Original subtitles

What's going on here? It's a surprise.

They wanted to show their appreciation before the new semester begins, but I

want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, I'm absolutely opposed to it.

You're still as sweet as ever.

Don't mention it.

Thank all of you. I mean, I don't know what to say.

Just say you'll take us out to a movie.

You knew about this, didn't you? Of course I knew. Kids told me last week.

I told them a party wasn't necessary since...

Teaching at Buchanan has been a joy for you since the first day.

Well,

let's make that day two. I remember that first day when I had the pleasure of

meeting these eager young minds for the first time.

Good morning.

I'm your new homeroom teacher.

My name is Mr. Cotter.

I am looking forward to a meaningful learning experience for everybody.

A meaningful learning experience, Mr. Cotter? Wow!

You're a social studies instructor.

Social studies? That's one of our favorites. Can we begin right now?

Well, as soon as I get your names, I guess we'll get right into it. Great old

goody, goody, goody.

Now that I have succeeded in establishing a relationship,

a rapport between myself and myself, I'd like to know who you

are.

Let us begin over here. No, no.

We're going to start over here.

Okay, we'll start over here.

Barbarino.

Vinnie Barbarino.

This is my place, and these, these are my people.

Thank you, Chairman Barbarino.

Who is this?

That. That is Epstein.

the toughest kid in school, voted most likely to take a life.

Epstein, huh?

Juan Luis Pedro Filippo de Huevos Epstein from San Juan.

Your mother's Puerto Rican? No, my father.

My mother's name is Bibimin.

Washington. Freddie.

He's Horschak.

Horschak doesn't talk?

He talks when I tell him to talk.

That's so Horschak you need him to tell you to talk?

horse shank the last.

Why the last horse shank? Because after they made me, they broke the mold.

Welcome back.

Welcome to the Boy Hard Back to School special.

Welcome back to that same old place that you

laughed about well the names have all changed since you hung around but those

dreams have remained and they've turned around who'd have thought they'd lead ya

who'd have thought they'd lead ya back here where we need ya back here where we

need ya yeah we tease him a lot cause we got him on the spot welcome back

You know something? I guess that's the key to learning.

Students and teachers relating to each other as mature people.

We gotta loosen up here, right?

Alright.

Hey, Mr. Carter, I got a note.

What's all this?

Those are the notes covering my absenteeism for...

What are you talking about abandon, Freddy? I was at a teacher's convention

two days.

Well, that's what I said.

Abandon.

because of you. I mean, you've given us the big -time, perfect example of the

role model.

A man that has it all together.

of the socialist proletariat, the Russian Revolution had come to a close.

The end.

Did you hear about the 500 -pound parrot?

He says...

This is losing control. Somebody do something.

You see this? This is what I was talking about. This is the power of the press.

Exposing corruption.

Unseating the mighty and bringing them before the bar of justice.

See, he's out of control again.

pajamas i'll never know oh yeah used by a woman once again well look

you're a very interesting goober kids and i love to go on talking here forever

but it's time to play let's go to school i searched here and i searched there

i'm searching for my shanghai

help me rescue my manhood. Did I succeed?

All my life, people have been trying to push me aside.

Arnold, go to your room.

Arnold, go outside and play.

Arnold, we'll meet you after school.

Mr. Carter, I'm tired of being pushed aside.

I understand, Arnold, but there are other ways to prove you're a man besides

fighting a big starker like Carvelli.

Mr. Carter, sometimes a man has to stand up for himself even though he knows

he's going to land flat on his back.

Haven't you ever felt like that?

Arnold, if you really think that you have to do this, I'm behind you.

Mr. Carter, how can I take this report card home and show it to my mom?

That woman's a saint.

Now remember, your mother the saint.

You're going to be upset, huh?

You probably got no idea what it feels like to get hit with beads.

Vinnie, do you think that I enjoy failing you?

Yeah, that's how you teachers get your jollies.

Well, I don't. Vinnie, you shouldn't be failing. You're a kid with brains.

Look, man, if you don't get it together, you're going to get left back.

Now, how would your mother like that?

Oh, no, she wouldn't like that.

Vinnie, I want to help you. I just don't know what to do.

Hey, how about if I got you a tutor?

Somebody to work with you after school.

Hey, believe me, it's not going to be that bad.

All right.

But is there any way we could do this without books?

You see, when I look at you, I see a sensitive, bright, energetic kid that

lot more going for him than muscle. You see that? Where?

Where is that guy? Show me where.

I'll show you where that guy is.

That guy is in here.

And that guy is in here.

Yeah, well, how about right here?

There's nothing in there, Juan.

It's empty.

they called box play.

Face of Washington, you're not that good.

There are guys right here in Buchanan who are better than you. Like who? Who?

Who? Who? Who? Who?

Me. You?

Hey, man, you better stay away from that blackboard. I think you must have

sniffed too much of that chocolate.

Hey, I'm serious, Freddy.

Basketball is my game. And I'm challenging you. One -on -one. Just you,

the basketball.

Hey. Mr. Cotty, I mean, you're out of shape, man. Dig yourself, man. If you

a building, you'd be condemned.

315 today, 20 -point game.

Okay, Mr.

Kamikaze.

Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?

20 bucks say I win.

Hey, you know I'm not going to play you for money.

Hey, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

If I win, you take the makeup.

And if I win, you pass me.

I can't do that.

Hey, you can do anything, man. You're the teacher.

You gotta bet.

I don't think he has much more time.

Hi there.

Least you could do is sweat.

I did.

Hey, look, I'm ready to take that makeup test if you still want me to.

Hey, I'm no Welcher.

You win.

You beat me 20 to 16. You passed.

Nah, man, that was no beating, man. You scored 16 points off of me. I mean, you.

I mean, you're almost twice my age, man.

I mean, you're old enough to be my... Older cousin.

Look, I've been thinking.

Maybe I don't have that contract all sewn up with the Knicks yet, but I just

think I better be covering all my bases.

I think that's a smart move, Freddie.

You know, man, do something else.

I mean, you really surprised me down there today.

Yeah. Yeah, you still play pretty good. You still...

Yeah, I got it.

But I can't get it off the couch.

That was a very nice thing you did.

I can't think of anybody else who could have done that kind of thing with our

talents.

Hey, you know, it's mutual.

I mean, I learned a lot from you guys, too.

It's like one hand washes the other. Not in my family.

Listen,

thanks to the Swalogs, I'm here today.

Remember the day I almost got fired?

Oh, yeah.

Ah, what a wonderful day that was.

I mean, I think that they should be here.

I see.

Mr.

Marmot, there's a meeting going on here.

Hey, Macca, when you hired the Linguini brothers to work...

The Linguini Brothers real work.

Hey, Red Moseal.

That's all right, Guido.

This is absurd. What could be more ridiculous than this?

my sweat hog.

That's Moe, Larry, Curly, and that's Raquel.

Mr. Cotter, is there anything you'd like to say in your own behalf?

Certainly.

Miss Riley, I'm a teacher.

That's what it says on my locker. Mr. Cotter, teacher.

And I'm teaching a group of kids known as sweat hogs.

Now, contrary to popular opinion, sweat hogs are not dumb.

I mean, a dumb person does not think of a way to make it rain in the gymnasium.

I did that.

Unfortunately, normal teaching methods don't seem to work for these kids.

I mean, if they did, well, then they wouldn't be sweat hogs.

Don't you see? They're going to have to survive in the world of the future.

And if they learn how to learn, well, then they'll be able to survive

Copies of this speech can be obtained by writing... Guys,

I don't know what to say. I'm overwhelmed.

And underpaid.

Just a little joke, Mr. Woodman.

This is great, you know, talking about the memories and all that stuff.

But I mean, I think it would be nice if we went to see that movie that you

promised us.

Yeah.

I mean, after all, you should pay us back for the watch we were going to give

you. Ah, Vincent, you gave away the surprise, yes.

What are you talking about? I didn't know a surprise. I knew about it for a

week. A watch? You got me a watch? Well, you shouldn't have.

Yeah, well, we didn't.

We sent these lady sweat hogs out to buy something nice, and that's what they

came back with.

So here you go, Mr. Carter, and don't worry about dropping it.

Oh, is it shock resistant?

No, it's cheap.

watch that 575 can buy.

Well, look, it doesn't matter how much it costs. It's the thought that counts.

Hey, you guys, for Mr. Carter.

This reminds me of a little story my Uncle Morris once told me. Oh.

He's taking me on to stories.

There's two women. Every time they story about my Uncle Morris, she went hot and

he was on the phone.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back.

We all went to spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think how we must have been.

And I know what a scene you were learning in.