Original subtitles

All right, you look very good, but what you need is a snow job.

All right, now what you need is a top. We can't let you go around being

We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

And many more.

Check out the tree. Oh, wow.

Vinny got a present under there, man. It's a present. Is that for me?

Oh, that's nice. Hey, Horschak, remind me to have my chauffeur come and pick

that up in the morning, all right?

To my very closest friend in the whole wide, wide world, Vinny.

From Vinny.

Nothing wrong with that.

I can buy myself a good gift. I work hard in the hospital. I deserve it.

Since you know what it is, why wait till Christmas? Oh, yeah. Open it.

Open it. Open it. Come on. Check it out. Be patient.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Wow. Material.

Oh.

Oh, Vinnie.

Vinnie, you always pick such perfect gifts.

Why don't you try it on? Go ahead.

I don't mind if I do.

Oh, Vinnie.

looks just great. You look as good as the mannequin in the window.

Be sure to send yourself a thank you note.

118 bucks?

Must be real camel hair.

No, it's pure virgin camel hair.

I don't know, Benny. I mean, how can you be sure? I mean, you know how camels

lie.

Check this out.

It's got all hand -sewn interior.

And they give you these little extra buttons in case you lose one. And right

here it says, dry clean only.

What's so great about dry clean only?

Because dry clean is they got that rack where you push the button and a coat

comes to you.

Vincent, I only hope that that coat brings you better luck than it brought

camel.

Well, look, I'm going to take this for a walk. I've got to break it in.

It's the best gift I ever bought myself.

Even better than the electric train that made real smoke. Oh, you was crazy

about that.

That was last year. This year, I'm grown up.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot because we got him on

spot. Welcome back.

Mr. Woodman, I cannot teach the sweat hogs. I'm not a certified teacher.

Julie, it's an emergency. The regular substitute called in sick.

I don't know how to teach a class.

Forget teaching. Think riot control.

There's mace in the bottom drawer.

If that doesn't work, set off the overhead sprinklers.

I feel like a one -woman SWAT team.

What are you doing hanging out here?

Checking for scrapes.

You're late, Barbarino. I know. Doris didn't finish my homework on time.

But don't worry about it. I balled her out.

Barbarino, take off that coat. I'm sure the owner's looking for it.

Hey, wait a second. I bought this with my hard -earned money. Look at this. I

got a tag with the name and the address and everything.

I don't believe it.

I'm a high school principal. I can't afford a coat like that.

Yeah, but even if you could afford it, Marty's wouldn't have your right size.

They don't take odd sizes.

Vinnie, what's wrong with your body?

Nothing. I'm doing a model in the window, like.

Mr. Vinnie, the class is trying to study, okay? Oh, in that case, they'll

back later.

Vinny, just sit down in your seat and be very quiet, okay? Okay, be quiet.

She wouldn't blow razor crumbs to your right.

So shoot me. I'm only human. I make mistakes, you know.

Well, the first mistake that you made was thinking that you're human. Oh,

Come on, switch seats for a minute.

I want to sit in the no -crumb section.

I can't study. I can't study.

Juan, sit down and be quiet.

All right.

I'm better now.

Freddy, switch seats with me.

Because I don't want you blowing your racer crumbs on me.

I don't blow crumbs.

Come on, switch with me anyway. I don't trust you.

Wait a minute.

You can erase yourselves to death.

Mrs. Carter, it's getting hot in here. I want to open the window a crack, okay?

All right, Benny. Open it and then sit down.

All right.

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Come here, Mrs. Carter. Sit down.

Sit down.

Okay. He's nuts. Who wants to read their composition? Oh, oh, I do, I do! Oh,

oh, me, please!

I got the spirit of Christmas right here in my composition, Mrs. Carter.

Christmas time at the Epstein's is a time for sisters and brothers, for

relatives, and eating and drinking and drinking and eating.

With everybody thinking the same thing.

I got to get to the bathroom next.

A .I. Estiel, when did your tenement get bathrooms?

had the Christmas feel without being too sentimental.

Well, frankly speaking, it left me cold.

And so does that window. Stay it open!

It's good for the nap.

It keeps the perky and firm.

Would you please just close the window and then take your coat off?

Yeah.

Julie?

Are you all right? Do you need a police jet?

Christmas in Brooklyn.

All right, all right, all right. I know why Santa flies from roof to roof to

roof, delivering toys and goodies with never a single goof.

Because if he had to walk the streets like us, they'd grab his bag and push

under a bus.

Excuse me. No two snowflakes are alike.

No two...

Check it out. Check it out, man. I got a poem, man. Everybody going to dig my

poem, man. Check it out.

to put it to sleep.

Well, let me tell you something, Vinnie. I think you should have taken it to my

uncle's cleaners.

Oh, yeah, his place can get anything out of a coat, including bullet holes.

No, you guys don't understand. It's been ripped off.

Stolen?

Somebody stole it in your coat?

Yes, somebody stole it. Two big guys. It was like gorillas. One guy tripped me

and the other guy grabbed the coat.

Well,

don't you worry, big buckaroo.

Look out your electric train.

Yeah, but the smoke don't work no more.

Hey, what's happening, Mr. Carter? Mr.

Carter, I got to take off craft this afternoon. I got to find my coat.

I know what to do, Vinnie.

All you got to do, all you got to do is you got to find some guy with a filthy

overcoat covered up with a whole bunch of feet prints.

That's not an easy task.

Everyone I know in New York has a coat like that.

Well, we better get started.

Hold it. Wait.

Just take your seats, guys.

Okay. All right.

Sit down.

Sit down in the... There is a difference, you know. Good, yeah.

Yes, okay.

Vacation starts at 3 .30.

Vinnie, you can look for your coat then. 3 .30? I can't wait till then. By that

time, the coat could be in New Jersey at some porn shop.

I can see it now hanging between a saxophone and a Bowie knife.

Then some cheap hood comes in and buys it because he needs it for some big bank

robbery. And then the police come and they arrest them. They send them up the

river, right?

Five, six years, maybe even an electric chair.

You know what that could do to the nap in my coat?

main course.

Just a minute.

Hey, what's happening? Merry Christmas, guys.

Yeah, but you know, we all felt kind of bad on you losing your coat, so we

thought we...

Come by and cheer you up. Hey, we even chipped in and got you a present.

Oh. Here, it's from us to you. Yeah. We wanted to see you smile again, guy.

Yeah, we figured your coat would want it that way.

What you going to mention the coat for?

Go ahead, open it up, Vinnie. All right. Come on, Vinnie.

So you can put cans inside there. You can put in cans of corn, cans of peas,

then you go, bloop, bloop, bloop, suck a tash.

Oh, that is great.

You know what? It really makes me feel good that you guys got this. All right.

Sometimes I'll come home at night, and I won't even eat because I've got to open

my cans with a screwdriver and a hammer.

And with this, you guys are really great. Thanks.

Oh, don't think that. It's all right. Merry Christmas. All right, all right.

That's enough of the mushiness. Now, where's the chow?

Oh, there's some hot spaghetti on the tree.

Spaghetti on a tree?

Where do you keep the ornaments? In the refrigerator?

Where's the meatballs?

He's going to collar them for Easter.

Three places to go. Really, man? You got three parties to go to?

I didn't know you were that popular.

I'm not. They don't know I'm coming.

Yeah. Not much, but neither are you.

Benny. Benny, he got us all the same thing. What time is your set to go off?

Benny?

Benny?

You look like you've seen a ghost.

I think it did.

A camel hair ghost.

Ah.

Hey, look, Vincy.

Mr. Woodman's got a coat just like yours.

Was.

Yeah, but his is real camel hair.

Still got the hump with it.

It's really what I came by to show you, Barbarino.

You look terrific in that coat today, and so, uh, now since you and I are

so much alike, I, uh... I went and got myself one.

Yeah, but the nap, it ain't as perky as mine was.

Mr. Woodman, um, Vinnie got his coat stolen today.

Oh.

Sorry to hear that. You sure it was stolen, Barbarino? Maybe, uh, maybe you

your apartment and ran away.

shirt was stolen by two big gorillas. They jumped me.

On

the

count of three. On the count of three. You ready?

Those are the muggers?

Those? Those are the two gorillas?

They don't even scare me.

Yeah, well, they jump in from behind. Now, give me this.

I don't want your lousy coat.

Yeah, well, what'd you take it for anyway?

What do you care? You're getting it back, ain't ya? Yeah, well, it didn't

nothing out of the pockets, neither.

Yeah, well, there wasn't nothing in them. We know.

Look, guys, I think you brought that coat back because you're decent punks.

I bet you believe in Santa Claus, too.

Hey, when Epstein says you're decent, you're decent.

You dig it? Yeah, I dig it. Now put me down, sheephead.

Punk's probably from Jersey.

I'm sorry we stole your coat, mister.

But things ain't been too good around our house.

Yeah,

the old man's out of work, and he ain't been feeling too good. And we thought

this would put some life back in him.

You think you kids are going to make me feel sorry for you just because you got

some big sob story?

Well, look, I got my problems, too.

I mean, sure, I live in a beautiful, nice apartment.

But that ain't everything, you know. I mean, what about this? I mean, how many

trees you run into that are decorated with spaghetti?

Too salty.

I don't want to say anything.

You're kissing too much.

Everything is Christmas, right? You think that's going to solve all your

problems, huh?

Big, expensive gifts, big presents, right?

All I got this year was a lousy can opener.

You don't think that when I was a little kid I wanted to get my father something

good?

Here.

Go on, take it. And get out of here.

Hey, thanks, mister. Merry Christmas!

That settles that. So, uh, why don't we open up our presents before Vinnie gives

them away?

You know, that was the most, uh, touching display of the Christmas spirit

have ever seen.

This will be a Christmas that I'll remember for a long, long time.

Come on, something to give. Let's go see what little Arnold got.

What's for me? What's for me?

relax, you know?

Santa ain't gonna forget about you.

With your luck, he'll probably make you an elf.

That coat was the only Christmas gift I got.

I was gonna wear it to the New Year's Eve party at the Audemars.

Oh, you got it! All right!

Of course I got it. Now, come on, put it on. When I walk you to the door, I'll

take it out with you. I got things to do, guys.

What do you mean you got things to do?

I gotta fill the stocking.

That's a wrong stocking, Vinnie.

Santa don't fill these kind.

No, stupid. I get it filled across the hall.

Merry Christmas.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

We always could spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think how it must have been.

And I know what it seems.

you were turning in Was there something that made me come back again?