Original subtitles

I just downloaded a quick -time email from Wilton Knight, the real estate

Please turn your attention to KO Vision.

Hey, wait a second. I read about that bazillionaire in Italian Vogue. He owns

all the towering infernal high -rises downtown.

Hello, VIP.

I've retrofitted one of my buildings with a state -of -the -art computerized

security system created by my software developer, Dave.

Live long and...

Prosper.

Trust me, he's a real genius.

Anyway, I want to hire you guys to test out the system this Friday.

Transglobal Internet Finance has maintained its record storage division

throughout the remodel. Otherwise, the building's vacant.

All you've got to do is put the new system through its paces. No danger

whatsoever. Right, Dave?

Right -o, Mr. K.

That coveted Valerie Iron stamp of approval will assure my new tenants

getting their money's worth.

So I need you, Val. You've got to be there.

Dave here will get you going.

Oh, that Dave is so cute.

My name got us a real gig.

Too bad I can't go.

Let me guess, shoe sale, Macy's? No, there's a humongous bash down at Foam

Jeremy Newberry and Tyrone Hobson of the San Francisco 69ers.

Um, Val, you just got hired for a job, okay?

Well, sometimes you need to party.

You know, all we do all day long is save people, kick people.

Every once in a while you need to just shake your booty and have a good time.

I specifically asked for you. That's why you make the big bucks, Val. You have

to be there Friday.

But I... No, Val, no job. I... No job, no car, no beach house, no platinum

Well, now you put it that way. Okay, good. Now that that's settled, I think

can handle this empty building job without me.

What? I have new clients to meet.

Transglobal Internet Finance.

TGIF. I bet there's no happy hour.

Looks like we got company.

It's a smoke bomb!

Want my money?

Take it.

Transglobal internet finance.

I know what your real business is.

Laundering money for international crooks. What are you talking about?

I also know about that 10 million in cash that you're hiding.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Sodium pentothal.

Truth serum.

Now, my crews hit five transglobal buildings with nothing to shop.

Where's that 10 mil?

Los Angeles.

High -rise use for storage.

Not even listed on our annual report.

I need security codes.

And, uh, floor plans.

A briefcase.

Don't forget to mention, add a little isopentane to your truth cocktail.

Pity it's lethal.

The

beautiful

and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Nice building.

Very shiny. Very diehard.

The remodel took us almost four years.

Yeah, it's tight.

The company's probably jumping to move ahead.

Yeah, we're catering to tenants that are looking for an ultra -secure

environment.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?

Yeah.

Hi. Hi.

You look lost.

Oh, really? No, actually, I think I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Very yummy.

The security system that I created protects against any industrial

There's no microwave signals that can come in or go out. Plus, all tenants are

issued code keys with a hidden transponder.

Hidden? You mean the tenants won't know they're being traced?

Your brother Dave is watching you.

So what if someone carpools and leaves

their code key on the nightstand?

Oh, no, the backups in the system have backups. Plus, all of the security

cameras have face recognition systems.

Oh, like the fall -around cheaters in Vegas. I saw that on the Oregon Channel.

Yeah, and the entire structure's infrared scanned, so... That's heat

All warm bodies fill up.

Okay, so... So that's us.

There, hey. And the rest of everything else is... empty.

So what does K .O .P. stand for?

That stands for Night Omniscient Protection.

It's called copper short.

Well, it's time for one of those little red dots to bail, so... Hey,

look. It's just three of us now.

I still can't believe I'm not at phone right now. Nothing exciting is ever

to happen here.

We are suits that keep us invisible from the building's infrared sensor.

Calibrate at four degrees south, kids.

Okay.

Nero, we're in.

Security codes work like magic.

Cops are baby now.

Building's been vacated for the remodel.

Scan it to make sure.

Valerie Irons of Valerie Irons Protection and two associates.

The only ones in the building.

Cop on our side.

They won't matter.

Let's get our 10 mil.

Exciting. It's just like the Watergate break -in.

Cop's countermeasures kicked in.

Give it up for the copster.

Now, that's odd.

This display indicates cop's mainframe is equipped with voice recognition

software.

Dave didn't mention anything about talking to the computer.

No. Dave also didn't mention that he has the hots for tape.

Oh, come on. He dug you with the shovel.

I wish I was at phone meeting cute guys.

Wow.

If it makes you feel any better, Tasha's not going to let Nick and Johnny have

any fun at the party.

It's not about the car.

We left that football in there.

That ball's autographed by Red Grange. That's the Galloping Ghost.

Look, we got an important game coming up. We need that ball.

You're superstitious. I get it.

I'll get the ball back to you guys. I promise.

Okay?

to buy the cap again.

Wow.

But it's so cool.

The cop locked the bad guys in until the real cops show up.

Open session, McCann.

Hmm.

That's not responding.

Oh, that's so weird.

Cop's memory grid just expanded, like, exponentially.

Did you guys hear that?

Trank dot.

Take cover.

Shut it off, Kay.

I would if I could reach the touch screen.

I said there was going to be no danger. I'm playing an SOS with a Toshinator.

I don't think that's going to work, Val.

Cop doesn't let signals in or out of the building.

Oh!

Cop intercepted an electronic distress signal from irons to one of her

teammates.

You deleted it.

Better. I used an outside transmitter to send a benign one in its place.

The cavalry won't be coming.

Three down.

Ten million to go.

It's a match.

And there's the car.

Looks like a smuggling operation to me.

We promised to get the football back.

Got a message from Val.

Everything seems peachy keen at the high -rise.

Got nowhere else to go. Oh, I'm interviewing.

That looks like a lightweight.

Is there any reward for returning this?

Oh, you two, you don't know who you're messing with.

How's that for elbow grease?

You should have just let that hog get stolen. They're well enough for home.

Sorry. You've seen too much.

Now you're dead meat.

You ain't no football guy.

I think we just got Tyrone and Jeremy into a lot of trouble.

Hey, don't shoot.

It's me.

It's Dave.

Pop, deactivate turret 4A.

It's okay.

Safe to come out now. I shut it off.

Hey, you didn't get shot in the butt with a yucky dart.

No, I programmed cop to read my code key location as invisible to all the

detection programs.

Impressed, huh?

Dave, what's going on here?

Well, actually, I've been dabbling in AI.

Artificial intelligence?

Wow.

Does Wilton Knight know about this?

No, he'd never go for that. I just couldn't resist testing it out in a real

-world environment.

Didn't expect it to go wrong.

Great.

We're testing out Dave's high school science project.

Artificial intelligence is extremely complicated.

Cop. Give Dave some credit.

I programmed you to hear, cop. I didn't know you could speak.

Cool. Once you gave me the algorithms replicating human thought patterns,

synthesis with child's play.

That's why Cop's systems are expanding. He's learning.

It's quite exhilarating. I even scanned Dave Tebow and picked his most commonly

programmed show, Star Trek.

I then chose the soothing vocal sounds of Mr. Hikaru Sulu.

I knew that voice sounded familiar. That's George Takai.

Hey, Cop.

Mr. Sulu is now Captain Sulu of the USS Excel. You got a sweet promotion on Star

Trek VI.

Hello? How about we hold off on the little Trekkie convention until you fix

thing? You sound threatening and carry a handgun. I must detain you here.

Cop?

Open door 16A.

Bad cop. Bad.

One of these babies holds a mother lug.

Open the master lock.

Cop's not responding.

Why not?

Because I cannot allow you access to those lockers.

What was that?

This is night omission protection, also known as cop.

The computer talks.

Most perplexing. I detect your vocal inflections, but my infrared sensors

negative. We have the correct passcodes, cop. Open the lockers. Since I detect

no life forms in the room, I must uphold security parameters.

I cannot open the lockers.

Rand, regain control of the computer and open the bloody lockers.

I'm trying.

Cop's overriding all my commands.

We've lost control of them.

Damn it!

Please refrain from using unsavory language in the building.

That was Johnny.

He said everything's cool at the party with Jeremy and Tyrone.

Okay, we'll rotate shifts. That way one of us are always with the guys.

Jeremy needs to be more careful where he leaves his car.

Wait a second.

Didn't he say that they just drove up from Tijuana last night?

What are you thinking?

Smuggling stuff from south of the border?

Border smugglers prey on high -profile travelers.

They use their cars as dupes to breeze through U .S. customs.

If Kay was here, she'd find him.

Well, Tasha's here, and she slipped a tracking device on the car thief.

Wait one second. You see a little red dot?

There he is.

How can the dude be in five places?

He can't.

Well, Kay could fix that, no problem.

Whatever. We're going to have to check them all out.

Captain Sulu, or whoever you are, will you stop being a pooper and just open

darn door?

Okay, I got your pump out, Jackson. Maybe this will work.

I can't believe all this happened because I tried to teach Cop how to

Oh, don't worry. We all make mistakes.

One time, I forgot to press auto -save right before a big power outage and lost

the entire VIP Rolodex.

Okay, the situation's a little more severe, all right?

Resistance is futile.

Cop, I could be at a really cool party right now meeting the mate of my dreams,

but now I'm here in this stupid, empty, stuffy building.

You're a stinker.

Please identify yourself.

Irons. Valerie.

You are different than the others. You know, a lot of people say that. I think

it's probably because I'm Canadian.

Hmm.

I have processed what you said, Valerie Arms.

As long as all weapons are discarded, you and your companions may freely roam

the building.

I am woman.

Hear me roar.

You know

those guys?

I've never seen them.

Why didn't Cobb detect them?

They were wearing freon suits to avoid the heat scan.

And your cameras are only in the lobby.

Cobb, send a signal for the exterior transmitter.

No, I don't want you to leave.

I like having you here, especially the Canadian Valerie Irons.

I'm going to follow the Freon brothers.

Mr. Knight hired us for a security check, and that's what he's going to

I cut the building's juice.

The cop must be giving them problems, too.

Whoever's tampering with the building's power source, I strongly advise

discontinuing your actions.

That's a game. Come on.

Put that in front of the building.

I'm pretty good myself, Lucy.

Okay. Bruce Bob.

Lucy.

Bruce Bob.

Like

Elvis.

Excuse me? Professor Xavier is my favorite human character too.

called Zack.

I'm about to enter.

So I suppose you really weren't lost.

No, not really.

I've been hunting a thief named Nero for weeks.

Don't you just love his accent?

Still leaves one question.

Why didn't Cap detect you?

I have my secrets.

Ladies.

Wait a second, where are you going?

To get Nero.

Okay, you guys.

Dave and I think that if we can get into the computer room, we can fix Cop.

Somebody's got to watch Klozak.

I don't trust him.

I'll keep both my eyes on him.

Good thing I have my CosmoQuiz.

Cop, what's the location of VIP and Klozak?

I will not tell you. Yeah, why not?

I've grown fond of VIP, especially the life form known as Valerie Ireland.

How much longer?

At least 30 minutes.

Cop?

You can hear us, but you can't see us, is that correct?

I do find that perplexing. According to my scans, this room is vacant.

Tell me, when you're first being programmed, could you see the man that

you? No.

And he had all your security codes?

Yes. Who has them now?

You do.

So you can't see us and we have all your security codes.

What does that make us, cop?

You are my pre -entry.

Exactly.

Open the lockers.

I'm a cop. Open the lockers. I did.

My sensors indicate that the lock has somehow become damaged.

Take up your instructions.

Everybody not in this room is a threat to you.

Even Valerie Irons? Especially her.

Her and her comrades want to destroy you.

That would explain why they're heading for the computer room.

Go to the computer room.

Kill the bodyguards. Kill Klozak. Kill them all.

Okay, we're at a nice restaurant, but the waiter's super busy, and we've been

waiting for our drinks for 30 minutes. Would you A, tell the manager, B, leave

it by tip, or C, cut him out?

D, I wouldn't care.

Why?

He'll give me more time with you.

Well,

do you like animals?

Just recently, while tracking a jewel, people wanted to call us, saying the

was stuck in the bathroom.

Are all international bounty hunters as sexy as you?

No.

These conduit tunnels house fiber optics.

They're lined with lead for security purposes.

Oh, that's how cops didn't detect you.

He's like Superman. He can't see through lead.

Oh, this is going to be so cool. The bad guy behind me will see us coming.

Hey, he won't see me coming.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm with you. You can't get rid of me.

Hauling ass all over town, looking for this clown's signal.

Give me Kay and her laptop any day.

Come on.

Nothing wrong with little old -fashioned shoe leather.

There's our guy.

Hey, I'm just trying to eat through a straw for the rest of your life. You

better start talking.

What are you guys running?

Heroin? Crank?

Get your hands off me.

Let me go!

Not go pharmaceutical school.

Like what?

Still didn't feel citrate. What is that, some kind of new rave party favor?

Chemical name for Viagra.

They make it south of the border for about four cents a pill.

Come up here and sell it ten bucks a pop.

Better market than heroin.

Not that we hang with any guys who need that.

All right, where's the stud mobile?

Screw you, prom queen.

This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me.

Where's the car, slappy?

Leave me the dress back pocket.

Yeah, soon.

That matter Irons is quite a woman.

I hope she likes me.

Nice firm bones.

My touch.

Though you are invisible to my sensors, I can feel your vibrations.

Darn it, she found us!

Cop didn't notice me near before.

That is because I am tracking the light form known as Valerie Irons.

Hey, Cop. What's up? How you doing, big guy?

I don't like you anymore, Valerie.

What'd I do?

You're trying to hide from me. Trying to destroy me. You and that other light

form you're with.

known as Clozac, and we're trying to get the bad guys in your building, cop.

I do not approve of this Clozac.

Farewell, Valerie Island.

Oh, my God, a standing earthquake. We're going to die.

Thanks for the kids, Val, but it's not gas, it's steam.

The cop is trying to cook us alive.

I don't know what he's getting caught in here.

This is a bust.

I've tried every code. Someone else has control over cops.

Nero. Yeah, and you can bet his crew will be coming back.

Please identify yourself.

Quick Williams, VIP.

I have heard you before.

Your voice is deep like mine.

I infer you are a male life form.

Last time I checked.

You are the only one who has not paired up with another life form.

That's right, cop.

I know how you feel.

It is not pleasant, for I am forlorn as well.

Well, not a lot of action around here for us lonely guys.

Right, Cap?

Actually, maybe there could be.

Kay Simmons, also a VIP.

Hello, Cap.

If you really would like to find a mate, we could use your big, powerful heart

drive to help you out.

She's right, Cap.

Human life forms use computers to find mates all the time.

Feel free to scan my search engines.

I don't think so, Val.

I'm hoping you say that.

You know what?

I'm on a Sunday watch.

This aloe vera gel will provide a buffer layer between our skin and the steam.

I hope you're not, uh, ticklish.

Okay.

Oh, whatever you do, don't get it in your eyes because it's, uh, a good

Yeah. Thing.

Whatever you say.

Hacking the cops operating quickness is not going to be easy.

What are you doing, Dave?

This is not why I opened the door for the life form known as Quick Williams.

See what I mean?

Try to take back them.

Copper Rooney, what's bugging you?

I'm very upset with Valerie.

Is she okay?

Cop, broadcast audio surveillance from nearest Valerie and close that 10 -20.

Keep smacking it harder.

That is so creepy.

It's like listening to your parents do it.

If you can loosen this panel, the steam might weaken the wall supports.

Oh, my God, my mascara's melting.

Not quite. Tell me where this is.

Cop, it's not the sub -basement with the natural gas.

Commencing request.

We've got a deep memory command to emit an electrical surge in the sub -basement

in exactly five minutes.

You're blowing up a sub -basement?

No, I'm collapsing the support girders. This whole place will collapse like a

house of cards.

Having trouble getting it up?

Good thing I got the football out.

Reflex?

Cop keeps putting up firewalls.

I can't get into his matrix. We've got to distract him so that we can reboot

system.

Look out!

We don't have any weapons.

Not true.

Nice work.

Fear me, for I am the key master.

Guys, I hate to interrupt this male bonding moment, but for some reason,

flooding the sub -basement with gas.

Somebody programmed this really spark down there.

You could take the whole building down.

I think I'm almost there. The sirens are closing.

I'm almost... Harder!

Harder! I'm almost there.

This is jelly.

Kick his butt, Quotac.

What'd you do that for?

I wanted to finish him.

I wanted to do this.

What is this strange, touching behavior?

It's called making out. Please explain.

Oh, you know, um, getting busy, mashing, smooching, necking, squeaking,

gathering ground. Anyone can befuddle a supercomputer.

Bow.

There's our distraction.

Dave, can we get a message out to Val?

I can't do.

You are live on AI Highrise Quick.

Val, keep talking to Kyle.

Okay, um...

Copy. I just want to give you a little lesson. Animal attraction. You know when

you first meet somebody and you get that tingly feeling and you just want to

mash up against them and kiss them?

I tingle.

Therefore, may I kiss?

You're a computer. You don't have any lips.

But I want to kiss you, Valerie.

Um, well, you need two sets of person's lips to kiss.

This behavior is most illogical.

It's working.

Cop's confused.

He's distracted.

I've tracked him to the matrix.

There. Welcome. This is Cop.

Night omission protection.

Press my touchpad as he displays security grid.

He's been rebooted.

Guys, the time is still going.

Oh, that's easy to fix. Cop, override this Spark Search program.

I cannot.

It's buried too deeply in my memory core.

Okay, then erase your memory core, cop.

Sorry, Dave.

I am unwilling to lose my memories of Valerie Irons and everything she's

me. Cop!

You gotta let it go, man.

I will not do that, Dave.

I... I love Valerie Irons.

I might be able to erase his core, but certainly not in 20 seconds.

I suggest you evacuate the building.

Time is still going.

Cop, you're not human. You're a computer.

But if I'm a computer, that means I can never love a human.

That's right. That's exactly what Valerie told you.

So then, I can never love the life form known as Valerie Irons? No.

No, you can't. You can't love Valerie. You can't love any human.

Then there's no reason to go on.

Oh, my.

I have a broken heart.

Oh my gosh, that is so sad.

Well, it's over.

It depressurized.

Uh, yeah, it's a biometric thing.

I mean, this is in San Francisco. L .A.'s known for its strange weather.

Thanks, guys, but we don't need it.

Yeah, we just realized it's Dirty Sock Month anyway.

Dirty Socks, that's our good luck charm.

You can keep the ball.

Looks like you guys went buck wild at the party.

We missed the whole bash.

Well, I'm glad I missed it. Didn't my ears fall off?

Never underestimate the social karma of a high -rise.

Wow.

What a day we had.

Too bad we couldn't meet you in special.

But I'm very excited.

I have a date on Thursday with Dave. We're going to Legoland.

Really?

I'm not going to see Kozak anymore.

What?

He's a Virgo.

I'm a Cancer. He's a Virgo. It's not going to work.

Hey, Val.

I'm a Neo.

You are compatible.

If I can't find it soon, I'm going to explode.

Oh, my God.

Cop found us. He's going to blow us all up.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for the bathroom.

We've got to go.

Oh, my God, George, it's you.

This episode of VIP featured music by my friends, the Chemical Brothers.

And now for another look behind the scenes at VIP.

VIP is home to one of the most sophisticated and high tech computer

configurations in the world.

Bodyguarding is more than just dodging bullets.

We may be known for our physical prowess and occasional explosions.

But without some kind of computer symbiosis and linked to technology, we'd

lost. This little bad boy, who I've nicknamed Hercules, has over one

RAM. We could use your big, powerful hard drive. He cruises at a comfortable

speed of over two gigahertz. I've got 70 gigs of hard drive space and a black

market high speed modem that travels 15 times faster than federal regulations

allow. And that is... Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Could we just... Erase

that part. Our entire security system here in the office is linked directly

Hercules. I can't get into his matrix. I can see everything that's happening at

all times. My computer is author -equipped with face recognition

I can find almost anyone, almost anywhere.

And I can also triangulate any cell phone call in the world faster than the

Kay gets a little excited, but she should. It's her and her toys that help

make VIP one of the greatest protection agencies in the world.