Original subtitles

This is it. Scott Taylor's pad.

What, he couldn't get a bigger place?

Hey, king of the box office deserves a castle.

Isn't Val supposed to be here? Scott Taylor's biggest fan?

He's coming.

No way he's going to miss the man behind Jimbo Strikes Back and Jimbo Rides

Again. Scott's Jimbo character's pretty funny.

He could be the next Jim Carrey or Robin Williams.

Mm -hmm.

Well, that is.

Unless the death threats he's been getting turn out to come true.

Hark, yonder they come.

What beauty doth grace my little front porch.

Is it thee?

I pee, pee, I pee.

Come to save me?

And if not, who's the tall drink?

Tasha Dexter, your bodyguard.

Excellent. I'll guard yours if you guard mine.

Let's see if this is going to be real fun.

Come on, ladies.

Lighten up.

It's Jimbo. Huh?

Always on.

You're not lightning.

Oh, now look, guys. Look, you scared him away.

Hey, back off! No!

Guys! Go look out the window and get rid of him.

It's locked.

Come on.

Put the gun down.

He says drop your gun.

Okay. Just do it, please. All right, take it easy.

Put the gun down now.

Hey. Hey, Tasha.

Want to sip my soy latte? It's decaf. It's not bad.

Val, bad time.

Scott! Oh, my God, you know what he's doing? He's doing that hostage bit. I

this gag.

I saw him do it on Leno last week.

You saw that?

Yes, I'm your biggest fan, Jimbo.

Just kidding!

Rubber!

The prop guy gave it to me on Jimbo Strike Back.

Be right down.

He is so funny.

Yeah, he's hilarious.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Out of my way, limo man.

Val

should

be out of the bathroom in two shakes, Mr. Thaler.

It's Scott, okay?

Don't get all formal with me just because you got suckered by my gag.

Yeah, well, do a little Jimbo for us. We'll let you off the hook.

Jimbo just doesn't appear on demand, my friend.

Jimbo only comes at the happy places where friendly people live.

Yeah, I can dig it. I can dig it.

Oh.

Jimbo like body guard lady.

She's so pretty.

Enough!

All right, anytime Scott wants to come out and play, we need to discuss these

threats.

Jimbo's scared of... Jimbo's mad man.

Like Jimbo's mad man.

Ah, yeah, well, smart enough to share with us the lowdown on his death threat.

Okay, okay, I mean, good point. I mean, I did hire you guys, right?

All I know is it sounded like a guy, but his voice was disguised by one of those

gadgets, electronic gadgets, and he said, I'm making so much money I should

share it with him or else.

I mean, the guy's not fooling around.

He knew exactly where I've been. He knew the names of all my cars.

Name your cars?

Well, they're practically my children.

What? Scott's got a collection of some fly rides.

All right, back to the point. Is there anybody on your staff that might be

disgruntled or, uh...

Are they in stitches all the time? No.

No, I mean, the cops checked out my team and... Yeah, maybe I am on a little too

much.

Hell, all the time. Who am I kidding? I'm sorry about that.

Well, you know, obviously it works on some levels.

We just take this seriously.

Yes, I know. It's... It's just... All right.

It looks like I've got the world on a string.

But you have to know what it's like to be the new boy.

At ten schools in two years.

To have your mom die and your father kick you out.

Living out of cars for the next three years, rooting around in dumpsters for

food.

Man, that was your life?

No!

I just said you had to know what it's like.

Val, let's go!

I'm just kidding!

Here we are, Mr. Taylor. 365 Studios.

Is that him?

My people.

Taylor!

Easy, easy.

Johnny, you came in at the stage, girl.

Four entrances, all covered by cleared security.

Anybody want to get to Scott?

We're making him hard.

I'm ready to take him out myself.

Lighten up. The guy's funny.

Val,

you coming?

Uh, sure. But I just wanted to ask one little question.

Yeah, what is it? I was just wondering...

The studio's paying for this all day, right?

Yes.

Val, what are you doing? Val!

intrinsic value, which I should not dilute.

Yeah, just kidding, right? No, seriously.

It's what I like to call the process, Callie. Each time I scare him a little

more until... Until he's got 24 -hour protection.

You and your stupid phone threats.

Okay. All right. Time to move on to phase two.

So, Scott, how do you deal with the stress?

Yeah. Well, I'm taking yoga now, which really helps me relax.

First thing I do is I stop off at Starbucks for a grande double espresso.

So I've only learned the nervous cat pose.

But you know what I wanted to plug while I'm here?

My next movie is just going to be me.

So I've only learned the nervous cat pose.

See? He owes you.

You are Jumbo.

You know what? I did kind of create that cat.

Kind of?

That stupid bastard robbed you and you sat there like a wart and let him.

I can't believe we were best buds in college, you know? I trusted him. He

you. Cut to Jimbo. He lived a high life while Randall mucks it up in a trailer

park.

It just ain't fair.

Hell no.

We're going to make him pay. I tell you what, Bunny Lips, that SOB standing in

front of me right now, take all his damn money.

No.

Money, baby.

Him.

Then we make him give us his money.

Okay.

Blink too much on camera. Hey, it's a tick.

He also doesn't like that I'm a hunchback.

Yellow. All right, follow my instructions or die.

I'm all ears.

Okay, good.

There is a gym bag in the men's room. Tell your fancy schmancy bodyguards you

got a tap of kidney or something.

Go in there, grab the bag. You got 24 hours to bring it back with 100 grand.

120 grand.

Inside. Uh -huh. Then what?

You're going to get further instructions.

By the way, we're watching you. So any little signals to your little VIP

friends? The deal's off.

You hear me? Loud and clear.

Well, I'm going to signal VIP now.

So I guess the deal's off. Bye -bye.

Another death threat.

Okay, yeah. Don't hit me.

Well, no one's going to take you seriously if you ask for... a hundred

okay yeah guess what callie we're gonna get more it's just an excuse to get him

alone okay okay now it's ringing just let me handle this

scotts are us okay idiots what i was saying is if

you don't do what i say you're dead the previous deal where i was going to take

the money and let you live yeah well that one that one's off okay

Hear that?

Scotty boy. Who's this?

Now walk to the freaking man's room.

He's here.

Now you have to get a genuine Scott Thaler, John Hancock, because if you get

Jimbo, that's only half hot. Right. Or half not. Yeah.

Look at that fucking Tasha. I bet Scott suckered him into that whole cops and

robbers bit from Jimbo Strikes Back. Jimbo Strikes Back. Oh, when Jimbo was

trying to protect his ex -con friend and sent the cops running to the end of the

pier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my favorite scene. So just pretend that you

the bad guy, okay? Don't do it. Oh, that's mean, but it's very funny.

I know. Do it.

No, no, you do it. No, you do it. You do it. I'll do it. I'll do it.

I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it.

They went that way, and they had really, really big guns.

Go. God's going to love this one.

They were chasing a real bad guy.

My dad.

There must have been 150 people in this parking lot today.

And all of them look suspicious.

Excuse me, Scott.

Gotcha. No problemo.

Tricky, tricky.

I get it. You want my autograph.

What did you just ask?

Hey, Eugenia.

Yeah, Scott.

You sure there wasn't anything you recognized about the caller?

Well, he did call me Scotty Boy.

Does anybody you know call you by that name?

Everybody now.

Oh, I get it.

I swear I had no idea who funny man on phone.

I'm not pulling a Jimbo here. I'm totally telling the truth.

Look, I got to get to work.

Research for my next film. It's sort of a Tomb Raider meets...

sleepless in Seattle.

Jimbo need to learn Jeet Kune Do.

All right, I'll teach you some basics.

Well, Johnny's only good with the basics.

I'll show you the real stuff.

Okay. So balance is the key.

So I'd like you to put your weight in your front leg right here in the center.

Okay. Lift up and then kick.

Good.

Good. Cool.

I learned pretty fast, huh?

That's good, man. Back it up, back it up.

Look, if you want to get flashy, you're going to need to get a little street on

you. Check this out. Street, street.

Streetology, baby. Not bad.

But if you want the audience's attention, you've got to have a little

style.

Like this.

You want to play, huh?

Is that what you call it?

Here we go.

Guys, break it up. Someone's going to get hurt.

That's right. You better listen to him.

Let me get in. Come on.

I'm going to put the hurt on.

Come on, break it up, guys. Come on.

My shoulder, I think it's dislocated.

Yeah, what'd you do?

Sweat and touch it.

The pain, I think I'm gonna pass out. I'll get an ambulance.

Just kidding!

You guys are too easy.

I gotta stop.

Yeah, you have to stop.

I'm stupid at getting really old.

I don't have to feed the beast.

I don't. I have it totally under control. My God.

I love you. Sure you do.

Faith, you're hooked.

It's true.

It started with press pics and autographs. But then I traded my nail

used washcloth for a... Heath Ledger's sweaty t -shirt.

And now I can't stop.

Yep.

So, uh, what'll it be?

Well, I've got something you'd want.

Scott Thaler.

Original.

Personalized.

Let me see.

Very rare.

How do I know it's real?

Check it out.

To my dear friend, K.

Eugenia Simmons. That's me.

Oh,

come on, Benny, please.

All right, I can offer a trick.

But you're going to have to come back.

Me, uh... An hour.

I got some really good stuff coming.

Okay, an hour. I can wait an hour. That's no problem.

Benny, do not.

You getting on your nerves yet?

A little.

So now we bow.

Good job.

Okay, I get it. I get it. You're throwing in the towel.

I don't blame you.

In fact, you guys have been so cool, it's time I give some coolness back.

Tickets.

It's my next movie premiere. Now, it's in New York, but I booked a private

Jetson hotel.

These are the toughest ticks in town.

The premiere's gonna be muy caliente.

Keep this up. I might just start to like you a little bit.

High praise from you, shorty.

All right, I'll keep these and the Dakota for safekeeping.

This is gonna send those bodyguards scattering for sure.

Even Scotty boy all by his lonesome.

Easy grab.

My part's all done.

How about your part?

Don't you worry about me, baby cake.

I got my end covered.

Sorry to bother you, but I made this for you.

More surprises.

Hang on, I'll get you an autograph.

Oh, no, that's okay.

Enjoy.

That girl.

Already gone.

Hey, Nick, check this out.

Hello? Your only money, buddy of mine.

Now it's time to pay.

I know exactly who this is, buddy of mine. The Scotty boy gave you away.

Guys, we got something here.

Everybody clear out. We got a bomb here. Clear.

Get out of here.

Your fancy Hollywood bodyguards can't save you this time.

I'm going to blow them straight to hell unless they run right now.

I said run!

Wow, they press pretty tight.

I can't believe how amateur hour this is.

So it's a piece of cake, right?

Just the opposite.

I don't know if I can do it in time.

All right, the bomber calls us, but doesn't give us enough time to defuse

Because he wants us to run.

To leave Scott exposed.

Which means he's here.

Hit it, baby.

Hang on.

We were right.

Chickening out.

Hey, guy, look at this.

I'm not just kidding.

No, duh.

Bimbo with the jack -in -the -box surprise must have been high at help.

Maybe you're sexist and the guy on the phone was hired.

Either way...

Based on that note, we're dealing with one very obsessed fan.

It's not a fan.

It's Randall Waring.

Scotty Boy was the tip -off, and then I heard his voice.

Randall and I were friends back at North L .A .U. Film School, where I

originated the Jimbo Act.

You did it with someone else?

What? No, I didn't do it with him.

Jimbo's my baby.

I live and breathe Jimbo.

Know what I mean, pretty lady?

No, I don't. And you know you've never been really honest with us.

Okay, look.

Here's the real deal.

Randall was a good guy.

But he couldn't handle my success.

Once I started booking club gigs and making a name for myself, our friendship

went kaput.

Now he wants a piece of your boffo box office hot.

Guys, come check this out.

You think Randall had something to do with creating a Jimbo character?

Could be.

But then again, I lack Val's spidey sense.

I know how to check his story.

I don't get it.

Everybody should have scattered.

Then I was going to grab them up, you know?

You know, Scott's not doing anything right.

Well, neither are you, you dope.

You spazzed on the phone now everybody knows it's you behind everything.

You know what? I'm glad he knows that his old bud Randall's after him.

I'm badass.

Well, okay, tough guy.

What are we going to do next?

I'm going to lure him out again.

I can pick up his trail.

The Jimbo character was based on this stand -up routine.

This script is extremely rare.

It's been vandalized.

I can do better. I need to make this line funny.

That line is funny.

It begins with a K.

Ks are always funny.

Genuine script notations by the author. They bring up the value.

here tonight because my car broke down. Now, don't you just hate when that

happens? You know, you're driving along, everything's groovy, and your car

stalls. You run out of gas.

And you think to yourself, man, I should kick myself in the ass because of all

the cars on the street.

I had to steal this one.

Ha ha!

Just kidding!

This ramblin' guy sure didn't have the Jimbo character down.

Look who's checking out the show. The real Jimbo.

Oh, I see you're trying out the appetizers. You like those tonight?

Ground monkey.

My grandma's funnier.

And Randall's soft.

This guy's really playing cheerleader.

But anyway you cut it, Randall's a guy on stage.

Jeez.

If he created the act, man, what do you think that could be worth?

Just, Scott, I think you should take time to read the fine print on this one.

Carefully.

I hate to say it, but this tape makes it look like Scott stole the Jimbo

character from Randall.

Newsflash, Scott hasn't been honest with us about anything.

She's right.

That hostage gag, faking that injury at the beach.

Yes, me, he's a joke.

Oh, man, it's not funny anymore.

Where's my latest edition of Italian Bugs?

I'll lend it to my grandfather.

He likes the articles.

Hey, Val, you'll appreciate this.

I traded my Scott Thaler autograph for it. The Jimbo character was based on

stand -up script.

Where's the front page? My dealer didn't have it.

You know what?

You have to take a lesson from me about B &D, okay? Bargaining and dealing. I'll

take care of this.

Oh, that's weird.

The keys are cracked exactly the same.

Randall wrote both of these scripts.

Randall wrote it, Randall performed it.

And Scott stole it.

Time for me to keep Scott busy again.

He's a thief and a liar, and liars are dangerous.

I say we drop him as a client.

Who's going to do the dirty deed?

Why do I always have to be the bitch?

No problem.

Yo, Jimbo, you're out of here.

Yeah, we don't represent clients who lie.

Okay? Walking papers.

Guys, I'll be good. I promise no more joking around.

Off the dude. And we are not just kidding.

A full refund for our services.

Have a nice day.

You still love me, don't you, Betsy?

Good old Beth.

You'd never, ever dump me, would you, girl?

He's alone.

Uh -huh.

Guess I don't look so dumb now, huh?

Yes. All right, baby.

You ready to cash in?

Woo!

Go.

Have a good ride, buddy.

You

see

there, baby?

I told you we'd get him. Let's get the cash.

What's the plan?

You have no plan?

You have no idea what you're doing. If you're so smart, why don't you tell me

what we're supposed to do?

Bodyguards are always willing to pony up some ransom to get their clients back.

I saw it on TV.

That's a good idea.

I'll call VRP. No, no.

He call.

That way they know.

We haven't dumped a client in ages.

Oh, good. We should do it more often.

You know, Scott's a comedian, guys.

He just can't help fooling around.

Stop sticking up for that jaboney. Still want someone else's jokes as lame.

Hello, VIP.

Sorry.

Kay, it's Scott. Don't hang up. It's important.

Hold on a second.

It's Scott.

He's very important.

All right. Put him on speakerphone.

What do you want, Scotty boy?

I've been kidnapped by Randall and his girlfriend.

Okay, just relax. What do you want us to do?

Get 200 grand from my account at the Beverly Hills National Bank.

At the Hermosa Street branch.

Ask for the second vice president.

Hermosa Street, second VP.

Got it. Be there in a flash.

Just kidding.

That's good, right?

They hung up on us.

I'm sick of this.

From now on, we do things my way. Firstly, no witnesses.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, baby, baby, baby. Whoa, okay? Just, just... We're going to

the money out of him, okay?

Right, buddy?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

See? See?

Everything's going to be okay. Okay, baby?

Valerie Iron? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. When are they coming out with your action figure?

I could sell a lot of those.

Oh, really? Well, you just short -sheeted a friend of ours. Mm -hmm. Does

name Kay Simmons ring a bell?

No.

Does the name K.

Eugenia Simmons ring a bell?

Uh, yes, it does.

Of course it does.

We need the cover to the Jimbo script.

Mm -hmm, and we're here to get it.

Now. Uh, okay, okay.

Hold on.

I got it.

Oh, why don't you go check out the Samuel L. Jackson section so you can see

a real bad guy should act.

I'll be happy to go show you where it is.

Here,

this script cover.

Written by Scott Thaler.

Randall's notes.

Scott bought the script for Randall.

You know what? Quick did say his Jimbo was terrible.

I know.

I saw the tape. He sucked eggs.

Scott took Jimbo back, then went on to make a couple blockbuster hits. Now

Randall's all pissed off.

What a loser story.

Hello,

VIP.

Okay, big balls and no -no. We made a big mistake. I have evidence right in

front of me. Scott wrote the script, okay?

We have to apologize immediately.

Oh, dear.

You guys, Val found the missing cover page.

Wait a sec.

Scott didn't steal Jimbo from Randall?

We screwed up.

Val, Scott just called and said that he's been kidnapped by Randall. Oh, my

that sucks.

Maybe he was telling the truth.

Play back the call.

kidnapped by Randall and his girlfriend.

Okay, just relax. What do you want us to do? Get 200 grand from my account at

the Beverly Hills National Bank at the Hermosa Street branch.

Ask for the second vice president.

You guys, there is no Beverly Hills National Bank on Hermosa. Scott was

us a clue.

Hermosa and second, that's in Venice.

You know, my spidey sense is tingling. I think he's telling the truth.

I'm right around the corner.

I'm going to save him.

Okay, Val, wait a second. We'll be on our way, okay?

Hey, Val.

Val! Come on.

Very important bodyguard business. You stay here.

Gotta go.

Stay here.

Right.

We gotta come home.

What do I do? What do I do? Okay,

I'll pull the jimbo.

Okay, Randall and his freaky girlfriend, this is Valerie, and you are completely

surrounded by VIP, four teams, and assorted branches of the military.

So there, come out with your hands up. Damn it, Kelly, it's the cops. You boxed

it. No way I'm going to jail.

Only we're not taking him.

Kelly, no.

Oh, my God, cheating.

Damn, baby.

You're crazy.

Want to take bets on whether or not the next bullet fires?

I didn't think so.

You're now my husband.

Come on.

Fred winged me, though.

You gotta stop.

12th and 10th San Pedro.

alongside of her. I've got a plan.

You're gonna get a good girl.

breaks!

Come on, Doctor. Bring it. Serve it up, baby. Come on.

Come on.

Yeah. Woo!

Nice shot.

Ah! Got it. Yeah.

Ah! Ah!

Oh, gosh. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Aw. Yeah.

Come on, Johnny.

Sub in already.

Hey, we'll switch when Val gets here with the food, all right?

When she gets here, she's on your team.

Look, I already have a handicap here with Spaz.

Hey! I'm a typer, not a biker. Whatever.

All right. Going down.

Going down. All right, Josh.

Here we go, baby. Serve it up. Bring it.

Hold on. Time out.

What?

Tasha, your shoe's untied.

Huh?

Duh.

A behind -the -scenes look into the glitz, glamour, and high -octane world

Valerie Iron's protection.

This is the VIP forensics lab, an oft -overlooked aspect of bodyguarding. We

come here when some ski frags a Chevy, and we need to figure out what made it

boom.

We can do anything that the FBI lab did. We can make homemade grenades, smoke

bombs. It's kind of like our own little Frankenstein lab.

Utilizing fiber samples from crime scenes and ballistic comparisons to

particular weapons.

Sometimes I get to check out some cool blood, hair, and tissue samples. Those

are the bomb. I primarily use the lab to mix up smoothies for me and Val.

Oh, earlier today, we had strawberry banana.

You didn't mix them in there, did you?

Yeah. Why?

Well, I didn't wash it, but I had some guys clean in there.

Oh, wow.

I think I'm getting sick.

Okay.

Oh, just making the change.

You were really mean.

Between you and me and the fence post, that was one badass glean.