Original subtitles

Mr. Carter, I'm really worried.

Horshack's been gone for two days now. I don't know where he is.

Yeah, that's right, Mr. Carter.

I mean, Arnold, he ain't never been absent.

I know.

I'm worried, too.

I think he must have a problem in his personal life.

Ah, come on, Mr. Carter.

You know Arnold ain't got no personal life.

Hey,

Mr.

Carter.

How do you become a father?

Father? Well, you got to meet a girl that you like, and then you, well, you

of... I don't have to start a family.

I've already got one. You see, my mother's fifth husband, Mr. O 'Hara,

other day.

Just like that.

Sitting in his taxi in the middle of a traffic jam on the Long Island

Expressway, the man fell on his horn, gave one final

toot, and went to that great white taxi stand in the sky.

Sorry, Arnold.

I know how it feels to lose a loved one.

Hey, Arnold, you remember, if you need anything at all, I mean anything at all,

You can count on me.

Freddy. Can do.

Washington.

Yeah. Hey, Arnold.

Arnold.

It's gonna be okay, buddy, you know.

Hey.

You got friends here.

Oh, little one.

What do I know about being a father? Well, see, Mr. Carter, it's like this

came to me, and it said, Arnold!

Arnold!

It's time to grow up!

And I said, can I ask Mr. Carter first?

And the voice said, it couldn't hurt!

So I'm asking, Mr.

Carter,

Is it time for me to grow up?

Arnold, I think you already have.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd have thought they'd need ya? We're here

where we need ya.

Yeah, we tease him a lot, cause we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Hey, Mom.

Hiya, Arnold.

Don't look.

It'll spoil your appetite.

Too late.

Hey, Mom.

Being your eldest son, I think the time has come for you and I to have a talk.

Fine. First at the table.

Guess who followed me home again?

No, no, Bloomberg. He's right outside that door. Somebody please get rid of

I'll boil some water.

take care of this.

Now, look here, fella.

I'm Judy's big bro. Hello, Ronald.

So, what say you come over on Saturday?

Come early. Plan to spend the whole day.

Listen, Arnold, I'm planning a headache on Saturday so you can go out with him.

You know, Judy, sometimes you are such a Such a nudge.

You don't see your little sister giving me such aggravation, do you? No, sirree.

She's sitting there on the floor crying.

Crying.

Doris.

Hey. Hey, Doris.

Don't cry.

Your wedding...

feel bad about Mr.

O 'Hara, but people die.

Accepting that is part of growing up.

Well, I don't feel bad about him, Arnold.

We've had better fathers.

So, what's wrong?

Arnold, remember that story you told me about how the ugly duckling turned into

a swan? Well,

it ain't working.

Laura Swan, so will everybody else.

Arnold, do you really...

Something I'd like to talk about. Ma, what are these lumpy things?

Gravy.

Listen, everybody, there's something I would like to discuss here.

Well, I ain't eating these mashed potatoes. Not me, boy.

Clam up.

But you just never listen to me.

You should.

I might have something to say.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

You said clam up to your mother.

Not even Manny's father, the crumb, ever said clam

up. Up to your mother.

My father wasn't the crumb. Judy's father was the crumb. He was not. Of

not. Mr. Lutz was a very nice man.

Mom, my father was Mr. Lutz. My father was Mr. Templeton. Okay, so I'm not so

terrific at names, okay?

You are not exactly a wizard selecting men, either.

for me.

You think I enjoy hauling that cocktail dress out of the mothballs?

Mothballs? That's what we're eating, the lumpy things, the mothballs.

Nobody's going to give me the kind of job that will support this family. I've

got to find another husband.

You should meet somebody that you really and truly love.

Who would be more delighted than I?

But, Ma, you do not have to go out and get married again to find somebody to

take care of us. Because from now on, Ma, I will.

Cocktail dress needs taking up.

Or letting down.

Or throwing out.

Ma, ma, ma!

You're not listening.

Hold it!

Everybody finish eating!

You done, you done, you done.

Well, I ain't gonna eat my mashed potato's brillo head.

Eat. Your mashed potatoes.

Make me horse face.

Your wish is my command.

I'll get you through this, Arnold.

It might be years from now.

I might be the sky.

Just remember, when you least expect it, expect it.

Go ahead, Arnold.

Take over the family.

It's okay by me.

Just don't tell me what to do.

I think you can do it, Arnold.

Honest? No.

There is something about me that people do not take seriously.

Maybe it's my voice.

Nah.

It used to be my voice.

Before it changed.

Maybe it's my laugh.

good laugh to me i

was

just practicing what for you do it perfect hey uh listen i heard about

number five kicking off i'm sorry i guess you grow up when you have to huh

Hey, you know, I checked the want ads this morning. The one thing that nobody

wants is me.

So you'll become independently wealthy.

You got any rich relatives?

I don't got any relatives.

Except for... Nah.

Nah? Nah who?

Nah who is my Uncle Harry Horshack. Oh, he used to have this terrific costume

store on DeKalb Avenue.

Horshack's Costume City.

I haven't seen my uncle Harry in 15 years.

I wonder if he still remembers me.

Arnold, believe me, you're hard to forget.

You know, it's really easy talking with you, Goldie.

You may not believe this, but I get very tongue -tied around most girls.

I didn't know you.

You're different.

Thank you, Arnold.

That were you.

Arnold, Arnold, are you up there? You're up here, Ma.

Eyelashes? Ma, you haven't worn your fourth eyelashes since your last

Yeah, I'm going with my friend Wanda over to the bowling alley.

Ma, who's in that bowl?

Arnold.

Father number six might be bowling lane number seven.

Your mother is a very strange lady.

Yeah.

Well, look, I'd better go see about that job, Goldie, before Cinderella meets

Prince Charming.

Well, wish me luck, Goldie. Good luck, Arnold. Arnold Horsack!

Can't get out of here!

Oh.

This... To some swanky store.

My Uncle Harry must be doing real good.

Oh, I'm sorry.

May I help you?

Hello?

How are you?

I'm Arnold Horschak.

Harry Horschak's nephew.

There's no H.

Harry Horschak.

President of Horschak's of Fifth Avenue.

And Mr. Horschak doesn't see anyone without an appointment.

Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, look at that.

Pretty.

I'm terribly sorry, H .O.

It's not that easy to get a job. Come here. Let me show you something.

Look out that window, Arthur.

Arnold.

See all those little people down there on Fifth Avenue?

Uh -huh.

I stepped on all of those people to get up here.

Wouldn't it have been easier to take an elevator?

You're a nice kid.

The nice kids finish last.

This kid's a winner.

I'm a shark.

I'm one of the sharks of this world that devour people like you, Otto.

Arnold.

My name is Arnold.

Arnold Horschak. I pronounce the H, Mr. Horschak.

I'm very proud of my name. Horschak is a very old and respected name.

It means the cattle are dying.

Horshack's Costume City on DeKalb Avenue in Brooklyn?

Leonard. Yes, sir? Would you go spy on somebody for me, please? Whatever you

say.

Arnold.

There never was a Horshack's Costume City on DeKalb Avenue.

Never. Oh, sure there was, Uncle Harry.

Don't you remember the last time I saw you?

Oh, you was dressed in a chicken suit.

If you can forget that you ever saw me dressed in a chicken suit, you've got a

job.

Oh, thank you.

Arnold, you remind me of me when I was a young man.

If you ever tell that to anybody, I'm going to rip your heart out.

Hey, Ma, I got a job.

I got to the bowling alley.

I met a farmer named Augie Farnsworth.

He might be a lousy date, but he could make a wonderful father.

section of Brooklyn.

Now you listen to me, young lady. One more word out of you and you're going to

bed without any supper. We already had supper.

Then you'll never have it again.

Come on, you guys.

What do you say we give the kid a break?

Okay.

Arnold, I think we can do a little business.

I'll give you a shot at this man -of -the -house trip if you promise to stop

tucking me in at night.

Can I keep on saying goodnight, little buckaroo?

You got a deal.

Oh, thank you, Manny.

Hey, listen, you guys. I know I'm not the only one growing up here.

We're all growing up.

Except for Ma, of course.

asking for your help.

Please.

Oh, Arnold.

Thank you, Judy.

Hey, Ma, did you hear?

Arnold got a job today.

Yeah. Yeah, with my Uncle Harry Horshack.

Harry Horshack.

Harry Horshack.

If that man had had his way, I never would have married your father.

Because your mother's got a talent for making things work.

You don't, Ma.

You really don't.

Hey, Arnold, you expecting it? Expecting what?

Arnold, you're back, huh? Yeah.

I didn't see your uncle fire you.

Oh, contraire, little friend.

You are gazing upon a lurking sweat hog. All right.

Hey, you know, Arnold, you getting a job could mean suspension from the sweat

hogs. It's only part -time.

My uncle Harry is going to teach me everything he knows about the business

world. I'm going to be a shark.

Hey, Arnold.

I don't quite picture you as a shark. You know, I sort of look on you as a

guppy.

Hey, oh, hey.

Welcome back.

Classroom hasn't been the same without you.

Thank you, Mr. Carter.

You know, I never thought I'd miss... Well,

now that you're here, business as usual.

Everything's back to normal. Well, not quite normal, Mr. Carter.

I got a part -time job working in my Uncle Harry's store.

You're working for your uncle? Yeah.

Did I ever tell you about the time I was working for my uncle?

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back.

To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya?

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya. We tease him a lot. Cause we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back Welcome back, welcome back