Original subtitles

Oh, God.

You have to try those little square ones, Sasha. They're so good.

This is the best gig we've ever had.

Val, we're guarding a candy recipe.

Grandma's chocolates are not just candy, okay?

Their super secret recipe has been in their family for 40 years.

Every time I think of little Grandma Goshen passing away, it's just so sad.

like my own grandmother.

You know what they say, good chocolate stimulates the brain's pleasure centers.

It's like having sex.

In that case, here, have a whole tray.

Knock yourself out.

Are these the grieving kids?

Yep.

That's Bernard.

He runs day -to -day operations.

And his twin sister, Rhonda. She heads up marketing.

Apparently very popular with the works.

One of them is about to become very, very rich.

on which kid the mother left the company to.

Guess we're about to find out.

You all know how much I hate to waste time, so let's get right down to

This has been a thriving family business since my grandmother's day, and I

intend to keep it that way.

So fasten your seatbelts.

I hereby bequeath the company known as Granny's Chocolates to my son Bernard.

Yes. and my daughter, Rhonda, as equal partners.

Now, since I know that you both don't trust each other, I'm going to leave

the secret recipe to you, Rhonda, and the other half to you, Bernard.

The only downside to being dead is I can't see your faces. Oh, well.

My lawyer's got all the instructions.

Complain to him.

One last thing.

My family built this business with its life's blood.

Don't screw it up.

Excuse me. You kids.

Looks like someone needs a chocolate kiss.

Miss Scotian.

My condolences.

Thank you. I represent certain interests.

They are prepared to make you a very generous offer for your candy business.

Oh, but I think it is.

You see, if you were to turn down my associates, you could find yourself very

infirm.

Hi -ya!

Back off, thuggo. It's safe to put an eye out.

Okay, look, I don't want any trouble.

Remember, accidents happen.

Chocolate's really are dangerous.

Thank you.

No problem.

Maybe we're going in more than just a recipe.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Pluck. from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

And so we bid farewell to Goshen Farms, nestled in the San Fernando Valley, home

for almost half a century to Granny's Chocolates.

Made with love in our home for yours.

It's corny, I know, but that's the way that Mom saw it.

Oh, God, it is just so cute.

I didn't know little towns like that existed anymore.

They don't, Val. The promo tape. Oh, no. No, that's just it.

Granny's Chocolates really is like a family.

I'm sure it is, Miss Goshen.

Rhonda, please.

Rhonda.

Now, don't you see why I can't sell the company?

Other people would be out of jobs.

Oh, no, you can't let anything happen.

I haven't had the VIP tour of the chocolate factory yet.

Is it true that mocha coconut was made purely by accident because somebody

slipped their mocha in someone's coconut?

Mother would listen to anyone's good idea from the janitor on up.

Excuse me, Miss Goshen. Rhonda.

We were hired to guard a candy formula.

It's my understanding that two halves of that secret formula will be delivered

to you and your brother by armored cars.

After that, what happens to the company is none of our business.

Of course.

Of course, you're right. I just... Mr. Williams came to my rescue.

I just thought I might need some protection, that's all.

Well, as long as we're on the payroll, it wouldn't hurt to check things out.

Have you ever seen that punk who threatened you before?

No. You know, I'm no Angela Lansbury, but your brother, Bernie, didn't seem

happy when he found out he had to share that with you.

Oh, no.

You know, Bernard drinks too much and he can't seem to hold on to money, but I

can't imagine him sinking that low.

Tell you what, we'll poke around a little, see what we can find out. In the

meantime... How do we stay in touch?

I mean, for your safety, of course.

Um... My home number?

You feel better already?

Well, don't you worry, Rhonda. VIP is on the case.

You know what I like? I love those little chocolate coffee mugs you have.

Poking around?

What? I'm just keeping the client happy.

Our client was buried yesterday.

Oh, ease up. I'm sure Granny Goshen would have wanted us to protect her

daughter, too.

If Rhonda's telling the truth, so far we've only heard one side of the story.

I suppose it wasn't the best funeral behavior.

But what the hell, it's not like my family's not used to it.

Perhaps my sister will be happy to hear that I'm paying for it.

I take it you're not happy with Mommy's decision.

Talk about understatement. Do you know?

How much Granny Goodies is worth to our suitors, Interglobal Snacks?

Take a guess.

Something with seven zeros after it?

Times ten.

Seven hundred million was the last offer.

Well, that's a good reason for you to want Rhonda's half of the recipe.

Is he always this quick on his feet?

Of course. I want Rhonda's half of the formula, but it's not like I'm being

selfish about it.

I'd call putting all your workers out of work pretty selfish.

Rhonda say that?

Rhonda's not much into details.

Did she mention that if Granny changes hands, stock options are triggered to

every single worker in this company?

So the guy who cleans the men's room ends up becoming a millionaire?

Sorry we wasted your time, Mr. Goshen.

Not at all.

Oh, wait.

My half of the formula's worth something, right?

When are we going to get that?

24 hours, pending a lawyer's instructions.

We'll be in touch.

Yep, we'll kill you.

Well, I guess you're not afraid of germs.

There are worse things to fear.

My associates have loaned you a great deal of money, Bernard.

And now they want it back.

Just give me a few more days, I swear it.

See, the problem is, Bernie, we have trust issues with you.

You said your sister would sell. All she needed was a push.

She'll sell.

You'll see.

We'll make enough on this inter -global deal to cover my debts and then some. I

just need 48 hours.

Make it 24.

And I won't have to throw you into a vat of... What's the gnarliest stuff you

got out there?

That would be the boiling caramel.

Boiling caramel it is.

Don't take this the wrong way.

But are you sure that turning down Interglobal is the best decision?

I think.

Bernard gave you the whole sales pitch.

Stock options, bonuses, everyone keeps their job.

Something like that?

Yes. Yes, it's true. Everyone keeps their job if they move to Dusseldorf.

Interglobal's headquarters.

Did Bernard mention that?

He might have left that part out. He didn't tell me either.

I guess I'm just some dumb little dilettante.

I guess Mom thought so, too.

I'm sure your mom will be very proud of you.

Would you like one?

Thank you.

As you can see, I'm here outside the Granny Goshen Chocolate Factory, where

historic exchange is about to take place.

This is the very location where they produce hundreds of varieties of

chocolate.

Want one?

All this press coverage. It's like begging somebody to come steal the

Yeah, well, if you ask me, I think the old lady died of stupid.

John, you got a visual?

Uh, roger that, Nicky.

We've got one half of the formula approaching from the east, and the other

approaching from the west.

Happy's siblings all set?

Happy's right.

He hasn't had this much fun since Mommy's funeral.

Hey, Quick, you ready on your end?

Yeah, I got Rhonda right here.

I think we got some trouble.

Hey, come.

FOOTBALL!

You're kidding.

You want us to keep both halves of the recipe for you?

If those maniacs after it, we can't think of anywhere else that would be

Temporarily, of course.

Stick them in your undies. We're out of the candy business.

Your mother's little publicity stunt nearly prevented us from doing our job.

You can't turn us down. We're under contract to protect the damn thing.

We're? Our contractual obligations ended when we delivered each of you your

half. See, technically that's not true.

VIP hereby agrees to take all reasonable measures to ensure the safety and

security of aforementioned recipes.

It's not really safe and secure yet.

Thanks, Kay. You're welcome.

Please.

Just for a few more days.

Until we can make a more permanent arrangement, please.

We do have a contract, guys.

Fine.

Two days.

Please.

Tasha Dexter.

Tasha Dexter.

Hey, what's this? Hey, you moving in?

I'm telling you, something's off about that guy.

You think he's behind the heist attempt?

Well, we know Bernie's got motive. He can't sell the company without his

sister's consent.

Right, but if he had the lame recipe, he could sell it under the table.

I say we keep an eye on that Jaboni.

Well, if he's outside the factory, no problem. But inside, it's going to be

tough.

One of us should go undercover as an assembly line worker.

Well, don't look at me because Candy's not my style.

Well, me either.

I'm no good at mindless repetitive tactics.

Then we need somebody who is.

Eighty. Eighty -one.

Eighty -two.

Eighty -three. Eighty -four.

Eighty -five.

Eighty -six. Oh, my goodness. You guys know there's exactly 86 cracks all the

way from the incense emporium to here.

Hi,

you must be our new taste tester.

I'm so glad they sent a couple of replacement

people so fast.

We follow the usual procedure for quality control inspection. You'll

or three chocolates from each batch.

I mean, gotcha.

Just don't let too many samples get past you into the drop bin.

If you do, this warning light will flash.

Yes, letting you know that you should pick up the pace.

Otherwise, the drop bin will overload and trip the abort switch.

In which case, you'll have to start all over. Are there any questions?

No, no. We just need two or three from each batch.

Sounds great.

Oh, exactly how many batches are there?

Exactly 3 ,247.

Roll the bell!

Oh, no.

That lame height attempt you pulled today scared the hell out of Rhonda.

So now VIP's holding both halves of the formula. Of course I get a copy of my

half. Then you just have to get hers back.

Actually, going to VIP was my idea.

Soon we'll have her half as well as my own.

How do you plan on doing that?

I was counting on your help.

I don't think that's me anymore.

If you tried these ones, the little round silly ones, they said, you know

you can't blow our cover.

Don't you feel sick at all, Val?

Yeah, I have very bad metabolism.

I'm sure it doesn't affect me very much.

What? What's the matter?

I thought you were a big chocolate bunny.

That's a phone speed pedal, I think. Well, make it slow down!

I can't!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

That means Bernard is with the bad guys.

Come on, hold on.

If you get me out of this, I promise, I will never deal Tosh with Snickers bars

ever again.

Stop!

VIP.

Got it. Thanks, Val.

You're right.

Bernie's buddy -buddy with the creeps that threatened Rhonda.

Which means she's not safe.

Hang on a second.

If Bernie's tied with the bad guys and they know she doesn't have the formula,

we've got no reason to harm her.

Not good enough.

Quick.

Release the lady and let her walk to me.

And I'll let you go to a knife's comfy cell instead of a prison hospital.

Well, aren't you the brave little soldier?

Can't you see there's two of us?

You're right.

The odds are in my favor.

Look out!

Nothing. All right.

I'm in the marina. See if I can pick up any sounds of that sedan.

All right. I'll keep working on it.

Kay's got Interpol on the description of your bad guy.

Thanks, man.

Hold on.

It's quick. What's the deal?

I know. I'm happy to hear your voice.

Rhonda, you okay?

They threatened me plenty, but they didn't hurt me.

So let me guess. They couldn't hurt you because you have the formula, but

they'll be back for it, and you better give it up or else?

Exactly right.

Hold on a second.

Guys, Bernard made a 9 a .m. meeting at the factory.

No kidnap attempt on him.

So Rhonda's being strong -armed while Bernie's untouched.

He's got to be a bad guy.

He's not half as bad as his friend at the factory.

My face recognition program just spit something out.

The thug's name is Slavin, and he's an enforcer for the Oblonsky mob.

I told you Bernard had a money problem. Maybe there's a connection.

Well, whatever it is, you're not safe until your baby brother's put in his

place. All right.

To let you know that my heart's in the right place, I'll go with you.

Could I go home and rest?

They just let me go. They're not going to come back to me quite yet.

Johnny? Hey, don't worry.

Full Ducati escort through the front door.

Hello. Sorry, traffic.

You know, it's not nice to keep people waiting.

Especially when they're the people who can kick your sorry ass in the gym.

For what?

Putting too much sugar in people's diets?

This pal of yours?

Kidnapped your sister.

Oh, my God.

Where is he? What did they want?

You know, for a second there, I actually believed he cared.

Which is quite a stretch, considering you're this bad boy's friends.

What's a nice round figure?

50 million.

Once again, you're aiming low. I'm in way deeper.

Rhonda?

She's okay.

No thanks to you.

Look.

I admit I owe them money.

I admit they've come to see me. I admit that I'd love for my dear, sweet,

ignorant sister to give me her half of the formula so I can get out of debt.

But look at him.

Go back two generations and he's a slithering oneself creature. He doesn't

orders from me.

Well, then you better find a way to pay him back.

And soon.

Because if he touches Rhonda again, you're a dead man.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, I was starting to worry.

Don't bother.

I've got to live another day before they come for the formula and kill me,

right?

Listen, I won't let that happen.

Quick.

What you've done for me means a lot.

When Mom died, I wasn't sure who I could turn to.

I'm glad it was you.

Oh, Mom.

But we have to get real.

You can't protect me forever.

So what do you do? Give up?

In a way.

I thought that I wanted to with grannies eventually, but... For now, what if I

just did nothing?

What if I went away for a while?

Put the formula with me?

If Bernie and his goons can't find me, they can't make me sell, right?

Without my half of the formula, all Bernie has is a piece of paper.

You know he's starting to sound like him?

Bernie means well.

Oh, not that.

What you just said, Bernie.

Always used to be Bernard.

Bernie is what he calls himself.

A minute.

You got a soft spot.

What can I say? This whole thing has me turning to mush.

Do you care about me?

Give me my half of the formula.

Let me run away to some faraway island until this whole thing blows over.

Andre.

You don't have to run away.

I think so.

The best way to keep the company intact.

Besides, I'll be back.

Guys, it's Detective Crispy.

Tasha, I'm here.

Tasha, I'm glad I found you in.

Are you working for Rhonda Goshen?

You could say that.

She's as quick as we speak.

There's something here you have to see.

All right, I'll be right over.

What would it be?

I don't get it. What are we looking at?

Well, a good Samaritan with a video camera brought this in. He was concerned

about car thefts on the street, so he set this up and had it run.

I saw the press coverage of the Goshen formula handoff, so I knew you were on

the case.

Which case is that?

You're about to see.

Rhonda.

If you know anything about this, we could use your help. When was this

Yesterday late afternoon.

You said something about Quick being with her now?

Somebody's mistaken.

Big time.

Rhonda, it's me.

I got the goods.

I knew I could count on you.

So, how about I come up and make sure everything's locked up tight?

No, no.

Don't come up. I know this is hard for you to understand, but I was crying my

eyes out waiting for you, thinking of everything that's happened. And, well,

know how us girls are.

Why don't I freshen up and I'll meet you downstairs?

Okay. That's how you want it.

Hey.

There she is.

Well, guess that Depends I Want you to

tell me where you're going?

That's the only way I'll know you're safe.

I Don't know what to say Don't say anything

Long enough.

You're really disgusting, you know that?

I'll take that.

In case they were even.

Well,

now the party's complete. You've got what you want, let go of me!

You used these guys to dispose of Rhonda and thought they'd let you walk free?

Where is she?

You okay?

Mm -hmm.

Well, how sweet.

A family reunion.

What are they going to do, I thought?

Don't worry about it.

I'll get you out of this.

A regular night in shining armor.

Shut up, Bernard.

I'd listen to the lady if I were you. Like it matters.

We verify what you gave us, then bye -bye.

Hey, you know, it's going to look a little strange. All three of us

at once.

I don't think so.

The way you've been coming on to Little Miss Goshen here, I'd bet money you were

ready to party down.

You know, you shouldn't get behind the wheel if you've had so much to drink.

I knew something was off.

You calling yourself Bernie?

Your hands?

Plus, you don't smell so great.

Yeah, get over it. You know you wanted me.

Something's off.

I know.

Everyone knows I'm office manager and technical support supervisor.

Hey, Natasha meant that Quick's been out of touch.

I'd say. Ever since he met that Rhonda, he has been so out of it. Val, I think

what Johnny meant was Quick's been incommunicado.

Is there some kind of language barrier here?

The Nikki is checking out Rhonda's place.

Yeah, it's me.

And?

Well, no way Quick would leave his car out on the street overnight.

The problem's like his pet dog.

Unless he ran into the same guys that took Rhonda in that video.

Lady and gentlemen, thank you for your honesty.

Your contributions checked out.

And now, so will you.

You are the designated driver.

Happy, Rhonda?

We could have sold the company and retired wealthy.

I'd rather go out this way.

Not smart, sis.

Remember, I warned you.

What would happen if they touched Rhonda again?

Oh, right. I'm a dead man.

Newsflash, so are you. At least you get to go out drunk.

This is where Grisby's Good Samaritan shot the video.

I count two on the streets.

You guys know what we're up against inside.

On it.

I'll get the car.

You know, it's hard to quarrel and drive at the same time when you've had as

much to drink as you.

You're so gonna get it.

Me?

What about our host?

You.

If I didn't kiss you, you'd be dead now.

Quick.

Do you honestly think I wanted to kiss you?

John, are you in?

And talk right now.

Dude, I'm telling you, that's a 61 Caddy.

Yeah, I know.

Hey!

Who's that?

Oh,

my God.

Johnny.

My man, Johnny.

Hi, Johnny.

Hey, babe.

My man, Johnny.

How you doing, brother? Good to see you.

If they see me laying next to you on a slab, you don't shut up.

Hey, you don't have to yell at me.

So let me ask you something.

What?

Rhonda's a good -looking woman, right?

That's right.

So... If someone were to look just like her... Huh?

Oh, hell, you can't fault a guy for...

Being fooled.

Whatever you're saying, keep it down, all right?

See?

Ah, see?

My man Johnny agrees with me.

Hush, that might be a good time.

This guy's too good at looking like his good -looking sister's not my fault.

Hey, guy.

Get in here, guys. We need your help. Let's go.

Let's

see

if we can get these untied.

I was trying to keep this simple, but now it looks like I'm going to have to

dispose of you the old -fashioned way. All right, what's this on the floor? Who

wants it first?

Nice

dress,

man.

How did I do?

My knight in shining armor.

we could count on you.

You had me wrapped around your finger, didn't you?

Just trying to make a buck.

I wouldn't hit a girl, would you?

Good luck for you.

Can I have lots of boyfriends while you're going?

Now I am back to being drunk.

I cannot

believe that we are staging an intervention so quick.

It's our duty to remind him that he is the macho hunk that he is.

There he is. Oh, hey, Click. We were just talking about the old days of VIP.

Yeah, have a seat, have a seat. Come on, sit down, sit down. Yeah. Come on.

Okay.

That's nice.

Remember the time that we were working at the hospital and you and Johnny had

that little contest where you could see how many nurses' phone numbers you could

get? Yeah, yeah.

And old Jamie Quick won by a landslide.

Well, of course.

Remember the time we were bodyguarding that lingerie fashion show? And you

rekindled your romance with your old girlfriend?

Yeah. Remember?

You guys getting at something?

What? Yeah.

That Quick Williams is the most woman -loving man on this planet.

I did some research, too. I phoned Kay, and she looked into your files, and she

found that you called, not once, three times to 1 -900 -CHEERLEADER -THAN -HE.

Yeah, that's great, but it's no need. It is? All right, it's good.

No need.

Listen, I think it's time for a little man -to -man talk.

Oh, good. Good, yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

That'd be edumacational.

You believe those girls, huh?

Kidders. Like one little case of mistaken identity.

Man.

It's a thing that I almost... Well, I could have... Quick.

Just let it go.

It's over. Forget it.

I'm going to have to drink the town dry to do that.

Well, may I suggest a more enlightened approach?

I can take that.

There you go. Thank you.

Thank you.

Nice.