthless gets
a double shove to the rail
served up by Whiskey.

But she's back up
like a Weeble.

Okay, okay, that's good.

She darts down
the inside and heads
towards the outside

and makes a run for it
out of the pack.

Oh, but here comes
Eva Destructlon,
still skating strong,

hoping to ruin
Babe's debut.

Ruthless is out of
the pack. She's coming
around for her points.

(WHOOPING)

That's my best friend.
That's my best friend.

Rumor has it that
Ruthless blew away the
judges in speed trials,

and you could
certainly see
why tonight.

And now Manson Number 1
takes out Eva.

Feeling the heat
Ruthless is bringing,

and she gets through
for the score.

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

And Ruthless
gets four points.

PASH: Go, Babe Ruthless.

Babe Ruthless scored
the last four points
of the game,

but the Widows
take this one home.

Congratulatlons,
you still suck.

(ALL WHOOPING)

That's great.
Celebrate medlocrity.
That's fantastic.

Yeah, it's all a big joke.

We came second.

We came second.
You came second.

We came in second
out of two teams. Nice.

ALL: (CHANTING)
We're Number 2.
We're Number 2.

We're Number 2.
We're Number 2.

We're Number 2.
ROSA: Razor, come on.
You did good.

Well, I didn't
throw up.

That'll do.
Good thing.

Hey.
Hey.

Oh, my God.
I take back what I said
about you not being tough.

You kicked ass.
Really?

Oh, yeah. And I saw
that guy you liked.
You did?

Mmm-hmm.
But then I lost him.

Bliss.
Hey, Hot Tubs.

Oh, I can't. I gotta
get home to my man.

No.
Yes. Great game.

Yeah, man,
that was good.

What's Hot Tubs?
Yeah?

Oh, well, here
at the Warehouse,
he's Johnny Rocket.

But here he's
"Hot Tub" Johnny.

Even though he's not
allowed in, we started
calling him "Hot Tub"

until he got us one.

Huh.

All right.
Check it out.

No, that's
the thing.

Coke?
You swallowed?

(CHUCKLES)
That's hilarlous.

Not in this
lifetime, Johnny.

Or the next one.

Hey.

(LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

What's up, ladies?

Should we help him?

Nah. That's her fiance.
He loves it.
SMASHLEY: I love you.

That's my fiance.
Hey.

(GRUNTS)

EVA: You know, there's
some stuff I'm pretty
sure I could teach you.

(CHUCKLES)
Johnny.

MAN: Y'all check it out.
He's not even in
anymore, man.

(SINGING) ...I need you
tonight, tonight

It's gonna be all right

'Cause you are in my sight

All night, all night

Tonight, tonight, all night

Hey, sweet thing,
will you please bring

That one thing,
it makes my heart sing

Why? 'Cause I need it

SMASHLEY: Hey, man,
check this out.

That's not a bruise.
That's a bruise.

SMASHLEY: Yeah,
you look pretty good.
That's nice, huh?

Pash?

(UNATTAINABLE PLAYING)

Nice choice.

Yeah?

Yeah, and I love
this one.

So where you from?

(CHUCKLES)

Well, I hail from
the bustling metropolis
known as Bodeen, Texas.

Uh, the tiny town, right?
Off of South 84?

That would be the one.

You live alone?

Roommate.

Me, too.
Four of them.

Why Bodeen? If you
don't mind me asking.
What do you do there?

By day, I work
at the Oink Joint.

But by night. . .
MAN: Oliver. Oliver.

(LAUGHS)
Oliver.

One second.

Oliver.

Get your ass down here.
You left Jasper's guitar
in your car.

All right, dill weed.

Shut up, douche bag.

Nimrod.
Tampon.

Tool.

(SIGHS)

What are you doing
in approximately
five and a half minutes?

No official plans.

Great.

I'll go bring
you something.

There she is.
All by herself.

Hey.
MAVEN: Don't fight it.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Let's get a beer.

Oh, my God.

Okay, you can
make out with him.
But that is it.

PASH: Who are you,
my mother?

Pash?

(SQUEALS)

(LAUGHS)

Savage and I
have been looking
everywhere for you.

Yeah, I bet.

My belly hurts.

There's a storm
in there.

It really does, though.

Come on. Hold on.
Hold on. Let's get this.

(BURPS)

It's cool.
I swallowed it.

No, come on.
Just stick your fingers
in your throat.

No, you stick your finger
down your throat.

Pash. Have you ever
thought about your
parents making love?

Your dad's naked body?

What?

His balls jiggling.

(GRUNTS)

Sweaty.
No.

(RETCHING)

That's not fair.

Could you get me
a washcloth?

Yeah.

I'm sorry I ruined
your kind of date.

But I want dirt.

His name's Oliver.
It's a great name.

Yeah, if you like
wayfaring Dickensian
orphans.

(BLISS SIGHS)

You're gonna have to
roll over. You smell
like a dead goat.

(CHUCKLES)

Sorry.

(EXHALES)
Ugh.

Hey, girl.
How was the sleepover?

Fine.

BROOKE: Bliss,
are you ready yet?

The Blue Bonnet brunch
is in an hour.

Did you forget?

You think you have
all the time
in the world,

but there's not many girls
who are both smart
and pretty like you.

And I hate to admit it,
but the pretty part
doesn't last forever.

You got to make the most
of what you have
while you can.

Nobody tells you that.

Mom, you're still
really beautiful.

Save your sarcasm
for later.

How's your inspiratlon
speech coming?

I'm working on it.
You want me to read it?

Not yet.
Later?

(JOLENE PLAYING ON RADlo)

(SINGING) Bodeen, Bodeen,
Bodeen, Bodeen

Someone get me
out of here, Bodeen

It's depressing
in the sticks

I'm all over
these racist hicks

And I'm jonesing
for an Austin fix

Yeah. That's right.

Bodeen, Bodeen,
Bodeen, Bodeen

(EXCLAIMS)

(THUDS)

BLISS: Oh, my God,
it's him.

What do I do?

Go ask him if he
wants a Squealer.

Are you stalking me?

No, ma'am.

I happen to be here
in Bodeen on business
craving some barbeque.

And, yeah,
I'm stalking you.

Okay.

Can you take a break?

(PANTING)

You owe me. I wasn't even
supposed to work today.

I love you.

Is this you?

(SIGHS)

Technically,
it's my brother's band.
But, yes, I am in it.

And I'll be taking
that from you now.

Wow. From here it
kind of looks like you're
wearing a Stryper T-shirt.

Stryper? Yeah,
'80s Christian
heavy metal.

I mean, "In the name
of Jesus, we rock."

(CHUCKLES)

Well, I suppose if
it's in His name then.

What's this?
What's this three milllon
five hundred and. . .

Oh, that's nothing.

You wanna know?
I wanna know.

It's a little thing
called a high score.

At just the right. . .
Go. Nice shot.

Is this what you do
with all the girls?

You take them here to
show off your skills?

Yeah. And it
usually works, too.

Oh, yeah?

Maybe we should do
something different.

(SINGING) Stars at night
are big and bright

BOTH: Deep in
the heart of Texas

I should probably
get to practice.

Shit.

Um. . .

I think I might
have lost my keys.

BLISS: Marco.
Polo.

Marco.

Polo.

Marco!

Polo!

Found them.

Cool, I guess
we can go now.

Oops.

I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna tear you up.
I know.

I am going to. . .

I realize this.
I realize this.

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

HOLLY: Holy crap, you guys.
We almost won that one.

ROSA: Yeah, almost.

You know, Razor's play
actually worked.

Man, maybe we ought
to learn new plays.

What's up,
Hurl Scouts?

That was so
good out there.

It was really cute to see
y'all trying so hard.

(LAUGHING)

I hate her.

Bliss.
Yeah?

Remember all that
stuff I said about
winning not mattering?

Forget it.

I wanna beat
that cocky bitch.

Me, too.

(ALL WHOOPING)

WINNING PLAYER:
On my team. Yeah !

Look what Corbi did.

With all that
combined brain power,

this is the best
they could come up with?

BLISS: They got
your freckles.

That they did.

(SQUEAKING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey, are you all right?

You can't do that.

She just did.

We deserve
better villains.

JOHNNY ON PA:
Just a few minutes gone by,

but the game is
already falling
into a familiar pattern,

giving the Fight Attendants
an 1 8-to-6 lead.

Okay, ladies,
we're getting beat,
but we got the playbooks.

Time to show
these Fight Attendants
a few tricks of our own.

Let's run Play Number 3.
Stampede.

Number 3?

Yeah. I think we only
got to Number 2.

Like, one and a half.

RAZOR: You didn't learn
a goddamn thing,
did you?

What's it gonna
take for you guys
to pull it together?

You know what?
That's it. Hold this.

Did he just
take Number 3?

Come on.
That's all I'm saying.
Just skate on through.

Hey, what's up, Razor?
Ready to forfeit?

Forfeit my ass.
Run this play.

What do I look like?
An idlot?

Anyway, I've got
my own plays.

Here's $20. You know
how little money I have.

You run the play.
You don't score at
least three points,

you got another 20 coming
at the end of the bout.

(HORN SOUNDING)

Just run the play, Jeff.

You all right?
Let's skate.
Yeah.

Ladies, we've got
a change of plan.
What?

Hey, don't let that traitor
throw you. Let's hit him
where it hurts.

Did Razor just coach
the other team or did
my peyote just kick in?

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

I don't even know
what's coming on

'cause I don't know
what's coming
around the corner.

Fight Attendants are
about to take on the sky.

Whoa! Holy crap,
a 1 80 turn.

Kami Kaze makes her way
through the rubble to
score an easy four points.

Fight Attendants, 22,
Hurl Scouts, 6.

Is that Play Number 3?

Works pretty well,
doesn't it?

You suck.

HOLLY: You turncoat.

Want me to give them
Play Number 4 now?

No.

Okay. Take a knee.

Okay. I wanna put what
just happened behind us.

I know I've moved on.
We're gonna run
Play Number 2.

Fire and Smashley,
you at least know the
first half of that, right?

Yes.

Okay.

Then get out there
and get you some.

Hey, Scouts. You mind
finishing your little
Family Feud huddie?

Survey says you're
wasting our time.

Let's go ape shit.

(POT KETTLE BLACK PLAYING)

Yeah.

JOHNNY: Coming out
of halftime and
an alternate universe,

Coach Razor puts former
figure skater Bloody Holly
in the jammer positlon,

who launches furlously
into the pack.

The team is on their
game now, pushing
Bloody to the front.

And she makes it
through Bitch
and Cookie Flake

grabbing a total
of eight points
for the Hurl Scouts.

Come on, come on.

The Hurl Scouts are
catching up in points
for the first time ever.

As this space
oddity continues,

Babe Ruthless uses
her speed to fly by...

Oh! Axels of Evil
knocks her down.

But she's back up.
Here they come
around the turn.

A choreographed move
from the Hurl Scouts.

Has to be from
Razor's playbook.

That makes
the score 58-58,

a first in the history
of the Hurl Scouts.

I can't believe
I'm saying this, but
the Hurl Scouts are tied.

We got a tie game
here, folks.

Oh, yeah?
Oh, but Smashley goes down.

Really?
Bitch. What the. . . No.

Ooh, watch out, Tammy.
No. No.

Here comes Smashley.

Get off me,
you psycho.

We've got two girls
brawling on the track.

I don't know whether to
break it up or break out
the video camera.

Hell hath no fury
like a woman fouled.

That's not legal.

By day, these ladies are
your favorite waitresses,
nurses, teachers,

but by night these
girls give the crowd
what they came for.

Smashley Simpson is
out of here. We're
only moments to go

and the Hurl Scouts
have managed
to squeak out in front.

We're at a 70-67.
Hurl Scouts.

Okay, grab her wrists,
hold on tight. Go.

Play Number 8.
You ready for the whip?

Put your arm out,
I'll be there.

JOHNNY: It's the final
seconds of the game.

Manson ramps Cookie Rumble,
and the Hurl Scouts attempt

a classic move in derby.
Maggie.

Babe and Maggie
go for the whip,
and it's effective.

Nothing gives you
speed like the whip.

(EXCLAIMING)

A whip. Ruthless is
flying into the pack

while her teammates
are doing a downright
professlonal job

of clearing the way.
She picks up one, two,
three, four points.

Break out
the merit badges. 74-67.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

The Hurl Scouts
have finally won one.

(HORN SOUNDING)

Fight Attendants,
this is your
captain speaking.

It's gonna be a long, bumpy
ride back to Loserville.
So if you have your...

ALL: . . .you win the game.
If you run the plays,
you win the game!

How about them
Hurl Scouts? Yeah.
How about them Hurl Scouts?

How about them Hurl Scouts?

Touche, ladies. Touche.

We got to run the plays.
We run the plays,
we win the game.

MAGGIE: We'll do
our homework.
Every time.

There're only 1 0
of them. It's not. . .
Not rocket science.

Let's get those
Holy Rollers.

BOTH: Yes.

(HIGH TIMES PLAYING)

OLIVER: (SINGING)
I put a bomb in your fire

You say oh-oh-oh-oh

I put a bomb in your fire
You say oh-oh-oh-oh

Murray. Murray.
Murray!

(SINGING) There is a way
to predict the outcome
of people like you

You are a sheep
in sheep's clothing
and you know, you know

I am a-coming to get you
You say oh-oh, oh-oh

There is a way to predict
the outcome of...

Please tell me
you did not shove
Corbi Booth over a rail.

Actually, I did.

Corbi has a huge
bruise on her leg.

I know that you're
just too bohemian
to care,

but she has to
cheer tonight.

And she's gonna
go through with it?
What an athlete.

MRS. WEAVER: I'd
like to speak to
the parents alone.

JOHNNY: She's passing
one, two, three girls.
That's three points.

If you're still having
trouble following
the game, folks,

don't worry,
you're not the only one.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)
We'll keep track of
the score for you.

You keep track
of the fishnets.

This is a whole new Hurl
Scouts on this four-game
winning streak they're on.

They ain't playing scared,
that's for sure.

(HORN SOUNDING)

Number 22 pulls it off again,
earning another merit badge.

Looks like she's on her way
to rookie of the year,

and I can't think
of anyone in recent
history more deserving.

Oh! They gave her the whip.

You wanted it and they
gave it to you, folks.

You've been whipped.

(IMITATES WHIP CRACKING)

Nothing gives you
speed like the whip.

And the Scouts,
they go for another one,

inching even closer to
a slot in the champlonship.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(SINGING) And When
you try to resist
It's like ha-ha-ha-ha

There is no way around this
tell me ho-ho-ho-holy roller

Can you feel my flame?

So my brother's been
working on some dates.

And it looks like
this tour thing is
actually gonna happen.

That's really great.

Yeah, I guess.

Thirty-four days crammed
into a crappy van with
four other dudes.

Like a bathroom on
wheels or something.

That's a long time.

No, it's cool.

Look, you'll be
doing your thing,
I'll be doing mine.

It'll go by fast,
you'll see.

EARL: Hit it.
Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah.

Go, go, go, baby.
Yeah. I love it.

Oh, my God.
Do it.

(EXCLAIMS) No,
I don't wanna know.
I don't wanna know.

(ANNOUNCER CHATTERING ON TV)
Blisster?
What are you doing?

I'm watching the game.

(LAUGHS)

That's what I tell
the folks at work,
I'm cutting out early.

I tell your mom
I'm coming home late.

Dad, I'm not
gonna tell her.

Why do you feel like
you have to lie to her?

(SIGHS)

You gotta pick your
battles with your mother

because she is a fighter.

(LAUGHS)

This Blue Bonnet deal
means so much to her.

And I think it's really
nice, you going along.

But you know
there's more to life
than beauty pageants.

You know that, right?

I'm aware.

All right.
I'll shut up.

Can I have one?

No, you may not,
but you can have
a sip of mine.

(LAUGHS) Oh ! Go.
He took it to him.

That was a nice. . .
That was a good block.

Since when do you
like football?

(BURPS)

I don't. I better go.

Hey. Listen up.
Just a brief
announcement,

then you get right
back to your food.

The champlonship bout
is November 1 2th.

(ALL CHEERING)

You got your flyers
right there.

If the Hurl Scouts
win one more game,
we're in it.

Good luck with that.

Now I'd like to
yield the floor to
Miss Eva Destructlon.

Love you, Eva.

Thank you.

In the grand
derby traditlon,

as you know, the new
poster girl is revealed
by a member of another team.

Sorry, Widows.

Suck on this, girls.

(HURL SCOUTS EXCLAIMING)

ROSA: Yes.

Very cute.
Very cute indeed.

One for our team, man.

There she is.

Yeah, yeah.
Make the face.

Make the face. Do it.

Yeah.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL CHATTERING)

SMASHLEY: Exactly.

Congratulatlons,
Ruthless.

Hey, Smash.

What's up, Maven?

Hurl Scouts.
What up?

I just wanna
congratulate you on
your new poster child.

ALL: Yeah.
Thanks.

Yeah, you worked hard
for that, didn't you?

That's really
kind of you.

Hey.
HOLLY: Hey, hey. Hey.

You guys hang on a sec.

That's okay.

It's just a French fry.
That's okay.
SMASHLEY: Maven, man.

(LAUGHS)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(HURL SCOUTS LAUGHING)
Yes! Yes!

Ruthless,
yeah.

ROSA: Okay. I love it.
HOLLY: I love it.

I like banana cream,
but I like chocolate, too.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Food fight!

BROOKE: Gorgeous.
Just beautiful.

How's your speech coming?

It's good.

Okay. Turn around.

(GASPS)

What is that?

Oh, it's. . .
I tripped at work.

Are you okay?

It's a bruise.
I can handle it.

It looks like it hurt.
It's fine.

(SIGHS)

You got
to be kidding me.

Oh, shit.

JOHNNY ON PA: This is
an important game, folks.

This is the last game
before the champlonship.

The winner today
goes on to the big game.

And Ruthless is
your lead jammer
and she gets through.

And the Scouts
score four points.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)
The Hurl Scouts have won.

(WHOOPS)

Listen to how high
my voice is. I need
an hour of Oprah.

I'm like a woman.
I need a white
wine spritzer.

(SIREN WAILS)

POLICEMAN ON MEGAPHONE:
By order of
the fire marshal,

you are hereby ordered
to evacuate the building.

JOHNNY: Well, this
game is over, folks.

The Holy Rollers
are already in
the champlonship,

so now the Hurl Scouts
will play the Rollers

in the champlonship game
on November 1 2th.

Come on, man,
roller derby
is not a crime.

lllegally filling
a warehouse

with too many people is.
Wait here.
I gotta go find Oliver.

Hey, hey, you two.
I need to see your ID.

I was just leaving.

Look, you can
show me your ID,
or you can go to jail.

Young lady,
what was that you
just disposed of?

Seventeen, huh?
Don't you think you're
kind of far from home?

That's why
I was leaving.

Yeah, good idea.

Hey. Hi. Come on.

What do you say?
Cherry Slurpees to
celebrate our last night?

I gotta find Pash.

(YOUR ARMS AROUND ME PLAYING)

(SINGING) I was
slicing up an avocado

When you came up behind me

With your silent
brand new sneakers

Your reflectlon
I did not see

It was the hottest day
in August

We were heading
for the sea

For a second
my mind started drifting

You put your arms
around me

You put your arms around

From your mouth
speaks your lovely voice

The softest words
ever spoken

What's broken
can always be fixed

What's fixed will
always be broken

(NO SURPRISES PLAYING)

(SINGING) A heart that's

full up like a landfill

A job that
slowly kills you

Bruises that won't heal

You look so tired-unhappy

Bring down the government

They don't
They don't speak for us

Where the hell
have you been?

We got a phone call
from Pash's parents at
about 3:00 in the morning.

That wasn't fun.

This is your SAT class?

Excuse me,
what are you doing?

You can't do that.
I paid for those.

Hey, you lied, kiddo,
all right? That dog
ain't gonna hunt.

Okay. All right,
I screwed up.

I get it, but what
was I supposed to. . .

Was I supposed to
ask for permisslon?

I mean, you would
have just said no.

You're damn straight,
we would have said no.

What do you think

that the world thinks
of those girls with
all their tattoos?

Do you think they
have an easy time
finding a job?

Or getting
a loan applicatlon?

Or going to
a decent college?

I think it depends
on the girl.

Or finding a husband?

No, you just limit
your choices.

Serlously,
you need to stop.

You really need
to stop shoving

your psychotic idea
of '50s womanhood
down my throat.

And pageants?
I mean, what have
they ever done for you?

That's my point, Bliss.

I didn't have a mother

to navigate all
my opportunities.
Jesus Christ.

I am in love with this.

I mean,
don't you get it?

It won't last.

In two or three years,
it'll be over.
This is a moment.

Well, how great is that?

You don't understand.

You will
when you have to
support yourself.

I do support myself.

No, you don't.

You buy shoes.

You're full of shit.

You know what,
actually. . .

Hey.

Hey, you calm down,
little lady.

Why don't you go back
to your turtle shell

so you don't have
to freaking
confront anything?

(SNIFFLES)

You all right?

I just don't
wanna talk about it.

Pash, come on.

You told me
to wait for you.

I was so busy waiting
for you that I didn't
notice the cop

coming over to arrest me
for an open container.

Shit, are you okay?

No, actually,
I'm not okay,
all right?

On top of everything,
my parents decided
to put a GPS in my car

so they can track
my every goddamn move.

So what's your problem?

Hope the joyride
with your boyfriend
was worth it.

Wait, wait.
How is this my fauIt, okay?

I didn't put that
drink in your hand.

You know what?
I'm ecstatic that you
have this whole new life

and you have
all new friends
and it's great.

But I'm trying to get out
of this armpit of a town
just as much as you.

And last time I checked,

getting arrested
is not the kind of
extracurricular

that Ivy League schools
are looking for.

Do you really think that
this roller derby career
of yours is going anywhere?

That's not what
it's about.

Oh, yeah, right.

I'm sorry, Pash.

Thanks for
letting me stay.

Anytime.

(RILEY GRUNTING)

That's Riley back there.
He's my little man.

So that's why you never
come out with us?

Yeah, he pretty
much owns my ass.
Don't you, Rile?

Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

Okay, first stop, sitter.
Then the Warehouse.

Ruthless, Ruthless,
Ruthless.

Maven, Maven, Maven?

Hey, guess how old I am.

Twenty-seven?

Oh, that's sweet.

I'm 36.

Guess when I
started skating.

I was 31 .

'Cause it took me that
long to find one thing
that I was really good at.

And you know what?
I worked my ass off
to get it.

Yeah, me, too.

It's too bad
you're only 1 7.

What do you think
the league is gonna say
when they find that out?

Or your teammates,
when they find out
you've been lying?

That's gonna be rough.
Maven, please. Look. . .

No, you look.

One day it will be your
time, Ruthless, but it's
not your time now.

And if I was you,
I wouldn't even bother
lacing up those skates.

(CRYING)

Fuck.

(PHONE LINE RINGING)

It's Oliver.
I'm running with
the bulls right now.

(BEEPS)

Hey, Oliver.

I just need to talk to you.
I. . . I'm calling you
from a payphone.

Look, I've left home.

I. . . You know, this. . .
I don't. . .

I don't wanna do this
on voicemail,

so maybe you can get me
on Maggie's phone.

51 2-697-4998.

And then we can just. . .
We can talk later.
Okay, bye.

(PHONE RINGING)

Oink Joint.
BLISS: Hey, B.

Hey, Bliss.

Is Pash there?

She's not here.

Yeah, okay. Bye.

If, you know,
you hear a hint
of pain in my voice

when I say that I've
lost my best friend

to a gang of
roller skating she-males

and that the only highlight
of my night was serving corn
to an old man

who can't even chew it,
then I'd say you're wrong.

I'm happy.

Okay. That was odd.

Oddly glorlous.

SMASHLEY:
Ruthless, what's up?

I just had something
I wanted to tell you all.

ALL: Seventeen?

What if you'd
gotten hurt?

Her parents could sue
the league, you guys.

MAGGIE: I know.

We're in enough trouble
with the fire marshal
as it is.

Exactly.
You know what?
She can still play

as long as she gets
permisslon from one
of her parents.

I can't.

I'm not even living
at home right now.

Well, even though you
can't skate with us,
and you're a big liar,

you're still
a Hurl Scout.

Yeah, you could
be our mascot.

(ALL LAUGHING)

SMASHLEY: Okay, go.
HOLLY: Okay, okay, okay.

You can't understand
until you have one.
Everything changes.

Yeah, that's what
my mom always says,

but you're not
really like her, though.

Oh, I'm the cool aunt?

Yeah.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Why don't I just cut
school and hang out
with you guys today?

Bliss, I know what
it's like to wanna
do your own thing,

believe me, I do.

But maybe there's
a way you can do it

without making
your parents
feel like crap?

What?
I've just been thinking.

I think maybe
you're being a little
selfish with your mom.

Okay, no.

She's the one
who has been
shoving her agenda

down my throat
since day one.

First of all,
you're lucky to have
a mom that even cares.

And just because
she's wrong about derby,

doesn't mean she's wrong
about every single thing.

And if Riley ever lies
to me the way you lied
to your parents,

he wouldn't even be able
to run away 'cause I'd
break his legs.

(RILEY GASPS)

I'm just kidding, honey.
That was a joke.

(ALL LAUGH)

I am here for you,

but just because you've found
a new family doesn't mean you
throw the old one away.

Have a swell day at
school, sweetheart.

You didn't see that,
did you?

(COMPUTER KEYS CLACKING)

(HIGH TIMES PLAYiNG
ON COMPUTER)

(SINGING) I put
a bomb in your fire
You say oh-oh-oh-oh

I put a bomb in your fire
You say oh-oh-oh-oh

There is a way to predict
the outcome of people like you

You are a sheep
in sheep's clothing
and you know, you know...

(SNIFFLES)

Please don't
judge me right now.

Whoever he is,
he doesn't deserve you.

Come here.

I feel sick.

I know you do.

I gave him everything.

No, don't say that.

No, it's true.

I did.

That's a lot to process.

She was wearing
my Stryper T-shirt.

I just don't understand
how he could do that.

Your T-shirt?

It's the only
cool thing you own.

That you'd know about.

(CHUCKLES)

Stryper.

Mom, this isn't. . .

This isn't working.

I know.

You just make me
feel so guilty.

That's not what I want.

I deserve it sometimes.

Well, I know I can go
overboard sometimes.

But when the person
that you love more
than anything

tells you
that you suck, it. . .

If you want me to do
the Miss Blue Bonnet
pageant, I will.

No, no, no, no.
We're way past that.

No, it's not a big deal.
I mean, we already got
the dress.

Don't do it for me.

Fine, I'll do it
for myself.

(DOOR OPENING)

Look who's back.

Hi.

Glad you're safe.

I shouldn't have said
those things to you.

AIready forgotten, kiddo.

PASH: She's trying to
look pathetic on purpose.

How long you gonna
hold onto that grudge?

Thanks.

Pash, I'm sorry.
You see, I just. . .

Come on.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I know.

Just keep. . .
Keep saying it.

Yeah.

Over and over
again, please.

Yeah, I will.
I'll keep it up.

So what happened?

God. I just feel
like such. . .

I'm stupid. I'm just. . .
I feel so stupid
for falling for it.

Yeah, that's why I
like a good fondling,
you know?

It's so much simpler.

Well, while you were
off gallivanting, I. . .

I got some news.

What. . . What. . . What's. . .

I got into some colleges.

Wow!

My parents want me
to go to Johns Hopkins,

but I think I'm
gonna go to Columbia.

I know. I'm gonna see what
it's like to live in New York
for a little while.

That's amazing.

Do you still have
his stupid jacket?

SHANIA: Did he turn into
a handsome prince?

No, he stayed a Birdman.

But the worst part is,
he's actually a good kisser.

Really good.

Congratulatlons
are in order.

Uh, no. Let's not
encourage this.

I like Birdman.
He's nice.

Hey, Bliss. Somebody
on the phone for you.
A Maggie Mayhem?

Well, look at you.

I got a makeover.

Yes, you did.

Hello.

MAGGIE: Ruthless,
it's the champlonship.

Don't even tell me
you can't make it.

I can't.

Is it her mom?
Let me talk to her.
I'll knock her out.

Just tell your mom
it's important.

The pageant is the same day
as the game, and I can't.

Well, you have to try harder
and you have to make it work.
We need you.

SMASHLEY: Let me
talk to her mom.
Bye.

I'll kick her in her...

You're selling out.

(LAUGHING)

"Babe Ruthless."

JOHNNY: ...a classic
move in derby.

Babe and Maggie
go for the whip,
and it's effective.

Nothing gives you
speed like a whip.
Look at Ruthless fly.

Excuse me, ladies.

I'm looking for Maggie,
Maggie Mayhem.

(KIDS PLAYING)

Good pageant, y'all.

Love the dress, Amber.

EARL: We'll have
to break through.
SMASHLEY: I know.

What time is it?

Your gown is
custom, huh?
Yeah.

It's beautiful.

Thanks.

Your dress is nice,
too, Amber.

Hey.
Hey.

We need to talk.

Ma'am, put down
the lip gloss.

Step away from the mirror.

(ALL LAUGHING)

What are you all
doing here? Are you. . .
Hey, man.

You're just springing
this on me now?

I know the timing sucks,

but I've been
thinking. You know,
I'm not so bothered

by her playing
this roller derby.

In fact, I think
it's kind of neat.

I went on the website,
they got Blisster's
pictures all over.

And it looks like
they're having
a ton of fun.

Earl, we just spent
a lot of money on
a custom-made gown,

and you want her
to just up and quit?

Yeah, but her team is in
the league champlonships.

The game's tonight.

$800, Earl.

I can take
losing the money.

I cannot take losing
the chance for our kid
to be happy.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I love her.
Yeah, she looks nice.

Really sweet.
BROOKE: Bliss.

BLISS: You guys gotta
hide, my mom's coming.

Bliss.
Serlously.
You guys have to hide.

BLISS: Hey.

BROOKE: Bliss.

Your daddy is about to
come in here and tell you
that he thinks it's okay

for you to go off
and play roller derby.

I don't agree.
Mom.

When you told me that
you weren't doing the
Miss Blue Bonnet for me,

did you mean it?

Well, good luck.

Come on, ladies.
What are we waiting for?

SMASHLEY: Ready to play.

Okay.

Wait. One more thing.

HOLLY: Yeah.
Come on, let's go.
SMASHLEY: Good luck, Amber.

Step it up.

(CROWD CHATTERING)

That's when. . .

Hi.

I got it.

We just got back into town.
I came straight over.

I probably still smell
like the van. But. . .

I went on your website
and saw some girl wearing
my Stryper T-shirt.

Oh, that girl. . .

She just climbed
into our van,

threw on your shirt.
She was an idlot.

You know, I don't
wanna be this girl.

What girl?

I don't wanna be the girl
that has to stand here

and hear about what
didn't happen between
you and some idlot.

You don't. And this is
bullshit, anyway.
I didn't cheat on you.

But you never
called, okay?

Okay.

I know I should've called,
but there was no privacy
in the van.

And then I got
your message and. . .

I would've called.

My mom wants
her shirt back.

That's right, I'm back.

Thanks a lot for outing me.
That was a class move.

I didn't out you.
I never said a word.

I was just
messing with you.

I don't wanna beat
your ass with rumors.

I wanna beat your ass on
the track with my skates.

JOHNNY ON PA: It is
happening tonight, folks.

There they are,
the coaches shaking hands,

being nice and diplomatic

right before
the craziest match that
we will ever see here.

Oh, I love it, Austin.

That's right,
ladies and gentlemen,

we're talking about the
one and only Iron Maven

versus the upstart
from the heart of Texas,
Babe Ruthless.

Yes.

(BLOWING WHISTLE)

Our jammers,
Ruthless versus Maven

head-to-head,
the teams' two top stars.

As they approach
the pack,

Ruthless seems to be
having an easier time
finding an opening,

slithering through
like a proverbial
snake in the grass.

There's Babe Ruthless,
Iron Maven, neck and neck.

They've been
after each other
the whole time. Oh!

That's a hip check
right there.

You don't see Maven
taken down like that
too often.

Did you see that?
Call it.

That was illegal.
What are you
talking about?

It's a clean hit.

That was illegal.
Just call that shit.

Calm her down.

I'll show you ruthless,
Ruthless.

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

JOHNNY: It's the
second quarter, folks.

We got Babe Ruthless
jamming against the
Rollers' Jackie Daniels.

Finally, I made it
to the promised lands.

Okay, don't embarrass me
now that you're here,
all right?

Never.

Go, Bliss. Go!

Go, Babe Ruthless!

Go!

JOHNNY: Babe Ruthless
coming in to the pack,

but she's having
trouble getting out.

That tiny pipsqueak finds
a hole, but not as fast
as Jackie Daniels

breaks out of the pack,
becomes the lead jammer.

Rollers just picked up
four more points,
bringing the score 24-1 1 ,

Rollers in the lead.

(EXCLAIMS)

Slaya takes down Smashley.

Oh, but the Mansons
grab those wings

and Smashley flies
after Slaya like
a bat out of hell.

You just
clotheslined me, man.

(MOCK SOBBING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

JOHNNY: Princess Slaya,
feeling the force now.

That's gonna hurt tomorrow
in a galaxy far, far away.

Listen. You play smart,
stay aggressive.

Don't leave any holes
for them to slip through,
all right?

Bliss, this may be time
for Play Number 4.

LBJ. Knock them out.

JOHNNY: Coach Razor
throws Ruthless in
the jammer's seat

as she makes her way
through the pack.

Look, she gets a hand
from Bloody Holly
and slingshots out front.

This could be big.

And one of
the Manson sisters sends
Maven hard into the rail.

Maven can yell
all she wants, but
she can't hear you.

No, serlously,
she can't hear you.
She's deaf. So...

I'll tell you what.
The Holy Rollers have got
to lay some hits on Ruthless

if they're gonna have
any hopes of stopping her,

otherwise she's
just too quick.

All the Scouts
dive-bombing the Rollers,
clearing the path.

Not one schoolgirl
left standing.

But we are tied as we
go into the halftime.

Ladies and gentlemen,
that was
a game-changing down.

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

(HORN SOUNDING)

ROSA: Okay, Razor,
what's next?
Tell us what to do.

We're gonna
run Play Number 7,
Rose of San Antone.

Hey, Smashley,
if the play was
called Bong Water,

would you be paying
attentlon right now?

You know what,
I'm taking you out
and putting Ruthless in.

No. My head
is in the game.

Then get out there
and prove me wrong.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

JOHNNY: Slaya hip-checks
Smashley into the rail.

She's up and over
and she's crowd surfing.

And Smashley Simpson
is back on the track.

Slaya and Smashley
have been at this
all season, folks.

And it looks like Smashley
is speeding towards revenge.

I hope the medic is ready

'cause it looks like
Slaya's about to get
a rainbow special.

This game's about
to get ugly, folks.

Wait, I don't
believe this.

Smashley goes for the points
instead of the beatdown...

That is for you, Razor!
...and picks up
four for her team.

Okay, we're running
Play Number 1 0,
Piece de resistance.

Get back out there
and win it.

All right.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Let's go, you know what
to do. Get you some.

JOHNNY: The game's still
too close to call,

but the Scouts
may have some tricks
up their sleeves.

Looks like they're
forming a wall.
Kaboom!

The entire Rollers team
is down as Ruthless
flies through.

Wait, out of nowhere,
Jackie Daniels...

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTS)

(CROWD CLAPPING)

JOHNNY: She's okay.
She's okay. That little
munchkin's a trouper.

Give it up, folks.

(ALL CHEERING)

Let's remember
that derby is
a brutal sport.

We've seen our fair share
of sprained ankles
and broken bones,

fishnet burns
and black eyes.

(HORN SOUNDING)

It's the final jam.

Two points
deciding Austin's fate.

Let me hear you, folks.
Give it up for these girls.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

It's Iron Maven
versus Babe Ruthless.

Would you have it
any other way?

The Mansons play Maven
in the middle of
a patented cage move.

They're calling for the whip,
and they just might
get what they want.

They got it.

Go, Maven.

Ruthless gets out first.

And now as she gets a hand
from Bloody Holly...

No, Maven sneaks out
from the inside and is
heading for the lead.

But wait, the Manson sisters
line up. A double leg whip.

Ruthless is surging ahead.
She can taste the victory.

But no.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)
That's it.

Iron Maven brings
down the anvil.

The Holy Rollers
remain undefeated

and are league champlons
yet again.

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

The Holy Rollers
are champs.

Undefeated three years
in a row. Unbelievable.

What a game.

You gotta take your
hat off to both teams,
ladies and gentlemen.

As for the Hurl Scouts,
there's always next year.

But this year
it's a three-peat
for the Holy Rollers,

once again,
three-time champlons.

I'm sorry, Razor.

Sorry, my ass.
You were great.

Still, who do they
love the most?

Did you see
that leg whip?

How about that jump
by Ruthless?

Smashley's dive
was hall of fame.

Yeah ! Holy Rollers!

ROSA: We did it.

ALL: (CHANTING)
We're Number 2.
We're Number 2.

We're Number 2.

We're Number 2.
We're Number 2.

Ladies, just seeing
you guys run the plays,

I can't tell you how good
that makes me feel. It's. . .

MAGGIE: Razor,
are you gonna cry?

No, I'm not gonna cry.

It's just it's such
a long time coming.

I think he might cry.

Hurl Scouts on three.

ALL: One, two, three.
Hurl Scouts.

Nice jump, EveI KnieveI.

Thanks.

Maybe I'll teach it
to you sometime.

Really?

Okay.

JOHNNY: Listen, folks,
it's been another great year

at the Texas Roller
Derby League.

I've enjoyed the
ever-loving shit out of you.
I hope you have, too.

Come out next year,
and we'll do it
all over again.

And if you would,
this is a residential
neighborhood,

so please
don't be too loud
as you head out.

And whatever you do,
don't drink and drive.

All right,
thank you, Austin.

I love you.
I'm out of here.

BROOKE: This is your
daughter's playing card.
Might wanna buy it.

Actually, how
much are these?

3.

3 each?
Yeah.

It's a piece
of cardboard.

Yeah, they support the. . .

How much for
the shirt?
Earl.

I'll tell you what,
kiddo, I've seen some
ballgames in my time,

but this. . .
This was even better.

I really didn't think
you were going to come.

I'm really glad you did.

That was scary.

I. . .

I can't change what
you're gonna do, can I?

Probably not.
I really wanna do this.

I want to move to Austin,

and I need to know
that you can accept that.

That's gonna be
a hard one.

In poetry, if. . .
It has to be
midnight 'cause. . .

(DOORBELL RINGING)
I know. Okay.

Hi, Mrs. Cavendar.

Hi, Amber.

I just wanted to
return the gown.

Thank you.

Oh, and Bliss left
this at her statlon.

I wasn't sure if
she still wanted it.

Thank you.

How did you do?

I came in second.

Good for you.

Bye.
Bye-bye.

"The person I admire most

"is my mother,
because she is a fighter

"who never gives up
on what she believes in

"and she never
gives up on me.

"Obvlously, I would be
delighted to win
the Blue Bonnet pageant.

"But knowing my mother
is proud of me

"means more than
any crown."

(HUMMING)

Earl.

Ronny.

(LOLLIPOP REMIX PLAYING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Wait. Turn the music up.

WOMAN: Roller derby
is not a crime.

MAN: Come on, man.
Roller derby is
not a crime.

(SIREN WAILS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

(SINGING) Lollipop,
lollipop...

Lollipop, lollipop...

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

Undefeated.

(HORN SOUNDING)

Ow!

(ALL LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

How do I get out?

MAGGIE: There we go.

Get out. I can't do it.
Do it for me.

(KNOW HOW PLAYING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Female Fight Club!
Okay, all right.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(BRAYING)

(LAUGHING)

I love you.
Oh, I love you.

(RAPPING) Some of
the busiest rhymes
ever made by man

Are going into this mike
Written by this hand

Are coming out of this mouth
Made by this tongue

I'll tell you now
My name is Young

So you think that
it's your destiny
to get the best of me

But I suggest
to be quiet, bro

Don't even try it
from the east and west of me

Taking it
and never breaking it
or even shaking it

Hey, inbreeders,
you're supposed
to leave a tip.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(WHOOPS)

If Jack Black
was working here. . .
Is it Jack White?

He's sexy.
I like Jack Black.

Here you go, baby.
You have as much
of that as you want.

Okay.

(LAUGHING)
It's just so funny.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Hey.

Fishnets and
sexy nicknames.

(RAPPING) I gotta
make no errors,
mistakes or blunders

It's like a wedding
Let no man put asunder

My name is Young MC
I like to rock mike well

'Cause when I get
up on the mike
I just release my spell

And I can do it
'cause I got know-how,
You know I'm saying?

I got know-how

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Ow! Ow!

(SINGING) I found
the greatest love

Of all's inside of me

(CHEERING)

(28 PLAYING)

(SINGING) Here it comes

Guess for years
I have tried to calm

What's inside me
but something's wrong

I don't know what to say

To give me away

The dream's the same

I'm alone on
a moving train

Wake up here
and I can't complain

And there's
the first mistake
I tried not to make

Next time around
that's a habit to break

When I turn 28

Things are all gonna be great

At 28

So don't sit so close

Can't you see
that I'm already yours?

Every day I've been
living indoors

Tell them I was brave

Tell yourself the same

Tell everyone that I plan
to go straight

When I turn 28

Things are all gonna be great

At 28

Oh, 28

They say that I will
get used to the change

But I can't keep my eyes
on the page

Shouldn't be writing
these songs at my age

The candle's lit

Waiting patient
for me to sit

But none of last year's
clothes still fit

And I keep waiting for you
to enter the room

I made my wish then
to give it to you

When I turn 28

Things are all gonna be great

At 28

Tell everyone that
they'll just have to wait

When I turn 29

Things are all gonna be fine

At 29

(NEVER MY LOVE PLAYING)

You ask me
if there'll come a time

When I'll grow
tired of you

Never my love

You wonder
if this heart of mine

Will lose
its desire for you

Never my love

What makes you think
love will end

When you know
that my whole life

Depends on you