Original subtitles

Rowdy 1, we got bogey in sight.

Roger that, Rowdy. Don't let them pass the checkpoint.

Base open.

No problem, base.

He's heading for the freeway. We got him.

It's too easy.

No problem is insurmountable with proper planning.

If our informant is right about an anarchist group planning a hit on us,

put in the bud.

We can get them all out in the open like this one. Uh -huh.

Al, the bike was crying like a minx. Let's turn around and go back to HQ.

Sure, okay. But, um, I just want to make one little teeny -weeny stop first,

okay?

Okay. Spill it.

I know when you're trying to pull one over on me.

Okay, fine.

Erica Strada's having a major costume party Friday night, and it's so ultra

-secure you can only get in with a special invitation.

Uh, hello, I think Erica Strada can afford a messenger to deliver them.

Don't you know anything about celebrity parties?

I want to go there in person. That way I can see the color scheme of this house,

and I can match my outfit.

And do I need to match the color scheme too?

No, no, no. You can use my backup dancer. My entourage.

Can't go there alone. I'll look like an idiot.

Well, unless the 405 moves, you just missed the on -ramp. Oh, darn it!

I hate it when they keep moving that thing.

Time to pull a Nikki.

To, um, Erica Strahd's house.

Um, I'll tell you why, but it's a really big secret.

Costume party.

Turn around.

No, you'd never caught me if it hadn't been for her.

No wonder.

Valerie Irons.

Beautiful and lethal.

I love a driver, too.

All right, Jenkins. Good test run. Back to HQ.

Did you realize you were driving right in the middle of an FBI training

exercise?

It doesn't matter.

You sensed danger and you made your assist.

Agent McDonough, FBI.

Agent Irons, VIP.

Nikki Franco.

Glad I ran into you, Miss Irons.

The FBI has a major new facility out in the valley.

Fiber optic wired to every law enforcement agency on the continent.

Or at least it will be when it's finished.

Sounds like you need security.

The Bureau's got that handled.

But it's SOP to have it tested by outside operatives.

Interested? Uh, well... It'd be for the good of America.

Oh. Well, that rules me out. I'm Canadian.

As in North America.

Oh. We could really use your expertise.

If there are any weak spots in our security, the time to know is now.

It'd save a lot of lives down the road.

Really?

Well... Uh... Uh... Don't look at me.

I'm a Valerie Arnaz backup dancer. You know your entourage.

Actually, I think it'd be kind of fun for you.

You play anarchist, try to get past our guys. You do.

We found our weak spot. We correct it.

Everybody wins.

Well, kind of sounds like fun.

Wonderful. Feel free to handpick a colleague to assist you.

Oh, and next time we meet, you won't know me.

Oh, are you having a costume party, too?

What a kidder.

It'll be great working with you. I'll send all the details to your office.

Okay, well, bye.

What was that all about?

We're about to draw a potential anarchist out and be open. We make

and her backup look like anarchists themselves.

Then when word gets out, they're poking around the facility.

Real anarchists seek them out.

Isn't that going to be a little bit dangerous for Irons?

So, she can handle it.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Immensely.

Sounds like the perfect job. Pretend you're an anarchist, then try to

the feds' fancy new building.

A few days' work, no danger.

I'm good in with the feds. That's right. Just go to where Agent Mickey D says to

you, and you're all set.

Yeah, it's a good job for you. I don't have time to play games.

Val, you told him you'd do it.

I was speaking on behalf of VIP.

Sorry. We're booked.

Johnny already went on ahead to check out residential security for... For

For a new client.

Val, you let us write to Eric Estrada, okay? You've been talking about this

party for days.

Eric Estrada? Eric Estrada is mine. I'm the one who got invited to the party.

And we're the ones going to protect it, okay? It's A -list all the way. It just

means future jobs down the road.

So, uh, good luck with breaking and entering.

Val, the book's right.

We're always butting heads with the FBI.

This is our chance to set things straight.

I'm not doing this alone.

Right. The FBI dude said you can handpick your number two.

That sounds gross.

Put me and my partner.

Think and think.

Valerie?

That was Maxine.

She said you were supposed to pick her up ten minutes ago to go to Bloomingdale

to shop for Eric Estrada's party.

Are you kidding?

Well, how hard could it be? All we're going to do is pretend that we're bad

guys. It'll be good practice for Eric Estrada's party. Know what the theme is?

What? Favorite movies of the new millennium. Now, see, if we're

we're going to find time to shop. Oh, come on. Are you listening to yourself?

If we're real anarchists, we just stop shopping?

No. See?

Plus, that head, fat sidekick is really, really, really, really cute. Come on,

come on, come on. We've got to undo this alone.

I guess if we're not going to get into any danger. Of course not, Mama.

Anybody up to later?

Try again?

No, I've had enough.

Man, you really have me there for a second.

Man,

you are so gullible.

Red Leader reporting in from surveillance details, sir.

Do the workout, sir.

So, you met our contact?

You were right. The FBI is aware that an anarchist group's been checking out

their new facility.

They're expecting an attack.

Oh, they know about us.

I don't think so, sir. They had no details implicating the lead coyotas.

What, do we have competition?

Possible that new building of theirs is an obvious target.

Competition, huh?

I hadn't anticipated that.

We scoped out that federal building three times. It's damn near impregnable.

We could use some help.

I said we just go out and recruit them out of the unit.

Brilliant, sir. Yeah, all right.

Let's go out, get them in, bring them in the unit.

We need better surveillance equipment.

Why don't you go to the civilian room and be active?

Sir?

Back alley weapons salesman.

I don't care how.

Just don't get made.

Yes, sir.

Pute's sidekick's boss is supposed to meet us here.

110 degrees longitude, 34 degrees latitude. Okay, it's right here.

What happened to street corners?

I cut the GPS thing, added it onto my blackberry, so I can write it off as a

business expense.

Well, I don't think it's working.

Boy, you're going to have to eat your words, Missy Poo. Yeah, I'm about to

leave.

Oh, hey, Pute. Hi.

Watch it, Mr. Hansley.

Sorry to do that, Val, but we had to make it look like we were rousing you,

case somebody's watching.

Oh, well, since there's a good reason.

This is Maxine, the number two I told you about.

Great. Until our next meeting, we both need to live, eat, and breathe a part of

Militant. When you approach our new facility, our security team needs to

that real anarchists are gaining entry.

Oh, kind of like getting past the velvet rope at deep.

No problem.

No problem.

Okay.

Fake IDs and passports.

You're Annika Wade, Fiona Latham.

You both have Dutch visas.

Visas? You wouldn't have any MasterCards, too, would you?

Even better. Discover code.

Not to worry.

Here's a little per diem to help with your shopping.

We'll need to buy weapons, surveillance equipment, and, of course, disguises. Of

course, disguises.

Make sure it matches those passports.

Can't give you anything traceable, so you'll need to use your extensive

to buy what you need.

Oh, we have extensive shopping contacts. Don't worry about that.

But remember, and this is the most important rule of the game, no matter

happens, no matter who approaches you, maintain cover.

Tell no one who you really are until the job is done.

Okay.

Creating fake dossiers.

If anyone hacks an Interpol record to check out those two, this is what

find.

You told them they'd just be testing security, but you're going to use them

bait.

You know they could be killed.

Hopefully not before they draw out the real anarchists.

And they will.

Who could resist them?

Mr. Estrada, I didn't know you had such kinky taste.

She's small, but well built.

And ready for action.

Hey, I don't know you that well. I'm not talking about you.

Sweet.

Dude, we got work to do.

You and Johnny got it covered.

Hey, you ever take that thing for a spin?

Didn't come with instructions.

I got it off the internet.

Well, you know, if you're into this kind of thing, I should take you to the VIP

firing range.

Sounds good.

Whatever.

Agent Cleopatra Jones. I have visual. Repeat.

I have visual.

Agent Honeywest. Ready to infiltrate. We're going in.

Okay. That's pretty good.

Look. Val, look.

Hidden camera disguised as a hair clip. Oh.

Shoot.

Are you an end user?

I beg your pardon?

Are you an end user?

Not. Even when I'm really drunk.

I mean, of these items.

Are you buying for resale or are you the end user?

Oh! Oh, okay, I know what you mean. Yeah, those are fun.

Yeah.

Valley's looking at me really funny.

Hey, you know what?

You are going to be reading about us in Guns and Ammo Weekly after we crack that

big super case, you know, at the, um... I can't say. Shh, shh, shh.

I think you want what's in our back room.

Oh, do you have this in another color? This is a little olive for me.

Uh, Annika, you were an expert with that.

Um, Annika.

Annika. Oh, yeah, a little cough. I haven't had the lozenge for you.

No, no, I said Annika.

Oh, oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm an expert in, um, uh, Alliant Technosystems AT4

Viper thing right here.

Let me see.

Oh, good, I have some teeth. Nice.

Balance? What kind of kick is this baby pack?

Leaves the muzzle at 950 feet per second.

Penetrates 400 millimeters of rolled homogenous armor.

Wow, wow, perfect for the, um, Ed Fay Elding Bay, wouldn't you say?

Fiona?

Sir, you won't believe what I just ran into.

You know that other anarchist group we heard about?

I'm looking at him right now.

All right, so where's the hottie?

I don't know, not so bad.

You know, I'm into this whole make it look real thing, but this van just

budget. Who are you telling? You know, that other FBI car was much tidier.

You got stones on you. Yeah, and look at the phony pistola. You know, size does

not matter.

Uh,

Val. What is it? Shoot out a little flag with this thing?

Hey, what are you doing, huh?

I'm just checking my email.

Oh, wait,

I got a message.

What time is it?

Now who's the real badass, huh?

Drop us off at Clooney's right now or I need to check your kneecap.

You don't know who you're dealing with.

You don't know who you're dealing with.

We're not supposed to reveal our identity.

What would an anarchist do right now? I don't know.

Take me to your leader.

Yes. Right now.

Or else.

Good. Bring on those cast -in geeks.

We are ready.

Just because Val was invited doesn't mean they're all going to be geeks.

But she likes those Latin lover types.

Whatever. If you think Eric's a little cooler than I first imagined.

Anybody heard from Val?

Why, you miss her?

No, I just don't want our reputation permanently damaged with the feds.

My man hoped that you were talking about being in a car with some feds.

Oh, no, no, no, no. We weren't with them. We had their car.

Yeah. Right. We weren't actually with them, not in the biblical feds. Right,

right. What we needed to do, we needed to make a clean getaway. So we just took

their wheels and got the heck out of there.

You're even tougher than Hoag said.

All right, all right, let's get down to business.

The feds know that one or more militant organizations will try to hit their new

facility. But what they don't know, what they don't expect, is that we'll be

working together.

You know what, could you move a little closer to the board?

I'm farsighted.

Oh.

The feds will never finish their precious little building.

We infiltrate.

We find out who the contractors are, right?

We blow up their trucks, we torch their warehouses.

Nobody will ever touch the construction in this place.

And the feds will look like wussies.

That's going to take a lot of militants.

Well, yeah, that's why we should work together.

When word gets out that we're cooperating, it'll be like a welcome

militia and anarchist and disenfranchised unit in the region.

Sounds like a plan.

Yeah.

You know, you looked a lot more menacing before when you smiled.

Yeah? Yeah,

there you go. There you go.

The

contact

you burn next to me.

Matt's real, live, and our... Oh, they're really nasty guys. They pulled

this van and... Yeah, we know. We had you under surveillance.

I hope you maintain cover.

Did we?

Hello? And Maxine? Got some really good shots of them, too, with their hair cam.

Oh, and take a good look, because there's some really nasty guys coming

your butt. Thank you.

Okay, now, thanks for the opportunity.

We have to shop now. Yeah, can you drop something for me? It's right over there.

Val, you can't quit now that you made contact.

Stick with them. At least another day or two.

I will. Oh, wait. No, tomorrow is Friday.

Run it over.

Coming up on the heavily populated area now. Don't want to blow their cover. I

need to pull over now.

Do it.

Just stay with them until we have enough to build a case.

Not a word about your assignment to anyone.

Not even VIP.

Give me one good reason why I should take over your job. Because you might

it. Oh, now you're doing me a favor?

Isn't that possible?

In a word, no.

If I miss Erica Strada's party because of you... You'll what?

I'll take away your shelf from the VIP refrigerator.

Come on, you're play acting.

What could be so important it would make you miss Eric's party?

Okay, well, I'm not supposed to tell you, but the FBI is forcing Max and I to

undercover to flush out a bunch of militants.

Oh, okay.

That's a good one.

No.

Looks like you're on, Val.

Or should I say, Annika.

Have you ever noticed how much time militants and federal agents spend in

cars? I know, why can't they just hang out and watch each other at the beach or

something? Or at a club or something.

Oh, okay, finally, here they come.

Here they keep coming.

I don't think we're going to stop.

very nice.

Do we still have that stuff we bought?

Yeah, it's in the trunk.

Drop this up there.

Ha! Got ya!

Don't think I won't use this. Yep, so put your weapons down.

Pronto! Come on, move it, move it! Let's go!

Just, uh, put down the missile launcher.

Oh, yeah? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't turn all of you into fried

olive green tomatoes.

We just had to know.

Know what?

If you could handle yourselves.

Oh, I do.

We hacked into Interpol and found your dossier.

This is sort of a final exam we put our new recruits through.

Annika, Fiona, you're in.

Welcome.

It's our official custom to drink together from the cup of defiance to a

world order.

Yeah, come on, drink.

Oh, Val, I think I'm gonna throw up.

Well, don't do it if we hand it to me. Okay.

That's for making us take that stupid test.

They're scoping out our new facility, just like I predicted.

Oh, yeah. We got them right in the crosshairs.

So when do you want to roll them up?

As soon as they make their move.

You think iron's going to last that long?

Let's hope so.

I spy with my little eye. A juicy target.

And what do we have here?

Guy about six feet tall, dark brown hair, DK and Y jacket.

Nike Croc trainers.

Not my size.

Female, about 5 '7", blonde, Abercrombie & Fitch knockoff.

Rock out with your Glock out.

Three concealed weapons.

Majorly fortified.

Yep.

I think we need to get the CT, match him up with the OPP, and bring him down to

the SUV. I don't know about you. What do you think?

OPP. That.

Yeah.

Oh, excusez -moi. That is me. Let me see here.

See my prearranged alarm?

Six hours for the Erica Strada party.

Val, if we miss that party, we are going to be total social outcasts. I know.

You think he's going to be there? Huh, Daddy?

Nuh -uh.

Nuh -uh. You think so?

Nah. No.

You girls aren't holding out on me, are you?

What? No!

What? Never!

No, come on. No.

It's just a little thing. It's just a thing.

It's just a... You know what it is?

It's really top secret, but it's a little anarchist rally that we go to.

make sure.

Yeah, yeah. You know, we just have a little party sometimes. We gather up all

the bad guys, all the real baddest asses out there, and we go there and we just

get people for our jobs and stuff.

That's how we do it. We work well that way.

Fine.

Then I'm going with you. Oh.

Okay.

Sure.

Looks like he's showing them an address.

Plus, it says Friday. Can you make it out?

1100 Mandeville Canyon.

Road, Brentwood.

That's Eric Estrada's house.

The guy from Chips?

You know another Eric Estrada?

So what were we thinking?

The guy from Chips 99 and those Genio commercials was involved with some sort

gun -toting militants?

Nice heave, Eric.

Maybe I need to get a little more arc into it. That and just wait one more

second after you pull the pin. You don't want to give the bad guy the chance to

knock it away.

All right.

Tell me, can you aim one of these grenades while I fly in the gyro? Whoa,

on, big guy. We're going to get you a manual to that first.

Nikki, more grenades over here.

All right, one more before she gets here.

Well, what do you know?

Oh, yeah. He's in it all the way up to that big square jaw.

So you still want to catch me in the act? With this guy?

Sure. Reel in our little anarchist group and some big Hollywood type is in their

pocket. It doesn't get any better.

It's out of the question.

I'm not asking. I'm here as a courtesy.

We were hired to provide security for Mr. Estrada and his party. If we

collaborate with you, we're violating our legal agreement.

And if you try keeping us out of Estrada's residence?

You'll be obstructing justice.

Okay, now hold on.

You really think Val is leading your anarchist to our client's party so you

bust him?

Worse. Your client's one of them.

Another second of this and I'm going to shoot something.

We got it on video.

Pastrana's got all sorts of militant paraphernalia stacked away.

I saw him practice firing smoke grenades.

Yeah, well, it's our understanding that he does that stuff for fun.

Normal people don't mistake war weapons for toys.

Key point here, Val didn't actually tell you she's setting up a bust at Eric

Estrada's.

See, dumb remarks like that tell me why she didn't pick any of you to be her

second -in -command.

She's in deep cover, silence mode. Of course she didn't tell me.

My men and I will be there, and we're going in.

And don't even think about warning Estrada.

Lest you like bunking with guys named Bubba and ladies named Big Mama.

Beautiful.

Just beautiful.

If we protect our client, we get arrested.

If we help Agent Lord brain there, our client gets arrested.

How did this happen?

Simple. Val asked you to take over for her, and you turned her down.

Well...

It's crazy, but I might have an idea.

What we do is...

All

right, let's suit up.

He seems to arrive any second.

Helmet. Jet.

Shotgun. Jet.

Check. Check.

Look out, Air Strata. We're going.

Welcome to the costume party. Invitation, please.

I see that you have filled out your label with your favorite movie.

Winsor. Great. Love it.

Hello. Welcome to Mr. Strada.

Hi.

As you were.

Favorite part of Ryan.

Love the opening.

Thank you.

Pearl Harbor.

Great special effects.

I know.

Man, there's all kinds of commandos going in there.

Hanako's right.

This is the motherlode.

Where is she, anyway?

She's on her way.

Huh.

Val Irons has come through big time.

This Erika Strata character has one hell of a hobby going on. Not for long.

Become his compadres.

And you're supposed to be?

Laura Croft.

That's right. This is the rest of my family. Sid, Marty, and my sister, Celia

Croft.

Good luck to you.

Black hat's on the premises.

Copy that. Got a visual on the white hats?

Yeah, Tasha's quick.

Just sent them through a little while ago.

I see them.

Plan Johnny's now in effect.

Here you go.

Take one. You get the goodie bag before the party.

Thank you.

Here.

Can you see fireworks? Look inside.

Follow instructions. Okay.

I gotta tell you, Johnny, I like this party.

I don't know if I'm Josie or one of the other pussies.

Either way, I dig it.

Hey, want a goodie bag? Goodie. Yes, I do.

How much did you say to use to give a nice bang?

I said teaspoon, but let's make it half a cup.

Booyah. Right.

Mr. Estrada.

Will you excuse me?

Thank you.

If you have a moment, I'd like to show you something. So you think this will

work? It should.

When McDonald's starts chasing after the bad guys, we make it hard for them to

nab Eric.

We get Eric out of there.

It's worth a try.

I'm Blocker.

Eric Estrada, man.

I don't, uh, know how you know someone of our kind, but, uh, I want you on my

team.

Cool. Very cool.

We've got them together. Move in.

Now be a good time, Nick.

Wow, that's like a cake. And it's good time to look at those goody bags.

Where did that thing go?

I don't know.

Let's find out.

I'm glad you guys are here. I can use your help.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Five -O is here.

He's going to make a play for the border.

Where'd the border at, Ben? Hollywood or Beverly Hills border?

So, who are you supposed to be?

A soldier.

Locker.

Uh, Val, I don't think Mr. Estrada knows himself and the bad guy get away.

Don't tell him. I'll never be invited to another celebrity party ever.

Eric's Humvee's gone. I think Blocker took him at gunpoint.

Val's gone, too.

You don't suppose she's with them? I don't know. But that's Agent McDonough's

call.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

You know, if the feds catch up with them first, so much for getting Eric out.

Let's beat him to it.

The actions of near defeat start our own unit.

Me,

Estrada, and you, gal. Hey,

who are you?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm such a bad oaf.

Valiant B -Block.

Valiant with a fence on me.

I really don't like that.

I'll move in when you make the drop.

Care to pick on someone your own size?

Okay, Chief.

It's your best shot.

There's only one thing left to do.

What are you doing, Val?

Hey,

hi, how you doing? Look at Mr. Estrada over here, our hero.

Yeah, right, he wasn't driving that getaway car. He was catching a bad guy.

Good work, Val.

You too, Mr. Estrada.

Hi, how are you?

Oh, my God!

I don't know how to work this thing!

Okay, calm down.

Calm down.

You're not going crazy.

I can't. Maybe one of these days will work.

Please get out. Please.

Please. Please.

Get out. Breathe.

Feel it. Save.

Black. Help.

Help.

What are you doing?

I was just trying to

understand how it felt to ride in one of these cute little bugs, you know?

And I got stuck in the seat belt and I can't get it. I'm kidding.

Please, help me.

Help me.

Help me. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. This is not funny. Why don't you get

me out of here right now?

Oh, Lord, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

I didn't think I was going to make it here for a second.

You just don't understand.

I'm severely claustrophobic.

You know, ever since they made me ride coach.

Those kind of scars run really deep.

Yeah, I feel your pain.

I wake up.