Original subtitles

What's with the muscle?

Afraid of a girl?

Well, you never know who's watching.

So, do you have a design plan?

Mm -hmm. You first.

Straight from the bottom deck.

Corporate plans, new design elements, you name it.

Take it off.

I'm scared.

You better decide.

Rest assured, everything...

Now, you sure you weren't followed?

like we showed up just in time.

You better be working for the phone company, Johnny, because if you're not,

you're having a very bad fashion day.

Obviously, Johnny's on one of his dead -end freelance gigs.

Corporate theft.

Caught red -handed.

Well, he can't stack up to a full -time gig with VIP.

Yeah, we're gonna give you an offer you can't refuse.

Associate bodyguard.

Wow.

That's, uh, really flattering, Jess. No, don't give me that. I'm a rebel, I'm a

loner. Crap.

That's so lame.

Anyway, maybe we could try this out, you know, on our next assignment, the

Hawaiian Tropic Studio.

Suntan lotion?

Suntan lotion.

It is the finest non -animal tested dark tanning coconut oil that you can buy.

Yeah, they sponsor beauty and fitness contests.

And some of the contestants want to bring us aboard.

What could possibly go wrong in a beauty and fitness contest?

Excellent time.

That's another first place medal.

You know what that means.

It's time to move on to the semi -finals.

Really? But I thought last year at this time... It was just a beauty contest.

That's why Hawaiian Tropic hired me to make it so much more.

Take the other girls back. I want to tell Cassandra what's in store.

If you'll follow me, ladies.

Now,

Cassandra. Have you ever been to Tahiti?

Oh, my God, no, I'm dying to go. Is that where the semis are?

Not exactly.

In the van.

I was just a girl working at a hot dog stand when a movie star asked me to earn

a date.

I happened to save his life, and so in order to save his life, he's told

everybody that I'm a professional bodyguard, which, of course, I am not.

me. So then I was asked to be a figurehead at a bodyguard agency, and

I'd never have to use any weapon or be in any danger.

And I always am.

This is the morning I've left for...

It's not just about looks.

The contestants have an endurance program as well.

I can endure a lot of this.

You're so desperado.

So what made you decide to hire bodyguards? Well, the girls just

Greta told us that they went on to the semifinals.

That's a weird outfit for a fitness contest. That's her.

Greta Krantz. The contest brochure says she's a former major with NATO forces.

Whatever. Now she runs fitness contests all over the world. She talked Hawaiian

tropics into broadening the contest.

So why don't you buy her story?

Cassandra, my roommate.

I'll lend her my good luck bracelet.

There's no way she would have gone off without returning it.

Hey, Blaine!

Blaine! I have to go.

Uh, Val, thanks again for waiving your fee.

I'm sure I can get you the 12 cases of Hawaiian tropics, no problem.

Okay, thanks.

What?

You guys can have some, too.

Anyway, there's an FPS 15 bronzing demonstration going on over there, and

be back. Bye.

Could somebody help me reach this spot?

I can't.

I know that sound.

Did I come in a bad time?

Depends on what you're interested in.

I don't need a paid gig to do this.

Paid gig?

Nah, man, this is a free service I provide.

Well, thank you very much for your free service.

What's your name?

Slowhand.

Slowhand Williams.

You stay sweet now.

Sorry to barge in on your little shenanigan there, slow hand.

So, uh, you couldn't keep away from her, huh?

From who?

Nikki.

I know how to separate business from pleasure.

What you talk about, man? I'm on a case.

Me too.

Which case is that?

We're taking the Hawaiian Tropics girls.

Val wanted to see how I liked being part of the team.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right, right. You know, she asked me what I thought about

that.

Good call.

Just didn't know you were starting so soon.

Listen, let me know if there's anything I can do for you.

Huh?

So glad I thought of this.

Brilliant. Brilliant!

Good.

Okay.

There you go. You're all set. Thanks, Val.

Next! Val, what are you doing?

Exactly what it looks like. I'm placing micro -tracking devices on every

contestant. Unless you have a better place?

No.

It's all right.

It was Val's idea.

Well, next!

And what are you going to tell Greta Krantz when she sees this?

I happen to know that she's at the coconut oil demonstration right now.

cosmetic genius does pay off every once in a while.

There you go.

Next.

Hi, Val. Can I have a word, please?

Sure. Go on.

Did I miss the meeting when we decided to put Johnny Lowe on the team?

No. Don't be silly. That's not scheduled until, um... Okay.

Let's see.

Johnny, confirmation, ceremony.

Wednesday, the 27th. No, see, he's here now saying he's on this case.

Is there a problem? I mean, he's just here for a tryout.

Johnny's a good man.

A good man. It's just... Oh, my God! Stay here.

Touch!

How is he?

He won't be talking anytime soon.

Internal injuries, like he was pummeled.

Quick said that his hands were all taped up like a prize fighter's. What does

that mean?

I don't know. Some David Fincher fan saw Fight Club and took it a little too

seriously.

There's one more thing.

I swiped this when the paramedic boys weren't looking.

Tasha, we have plenty of our own cotton swabs.

I swiped this over the victim's body.

Some kind of grease.

Oh.

I just the other day downloaded an instant spectrography program.

We make a slide.

Comme ça.

Et voilà.

Those are the ingredients for Hawaiian tropics lotion.

This guy wasn't doing any tanning.

More likely he touched someone who had it on their body.

Like a missing beauty contestant?

But wait.

What would some amateur brawler fight club have to do with a beauty contest?

You're probably wondering why you're here.

I'm offering you something few men and women will ever receive.

I'm giving you the chance to be part of a new world border.

You are fittest of the fit.

Women are chosen for their confidence and fitness.

Men are a fighting skill.

You will train here. You will live here. You'll be bad and close. And in

success, you'll be rewarded.

You're a lunatic.

I'm not going to be any part of this.

Do you know how many regional armed conflicts are in progress right now?

17. And all in need of top -notch mercenaries.

I am not a lunatic. I'm a businesswoman.

And the army you join here will work for me.

When you as contestant, plus some visitors, we might want to sign up.

Our security is still up. How did last night's loser escape?

He dove up the cliff.

I've already doubled the guard.

We still need more recruits, especially women.

Don't worry.

There's plenty to choose from.

You sure Brunhilde doesn't know who we are?

We signed in as visitors. Now we want to join the contest.

So far, so good.

All we need to do to figure out their plan is win.

Shouldn't be a problem.

Ladies, it's time for the multiple -task obstacle course.

Let's just make sure we have enough contestants.

Bonjour. Ciao.

Guten Tag.

You are a fine -looking woman.

Talk again.

Would you like to join us for the obstacle course?

Obstacle course? God, I haven't done that in a long time. I think the last

I did that was in elementary school. I remember those little orange cones, and

had my bike, and I was going in and out of them like Evel Knievel, and I had a

little wax on my brakes, went out and went boom, across the Canadian border

patrol, ended up in Washington.

That was my first time in America, and I really liked it.

Excellent. We'll sign you up.

Cool.

Men from the ultimate role, women who pass my intelligence and fitness test.

Together, it will make the perfect army. Ah, this is easy.

in 22 hours? When would train B arrive?

That is so weird that you bring that up. I just watched Silver Street last night

and Richard Pryor was so funny. That train was going really fast. It must

been going at least 90.

Your answer, please?

You know, I just don't have enough information.

That's correct.

It was a trick question.

The missing variable is the distance between Phoenix and Milwaukee.

Where are they?

Hey, my man, quick.

This ultimate brawl, you hear anything about it?

No, man, but I saw a couple guys talking and the guy flipped those flyers out.

Those two no -tipping pansies right over there.

Can't exactly sneak up on somebody riding one of those.

I'm not trying to.

That was a nice work bike, saving that guy.

Back at you.

You know, I was thinking that if I do join, I'd be proud to be working with

I guess this is where we're supposed to give each other a man hug and buy each

other beers.

You're a good guy.

I mean, you're handling yourself well.

But you're used to being on your own.

I mean, you join us for a bit, and you go off.

You know, if I join, you got to be full time.

For what?

40 hours a week, 60?

I mean, Tasha, Nicky and I, we... We got each other's back 24 -7, 365.

I don't want to walk into hell and not be sure whether you're all there.

Come on, Tasha, pick up.

There's definitely some connection between the beauty contest and that

who washed up. Where are you? Are you all right? Uh, yeah, well, you know,

you're my little fuzzy -wuzzy bear, too, huh?

Quick.

When you join the ultimate brawl, you take an oath of secrecy.

No calls in, no calls out.

What if I don't sign?

All right, all right.

Chill, man, all right? I just, I want to join.

You need to relax a little bit, man. You're on swollen mode right now. Just

breathe.

Just relax.

It's going to be all right.

Lucky, lucky bear.

We've got a new grouper, finally.

Excellent. Wait.

We may have one more.

What's the problem?

The score.

Somewhere off the chart.

On others, I've seen chimpanzees do better. We've never had anyone so

inconsistent.

Look at that body.

How fit and toned she is.

Etch her to the group and bring them to the barracks.

All right, Warren. Just play it cool until we see what they're up to.

Girls, gather round.

Face me.

You are all going to the semi -final.

How does Tahiti sound?

God, Tahiti, that's so far away.

I'm definitely going to need my Dramamine, my Methods of Mayhem CDs,

Rhymes, my Cosmo subscription.

Oh, my hot rollers.

Have a look.

Uh -oh.

Danger, Will Robinson.

I can't

believe that worked.

I think we've seen about enough.

Everybody in the van.

Guess we're not going to Tahiti.

You are brighter than you look.

Look,

I don't want to hurt you, okay? Just stay down.

Now you may be mad.

I don't suppose this is what you had in mind when you signed up for this?

But he'll get you.

What happened to those spiders down there?

The winner stays on, and the losers, like you just said, they're losers.

There's no room for losers here.

You are winners.

And you are not Tony Robbins, okay? So stop trying to tell us how to feel

about ourselves.

Look at us.

Good job.

Put it on your head.

The damn brick.

This way?

Hey,

recruit. Pay attention.

Otherwise these ladies might bust you up.

Okay, listen up.

Especially you.

Back straight.

That's good luck, Charm.

Doesn't seem to be working.

I'm Cassandra.

From the Hawaiian Tropics Contest.

They watch her every move.

I'm with VIP.

Blaine Hyde.

Blaine? My God, how is she?

I'm not sure.

Listen, what the hell's going on here?

Hey, you know this isn't a sewing.

So pay attention.

Don't look alive.

Excuse me. Have you seen Val, Tasha, or Nikki?

Red hot blonde, high heels, tall, brunette, kind of angry.

Nikki, have you seen her?

She's a spunky little thing. Got skin showing here, here. Haven't seen her,

No, no?

Okay, thanks for the help.

I guess I'll just have to figure things out around here.

Lady? The cross -country computing contest is now over.

Ah!

Kay, what the... Don't even ask.

I was solving two multiple variable parallel equations when I ran right into

goofball. Ah!

Listen, where's Val and the others?

Gone to Tahiti.

Semi -finalists, I'm told.

Wait, was she just taken off without saying anything?

No. She would have said, Oh!

And she didn't, so she's not gone.

While I was online for the contest, I hacked into Greta Krantz's private

All I found on her was this bio, but... Oh, dear.

What? What do you got?

Greta Krantz, former NATO major, stripped of rank for authoring a

paper on the mercenary army of the future.

It would combine the raw violence of men...

but the even -tempered competitiveness of women.

I wonder if Tom Clancy knows about this.

Quick found some kind of a connection with the ultimate crawl, and I talked to

couple of guys who described someone they saw putting up flyers.

I'll input him on my sketch artist program, then compare it with Interpol's

database.

Here, this way, it's back.

That's Beller.

He and Greta are like this.

I'll place a call.

Speak. Griffith, it's Bella.

How's it going over there? Here?

Oh, it's a little on the muggy side, but things are going really, really well.

So have you made some more match -ups?

Yes.

Match -ups?

You mean with the fighters?

What do you think I mean? We need to get those new girls active.

Right. Let me ask you something.

Is this location working out for you?

Of course.

You don't think anyone will find us out here? Those barracks have been

decommissioned by the army ten years ago. No one even know they exist. What

your problem?

She's looking for some kind of a code word.

Nothing. I'm fine.

And you're my fuzzy, wuzzy little bear too.

Decommissioned barracks.

And it's got to be close enough for that guy to wash up on shore here.

I'm cross -checking top -secret Army records with ocean current assessment.

You can do that?

Piece of cake.

Can you get into this place when I find it?

Piece of cake.

Here's the deck of cards you asked for.

She won't be playing along.

Laugh yourself an embolism.

See, I told you you're through playing solitaire.

What are you, the welcome wagon?

Sergeant X of the elite mercenary unit.

Well, from brawler to sergeant overnight, impressive.

I'm here to brief you before your training begins.

Well, now, aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves?

Take care of it. Yeah, right. That'll be the day.

You hear that?

by one of your contestants using one of our computers.

Who gave her access?

You did.

Kay Simmons. You put her in cross -country computing.

She works for Valerie Irons.

Every time you have a great assignment in mind, remind me to say no.

What? Hawaiian Tropics is a very respectable name in tanning oil.

They didn't know that grouchy Greta worked for them.

Yeah, she's totally whack.

Too bad you feel that way. I think you might enjoy this.

Bring out his opponent.

Should I try so hard to make you two get along?

What could be worse?

This one is going to be a fight to the death.

One of you will die in the rink, or you both will be executed.

Sorry I asked.

Not a lot of choices here, bro.

I know.

One of us has to survive in order to save Val.

It's our only hope.

May the best man win.

Nothing personal.

Of course not.

punches? I can fight you and think at the same time.

You sure about that?

Listen to me.

You're the real VIP.

You should be the one to win.

If you're willing... give your life for the team.

And you are on the team.

I've been

thinking again.

Oh, man.

If you kill me, my spirit will live inside you.

That way we both win.

You're not going to go all Obi -Wan Kenobi.

Hi.

Johnny died for us.

A gift.

We use it or he died in vain.

Come on, Nicky. You've got to pull it together.

It was either Quick or Johnny. I mean, what if it was Quick?

You wouldn't want that, would you?

deliver a little surprise to VIP.

Has anybody thought what'll happen to VIP with Kate in charge?

Thought we're naming very interpropentate.

No, how about very intelligent but panic -prone.

Stop talking about me behind my back.

Hey!

I just extended chat room privileges.

I take it back. You are the best.

Now get us out of here before your buddy catches on.

And which buddy is that?

Johnny!

Oh, my God, I'm going to faint.

Who's next?

Tupac? What took you so long?

You know, you didn't have to hit me so hard.

You're still alive, aren't you?

Okay, love in later. Out of here now.

Come on.

Go, go.

Glad you got my message right.

Yeah, I wasn't sure until you went all zen on me that something was up.

Ain't too good to be a pushover like that.

We've got the guns. Kay's got the keys. We need someone to lure out the bad

guys.

Can we please go now?

I have to get back to my penthouse.

So I can sign for my 12 cases of Hawaiian tropics.

Fine. Our Hawaiian tropics.

You have a more pressing matter.

Go out there and make a distraction.

What kind of distraction?

I don't know.

What did you do to get attention as a kid?

You want me to get dizzy and throw up in the back of a car?

How about something a little less messy?

listen to her.

You long for freedom, yes, but I'm offering you the chance to be something.

Be something?

You are something.

Right. Who would you rather listen to?

A former NATO major or Valerie Isles?

Valerie Isles!

Valerie Isles!

Please!

We have so much potential. It's not too late. You could be my...

Stupid math test.

I hate math.

So I finally got to feel the power and the might of the great Johnny Lowe.

Well, if you have to.

So you mean you were pulling your punches?

Weren't you?

Okay, all right.

Here is to the newest members of VIP.

Thank you.

Can I pray?

Congratulations.

Congratulations, Johnny. Welcome to the community.

Welcome, Johnny.

Thank you.

Thanks. Hi.

I just wanted to say a personal congratulations.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much.

Listen, you know, back there when you thought I was a goner, you were pretty

upset, weren't you?

Don't get too cocky, okay?

When we're on the team, strictly professional.

But, uh, you haven't signed any contracts yet, have you?

Um, no. No, not yet.

Good. So, um, what did I get?

so you don't let your guard down.

Now give me a real kiss.

Okay. Okay.

You guys.

Kiss your head.

See, that's what we need in our little VIP togetherness.

That was fabulous, Sal.

That's precisely why you...