Original subtitles

Julie, did they ever tell you about my uncle who was a paratrooper?

No. Why don't you tell me about him? Okay, well, his name was Sky Cotter. He

decided to become a paratrooper. He wanted to jump out of planes.

So he goes to the school, and the instructor takes him up in a plane,

he said, okay, when we jump out of the plane, your chute's going to open

automatically. Now, if it doesn't open automatically, you pull your emergency

cord. Now, if your emergency cord doesn't open the chute, you pull your

emergency cord, and that'll open it. And then when you get to the ground,

there'll be a truck pick you up and take you back to the school.

Okay? Jumps out of the plane, chute doesn't open.

Pulls his emergency cord, still doesn't open.

Pulls his super emergency cord, it still doesn't open.

Passes the instructor on the way down. He said, you know, with my luck, I bet

the truck won't be there either.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back.

set to go to the radio station. Oh, I am so excited. I don't know what to do.

I really can't believe it. We're going to meet Wally the Wow. He's like my

favorite DJ, really.

Was it true that he was a sweat hog or what?

Yeah, Vinnie, but when he went here, he wasn't Wally the Wow.

He was Wally the Weasel Wexler.

But we always knew he was going to be a disc jockey.

Well, how come?

Well, there were little signs like he would get up in the cafeteria and ask us

to rate the ravioli.

Well, I'll tell you, Weasel, I give it 87.

I mean, it's easy to eat, but it's hard to dance to.

Hey, well, thanks for setting it all up, Mr. Cocktail, but I ain't sold on doing

no radio show. I mean, what do I say?

Yeah, we're going to do it all the same way. Are you guys kidding?

In class, I can't shut you people up.

Well, I don't know about all those people out there.

Look, forget they're out there.

Like sometimes you forget I'm here.

Yeah, yeah, sure, Fred. Let's just think of it like we're talking to ourselves.

Yeah, I know what you mean. When I was a little kid, I used to always talk to

myself.

I used to say, Hey, Vinnie.

Right? And then I'd sit back and say, What? What do you want?

And then I'd say, Don't yell at me.

And I'd say, Shut up.

Look, if I want to yell at you, I can yell at you.

It was so hard to get along with him.

I didn't talk to myself when I was a kid.

I talked to Ralph.

Your brother?

No, Ralph was a duck.

He used to sit on my shoulder.

You talked to a duck?

Well, he wasn't a real duck.

He was an invisible duck.

See, I mean, y 'all couldn't see him. Only me.

Freddy, I know you're scared.

But when you sit down at that big WBAD microphone...

Forget that you're talking to a lot of strangers out there.

Pretend you're just talking to your friend, Ralph the Duck.

Well, it's okay with me.

What do you think, Ralph?

And wait a minute.

This can't be right.

This place is a whole lot bigger on the radio.

This one's for the big time, for the meter readers and their brand new disco

hit, Baby, Stick My Head in Your Oven.

Oh, I can't believe it. It's Wally the Wow in person.

And the hits keep rolling on.

Here's one from the Reverend Funk and the Vienna Boys Boogie Band, entitled, I

Threw My Heart in the Collection Plate.

You got it, because you asked for it.

Redhawks, class of 78.

Where?

In your case, make that class of 85.

Wally, on behalf of all the guys, we want to let you know that you're the

greatest. Okay, take these down the shirt, man. It's an oldie, but it's a

goodie, you know?

It's an oldie, but it's a goodie. Oh, he is so hip.

So very, very hip.

I thought you guys had a seat. We got a few minutes here before we have to

start.

Fortunately for you guys, moving around isn't important in radio.

But, you know, being on the air, there's a little more to it than just rapping

on the microphone and playing records for people.

See, behind every star, like me, you've got an engineer, producer, librarian,

sound effects man.

So, uh, where are they all?

That's him over my shoulder.

He locked himself in the booth again.

Boys, this is Andy from MIT, my engineering wizard.

How do, Andy?

How do?

I'm sorry, Mr. Wow. I did it again. I locked myself in the booth.

I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. Andy, why don't you do everybody a

favor and just stop trying so hard to try so hard?

I'll try, Mr. Wow.

But I noticed that the record was almost over, Mr. Wow, and I don't know what to

do now.

Well, you might just think about putting on another one, Andy.

I learned so much from this man.

the records, man, before you go. Don't put them on the radiator anymore, will

you? They melt.

This morning, I found the captain all over Marie, and Donnie's stuck to

Tennille, man.

Oh, gross.

Okay, guys, I'm going on the air. I'm going to introduce you now, but I want

to be quiet until I give you the cue.

I'm first.

It's real nice of you to let us in here, man. It's nice to be in this radio

station. How much did you pay?

Hey.

Hey, Mr. Wow, what's... What's this thing in my jiggy hair called?

It's called being off the air.

Come on, Wally the Wow is warm, and Wally the Wow is wonderful, you know?

you're right with me. Well, I'll tell you, turn that dial once more, and I

really get into breaking your fingers.

Oh, Mr. Wow, this is certainly a great opportunity.

Thank you.

You finished?

Good, because I think you loosened a couple of my fillings, man.

Shut up. You're embarrassing me. Hey, guys, be quiet, man. A little quiet,

you please?

Quiet on the set!

Roll him. Action.

Okay,

Dig It fans, Wally the Wow is back on the line, and you've just been listening

to one of the big sounds I know you dig. It's the crosswords, and love is a

three -letter word.

You're listening to WBAD. We're bad.

And speaking of bad, I think it's time now for me to turn over the microphone,

turn our station, in fact, over to four young men who've come down here

representing Buchanan High School.

And they're here because this week it's Wally the Wow's tribute to the stars of

tomorrow today, right here on WBAD. So let's get to it. Let's meet a couple of

them. They're going to be here all week long. Let's meet them one by one.

Uh, what's your name, son?

That's, uh, that's, uh, Arnold Horshack, Wally.

Oh, okay, well, uh, what's your name?

Um,

um, so help me, I knew when I woke up this morning, honestly.

He's Juan Epstein, Wally. That's right, Juan Epstein. Okay, and, uh, the tall,

dark, handsome guy back here, who's that?

Vinny Barbarino!

Let's take our time and go around here one by one and see what's on your mind.

Arnold, Wally DeWile's giving you the microphone and giving you a chance to

express your innermost thoughts in your own words.

It is now exactly 4 .17 right here in the heart of the Badlands.

Thanks, DeWile, for sharing your thoughts with us today.

Uh, Juan, do you have anything you'd like to add to that?

No, no, my friend Arnold here pretty much summed up all my feelings.

Dear Wally, whenever I think of that glorious night at Sneaky Bobo's Motor

I nearly go crazy.

It says 78 degrees out there in the Badlands.

Hey, that's what I like.

A young man that's willing to go out on a limb for a temperature he believes in.

Hey, Vinnie, come on over here, man. You've got a pretty tough act to follow

here, these two guys, but you want to take a crack at it?

What?

Very well put, Vinnie.

Yeah, I think what we ought to do right now is maybe get back to some of the

music here on the land of WBAD and let me pick out a tune that some of you...

Hey, wait, wait, wait a minute. Hold up. Wait a minute.

We're right on the air now.

Yeah, I know that, but I mean, what is this we? I mean, what about me? I didn't

get a chance.

Let me show you what I mean.

Hey, Boom Boom's my name and radio's my game. So pick up a chair, don't despair,

because Freddy's here and you've got his air.

Am I right, brother?

Right!

Okay, now I believe there's a lot of people out there that want to hear what

young people think. Can I get an amen?

Amen, Freddy. All right, now the trouble is people are just too busy to stop, so

relax.

Lay down and lay back.

And you just give old Freddy a call.

Because remember, the day goes better when you call Freddy's Letters.

That's B -A -D -L -A -N -Z.

All right.

Badlands. Yeah, this is Wally the Wild saying, give a listen to my man Freddy

here and give him a call. Freddy knows what's bad for y 'all.

Yeah, thanks a lot, Wally. Now, come on there. Pick up that phone and give me a

call.

Wally the Wild.

For you.

Hi there.

Yeah, what's that, honey?

Mm -hmm.

Uh -huh.

You say your last date, you went out with the most conceited guy you ever

Spent the whole night looking at himself in the mirror and drooling.

And what should you do?

Break all his mirrors and get him a bib.

Hello, room service?

Send up a room.

You don't got a room? Send up a hall.

Yeah, he's right here.

That's for you.

This one's gonna be for me. Hello?

Uh -huh. Hello.

So what's happening? This one's for you.

Oh, excuse me just a second. Hello, hello?

Yeah, what's your problem? This one is definitely gonna be for me. Yeah.

Hello?

And he shattered all your wine glasses.

Hey, this guy's great.

Hey, Freddy, why don't you give us a chance?

Yeah, we don't got to be ignored like this. That's right. My mother's got nine

kids. If I want to be ignored, all I got to do is go home.

Hey, man, can I help it if everybody wants to talk to Fred Ditt, Boom Boom,

Washington? I mean, you got to give the public what they want.

Hello? Yes? Well, you give the public what they want, Freddy.

We don't have to be here. All right.

Bye -bye, Boom Boom. See, that's what you were saying.

I guess they just don't understand us stars.

To tell you the truth, I'm having a little trouble myself, man. It's no

Hey,

Boom Boom.

Let me take you straight, man.

Go ahead, partner. Shoot.

First of all, we're not partners.

You've been on the air for three days.

The wow has been at it for 15 years.

The wow is up here.

The boom is down here.

Wow here, boom here.

Wow, boom. Get it?

Yeah, sort of.

Well, you better get it or I'll lower the boom. Boom, down here.

WBAD knows what's bad for you.

Hi, can I speak to Mr. Wow, please?

Yeah, huh? No problem.

As for you?

Hey, Wally DeWauw's fans are coming back home.

Hello, Wally DeWauw.

Hi, Mr. DeWauw. It's Andy.

Andy who?

You know, Andy in the booth, you know, engineer.

What do you want, Andy?

Well, I was just wondering if you and Mr. Boom would sometime maybe like to

in here and talk to the people on Avenue N.

See, the last record ended three minutes ago, and it's sort of quiet in here.

Wally the Wow, and we're back again. This is Wally the Wow with his newest

discovery, Boom Boom Washington.

And what you just heard was... What you just heard was... What you just

heard was the heavy new sound of nothing's happening.

Hey, I think about time now to listen to a message from Bernie, the neighborhood

tailor, who says, it ain't no joke when your zipper's broke.

Nothing happened, Andy.

Andy Brooks again.

How'd you think that it was so fast?

Well, that's the difference between the wow and the boom.

He was terrific.

Now, girls, girls, girls, girls. Now, you know I hate to take sides, but I

you're both right.

Oh, Washington.

Excuse me, girls.

Business. Mr. Woodman. Check y 'all later.

Stay cool and stay smooth.

I mean, Woodman, what can I do for you? Well, I know you're a big star now, but

I just want to say I heard your show yesterday, and I liked it a lot.

Especially that one guy who called in and suggested mandatory slavery for high

school students.

Yeah, well, we get a lot of creeps like that calling in.

Creep?

I thought I made a rather good point.

Keep an eye on your friend, boys.

He's getting awful stuck up. He knows.

I never thought I'd see the day me and Whitman would see eye to eye.

Hey, come on, guys. Now, I didn't throw y 'all out the studio.

Y 'all took a walk.

But come on back. There's plenty of room for all of us.

Where? In the mail room?

Answering your fan mail?

Fan mail?

You getting fan mail?

I should be getting fan mail.

I'm Vinnie Barbarino.

I don't believe it.

I guess it's over for me now.

I guess I'll peep.

Hey, buddy, can you spare a dime?

You turn me into a bum.

I've got it all wrong. I mean, can't we talk about this?

Oh, certainly, Frederick. Let's settle this right here and now.

Okay, all right, see? Now, this is what's happening. You see, can we make

later?

See, I've got to be on the air in 30 minutes.

Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. You understand, right? All right? Yeah, sure, Freddy.

got it, baby. Sure, Freddy. We'll talk about it later.

Hey, there he is. Wally the Wild's golden boy.

You taking a look at some of this stuff that's come in here?

Got requests for personal appearances, new advertisers.

There's even one guy here who wants to put out a Freddie Washington watch.

Every hour on the hour, it lights up and says, Hi there.

Are you excited about all this? How does the golden boy feel, anyway?

Yeah, the golden boy feels a little bit tarnished right now, Wally.

Oh, what's the matter, man? Did I come down on you a little too hard yesterday?

Yeah.

It wasn't you, man. It wasn't you.

See, everything would be perfect if... See, if only the guys would understand.

Oh, the guys.

I know, it's your buddies. They got jealous, right?

Yeah.

Well, they always do, man. Welcome to the wonderful world of radio.

You mean you ain't got no friends either?

Take a look over my shoulder.

What do you see?

Andy. What's he doing?

and all the cables.

He's about to drop a stack of records.

One, two, three.

Now he's pulling on the door, trying to get out, right?

Yeah. Now he's lost his grip and he's crashing into the big console.

You really know him, don't you?

Yeah, but he's it, man.

That's my friend for the year.

Lucky for me, he's a nice guy.

Does it have to be that way?

Yeah, it doesn't have to be, you know.

But how else is it gonna turn out, man? You spend half your time isolated here

in a radio station all day, reading requests, answering the phone, playing

records, doing the news.

Got no time for anything else.

And then when you do get on the outside and maybe talk to somebody, you find out

you're talking at them, not with them.

You just forget how to listen, you know what I mean?

So then... So then how come you're pushing me to be this Jackie?

Well... You got the brains, you got the talent, you got the personality.

And besides, I could use another friend.

Yeah, right now I could use a friend myself.

That's your cue.

Hi there.

This is Freddy Boom Boom Washington.

I want y 'all to know I had a real nice week rotating platters and wrapping on

with all y 'all out there.

I never knew I could like something so much.

See, the only problem is I like my friends more.

And since I don't know how I could have them both, I guess I'll be signing off

now.

So, bye there.

Now, just hold on a second there.

What are you guys doing here?

Well, I tried to call you, Freddy, but you wouldn't loan me a dime, remember?

Yeah, I think maybe it's time now to play another one of the friendly

from one of our sponsors here on B .A .D.

Yeah, I don't understand.

Oh, Freddy, we were the ones who didn't understand.

Yeah, it was all my fault, Arnold.

I let it all go to my head.

That's true.

For Freddy, at least...

We should have given you a little more time to come down by yourself.

You mean you guys wouldn't mind if I kept doing this?

Of course we wouldn't mind. We want one of us to do good.

Yeah. I mean, it happens so rarely, we just didn't know how to handle it,

Yeah, and if one of us does good, we all do good, you know what I mean? Hey,

guys, I might remind you, this is a Top 40 radio show, not a soap opera.

Well, come on then, go on, do your things. Yeah, I'll do.

Hi there. Miss me?

Well, it's great to be back from vacation.

This is Freddy Boom Boom Washington.

And Wally the Wow coming at you in tandem on WBAD.

And that's...

A .D.

So this is what's become a Wally the Weasel. Hey, Carter.

How you doing?

It's not Wally the Weasel anymore.

It's Wally the Wow.

I've had my consciousness raised.

I mean, how would you like it if we were still calling you Clown Face Carter?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

That was like another life.

Hey, Wally, remember the time you greased the hall and Woodman slid all

from the nurse's office into the girls' locker room?

Oh, those were the good old days.

Remember you used to tell all those stupid jokes about your uncles, man? Oh,

I sure am glad we outgrew that.

Yeah, well, Wally, listen, I wanted to thank you personally for taking care of

my guys like that. That was really sweet of you, man. It's great seeing you

again. It's okay. Drop by anytime, man.

Okay, Wally, back on the line. Hey, what's your name?

Andy.

Andy, did you ever say about my uncle that I wanted to be a disc jockey?

You see, he wanted to be a disc jockey, and he went to this radio station.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back.

To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya?

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya. Yeah, we tease him a lot. Cause we got him on the spot. Welcome

back.

Welcome back. Welcome back.