Original subtitles

Well, you're going to be a daddy pretty soon.

Who, me?

Well, what do I know about being a daddy?

You're going to be a great daddy. Don't worry about it.

You think so?

But I'm too young to be a daddy.

And much too cute.

Don't worry about it. You're going to be a great daddy. You're going to be as

good a daddy as my Uncle Charlie.

Your Uncle Charlie?

Oh. How was your Uncle Charlie a good daddy?

Well, I'm glad you asked, Gabe. You see, my Uncle Charlie and my Aunt Telly,

they had four kids, and they used up all the good names.

Oh, really?

Yes. You see, they used up Kermit Cotter and Eustace Cotter, you know, all the

good ones. So they put about 15, 20 other names into a hat, and they decided

pick out, you know, one of the names, and that's what they called the baby.

Well, then what happened?

There's your answer. You see, they picked out a name.

And you know what they finally wound up calling the baby?

What?

Seven and five -eighths cotter.

I think he might be a good daddy, but not a funny one.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya?

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya.

We tease him a lot because we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

What are you doing?

Why are you bending down?

Do you want the baby to be born with a bad back?

Honey, I come from healthy Midwestern stock.

The day I was born, my mother plowed a field.

Sit down. Just sit down.

I don't want to know about your mother plowing fields.

I come from sturdy Brooklyn stock. When I was born, my mother filleted

whitefish.

Honey, I will be... Fine. Dr.

Melman said I'm not due for another week.

Sit down.

Now, you know that.

And I know that.

And Melman knows that.

But does the baby know that?

Okay, you got your stopwatch?

Yes.

I can time myself in the hundred -yard waddle.

Okay,

now listen to me carefully.

Okay. If your contractions start... My what?

Contractions. Say it.

Contraction. Good.

Okay, if your contractions start, you time them. When they're four minutes

apart, you call me.

If your water breaks, don't touch the toaster.

There's nothing to worry about.

That's easy for you to say.

You're the mother.

If something happens, you're going to be here.

I'm going, I'm going, but look, let's go over our plan one more time.

In case the time comes and I'm not here, and I want you to promise me if I'm not

here, the time is not going to come.

Promise?

I promise.

Okay, but if it does come, you call the cab.

Then you call me.

I call Dr.

Melman, he calls the hospital, and I meet you there. You got it?

Yeah, I got it. Okay, let me hear it.

Again?

Julie, it's important.

If the time comes when you're at school, which I promise you it won't, I call

the cab. I call you at school. You call Dr.

Bellman. He calls the hospital. We all meet there.

I got it.

Okay, and don't forget to bring the baby.

Almost forgot. I left without telling the baby a joke.

Did I ever tell you about what happened to my cousin Eddie when he was eight

years old?

He went to a supermarket and he saw a pregnant lady.

He went up to her and said, what's that?

She said, that's my baby.

He said, well, you don't like your baby, do you?

She says, I love my baby.

He says, well, how come you ate it?

Oh,

I performed a great community service during the old blackout.

Yeah, what?

I was serving lemonade to the looters.

Yeah, you can really work up quite a thirst running around with a TV set

your arm. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Freddie, why don't you tell her what you did this

summer?

Oh, I hurt my back.

Oh.

How?

Running with a TV set.

Here we are.

Hello,

fellow eager young minds.

So, are we all ready for another exciting year of adventures and

We've still got 45 seconds of summer vacation left.

Be cool.

You guys notice anything different about me?

You're shorter.

No!

I reached puberty.

I always knew you had it in you, little Arnold.

I got my first whisker.

I don't see nothing.

Well, of course... not, I just took my first shave.

Hey, Vinny, wait for us.

Hey,

Vinny, want to go stand under the stairs between classes and do some

sightseeing? Beat it.

Ah, come on, Vinny.

Go somewhere and squeeze your face.

Come on, get out of here.

Hey, you, uh, Vinny, uh, my man.

Who's them people?

Felix Feldman and Benny Moretti up and coming dumbbells.

Ah.

It's very difficult to believe that we ever looked like that.

first day of school. Now, Dee, I can't go in there. I got left back.

But Vinnie, you are already a sweat hog.

Yeah. Where could they leave you back to?

They can leave you back with those two dumbbells. That's what they could do.

could a thing like this happen to Vinnie Barbarino?

You're no dumber than the rest of us.

Or maybe just a little.

This is such a tragedy.

We all had such low hopes for you.

Hey, Vinnie, look, don't look at it like you're getting left back. Look at it

like you're sort of majoring in 10th grade.

I feel like nothing.

I don't feel like Vinnie Bob Reno no more, you know?

Come on, Vinnie, what happened, buddy?

Remember that state test you got to pass on to get promoted? The one I missed

last year, remember that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

On account of you were out of town with business with the Pope.

That's the best note I ever wrote.

But do you remember this? Remember that Carter said he was going to take care of

it for me?

All right, in the mail I get this little note here.

And it says you've been left back.

Read it and weep. Look at this.

All signs official -like and everything.

Don't forget, I ain't gonna take it. I mean, if they want me, they're gonna

to come and get me. I'll tell you that right now.

I'll tell you, there's a man with conviction, you know what I mean?

He's gonna make a point, he's gonna stick with it.

Hey, now, listen, Mr. Woodward. Julie's gonna call the cab, then she's gonna

call you. You tell me, we call Mel, when he goes to the hospital, and we all

meet there. You got it? I got it, I got it. Just one thing, got it.

What? I hope you like that suit you're wearing, because you're not gonna be

to afford another one this century.

Well, good morning and welcome to a new school year.

Well,

I'm sure now that summer vacation's over, you're all anxious to get back to

work.

Okay, let's start with a review of what we learned last year.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about this one.

This is your new book. I, uh... Julie!

Julie called! Did she call? No, no, no, no, Julie didn't call.

What are you getting me all excited for? Forgive me, Cutter, I'm a sadist.

Just a little matter I neglected.

Principal Lazarus asked me to welcome each class personally.

Uh, well, remember, uh, this is not me talking, it's the principal.

Have a nice school year.

It's a pleasure to have you all back.

I did it.

No one can say I didn't do it.

Now, remember, clowns, I'll be laying for you every minute, and this year I'll

get you. That's me talking.

You are cheerful

today, Mr. Woodman. What happened? One of your old students get the chair?

It's very funny, Tyler.

Okay, these are the new books. I'm going to hand everybody one. Now, this is

yours. You will keep it like... Barbarino?

What are you doing here?

I'm doing what I'm always doing, nothing.

Why shouldn't he be here?

Because he was left back, that's why.

Hey, wait a minute. If I was left back, how could I be sitting in this seat

right here? Because you're not smart, you don't even know how to get left

You didn't show up for your exams. You didn't show up for your makeups. You

where that leaves you? Back.

Vinnie, didn't you take the makeup test?

Why should I take the makeup test when you said you was going to take care of

for me?

I did. I arranged the time and the place, everything.

What do you mean, taking care of it? Taking care of it's going and sneaking

the principal's office and picking the wreckies.

You ain't going to do this to me. You ain't going to leave me back.

Oh, yes, I am. Oh, no, you're not.

If you leave my man, Benny, back, you're going to have to leave me back, too,

baby. That's right.

Me, too, Benny. Me, too.

All right. You stand here one more second. I will leave you back.

Yeah. Yeah.

You see, Benny, I'm sorry. You see, but my family was counting on me to be the

first Washington to get through to 11th grade.

Look, that's all right. I don't need you guys to help me get left back.

I got here on my own, didn't I?

Well, didn't I?

He has a point. He has a point.

All right, Barbarino.

To the dumbbells, dumbbell.

You know, this is your failure, too.

Vinny, right? You crumb.

How could you do it? I could have been something.

I could have been something. I wanted my mother to see me graduate before she

died.

You know, she's pushing 40.

It's been a long time for this day, Carter.

I win.

I'm breaking up the sweat hogs.

It's like breaking up the old Yankees.

You thought you had me, didn't you? Two outs, bottom of the ninth, but old

Woodman hit a home run, and I win!

I win, Carter!

How long have you been without your medication, Mr. Woodman?

Listen, these kids come from deprived backgrounds.

I mean, they need motivation, not left back.

They banned saccharin, Carter. Give it a rest.

Just a second, Mr. Woodman.

I'm sick and tired of you coming in here and putting down my students.

From now on, if you want to see me, do it in your office.

And another thing.

This is my ship, and I...

I'm the captain.

Good

day

to you, sir.

All right.

Oh, uh, captain?

Just one final interruption.

Don't look now, but your ship is sinking.

Okay, now here's the plan, right? Julie's going to call the taxi. She's

call me. I call Dr. Millman. He calls the hospital. And we all meet there.

You got it? Hey, Mr.

Cartier, we got it. Believe me, we all got it.

Not only do we got it, we put it to music.

Okay, now let me see, let me see now.

Now, if Julie calls, remember... She

calls the taxi.

abandoned myself. I hope we pass the audition.

I don't know why having a baby is such a traumatic thing. I mean, my Uncle

Morris had eight babies.

I'm dying.

I'm dying.

Uncle Morris?

You've got to help me.

You've got to help me.

Vinnie, look.

It's a very bad day today. Why don't you just relax? I mean, I've tried.

The blood moon won't budge.

So why don't you blackmail him?

What we do is this. Tell him he got pictures of him and that French teacher

doing things.

Vinnie, I want you to understand something.

You were wrong in the first place.

Of course I was wrong in the first place. If I was right, I wouldn't need

help.

Vinnie, I can't do anything right now, all right?

I'll do something, but not... Now, just go to your new class, all right? Just

leave me alone today. Just go to your new class.

All right, I'll call you later, eh?

Edmund.

Francis. Garth.

Garth. Garth.

German for man with many warts.

Not you, Vinnie, the baby.

Baby, huh? Well, that's too bad, but I got my own problems.

What about the name Maurice for a little boy?

Maurice? Yeah.

That's a good name.

If you don't mind your kid getting beaten up all in his life.

Forget about that for a while, because I've got more important things to talk

you about. Now sit down.

Vinnie, don't you usually take your problems to Mr. Cotter?

Yeah, that's what I usually do, but now there's nobody left, so I have to come

to you.

Okay, tell me.

I can't.

I can respect that.

What's he going to force me like?

Thinning my mind somewhere else.

All right, enough pressure. I'll talk.

I got to look back.

Hard to believe.

leave it myself when i heard the news all right now what you got to do to help

me you got to talk to mr cotta because he don't want to he don't want to help

right so if you if you talk to him maybe you know we can help it help a life so

i won't get left back you know do you realize what this could do to my chances

of getting into medical school

henny i

didn't know that you wanted to be a doctor

Oh, yeah, I was going to either become, like, a doctor or a longshoreman.

Oh.

Oh, Vinnie, I don't feel very well.

You don't feel very well? Imagine how I must feel.

You know, this is really kind of weird, you know that?

I mean, like, a guy like Epstein, he gets promoted, right?

And I don't. I mean, don't you think, like, looks should account for

Excuse me, Vinnie.

Where you going?

Look, I'm upset that he left him back, but you don't gotta leave the guy.

Uh, could you please send a cab to 7 -Eleven East Ocean Parkway?

Thanks. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't you think you should think about

this a little bit? I mean, like, marriage is really holy.

Uh, Mr.

Woodman? Hi, it's Julie. Would you tell Gabe that I'm on the way to the hospital

right now?

The hospital?

Okay, thanks. I'm sorry, Mr. Scott. Oh, my God. Who never told you?

that I've put on a little weight lately.

Yeah, that's an account, you know. Yeah.

You ready to do that right now? Yeah.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. Are you really sure? I'm positive. Oh, no, no, no.

Wait a minute.

Don't do nothing until we get to the hospital, right?

I can't help you do nothing unless you promise to bring up this kid Catholic.

All right, forget to ask the question, all right?

Don't just throw it away and don't look at it. May I have a word with you?

I thought I made myself clear, Mr. Woodman, after class.

grease stains on it, don't keep it in the kitchen, you know, it's going to get

soiled. Oh, uh, Gabe, um, Captain, requesting permission to come aboard,

Permission denied.

After class.

I don't know what's wrong with that man. He insists on interrupting me when I'm

trying to teach my class.

And we're not that easy to teach, even under the most ideal circumstances.

Welcome back, Cotter.

Now, look, you don't worry about nothing, all right? I'm going to take

everything here. You just go have your baby and relax, all right? Okay, thanks,

Vinnie.

Don't worry, Julie. Everything's going to be fine.

Are you crying?

No.

I just had an onion sandwich.

about what happens, you know, Mrs. Codd and everything. It's all really turned

out cool and everything, right? Thanks a lot. That's good.

But there are more important things going on in life, too, you know?

Like me getting left back. I mean, it's a big problem.

Billy, I promise you, you'll get out of the 10th grade, okay?

Well, there he is.

A man who was about to spend his entire life in the 10th grade.

Congratulations. What? What is it? You're the father of a bouncing big one.

What? What? Sit tight.

You didn't say what was bouncing.

Sit. Sit.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back.

To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya?

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya. Yeah, we teased him a lot. Cause we got him on the spot.

Welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

We always just thought of friends.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think how much I've been.