Original subtitles

Have a lot of fun.

Jay, hi. Hey, coming down the stairs. That's Dex as the astronaut.

It's a big shot. Astronaut hero.

Come on, Val. No, really. So exciting. A whole big party all because of your

book. I'm really going to read it soon.

That's okay. I've got the world's most beautiful bodyguard on my arm.

How did I get so lucky?

Well, I mean, you know us VIPs all have our own specialties. Partying with

celebrities. Now that is my friend. I like that.

Dex Decker, you're a rocket jock.

Billy and I were at NASA.

Valerie Iron.

My pleasure.

Billy Porter. Porter Aerospace.

Oh, you guys are the ones who financed that mirror smear thing.

No, we launched a rescue vehicle.

But Dex here, he deserves all the credit. He rescued those six cosmonauts

-handed. Knock it off, Billy.

Hey, Dex, don't you be modest.

You're a national treasure, son.

Ms. Irons, don't worry about a thing.

I'll take good care of this boy.

Well, I'm, uh, I'm supposed to... Oh, my God, Val Irons. The Val Irons? Yeah,

that's me, but I'm sorry. I have to go. Happy due till.

Dex's agent?

Do you believe this marvelous house would leave for Dex for his West Coast

tour? I guess.

Who picked it out?

Give up?

Really?

Well... Hey, you know, I bet you have a book in you.

Really? How about VIP Undercovers? A bodyguard's tip

to catching and keeping a mate.

Hmm? Oh, bodyguard, I gotta go. I'm sorry.

Well, think about that book idea.

Talk about space.

A hot tub is a lot like a spacewalk.

You're weightless, floating,

Except in space, the views are a lot less interesting.

Patch.

I'll beat it.

Keep your mouth shut.

Better.

You said enough in your book. Leave well enough alone.

Now shut your big mouth, keep it shut, or we'll shut it permanently.

Remember what I said.

Is he gone?

Yeah, it's a good thing because I didn't threaten a leg breaker with a bottle of

CK1. Who was that guy?

Critic for the time.

He didn't like my book.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Can't they be?

Dexter's one of our clients.

Yeah. Dexter rocks.

He's that hot.

He's tripping. He's the bomb.

He wrote a lit firecracker burning 12 tons of liquid fuel like it was a kiddie

car. Nikki, it's a rocket. You don't even hear it.

So?

He still saved all of those cosmonauts.

Oh, my gosh.

He's even braver than William Shatner.

So? To be fair, boarding a Klingon warship takes lots of luck.

Kay, stay seated for this one, okay? William Shiner didn't even go into

Yeah, right.

Nikki, how do you keep and catch a guy?

The old fathom way.

16 -gauge polyfiber ripcord.

Sorry I asked.

Personally, I prefer the internet.

Take me and Stewie Solomon.

Oh, please.

We kept running into each other at the student bookstore.

One time, our hands accidentally touched as we were reaching for the same X -Men

comic book.

But he didn't ask me out. So, without him knowing, I logged on to his favorite

chat room as a hot vixen goddess.

Things got hot and happy.

But still, he didn't ask me out.

So... Val.

Gotta go.

We're on Dex duty. I was just getting cut.

So, I called Julia.

Darn it.

Dex still won't answer.

I hope I didn't leave without him, because he's going to be driving alone.

I don't get it.

Billy Porter's a savvy business.

Why would you let a crap boy like Decker pilot his billion -dollar spacecraft?

Hey, I kind of like Decker. Okay?

Sure. That and a book dealer's agent offered you. Come on.

I wasn't even thinking about the book deal.

But, for the record, what do you keep a man in?

Men are easy.

They'll give you anything you want. You just got to tell them all the same

thing.

What?

Baby, you're the best.

I think

we

found your hero.

Are you okay?

Say something. Say something.

Rise and shine, fly boy.

Have you been out here all night?

Apparently I have.

Your scrapbook?

Oh, well, you know, a little walk down memory lane is better than counting

sheep.

Yeah, sometimes I like to lie out here and look up at the stars, remembering

where I've been, reliving the old glory days of long ago.

Well, it wasn't that long ago. Wasn't it last year? You were on this Mir

mission?

Oh, yeah.

Mir.

Excuse me, ladies.

My public.

This is Dex.

Poor Dex.

You know, they say that deep space can really mess with your mind. I think he

came back a few cucumbers short of a sandwich.

That's not all he's missing.

Young Dex in astronaut training at NASA.

His first flight crew.

And look, the glory days.

And skip straight to this.

Hey, I just took him to that party a couple days ago.

Nothing on the Mir mission?

Nada.

Weird. Look, I can't do that.

No, listen. No, no, you listen to me, okay? I'm going to tell the truth about

what happened up there, okay?

And you can't tell me...

Listen, I can't talk right now, and there's nothing more to say.

Ex -wives, you know, you can't live with them, and they won't take moon rocks

for Alamo.

Well, you got to get cleaned up, Dick, because you have a book signing.

Aye, aye.

Oh,

you dropped your gum.

Oh, can I have some? No.

It's my last piece.

It falls to me.

Oh, it definitely falls back.

All right, we'll call you when we see you. Well, where is he?

Doc says he left home at 11 .30. We're found.

I don't know if you've noticed, but the natives are getting restless.

Don't worry. He'll be here.

Dex Decker won't let you down.

Dex Decker rocket pack.

Man, I'd rather be nice on the 405.

What?

We know you're president of Decker's fan club.

Hey, man, dude is cool.

Oh, like you didn't have a Dex Dagger action figure when you were a kid?

Uh, no, I didn't need one.

I was an action figure.

Oh, so you played with yourself.

Okay, ladies.

Come on, Johnny.

Let's hit the street.

What the hell, Dex?

Don't you people have your own convention?

We've got ourselves a situation.

My friend Jack, he won't cooperate.

Now, that's a shame.

It's a damn shame.

Well, I mean, it puts me in an awkward position.

Well, America needs their heroes.

And I sure as hell need this one with the IPO coming up.

But you know what?

If a fellow won't be reasonable, sometimes it takes more permanent

It's already taken care of.

Brakes are gone.

Check it out.

This break line looks like Lester Broney.

The San Francisco treat.

More like the Mahanjai send -off.

Somebody wants you dead.

Any idea who?

All right.

I owe you guys an explanation.

But it stays confidential, right?

I mean, uh, some people still think I'm a hero.

You can count on us, Dex.

It's the Russians.

When I was on Mir, I slipped a little something into my pocket.

A souvenir, you know?

A little something to impress the ladies.

You'd be amazed how much mileage you can get out of a little space junk and a

few margatinis.

You stole from the Russian space station to help you pick up chicks?

Guilty as charged.

Problem is, my souvenir turns out to be worth a whole lot of rubles.

Apparently it's some kind of a high -side techno gadget.

And the Russians will do anything to make sure I don't sell it into the wrong

hands.

Including killing you.

I say we drop his astro -ass.

Tasha, he needs our help. Earth to Val.

He almost got you killed.

He's a target for international hitmen and didn't even tell us.

Come on.

He feels real bad about it.

What is this? Take a has -been home week?

Okay. So Dex screwed up. Let's give him another chance.

Of course, he has to give the techno -hoosie back to the Ruskies.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure that's going to solve everything.

Sarcasm will give you wrinkles.

Hey, that's my purse. What are you doing?

Give me something for the taste.

Give me that. Oh, good.

Except so much explaining.

Goodbye.

Please forgive me.

I would shut off the phone, but... Duty calls.

I am happy to see you, Natasha.

I'm happy to see you too, Mick.

And speaking of duty, you were telling me about the mirror rescue before we got

distracted.

Yes.

I know nothing of any stolen technology, but I

do know this.

The American ship had trouble docking.

I narrowed in trajectory.

Not critical.

Cosmonauts blew out most of their oxygen to correct it, and the talking was

successful.

And Moscow knew about that?

Of course.

Everything on Mir was closely monitored.

Funny they kept that quiet.

I've never known your government to be shy about a tech measuring contest.

They were in no position to gloat.

Those cosmonauts would have died up there if your Decker hadn't saved them.

to something a little off about that.

There is one more thing.

The American ship was also monitored by Porter Aerospace.

I know. I've seen the tape. Uh -uh, not all of it.

There is 57 seconds missing.

As to what it showed, not even I can tell you that.

You know,

Mir goes around the world 17 times a day.

And we have a lot of catching up to do.

Some other time.

You mean it?

Figure out your list of possible deck hitters there?

Yep. Sure does bring out the trend, boys.

There's enough spaghetti straps in here to fill up a pasta bar.

Who's the unibrow?

Andrei Chesnikov.

If there are any Russian agents here looking to kill decks, I don't see them.

Nope. He's not here.

Excuse me. How do you catch and keep a mate?

What?

VIP undercovers. That's good.

Oh.

Oh. Uh,

let's see.

Camp by the river and whatever you want will flow to you.

I like it.

Memo to self.

Guys,

I'm running out of rest and fitness.

At least the ones Interpol knows about.

treat from here.

Well, you got to hand it to him.

Well, no, dude, he's got to move.

Partying like there's no tomorrow.

Well, maybe he knows that there is no tomorrow.

You want to run that by me again, Slim?

I said you might want to look behind you.

Well, we know one thing.

They're not Russian.

Lie to us, Dex, about everything.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Ooh, don't go there, Dex.

Because if Tasha finds out she had sex for nothing, she gets really crabby.

Oh, what, you borrowed my purple passion to clean your gun?

The lead shooter is Vincent Walzik, a freelance hitman.

American, all right.

Drink time, flyboy.

It's Porter.

Porter? Billy Porter?

From Porter Aerospace?

Yeah, we used to be tight back in the NASA days.

The thing is, I really owe this guy.

If he hadn't gotten me to shape up and fly that rescue mission, I'd be

panhandling on Venice Beach.

Whittling driftwood for a beer.

What's wrong with that?

All right, fine, we get it. You're butchering Sundance.

What happened?

Here.

The mission was a shakedown cruise.

Billy needed it to be flawless.

The future of his entire company was riding shotgun in that cockpit.

No pressure there.

But guess what?

I pulled it off.

Me, Dex Decker.

From zero to hero.

Billy got the kind of press even his money couldn't buy.

And Porter Aerospace rakes in a bunch of government contracts.

So why try an ICU?

Because I decided to go public and tell what really happened up there.

The truth.

In a pack of gum?

If this is one of those then things, we've got to get Johnny in here for

like that.

It's a memory stick.

Very clever, Dex.

I'm missing 57 seconds.

Roger. Control ready to initiate docking sequence.

Hey, Dex. How's it looking, boy?

I don't know.

Something's off.

What do you mean, off?

My trajectory.

I missed the dock.

I don't understand.

My instruments are working.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. I screwed up. All right, all right.

Calm down.

Calm down.

This has jumped higher by a mile.

I'm spaced out. Hey, hey. Easy now, cowboy. Hold on. Hold on.

All right. Dex, we're in touch with Mir. They got an idea.

They're going to blow out their reserve oxygen in this jet blast, and it'll

correct the course.

I can't.

I can't.

Yes, get on it now boy.

Once they blow their O2, you only got about three minutes before they

Sorry, Billy.

Oh, the guy in this damn tank carrier.

Jeff,

you're blacking out. You need O2. You need O2, Jeff. Come on now.

Jeff, you listen to me.

So we screwed the pooch, but these Ruskies are pulling it out of their ass.

one needs to know, Dex.

You suck it up and move on. There's a lot of folks depending on you, boy.

Beer.

Come in here.

Hey, if you risk it, you need a taxi.

I can understand the cover -up.

If this gets out, you're the joke, and Porter's company's the punchline.

That's an understatement. This could cost him billions in contracts.

IPO, DOA.

What I don't understand is you.

Why now?

It kind of puts a damper on Decker, the superhero.

Don't you see?

I want to.

I'm not a hero, I'm a clown.

It's all yours.

I like. Hey.

How is he?

Pretty blue. He's drinking bottled water.

How we doing, partner?

Well,

it was fun while it lasted.

The parties, the fans, the girls.

Make some one badass cocktail.

Until I found something I didn't know I had.

Conscience. Yeah, I tried drowning it with booze, but that little bugger just

kept coming back.

Yeah, I was really scared of that man.

And everywhere I went, people treated me like I'm some kind of a hero.

I just couldn't live with myself.

So what am I waiting for, right?

One last hurrah.

One final moment in the sun before the curtain falls.

I think it kind of fell already, Dex.

Time to come clean.

Hey, it's quitting time. Don't you have something better to do?

No. Oh, sorry I asked.

Don't be.

Wait till you see what I found.

You won't believe this.

See this little readout?

You're making me relive this again.

Yeah, that's what monitors the ship's coordinates.

I should have been watching more closely.

Maybe. But the readout is used to set course. It doesn't signal errors.

That's what this panel is for.

Okay, you're wigging. There's nothing there.

Exactly. That should be lit up like a Christmas tree.

You're telling me there's a gizmo there that should have warned Dexy was off

course? Yeah, she's right.

I never noticed that before.

Wait a second.

There was a problem with that error light.

I told Billy about it and he said he had it fixed.

He even showed me the report.

The screen doesn't lie.

Maybe he did a better job on the report than he did the repair.

That's not like Billy. I mean, he needed that bird to fly right.

My God, he moved heaven and earth to get that thing up before the... Before

what? There was a government contract pending.

A big one.

It could have gone to McDonnell Douglas or Porter Aerospace.

And it went to Porter because of your mission.

He needed to get you launched ASAP, even if it meant scrimping on the repairs.

A warning light would have given you time to complete a manual course

correction.

It wasn't your fault, Dec.

You're telling us Porter sabotaged his own ship?

Oh, come on. It's like pouring water in your own gas tank.

Believe me, you never do that more than once.

I hacked into Porter's records and checked.

None of the parts on that repair dock were ever even ordered.

What a dirtbag.

So what now?

We could webcast the missing tape on the VIP website.

That way, the whole world would know.

That's a great idea, Kay.

And you know what? If we don't get enough hits, we could just spam it.

Val, when did you get so web... Savvy.

Cyber shopping.

Click and go, click and go.

Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute.

Telling the public what happened, that's one thing. But letting the whole world

watch me wet my space jockeys, that's way too humiliating. But, Dex, we have

to... No, I'm sorry, Val. Look, I'd rather have been in my car when it went

cliff -hopping, okay?

All right, just so we're clear, you could have died up there because of

You won't let him walk?

That's right.

His next flight crew might not be so lucky.

Uh...

I gotta think, okay? I just gotta get out of here for a while.

All right? Alone.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Because you know what? You could be in

an elevator and the cord could snap and you'd go plummeting down and get

squished like a bug.

So we should be with you. I'll wait.

That's very sweet, Val. But listen, I don't need a babysitter.

Okay? I just need to take a drive and clear my head.

Sorry. Yeah, I'll client.

Wherever you go, we follow.

You're fired.

Val, can I borrow your dollar?

Oh.

Don't go over 10 miles an hour.

People, I hate to remind you, but it was Dexter's publisher who hired us.

He's still our client.

We let him go.

Doesn't mean we can't keep tabs on him.

Well, I sure am glad you came by to see me.

Now, it's time for us to take care of some business.

You name your price, and then we'll have us a nice friendly drink. What do you

say?

The way I see it, Billy, that tape is worth billions.

Well, that's a little steep.

But, hell, you know me, Dex.

I'm always willing to dick her.

So, where is it?

I think I bring it with me.

In safe hands with VIP.

They know what's on it?

I'm afraid so.

So you might have to do something about that.

Well, now, aren't you full of surprises?

Selling out your own bodyguard?

Damn, son.

That's low.

Yeah, well, that's too bad.

Because I'm not in the hero business anymore, so we got a deal or what?

All right.

I've activated the low jack on Val Piper.

Okay, so where is he?

Oh, my God.

Porter Aerospace.

Boys and I got an idea.

We return Val Iron's car, fully loaded as it were.

When Boss Lady fires her up, come home.

And when her friends come out and collect the pieces, pick them off one by

one. See there?

Now, Waltek, I love it when you earn your pay like this.

Yeah, that might work, but, um... Yeah.

Well, you know, I was just thinking, why are we messing with VIP?

I mean, they could be trouble.

Not when you shoot them in the back.

Which is what you almost did to me, old buddy.

Now, I'm glad you came to your senses.

But now, come on.

What are you going to soak me for?

Don't tell me a billion dollars.

See, that's the thing.

The nav system was off.

But you sent me up there anyway, knowing I might die.

And those six cosmonauts.

So now the price is $2 billion.

It's only fair, Billy.

I mean, you knew about that system glitch.

You can admit that much, can't you?

Admit this?

Admit that?

What are you, Ally McBeal?

Huh? Cut it out, Billy. Cut it out. Huh? Cut it out, Billy. What are you trying

to do, shake me down? Is that it?

Oh, Dad.

You always were an amateur.

Now you're a dead man.

Rick!

Hey, man. You up here, don't you think, Dad?

Give him a taste, boy.

Billy, come on.

Billy, I'm all right. We can talk about this, Billy.

Billy!

Candy place for a suicide, isn't it?

I mean, Dex, with that drowning your sorrows routine you've been doing,

even going to doubt it.

Oh, come on. No, no, no.

Freeze, Porter.

No, no, no.

Hey. Looks like we got here just in time.

No, you didn't.

my exhaust.

this baby lying around on the first floor.

Nice toy.

You're a businessman, Porter.

You should know when to cut your losses.

You and Dex can go public together.

A full confession might reduce your sentence.

Well, they say that confession's good for the soul.

So, okay.

I'll admit it.

That ship never should have left the launch pad.

Our nav system was A1 crapola.

But I wasn't going to put Porter Aerospace on the map by grounding my

ship, now was I?

So, I put a few human lives at risk.

Screw them!

So you copped everything?

Yeah.

I don't mind confessing to dead people.

I truly am sorry to disappoint you, but I won't be going public. Not now.

Not ever.

Don't be so sure.

You got it, Val?

Totally. How about you, Kay?

The whole enchilada.

Get the tape.

Hey, look.

There is no tape. You're live on candy camera.

Dude, that guy is so disgusting.

I'll put the Godzilla.

You decide how to take them out.

I'll kill you, man!

Getting this, Val? Yeah.

I'm not the hero you think I am.

I misled you folks an awful lot.

And for that, I'm sorry.

I'd like to thank my good friend Valerie Irons for supporting my decision to

tell the truth.

And I'm now ready to face the music for lying

to the American public.

It is so not fair. Peppy's star client blows an image and he blames me?

It's not my fault, Dex confessed.

Sal, you should be proud.

You helped this guy turn his life around.

That?

Sure does.

Dex Decker.

He really is a hero.

Hey.

Check out my little souvenir.

Hey, does that come with Dexter's secret decoder ring?

Real funny, Mr. Action Figure.

So happened before the aerospace was going under, got this baby on the cheap.

Of course, it costs too large every time you fuel it.

Really?

Can I try it on, please?

Sure, no problem. Just be careful.

Got it? Okay.

There we go. All right, kiddo. We're ready for space camp.

Right. Always wear natural fibers underneath the jet pack.

What's that button do?

You don't want to press that.

Wow, no.

It's a bird.

It's a bird.

It's a cricket.

Detailed look inside the inner workings of the Valerie Irons Protection Agency.

Today's subject, the gun locker.

Whoever said bigger is better didn't have our guns.

We have rifles, 9mm, bazookas, AKs, couple of M60s, a Browning in storage.

Don't use the heavy machine guns much.

Nikki, Pasha, and Quick, they all have plenty of guns to go around.

I prefer to use my fists.

Everyone else in the agency relies on weapons. I use my mental weapon, my

I really wanted to get this auto -loading cannon.

Tasha said no. But I had to draw the line somewhere.

In a pinch, we could rent one. I personally try to handle it, you know,

the violence.

If some dipstick is chasing our client with heavy artillery, we have an

obligation to stomp his ass. I don't believe in guns.

I think that's what attracts me to Johnny.

You know, opposites.

He's got a nice butt.

Yeah, guns are dangerous, but they're an important component to the protection

game. I'm not a gun nut like Nikki.

And I'm not anti -gun like Johnny. People might peg us for action junkies,

we're not. We don't want to fire guns. We have to.

Guns, they serve us the stomach and all that bang -bang.

I'll show you the guns in this cabinet.

Just know that VIP has the tools at their disposal to make that dream a