Original subtitles

like idols. How about you, Val? I think idols are great. Yeah, me too. And men,

women, and children of all ages can come see an idol at my new exhibition

opening soon.

This is totally lame.

It's only TV, Tasha.

What do they spend on a green screen effect? Ten bucks?

Come on, it can't be. It's fun. It's cheap.

It's what the people want. You so don't get it.

I can't believe you let them sucker you into doing that commercial. Why? Because

I did that. We got the job at King's Mansion securing the road show antique

thingy. Val, we have a very important meeting with one George Clooney. Oh, no,

we don't. He called. He had to call an emergency meeting with the producers.

Oh, here's the mask. Here's the scary thing we had to pick up at the dock.

That's the mask of Jindoo.

Jindoo who?

Ward Lord Jindoo is a legendary martial arts master.

I mean, this mask is a...

Very powerful Chinese icon.

Listen to this.

Jindu has a cult of followers who believe that his soul is embodied in the

Wow. Sounds cool. Sounds dangerous.

Sounds like I have something better to do.

Another load of museum junk that Yahoo Oliver King.

Who? That famous archaeologist guy with the commercial.

Guy's got the life.

Collect cool treasures, meeting all kinds of international faves. Here's his

latest find.

The Mask of Jindu.

I heard there's a curse on that thing.

No, what?

Hey, what the hell are you doing?

Dude, you're going to break something.

Are you nuts?

You're gonna get us fired!

Master Xindu.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

In what police are calling a freak accident, a local dock worker was

death this morning when a shipping crane cable snapped, sending a three -ton

crate tumbling down onto the worker.

Oh, my God.

You guys, Val just left for that dock with Oliver King.

It's okay.

They just went to pick up that Halloween mask.

That's what's gotten so nervous.

I did a little cyber sleuthing.

Seems that mask carries a... Curse that supposedly lashes out at any unworthy

soul who gets too close to it.

Curse of the warlord Jindu. You know some people believe in it.

See, I told you it was haunted.

I wonder if that's what caused the cable to snap.

Reports said there was more rust on that cable than on the Titanic.

Okay, it was an accident.

The curse is just a myth.

Makes people fear the mask.

If you really believe in something, it can seem real.

Well, it sure gives me the shivers.

Come on, we're setting up eyes and ears at King's Mansion.

I can't go.

I see an old friend of mine stopping by later.

It must be someone special if you bag in surveillance detail.

My mentor from China.

Awesome, your ancient Chinese secrets come into town.

I'm just surprised, bitch.

All right, catch up with us later.

Not case I'm sticking around. I want to meet this jaboni.

My mentor?

The dude who taught you all your kick -ass moves.

Lucky I missed that.

That warlord, Tim Duke, dude, must have been some scary guy.

Legend has it he killed a horde of Mongolian rebels with nothing but his

hands. Don't touch it! Oh, I saw you. You were on the news. You were a friend

that guy who got squished.

No, no, no, no. He was murdered.

What? No, no. Look, we're really sorry about your friend. The crate was no

accident. The mask did it. It's damned.

The curse of Jindoo is no more real than Bruce Willis' hair.

No, no, no. Let me at it. Let me at it.

Listen,

Buster Brown.

The damn mask is not cursed, okay? And VIP is on the case, and we're not going

to let anything happen. Okay? So, shoo!

All right, all right. Well, bad crap's going to happen.

One hell of a slap.

Well, I only resort to the bitch slap in extreme cases.

must really want to impress his mentor.

Last time we saw each other was ten years ago in China.

How come you never mentioned this teacher of yours before?

Is he old and wise like Yoda?

You're half right.

I bet he's like that crusty old Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid.

Hey, did he make you do that crazy wax on, wax off move?

Looks like someone made a wrong turn.

Yo, Toots, X was casting on the ground floor.

Wow. She didn't even set up the alarm system on the computer.

Guys, this is Mistress Jade.

Momentum.

Welcome to VIP.

Well, it looks like you've filled out well, Johnny.

Nice shirt.

Oh, these are my associates, Nikki Franco, Jay Simmons.

You are so much younger than we expected.

Well, actually, Jay is 69 years old.

Meditation and a strict diet of Chinese herbs does wonders for the human body.

Gotcha.

Popularity, please.

Jade is stunning.

Would you look at that physique?

Extra lean, long legs, that itsy bitsy waist. She must have the metabolism of a

hummingbird.

Keep it up and you'll be downloading your keyboard.

Orally.

I didn't know if we, um, left on a bad note. That didn't happen.

Well, it was my fault, too.

You are my best student.

Still are.

You know what's crazy?

First, the massive warlord Jindu turns out.

Then now you.

Jindu. Yeah, I think I heard something about that, but that's not why I'm here.

I've taken on a group of new students and entered them in the Pacific Martial

Arts Competition.

I could use a good sparring partner.

Do you still have what it takes, or has this Hollywood lifestyle made you soft?

Let's find out.

Meet me in an hour?

I'm meeting you, too.

Why did you have castrande non fat no at Mocha? I was pissed off for coffee. It

was a great idea, Val.

Uh -huh.

The mask.

I'll take it, please.

I don't think so.

Then forget I said please.

Back off!

These cans are legal.

I'm shaking.

Oh, yeah?

But you like a little kick with your coffee.

You slap, you kick, you catch.

What don't you do, Val?

Well, I don't hang out with silly ninjas.

I'm multi -talented.

Please, Mass, for one, I beg of you.

He had a professional bodyguard.

I wasn't expecting... Do not tremble.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

You will find the forgiveness you seek.

The afterlife.

So this freak ninja dude was trying to kill

us. And I was going to chop Suey's head off, but I didn't want to take blood and

gut from my new outfit, so I just threw my Karl Macchiaro right in his face.

Chaffeen facial.

A patented Balamian.

That's right. Lucky I didn't order an ice blended.

Any clue who Ninja Boy was?

Who knows? Attack me in hopes of stealing my acquisitions. Here comes the

territory. Thank goodness Val was there. She is worth every penny.

Hey, where's Johnny?

His mentor just jetted into town for some martial arts, shouldn't he?

Really, Mark? Is he as cool as Johnny is?

Yeah, he's a she.

She? She.

As in karate hottie?

Whatever.

Now, down here is where I keep my most valuable treasures.

Oh, well, let me bring Jindu to his new home.

Thank you.

This case has a mercury -calibrated motion detector, an infrared heat

and a bulletproof plastic alloy shell.

Yeah, I knew that.

Means nothing's getting in out of this puppy.

Except for maybe the ghost of Jinty.

Oh, my God. Stay calm. Are you still there?

Oh, my God.

Did you guys see that? I just said his name and the curse lives.

Sorry to ruin your ex -files moment, Scully, but that was the mansion's power

rerouting to the exterior security grid.

We're going to take a palm scan and a password to get into here.

I like it when you let loose.

Come, let me show you around my training center.

I really shouldn't. My friends and I were supposed to be protecting the mask.

The mask? Is that all you think about?

Jade, I work for VIP now.

Well, then they can handle it.

We've got a lot of catching up to do.

Come on.

I tussled with a rabid mountain lion while suffering from the Asian flu while

trying to procure this relic from a temple in Tibet.

Oh, really?

I had the sniffles once, and when I was at Bloomingdale, they had to fight off

these army of shoppers in order to get these shoes.

You are so unpretentious, Val. It killed me.

Hey, you never told me how you got the mask.

Oh, well, I could tell you that I fought off a cadre of monks trained in the

dark arts while spiriting away by the skin of my teeth.

Wow. Bet that'd be a lie.

No, really, I got it at an auction.

The previous owner had died in an accident. A fire, I think.

Hi, guys.

I have those contracts for Mr. King to sign. I just thought I'd swing by on my

lunch break. Oh, we're fine.

Oh, there you go. Thank you.

I was doing some research on the mask of Jindu. Are you aware that the previous

three owners all died in accidents?

Fifty years ago, the owner died in an earthquake. In 1972, a satellite fell

of the sky and... Let's just say it was really disgusting.

And just last year, the owner got trapped in his car and... And burned to

Right.

Isn't that really spooky?

Your fighting's improved.

You still haven't beaten me yet.

Ain't good at counting.

Yes, you always were superior on the physical side.

A spot's opened up in the competition.

My top student strained his neck.

No, I can't. Well, I've already signed you up.

You'll do great.

How's the tea?

It's fine.

You're thinking about the mask.

I always know what you're thinking.

I guess I've never gotten over losing it.

Don't tell me it doesn't bother you.

I really missed you, Johnny.

Why is it that every time I mention Jindu, you change the subject?

What makes you think I'm thinking about the mask?

You're the one obsessed with it.

Jade, we failed our mission.

It was more complicated than that.

Was it?

The elders trusted us to bring the mask to the sacred mountain temple, the

rightful resting place for Jindu.

Do you really believe that placing this in the temple would finally set Warlord

Jinder's spirit at ease?

Yes. This is a very important mission.

That's why the elders chose their best teacher and her favorite student.

Is there any truth behind the legend of the mask?

That it hungers for human souls and would kill for them?

If you believe strongly enough in something, then it is real.

They're done.

Maybe not.

Two days later, the thieves were killed in a bus crash.

It was Jindu's will.

We weren't ready for the task, but now we can complete our mission.

We can finally give Jindu the peace he seeks.

Yes, we can finally redeem ourselves.

Jade, my partners and I have been hired to protect the mask.

Then you're going to have to choose.

That was Val. Johnny's not at King's Mansion either.

I don't get it. He'd never blow us off like that.

He must be stuck in detention with his teacher.

Good morning.

Hey, you're an hour late for the staff meeting.

I got stuck in traffic.

And now what?

You going somewhere?

Going to the beach.

In case you forgot, we're on a job.

Listen, I signed up for this martial arts tournament.

I promised Jade.

Since when did she come before us?

This thing guys, I'm not sure I can be of any use in your present case Is

it just me or it's even drinking too much decaf Listen guys, I'm not sure

I'll be any use for you on your present case whatever well Clearly someone's

been out polishing the old Apple for the teacher.

Well, so to speak.

Are you getting something?

Johnny's not exactly your boyfriend or so you keep saying

What, are you crazy?

Look at this.

Oh, okay, now look, this is a perfectly good shirt.

So you're coming to what?

Where?

See Johnny fight.

You know, you need to go to a therapist.

Okay, because you got a lot of hostility bottled right up in here.

I thought it was good.

She just put it down.

Well, too bad she's so ugly.

All that flesh don't mean jack when you got some dude coming at you with a Mac

-10.

That's a good point.

As I get closer, I feel your power, Warlord Jindoo.

My soul is worthy and I am prepared to wear the mask and accept your might.

You're lucky I still need you.

You know what we must do. I will summon

Johnny.

Your appetite for a strong soul will soon be sated, Warlord Jindu.

I hate Johnny. I

hate him not.

I hate Johnny. I hate him not.

I hate Johnny. I hate him not. I hate him. I hate him not.

That's a mourning ritual. Please pay no attention.

Anyway, our friend Jindu isn't going anywhere.

Only at the IP.

Have a cold.

Did I tell something?

Oh, it's CK1.

I may have splashed on a little too much. No, I'm used to that. No, I smell

something weird.

My spidey sense is tingling.

I don't smell anything.

No, my sniffer is highly trained. I can smell the difference between 100 %

cotton and that polyester blend with that weird fishy smell.

Nikki, come on.

The wire looks like it just dissolved.

If someone came in here, our motion detectors would have been singing like a

choir girl.

You don't think it was... No, I'm not even going to say it.

The curse?

No way.

So spooky.

I cross -referenced Jindoo through worldstrangestartifactsandidols .com.

know that the followers of the cult of Jindoo believe they have to sacrifice

lives?

souls to keep the spirit of Jindoo happy?

Anyone who wears the mask will supposedly possess the power of all of

souls. That is, if the curse doesn't kill them first.

Do you have a number for the Cult of Jindoo fan club? Because I want to join.

You don't believe in any of this, do you?

Me, personally?

No. It's the people that do that worry me.

VIP.

Oh, my God, it's Johnny.

I tried to handle things.

They came for me and tied me up. But I could lose... Johnny, are you hurt?

My leg.

I have a compound fracture.

What's your 20?

Behind the Parker Fabric Warehouse.

Corner of 20th and Sycamore.

Hurry, guys.

Okay, get Nikki.

Gotcha, Tosh. We'll meet you there.

Johnny tried to be a hero and got his butt handed to him. You think Karate

had something to do with it? I trust that chick as far as I can spit a

cannonball. So does that mean you're going to leave us here alone?

I'm activating the mansion's security system.

Remember that nobody can get in or out without the code. You guys are safe

Well, if anybody does try and break in, they're chopped nuts.

Sorry. Holy!

You sure this is right?

It's our destiny, Johnny.

To restore Jindu to his rightful home.

Val, what's happening?

Oh, no. Blinking light. Major badness.

Need a weapon.

Weapon.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Iron. We finally meet face to face.

I knew you were a stinker. Now back off or you're shish kebab.

Johnny, you're okay.

Sorry. I just wanted the mask.

You're not okay.

Punch in the VIP security code.

Do it, Johnny.

All right, let's get out of here.

What's the rush?

I finally have what I want.

The mask and the soul to sacrifice to it.

This is never about rescuing Warlord Jindu's spirit.

I could care less about the great Jindu.

Jade, I trusted you.

I arranged for the bandits to steal it from us.

They were supposed to deliver it to me, but unfortunately they turned up dead.

That's right.

Your greatest failure was my doing.

I've waited years for this moment.

Jay, don't!

Now then.

About feeding the mask the soul it needs.

Prepare her.

Yes, Mr. Jay.

I was having the weirdest dream that I was lying on this cold, yucky slab.

Oh, my God, I am lying on a cold, yucky slab.

Johnny! Johnny!

What are you doing? You're being a very naughty boy. You have lost your

executive party privileges.

Jindu shall get the sacrifice he craves.

I don't care what kind of meal you're serving him, freak lady.

My friends are going to show up, and she's going to kick your butt good.

That is a very sharp knife.

Oh, dear.

Johnny, snap out of it.

I'm your friend. I'm Val. Jade is a brick.

Jade brick, me friend.

You good. She bad.

Johnny.

Johnny. Come on. I know the real Johnny Lowe is in that noggin somewhere. Come

on. A man full of love and compassion. You are not going to let this loser kill

your friend.

Whatever happened to the guy who has a good heart and a good soul?

What about the brotherly love of the co -workers of VIP?

Silence.

Johnny?

Johnny?

Where the hell is he?

This is a total bust. Johnny's not here. I don't think he ever was.

Johnny said he had a compound fracture.

That leaves blood, and I don't see any.

It's Jade playing us. I knew it.

Well, it's not answering her cell phone.

We've been suckered, people.

Hooked, lying, and sick. Come on.

You know what? I knew it. I knew it. I knew it when I saw you in those lame

threads. I mean, who are you, Johnny Lowe or Johnny Cash or Johnny Lowe on

and can't afford a cool outfit?

So 99.

You want a sacrifice, Jade?

Take me.

You will more than satisfy Jindu.

This is a one -way street.

Are you crazy?

Yep. Dumb questions, dumb answers.

Ha!

I'm still the teacher.

And I'm more than a student.

over you now.

Farewell, Johnny Lowe. I don't think so.

Fool!

Surrender or die.

How'd you do that?

Don't come any closer.

The mask. Put it in the bag.

To destroy it. It's over.

Just do it.

teacher needs a spanking, and I know just the person to give it out.

Minnie? Yeah?

Jade just left to school to mask, and she's heading west on, um, Jump Street.

Cool. Thanks. Heads up, Val.

There she goes.

Speak up, everyone.

I want to ease out the pedal a bit. The road's closed on my head.

Yeah, I know. I'll be quiet back there.

Jay, pull over.

We've got nowhere to go.

You're running out of hope. Don't be stuck.

Jay's not slowing down.

She's as crazy as you are, Nick.

No, she's just stupid.

Sacrifice.

I guess your teeth didn't exactly make the grade.

Jay was corrupted by the dark side.

You almost got yourself a one -way ticket there, too, brother.

Well, thank God, my Frank Capra love and compassion feast snapped you right out

of it.

That's not what did it.

What? What are we talking about?

Oh, really? Because I made fun of your flow? Are you serious?

Okay, we're stopping at the mall. On the way home, I'm going to snap you right

out of that DUIJ.

DUIJ?

Yeah, dressing under the influence of GD.

I

think I

finally have the sucker back together. Make off the nail glue.

That was Oliver King. He doesn't ever want to see that mask again.

I was tripping back to China.

A friend of mine will make sure it goes to the right place.

So weird.

Everything about the curse of the warlord Jindu came true.

The owners of the mask all died, including Jade.

Come on, Jade. There's a logical explanation for everything.

Fine. Then can somebody please tell me how it is that our friend Johnny here

Jedi mind -controlled?

The green tea they found in Jade's hideout contained oxypenethone. It was

by the CIA to make suspects highly susceptible to suggestion.

The mask is just a stupid mask.

The curse is a crock. End of story.

Boo!

Boo, scary pal.

We're not violent people.

You know, it comes with a job. There are certain things that we have to do to

protect the client.

Class is over. She fell!

Johnny Lowe is kind of in the middle. He's the sand cat.

Wax on.

Wax off. I consider myself a spiritual person.

If you really believe in something, it can seem real. So spooky.

I don't believe in guns.

He never gets mad.

Plus, his body is so great. It's really cute.

Do you look at that, Susie?

Nikki gets jealous.

She tends to express her jealousy in a very physical way.

I don't know if there's a rivalry between Quick and I.

There's sort of a healthy, you know, competition.

There's nothing wrong with a little competitiveness.

I consider myself someone who can handle himself in a situation.

I'm very thankful for what I do now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.