All language subtitles for Welcome Back Kotter s01e07 Classroom Marriage

Gabe, what are you doing out here? It's
almost midnight.

This listening to the wind whistle
through my shorts.

What's bothering you, honey?

There was something going on all week
with those kids in my class.

I couldn't figure out what it was.

Well, then how do you know that
something's going on?

They're not acting like themselves.

They're acting like people.

They're talking instead of yelling.

Epstein has showed up three straight
days, and Barbarino hasn't tried to take

over the school all week.

Gabe, don't worry so much. You're the
best teacher I know.

I'm the only teacher you know.

I'm a failure.

The kids don't trust me.

They had a problem and they wouldn't
come to me with it.

Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a teacher.

Maybe I should have gone off with
Jacques Cousteau.

Jacques Cousteau.

Our ship was stuck in heavy ice.

It had been a very difficult crossing.

Some of the crew of Calypso had gotten
friendly with pelicans.

Chatter is recorded live before a studio
audience.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd
have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here where we
need ya.

Yeah, we tease him a lot. Cause we got
him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Welcome back. Welcome back.

Nobody trusts me. Nobody's ever trusted
me my whole life.

Even my father didn't trust me.

That's not true.

Then how come I had to give him a
receipt for my allowance?

I trust you.

You're supposed to.

We're married.

Comes with the deal.

I know.

I remember the vows we wrote for our
wedding. To love, honor, and trust.

Right. And I remember my father told you
to ask for a receipt.

I know. I still have it.

Oh.

That's my father. Tell him the receipt
for my birthday present is in the mail.

Hello?

Oh, yeah, hold on. Honey, it's Boom
Boom.

Boom Boom who?

How many Boom Booms do you know?

Freddy Boom Boom?

It's shaking fine. How's it shaking with
you?

Good.

Don't, no, hey, don't worry. Look, you
can trust me.

You can trust me.

Okay, bye.

Freddie Washington and Bernie G.
Williams are coming right over here.

problem they want to talk about.

Put on your rope. They said they'll be
right over.

I wonder what took them so long.

Quick, shut the door. I don't want
nobody to see me.

late show.

It's midnight, sweetheart.

Did you bring a falcon?

What?

Maltese falcon.

Where?

Never mind. Barbarino, what are you
doing here?

Mr. Cotton, I gotta talk to you. But you
gotta promise not to tell anybody.

My lips are sealed.

It's about Freddie and Verna Jean.

They're quitting school to get married.

What? And they don't even have to.

You gotta do something.

Right now, I gotta answer the door.

I don't want nobody to know that I'm
talking to a teacher. You gotta hide me.

Quick, into the bathroom. All right.

Quick, shut the door. I don't want
anybody to see me.

Mr. Carter, I gotta talk to you.

Oh, Julie, what do you know? There's a
late, late show. How's the double

tonight?

and Verna Jean, they want to get married
and you've got to stop it.

I'll hide in the bathroom.

You better not.

Vinnie's hiding in the bathroom.

That's okay.

Close the door.

I don't want nobody to see me here.

I certainly don't blame you. You look
ridiculous.

Hey, Freddie and Verna Jean want to get
married.

Oh, really?

Hear that, Julie?

And you want Mr. Carter to stop him? No.

Hey, look, I don't know.

I mean, like, it ought to be up to them,
you know? Like, everybody's been

messing with their head. You got to get
people to leave him alone.

Hey. I got to answer the door. I don't
want nobody to see me here. I'm going to

hide in the bathroom. No, no, no, no,
no. You hide in the closet.

I can't stop a wedding. I don't want you
to stop the wedding. I think it's very

romantic. I want you to stop Vinny from
stopping the wedding.

Hey!

You got somebody in the bathroom?

The tidy bowl man.

I've got to hide me.

No, I'll go in a fire escape, but then
it's the Empire State Building.

Washington, what are we going to do?

I think we're going to look for a bigger
apartment.

Hi.

How are you doing?

Maybe we came at a bad time.

No, we were just spending a quiet
evening at home.

Please, sit down. Hey, look, thanks for
letting us fall by, Mr. and Mrs. Carter.

appreciate this.

So, anything new?

Vernon Jean and me, we're getting
married, and don't try to talk us out of

Can I ask you why you're getting
married?

Vernon Jean's family's moving to Staten
Island.

So? I mean, it's not like Staten
Island's on another planet.

I can see you ain't never been to Staten
Island.

Look, man.

Anyway, Vernon Jean's daddy and me, we
don't exactly see eye to eye.

Yeah, we're not even supposed to see
each other.

Which is kind of hard sitting in the
same classroom.

So, um, we getting married.

You know, marriage is a very big step.

I mean, do you really think that you're
ready?

Yeah, we're ready. I mean,

we're in love, and that's enough.

I don't know if it is, Freddy. I mean, I
am speaking as an experienced married

person, and marriage is not all a bowl
of cherries.

an example, okay?

A wife buys a shirt for her husband.

It's not an attractive shirt.

I mean, he feels like a fool walking
around in that shirt, right?

But he wears it because he doesn't want
to hurt her feelings.

Gabe, you told me you love that shirt.

Julie, this is a hypothetical situation.

I am not referring to this shirt.

That is a $25 shirt.

And... Answer the question.

I hate the shirt.

What else have you lied about?

That's it. Nothing else.

Your tuna casserole.

You love my tuna casserole.

No, you love your tuna casserole.

Nobody puts prunes in a tuna casserole.

both know what y 'all doing.

You do?

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, you're fighting in front of us so
we won't get married, right?

We are?

Of course!

But any fool can see that y 'all really
love each other and you only play after.

Right.

Right!

What was that?

Mice.

Well, anyway, we came over to ask you to
do us a favor.

If you could give us our wedding present
in advance.

Yeah, um, could you tell our parent?

Why don't I give you a toaster instead?

You can write your announcement on an
English muffin.

Hey, look, no problem, baby.

We just won't tell our folks.

Conning the judge ain't no big thing.

Sure, I mean, go ahead, con a judge.
There's a lot of stupid things you could

do, Freddy. I mean, you could lie about
your age and run off to Maryland because

there's no waiting for you. Wait, wait,
wait, wait.

Maryland!

That's it, baby. We can go up to Mallory
and lie about it. We ain't got to wait

in Mallory. Oh, wow. Thank you, Mallory.
Thank you, man.

Hey, Mr. Carter, you are a super dude.

big help you were. Now they're getting
married for sure.

You're not our friend. You're nothing
but a teacher.

Why can't I be your teacher and your
friend? It don't work that way, Carter.

You see, in this vast universe of ours,
people are divided into two groups.

Us and them.

You're them.

We gotta go. Come on.

Yesterday we had a problem because
nobody trusted anybody.

Well, that's the way of the world.

Barbarino, trust is a two -way street.

Do you trust us?

Epstein, Barbarino, Washington, and
Horshack.

Come over here with me.

Shazam!

we was going to catch you.

It's the point, Barbarino. I trusted
you.

I knew that you guys weren't going to
let me fall on my face.

Okay, sit down.

That is very impressive, Mr. Carter.

Where'd you learn to do that?

From the person I trust most in the
world.

From my wife.

You mean every day you go home, you and
Mrs. Carter call up the furniture at

each other?

This is an object lesson, Epstein.

The trust between a husband and a wife
is the strongest kind of trust there is.

You know, we spend a lot of time in this
school teaching you about math, about

English, about science.

But we don't teach you about being
married.

Something that eventually most of you
are going to do.

So today I've decided to have a class on
how to be married.

You can't learn marriage in the
classroom, Mr. Cotter. You've got to

on the streets.

Okay, well, I am taking it off the
streets and putting it into the

All right?

I'm going to act out a whole marriage in
one homeroom period. That's my kind of

course. Not much thinking and plenty of
action.

Okay, now, Verna Jean and Freddy, you're
planning to run off to Maryland to tie

the knot, so you can play the lead.

All right.

What do you want us to do?

Just improvise. You say whatever comes
into your head.

React to the moment.

Well, I ain't playing.

I ain't going to contribute to the
delinquency of a minor.

Me neither.

I mean, you just gave Verne Jean the
lead. And even though you are my

dearest friend, I do not play supporting
roles.

Well, I'll play Mr.

Carter. Don't you need somebody to marry
him?

Okay, Epstein, you marry him.

I've decided you're against this
marriage.

I am?

Yes.

Okay.

Hey,

man, that's a pretty good tune, but what
does that mean?

I don't know, but it's on the charts in
Israel.

Anybody got a wine glass on them?

No. I got a thermos. Would that help?
It'll do in a pinch.

Mr. Fiddler, would you mind coming off
the roof?

Finish the ceremony.

By the power invested in me by Mr.
Carter, I now pronounce you man and

Mazel tov.

Who are you calling a mazel tov?

Freddy, he just wished you good luck.

If he says anything bad, I'll let you
know.

Aren't you forgetting something?

This is a ten -minute marriage. Your
five -second honeymoon just about right.

Now it's time to have children.

What? Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

I wasn't planning to have no kids right
away.

Well, you know, accidents do happen.

I think I was an accident.

Okay, Arnold, you come up here. You play
Verne G's and Freddie's accident.

Okay.

I'm sorry, Vinnie.

But a man's got to do what a man's got
to do.

He ain't exactly what I had in mind.

Okay, now the three of you at home, in
your one -room apartment, when all of a

sudden you get a visit from an
unexpected guest.

I play the unexpected guest.

Okay.

and 12 years behind.

Man, I thought you paid the rent.

Don't worry, baby. I'm going to handle
the whole thing.

Hi there.

I've had a few business setbacks, you
know, a couple of bad investments, and,

um...

Your time is up.

That's the ugliest baby I ever saw in my
life.

Why don't you go ahead and pay the man?
He's upsetting my child.

Don't bug me, woman.

No rent is still too much rent for this
flea bag.

You tell him, puff.

You yell at him. It ain't his fault you
can't support us.

Okay, then whose fault is it?

If we hadn't gotten married, I wouldn't
have to quit school.

Oh, look, it ain't my fault that I got
pregnant.

I don't know why we got married in the
first place.

Because I didn't want you going off
meeting new guys. That's why.

And going off with those Staten Island
dudes. That's why.

I don't want to play.

Freddy.

Man, I promise to be true to you.

Don't you trust me?

I don't believe this.

I mean, I'm worried about you guys
trusting me.

You don't even trust each other.

I think I just became an orphan.

Mr. Carter. You know, I'm also available
for bris and bar mitzvahs.

Hey, nice going.

The way you broke up that marriage was
very sneaky.

I like that in a person.

Thanks a lot, Vinnie. I think you're
sneaky, too.

Freddie, Freddie, wait a second.

I mean, I don't understand something.

Why don't you tell Bernard Jean the way
you felt before?

Um, Hey, I couldn't, man.

It's just not cool to tell someone
you're afraid of losing them.

Hey, Freddie.

Man, you wouldn't lose me.

I wouldn't?

Mm -mm.

You mean we don't have to get married
now?

Well, I'll take a rain check.

Come on.

Hey, think.

snaps when you least expect, doesn't it,
Carter?

I got through to them, Mr. Woodman. I
got through to them.

Pure luck, Carter.

It'll never happen again.

You can't discourage me, Mr. Woodman.
Nothing you can say will make me go off

with Jacques Cousteau.

I am invincible.

I am teacher.

You are nuts.

Don't be fooled by a momentary victory,
Carter.

The world is divided into two parts, us
and them.

They're them.

Come to think of it, you're them, too.

Yeah? Well, thank you.

That's the nicest remark I've ever
heard.

Did I ever tell you that the Cotter
family has been in outer space?

No, but you will.

I am serious.

My uncle Buzz Cotter was an astronaut.

They sent him into outer space with a
monkey.

Very exciting. I mean, five minutes
after takeoff, a red light flashes on,

the monkey to activate the rockets and
make sure there's plenty of oxygen in

capsule. Well, what did Uncle Buzz do?

I'm getting to him. I'm getting to him,
okay? And now we'll leave.

green light flashes, tells the monkey to
check all temperature gauges.

Then, about five minutes later, Uncle
Buzz's red light flashes.

And what did Uncle Buzz's red light tell
him to do?

Feed the monkey.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya?

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back
here where we need ya.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we
tease him a lot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Because we got him on the
spot.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Yeah, we tease him a lot. Because we got
him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back.