All language subtitles for Waiting for God s03e08 Politics

And the main points of the news again.

In Downing Street today, the Chancellor
said the recession had definitely

bottomed out. This was the 18th such
statement this year.

Well, as you can see by this info from
the adored region, we are in for some

fairly dry, but... Am I going deaf?

No, I turned the sound off.

Well,

we've heard all this weather and news
about 17 times already today.

We hadn't heard it just now.

The weather hasn't changed in the last
hour.

The weather hasn't changed for ages.
This summer has been about as cheery as

three months in a leper colony.

We should have gone to bed.

Sex is not just an alternative to the
telly, thank you very much.

There's a lot more fun than blind date.

At least you don't have to come back and
tell everyone about it all.

Not a lot to tell.

I've still got my bruised hip, anyway.

Not my fault.

Yes, it was.

No, it wasn't.

It was you who suggested that stupid
hammock.

Well, it worked last time. Last time
over, last time.

1956.

On board an aircraft carrier.

Suez Crisis.

I wonder what had caused that.

Oat television.

That's because when you shout at them,
nobody takes any notice of you.

Nonsense. I've heard you. At question
time.

You listen to the question, turn down
the sound, and then yell your answer

It's because I know more than them.

You swear at Annika Rice?

Doesn't everyone?

And for all of you up on holiday, the
weather in Europe looks like... Why do

have to have those cottontail bimbos
bouncing round our screens?

I quite like them. That is because you
are a pig.

Because I prefer to have one of them
telling me about the weather rather than

have you screaming through the wall at
me every morning.

It's pornographic.

Look at that Barbie doll with the wall
-to -wall grin.

Whose fantasy is she?

I bet she couldn't tell a millibar from
a Mars bar.

She'd have someone like me doing it.

That would be tough on the Scots.

Why? Because with your bad shoulder, you
couldn't reach up as far as Scotland,

and they'd get no weather at all.

Listen to yourself, Lady. You are quite
gaga.

And you are very unpleasant all the
time. Spent your life being a crabby old

and where has it got you? Well, at least
I haven't lain down and let the world

walk all over me. At least I've still
got my balls. At least I have still got

balls. Yes.

You always keep telling us damn things
are hanging from the bell tower.

What I want to know is what you and your
wretched baubles actually achieve.

Oh, what do you mean? I'm always
crusading.

But what?

Have you actually achieved in real
tangibles?

Well, I've got the food improved round
here. No, that was me.

You objected to the food. I got it
changed.

Wheelchair access?

Two small ramps for mankind. What else?

Are you saying I'm ineffectual? I am
saying that your sphere of influence is

inversely proportionate to the noise you
make.

What should I be doing?

Expanding your horizons to fit your
energies.

Hmm.

Ah, that's quite perceptive for an old
loon.

Yes. Yes, you're right.

That's what I need. A larger arena for
my talent to abuse.

Right.

Don't attack people through the
television screens.

Get out and do it in the real world.

Politics. That's what I want.

Corridors of power knifing my way to the
top.

Overturning legislation tomorrow. The
world. And I know just where to start.

Bye. Oh.

Dear, I am sorry, God.

I was just having conversation. I didn't
mean to unleash the power of darkness

and destruction upon our little planet.

Oh.

Hello,

Diana. What brings you here?

A buff brings me here, Harvey.

I don't need a boy with a dirty broom
-broom to prove what sex I am. Thank

Diana.

Ah, now that's what I call a real woman.

God, I miss her.

When she was around, baby, you were the
thing of beauty and profit.

There were serious money in old folks.

Now it's all gone back into pine forest
and Nigerian gum now.

Well, don't let me keep you, Harvey.

Yeah, I have to be getting back.

I've got a few economies to make.

Off you go. Bye.

This is the Ferrucci jacket.

The whole family of Sicilian peasants
went blind stitching this pocket.

You just marry Jane and I'm sure she'll
sew it up for you. I'd rather jump under

a bus.

I'll get you one. Bus?

Was old Diana the vulture today? Picking
over a carcass on the croquet lawn?

Gone to join a political party.

Ah, the bloody -minded -in -favour -of
-nothing party, no doubt.

That's a bit rude, Battle. Well, I'm fed
up with her. At the last residence

meeting, she said I was a health hazard.

Said incoming women residents should be
given a can of battle repellent.

Ah, Jenny, how lovely you look today.

What would you recommend for our
culinary delectation?

Suit yourself with the usual mug.

Is it rabbit muck or chicken muck? It's
brown muck. What do you want?

Not something amiss, is there? No,
nothing at all. But come on, I haven't

all day.

Oh, well, we'll have the brown muck.

Followed by the apple crumble muck and
the custard muck.

And, uh, may we have some water?

What's the matter with her?

Man trouble, I expect.

Basil, you haven't been... Oh, no, not
been.

macho men in the world, you know.

I'm only the Bournemouth stallion.

I can't cover the entire south coast,
you know.

You great, rosy, Korean brat!

Oh, God, I hope she doesn't set Mr. Kwok
off on another machete rampage.

Well, that's a very interesting idea,
Mrs. Trent.

Miss Trent.

Oh, right, right, of course.

Thank you.

In the residence party, we set a great
deal of store by being politically

correct. Awesomely dull.

Never mind.

You do have a vacancy coming up.

We do have a councillor stepping down at
the next election.

So I want to take his place. So you
said. Of course, it isn't quite that

Yes, it is. You put me up as candidate,
I will win the election.

It is up to the selection committee.

Who will choose me?

If you want to stay out of trouble.

The Planning Committee of April the

23rd. Now you, as chairman, have the
casting vote in the change of use of

Darnley Antiques to the Big Whammy
Burger Store.

Ugliest building this side of the Warsaw
Municipal Abattoir.

That might be your opinion.

Do you deny?

that the said burger joint is owned by
your brother -in -law.

What?

I don't believe this. Are you trying to
blackmail me?

Yes, of course.

My dear Miss Trent, my interest was
declared.

Yes, in small print on the bottom of
page 110.

Hardly voiced from the rooftops the way
it should have been.

Oh, no.

You're squeaky clean, Jack Scott.

full of herbal burble about the
environment and recycling piggy poo.

I bet it would come as a great shock to
the local sandal makers to realise that

old hairy -chop Scott is the same person
as Daryl Dodgy of the dirty dog -burger

chain of offensive burger -ramas and
gang of slop -houses to the gentry.

Well, of course, I suppose we could have
further discussions.

Good.

Get on to your selection committee.

Out of the way, Jane.

Whose juice?

Well, the chips.

They had chips.

The chips are finished. Mr. Croft sped
them to his python.

I want my chips. Come.

Jenny. What?

You seem a little out of sorts.

Is something wrong?

Jane.

A word in your clam -like ear.

Shell -like, Tom.

What is the matter with Jenny?

I'm sure I don't know.

I'm sure you do know.

It's not Harvey's fault.

What isn't? The financial
rationalisation.

It's the board. They sent us a very
nasty memo yesterday from Antigua.

Cost -cutting, I'm afraid.

And what has this to do with Jenny?

It's not Harvey's fault.

Oh, my God.

The rotten swine, he's laying her off.

It's not Harvey's fault!

Me?

You want me to stand for public office?

Well, we have a council of stepping
down, so we do need to find another

upstanding member of the community.

So, naturally, you came to me?

Yes, yes, naturally.

Well, I suppose it was bound to happen.
I mean, I'm a modest man, quietly going

about my great work.

I suppose it was bound to get out
eventually.

The man of the future was right here
among you.

Of course, there's a long way to go yet.

Will I get my own limo and gold chains
of office?

Diana Trent says gold chains are very
mean.

Diana Trent?

Funny you should mention her. Why?

She's also putting herself forward to
the selection committee.

What? I'm sure you can see her. Oh, God,
it's so unfair.

Wherever I go, whatever I do, Diana
Trent is always there with her garden

waiting to cut off my own.

Oh, God.

if you're not up to it. Oh, no, no, no,
I am, I am. I'm definitely up to it. I

mean, come on, this is my charm.

Numero uno politico.

Now, I'll show her.

I'll come up with something that'll
shock her more.

Today, Bayview.

Tomorrow, the world.

Harvey. Hello, Jane. Go away.

They want you.

Everybody wants me, Jane. I'm that kind
of guy.

The residents want you in the dining
room.

Well, tell them to wait.

They want you now or they're going to
put your car in the lake again.

All right, come on, follow me, Jack.

I'll show you what a people manager I
am. You'll see them eating out of my

and I'll show you what Diana Trent is up
against.

This is not my fault! This is not my
fault!

This is not my fault! James!

This is not my fault!

Well, whose fault is it, then?

It's the recession.

It's the government.

It's the Board of Governors. Well, get
them here, then. Oh, don't be silly,

It's the marlin fishing season.

All decent doctors are over in the
Bahamas.

But you can't sack Jenny.

Well, someone's got to go. Who's it
going to be, eh?

I'm sorry, Tom, but it's last one in,
first one out.

I mean, look, no -one is as dear to me
as our dear, lovely Jenny here, but I'm

afraid when it comes to economics, my
hands are tied.

It ought to be your neck.

Thank you, Basil.

Now, look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll set the ball rolling for Jenny's

leaving present. Look, there's 50p.

You pass that around and then bring the
cash back up to my office, would you?

Come on, Jack.

You see, they're like butter in my hand.

We're not finished yet, Jenny.

Diana will come up with something.

Surely you can see that. The little rat.

He's picked on the most vulnerable
member of the staff and he's casting her

in the snow with that newborn babe in
her arms.

Jenny hasn't got a baby, Tom.

Wrong movie.

I still think we should take it to the
House of Lords. No, we won't have to.

Once I'm elected, it will be compulsory
for people like Harvey to have

electrodes attached to their nuts.

And then you can give them a quick belt
of megavolts every now and again.

But Jenny will be long gone by then.
What?

She's due to go at the end of the week.

My God.

What? Have you seen this?

Your miserable son, Geoffrey Limpsop.
wet and weedy.

He's on the selection committee for the
residence party. He has been for years.

I'm in worse trouble than I thought.

Look, you just tell him that if I am not
selected, he is liable to find a

horse's head stuck down his bed.

Mind you, after Marion, it might come as
something of a treat.

Well, what about Jenny?

What? Jenny is just part of a much
larger issue, Tom. You mean this Jenny

be sacrificed for the greater good? This
isn't Tale of Two Cities, Tom.

Principle is not relative. A principle
is not creative because there are more

people involved.

Principles are principles. Yes, and
principles have got nothing to do with

politics.

And politics is what gets things done.

Oh, my God.

You're becoming one of them.

Who? Them.

Them. Out there who we are always
fighting.

You want to join them.

Can I just get elected, and then we will
do something about getting Jenny's job

back? No, you can't.

You're a cad and a bounder. I'm going to
stand against you. I shall put my name

forward. I was wrong.

Public life and you would be disaster to
the world. I must force you.

See you on the hustings.

You and Jimmy Stewart both.

Listen, listen.

Listen, you two, just back it in.

with these fights to the death every
week.

Now, Antonio, you stop being rude about
Mr.

Kwok's ancestors, and Mr. Kwok, you stop
making Portuguese jokes.

Now, give me your weapons.

Come on, hand them over, or you'll both
be fired and reported to the immigration

people.

Thank you. Now, both of you, go away.

yourself into little pieces.

Let me help you.

I'll try my best.

These people, they arrive in this
country strapped to the axles of

lorries.

I give them jobs out of the kindness of
my heart. Oh, the shallowness of your

pocket. What do they do? As soon as my
back is turned, they start hacking bits

off each other.

They have no gratitude.

It's a tough road to Sainthood.

That may be.

I have set out on a road which should
lead to far greater and better things.

You've been accepted by the local
abattoir.

I shall also be having the last laugh on
you, Diana.

Go on, amaze me.

I have been asked to stand for pre
-selection for the residence party.

You what?

Surprise, surprise, eh? You snotty
little rat.

They don't want you, Diana.

See you at the selection meeting, which
is going to be in our dining room, by

the way.

I thought it would be rather a fitting
place for my victory.

That's all you're good for, isn't it,
Diana?

Cheap tricks.

I shall trample him into the carpet.

I'm glad you can't do this to me.

What? I'm on the selection committee.

I can't have my father popping up in
front of us.

Why not?

I shall be there in my capacity as
John's citizen, not your father. But,

hold a position of respect in the
Residence Party.

So what's the problem?

He means that if you turn up rattling on
like a bag full of mad old bones, he

will look even more wet and pathetic
than he really is. Thank you, Marion.

Is this true, Jeffrey?

That you're embarrassed by your old dad?

Dad, really, honestly, of course you
never embarrass me.

That's not what you said when he
swallowed the goldfish at Rotary.

Dad, you'll just never win.

Yes, I will.

I shall split the vote between Harvey
and Diana. She's gone all green and

caring, and he's somewhere to the right
of Geoffrey Archer. So I will seal it

with old -fashioned values, common
sense, and the fact that I am the love

of Edward VII.

won't embarrass you, will it, dear? Oh,
God, I give up. I never really had a

political future anyway.

Not since I was blackballed by the
Masons.

You just carry on, Dad. I'll tell them
you're a different Ballard.

Bye, Tom.

For your interview second.

After Mickey Mouse.

Diana? Oh, hey.

Yes, yes, yes.

I was just reading. Well, I'm not
actually reading it. I found it on this

I'll read anything. What are you doing
here?

You know, a bit of job hunting.

Here. Have this.

I'm not dying.

Of course not.

Silly of me.

It's just...

Look, Jenny, I'm not going to let this
matter rest. Diana, it's okay.

Really. You can't be expected to carry a
torch for everyone.

You do good for the residents.

I'm young and healthy. I can take care
of myself.

Just feel I should have done more.

I mean, I have never let Harvey Baines
get one over on me as a matter of

principle, and I'm not going to now.
It's just that this time it's, well,

things, you know.

Cool. I'll stick to the dump anyway.

Right. You were always too good for
Bayview.

Thank God anyone's too good for Bayview.

But you will be able to go back if you
want to, once I've got it sorted out.

Great. Fine.

What, dear?

Go on.

Mum!

Hello, darling.

Sit down.

Who's this?

My little girl, Mandy.

Say hello to Miss Trent.

Hello, Miss Trent.

Hello, Mandy.

Do you fancy some of this?

Yes, please.

I didn't know you had a daughter.

Nor does her dad.

So I keep a bit quiet about her in case
he turns up again.

How do you manage?

Diana, for goodness sakes, I'm not all
for nanny.

We're OK.

You just keep the faith. You get on down
to City Hall and blow them away.

Do it for me, OK?

Yes, of course.

Keep the faith. Right?

Right. Come on, Mandy, let's go.

See you later, Diana. Yeah.

You haven't a hope, Harvey?

Really? Why is that?

Because if I'm not elected, Diana is
going to wipe the floor with you. She

not.

Ah, Harvey.

A word.

You cannot intimidate me, Diana. I want
to do a deal.

What? You give Jenny her job back.
Forget it. Out of the question. My

is final.

And I will support you as candidate.

It's a deal.

Right.

If the candidates could take their seats
to answer a few questions, please.

Mr Ballard.

Yes. There's a very interesting
statement about your political beliefs

ambitions here.

Yes, but first, I'd just like to say
that I am in no way related to my son,

Geoffrey Ballard.

All right, Dad, just carry on.

About the environment, you say here you
are greatly in favour of it.

Yes. I mean, without an environment,
there would be a sort of big black hole

nothingness where we would hang in
space, I suppose.

Rather like not wearing a jockstrap.
Thank you, Dad.

Yes, and could you clarify your ideas on
traffic management?

Well, you know all those white lines on
the roads? Well, I think they should be

made the same colour as the roads so
that they sort of blend in.

In fact, I've never been very keen on
cars at all.

I'd bring back trams that made sparks on
frosty mornings and Methodist preachers

on horseback and orphans and mittens. I
would bring back all these sort of

things along with sheaves of wheat.

Long summer evenings of wispy cloud
swallow circling the village greens

warm purple dusks fall like a gentle
blanket on this our

blessed England.

I would like to point out to the
committee members that my real parentage

always been a matter of considerable
speculation.

Thank you, Geoffrey.

Mr Ballard, we'll get back to you. Now,
Mr Baines, how's your environmental

thinking?

Well, I really like shopping malls.

And I think we should be making many,
many more of them. Now that we're into

Europe, I think we should be right in
there, tucking in the bucks from all

the place.

Brilliant thinking, Harvey.

Thank you, Mr Baines. What?

In fact, you'd probably go even further,
wouldn't you? Would I?

You'd make the borough into a huge euro
-driving booze store.

Great, fantastic.

That's just what I would have said.
Declare it a tax haven? Bring in the

money from all over the world? That's my
very word. Thank you.

How does he feel about our beautiful
trees?

Trees? How do I feel about trees?

Well, trees are trees, I guess.

And a great asset, Harvey.

Really? Yes.

Don't you remember telling us how each
of the pine trees around Bayview could

made into half a million burger cartons?
Oh, yeah, right.

Chop them all down, you said?

Yes, right.

Did I say that? How is it you feel about
fields and hedgerows?

Well, you know me, Diana. You've heard
me speak. Why don't you tell them?

Harvey feels that any land that is not
turning a good profit should be covered

in tarmac and cheapo housing.

Right. And let's not forget the poor and
needy. The poor and needy. You are such

a drain on the corporate first. Well,
they are too.

Not to mention unmarried mothers and the
old and sick.

Yeah, they're terrible people. They're
leeches.

Keep going, Harvey.

What are you playing at? You see, you've
got to be a viable unit in the

marketplace. I mean, just because you're
a human being, it doesn't mean that you

can buck market forces.

Mind like a steel trap, you see.

And what about backhanders for political
favour? Oh, yes, it's a great idea. I

mean, it works in Sicily. Why not here?

Those are all those damn subversive
libraries.

Yes, and all those creches for the foul
-mouthed children of communists. And

what about bringing back hangings? Yes,
string them up, string them up. Right,

OK.

Let's just hold it right there.

I think that Harvey's ideas are so
brilliant, I don't know why

I'm even bothering to stand at all. I
mean, he is obviously the man of the

future. The man who will put parking
meters in country lanes. Oh, yes. The

who knows what to do with napalm. Yes.
Our man in City Hall.

Right on, sister.

So, I am resigning in favour of Harvey,
and I'll see you all at the next cheese,

wine and book burning party.

Great. Isn't she a fantastic woman?

Well?

Fine, thanks.

I mean, well, what was all that travesty
of gobbledygook about?

I can't think what you mean.

What were you playing at, supporting
Harvey Benz? Was I?

Goodness. Hello?

Oh, hello, Jenny.

Well, I suppose this is goodbye, then.

No, it's not. I've got my job back.

Oh, well, I am glad. And I think you had
something to do with it. Now, what

gives you that idea?

Harvey wouldn't say why he changed his
mind. He just said he'd made a pact with

the devil.

So I think you must be somewhere.

No, no, no, no, no. Nothing to do with
me.

Well, I'll give you a hug anyway on that
chart.

Thanks. Look, got to dash, got to tell
Mandy.

Thanks, Tom.

Bye. Bye, Jimmy.

Mandy, what is going on?

It's all right, Diana.

The game is up. I'm not totally stupid.

Are you sure, Harvey?

Harvey is very upset.

And why is that, my little cherry
bumpkin?

I was not nominated.

They said that with people like me and
supporters like you, they would rather

disband the party than risk having me
elected.

So what are they going to do?

They put Geoffrey forward as the
candidate.

But he's got a barmy old dad.

But that's you, Tom.

So it is.

Ideally, though. Oh, no, it isn't. You
promised to give Jenny her job back if I

supported you.

But it was your support that lost me the
candidacy.

Oh, so I've won on both fronts again.

He's very upset.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Diana, you wily old bag. I wondered what
you were playing at. Well, I decided

you were right, Tom.

Victory is relative to the strength of
the opposition.

And if I couldn't outwit that idiot
Baines with one hand tied behind me, I

wasn't going to get very far at City
Hall.

Does this mean the end of your political
career?

No, no, not at all.

I may well form my own party.

Oh, what will you call your party?

God knows.

What about the...

Diana Trent, totally negative party.

Shut your face. Or the old ladies who
cheated croaky party.

I'm warning you.

The burnt out old malls party.

The Maddox Rammys party.

Get your head on the floor.

I've still got my balls party.

No, no, don't laugh.

Let's go to hell, the bucket party.

Oh, you've cut my bloody shin.

That's my party.