Original subtitles

Where's Valerie Irons? She was late. By now, her and David Duchovny are dead.

David Duchovny? She's not protecting him. She's guarding Dean Hagler.

What do they want from you, anyway? I don't know. Some of these X -Files fans

seem pretty obsessive. Shut up, both of you!

Cricketeered Valerie Irons and David DeCovney.

I'm not David DeCovney. How can you confuse me for him?

You're really X -Files 101.

David is Mulder, Dean is Langley, the lone gunman.

Huge difference.

Yeah, I'm funnier, way better looking.

Way better hair. Thanks, you too.

You too would say anything right now to save your ass.

based up in San Jose.

The Blackhearts are on Interpol's shoot -on site list.

They're pretty serious killers.

I thought somebody brought them in.

Nice work, Beth.

Hang on.

This isn't going to be easy. Good luck.

You're not going to help me?

You want medication?

You're the bodyguard.

You have no way to help.

Not right.

Okay, Buster.

You never get to hold guns in the X -Files.

Well, you can relax because we're safe now.

Good.

I was just a girl working at a hot dog stand when a movie star asked me out on

date. I happened to save his life, and so in order to save his life, he told

everybody that I'm a professional bodyguard, which, of course, I am not,

me. So then I was asked to be a figurehead at a bodyguard agency, and

I'd never have to use any weapon or be in any danger.

And I always am.

I think I want to go home.

Grinch, I'm so glad you're here.

Great job, Val, but you broke a couple of laws in the process.

Really? Where?

Alaska, tell me, how are your feelings on Valerie Irons' takedown of the

Blackheart terrorists?

We can't allow Los Angeles to be a playground for these dangerous

We must take action. So how would you handle the Blackheart?

I'm talking about Valerie Irons and her band of mercenaries for hire.

Their reckless behaviors cost the city thousands of dollars worth of public

property.

Wait a minute, isn't VIP also responsible for saving the lives of

people? Los Angeles has a police force to take care of those situations.

VIP purports to be a protection agency, but what they really are is a menace.

I'm starting a full -fledged investigation into their operations.

Nothing further.

We just risked our lives trying to capture one of the most

dangerous terrorist groups in the country.

I'm not saying you didn't do the right thing. It's just the department is

a lot of heat.

This is VIP's fifth car chase from the third gun battle this month. And your

second explosion this week.

Fourth?

Val, if you all could just lay low until this investigation is over.

Sure, how low is low?

No car chases, no gunfights, no explosions.

And Kay, no hacking into government computers.

You know what? We probably need a break anyway from all the action.

VIP. I'm surprised the building isn't on fire.

Councilwoman Blasker, Quick Williams.

On behalf of VIP, I just want to say that we will fully cooperate with this

investigation, and I'm sure this will vindicate us.

This is the director from the city council. We're spending VIP's gun carry

permit until the completion of my investigation.

I expect you to enforce that to the fullest extent of the law.

Have a nice day.

Sorry, guys, it's official.

Someone's hit you for a punch in the nose.

Nice clean shot to the brain, Sam.

Two ounces of C4 in the ignition.

I'm going to destroy her credit rating.

That is exactly the kind of attitude that's going to make matters worse.

Maybe we have been resorting to violence a bit too often, and we should get in

touch with our sensitive sides.

Tasha?

Hand it over. Give me your hand cannon.

No. Tasha?

What are you going to make me?

Detective Crispy is on speed dial.

Okay, now your backup.

What backup?

That cute little chrome gun you carry in your ankle holster.

Thank you.

See? I know more than you think. That's why my name is on the door.

Throwing knife.

Okay, quick.

Give it up.

Now the two.

Pretty smooth.

I didn't think you knew about those.

That's cool. You're good.

Smoother than you know.

All righty, Miss Thing. Who do you think you're fooling?

This is my weekend.

Alrighty, you too.

You will have to rip this from my cold, dead hands.

We have a few more things to think about. Let's see, what's on the

Well, the only thing pending was a request by the U .S. military.

Shipment will be passing by our office Wednesday, and they want staging

Well, tell the President that the United States will just have to survive

without VIP this time.

I need some air.

on some news?

You must be a glutton for punishment.

I don't think so. It works for me.

The prophet.

How'd I know you'd be back?

Karma?

Look at you. You're drawing blanks, baby.

It's a damn shame.

I could take you out any time, any place.

You're dead.

Please believe that.

I thought we put the profit away.

There was a paperwork snafu. All our arrest warrants were thrown out of

court. You should at least be able to lock him up on a concealed weapons

Tasha, you can't stir up trouble while this investigation is going on.

He's in with the Blackhearts. They're up to something.

We know. He's working out of that joint on Sunset, the Strip Palace.

So when's the raid?

There's nothing we can do. This is FBI territory now.

Bad.

We may have Valerie Irons and the Ed Files guy just like you want in profit.

Now, where's our dough?

All you think about is Benjamin, right?

Don't worry about your money, man. We got your money. Get Ian Payton, man.

Man of my word, man. See, paper, what?

You know, the next move we got, we taking out VIP for good.

Gonna be a lot of paper involved in that, man. You sure you want it yet?

All right, well, in that case, I, uh, we'll hang out for a while.

You've been smart, man.

You're going to do big things, baby. Relax, man. Look at the girls.

Cool.

Century City Fertilizer Bomb.

Where'd you get that?

From the Mustang camera.

Weren't you supposed to defuse that bomb?

It's no fun if they don't blow up.

Poor thing, living in the past like that.

Oh, and I guess you're Mr. Cool about all this.

Yeah, well, I finally got a chance to coordinate my threads by color, season,

designer, and style.

You know what?

We have to remember one thing about the prophet. That is that he is a schemer.

Well, I'm a schemer, too, and I come up with a plan.

I was thinking in there.

Would you come with me, Nikki?

Whatever you think, Val, I got your back.

Maybe more than you know.

Are you okay?

I think you might need a week off. Kay's going through withdrawal.

And new to our...

You like him?

He's cute.

Well, I think you should die in no time exact.

No, thank you.

They're the Blackhearts. Tell him.

Parker doesn't like snoops.

Nobody likes snoops.

Get out of the car, both of you.

You'll kill me if I tell you.

Yeah, and I'm so sweet and understanding.

All right, all right, all right. He's got something going on at Griffith Park,

near the observatory.

That's all I know, I swear.

Ripper's having a resume before.

Well, it's a very competitive marketplace, and we take it very

Yeah, we practice.

Not only are we Ginger and Mary Ann, we're also Lucy and Ethel. Laverne and

Shirley. Penny and Cher. Donnie and Marie. All the big ones.

Gideon, what'd you do? Stop a train with your face?

It's nothing.

Rupert's plan is in motion.

VIP ain't the bait.

They're heading up to the observatory right now.

Rupert's toy's setting us up.

We have to get Christy and get to the observatory.

Dad!

Looks like a gunaholic synonymous meeting.

They're recruiting muscle.

We can't wait for the cops. Come on.

No. Don't.

Not again, Tasha. Wait!

Drop the gun.

Now.

Whoa. Ladies don't know what you're getting yourselves into.

Gun, Kay.

Come on.

Keep the streets safe, people. Check it out. Walk.

Walk.

This is Andy Savage on loan from Seattle saying keep the streets safe, people.

Cash for your handguns. Give them up for charity.

Hey, officers.

These ladies are trying to take our guns.

Drop the weapons. Drop them.

What the

hell is going on here?

This is a legitimate event, Tasha. It's registered with the city.

We're totally set up.

You're always causing problems.

Like I said, lady.

He's trying to keep the feet.

Well, take it from here, guys.

Ladies, your gun. Hand him over.

Tasha.

What'd you call laying low?

Officer.

You want to press charge?

Tasha.

Okay, I never thought I'd say this, but you're under arrest.

Okay, guys, lock it up.

VIP is officially closed.

Wow. This is what it looks like in the big house.

K. Eugenia Simmons, your lawyer just posted bail. You're free to go.

Hey, what about me?

Oh, thank you so much.

Hey.

I'm sorry, Super T, but your bail is $100 ,000.

How did Kay get out?

Her bail was only $114 because she didn't kick some guy's butt.

How soon till you can get me out?

Maybe when Visa makes a plutonium card.

You know, you reminisce about the gulag all the time. Just think of this as a

mini vacation.

You're trying to help somebody.

This ain't my first rodeo, honey.

This ain't Councilwoman's lab.

Make one move and you're dead, lady. What do you want?

VIP off the map.

I guess this is your lucky day.

If you cross me, you're gonna regret it.

Remember, you left a nice little paper trail with all of your payoffs and

kickbacks.

Blackmail's a two -way street.

And now I think you've got something I want.

Oh, it took you so long. I've been waiting for you.

Give me some sugar, baby.

Oh,

this is great.

Really terrific.

Cops taped over our office, and this blaster lunatic has the entire city

voting to shut us down.

Maybe it's time to go analog.

Oh, buck up, you guys. VIP has been in way worse trouble than this.

Like what?

Like when we were stuck on that battleship and we had to get those

forces guys off of there or they're going to steal the nuclear warheads.

Val, that was under siege.

Really? All right, listen, we need to figure out what the prophet's really up

to.

Okay, fine. We're already in enough dog poopy as it is.

Okay.

You can use my computer.

Matt just sent this to me a month ago so I could organize my wardrobe, but I

couldn't figure out how to turn it on.

I'm going to hit up some contacts.

Someone should cover our hand with the city council.

Me! Oh, me!

And when did you become Madeline Albright?

I just saw the Perry Mason marathon on Nick at Night.

I can handle it.

Not if you were the last person on Earth.

Watch what you say to her. She's mine.

Yeah, well, you can have her.

Laugh while you can, Beanstalk.

Prophet's got a message for you.

You delivering it?

That's right.

Come on, baby.

Come on.

You guys are making me dizzy I hate getting dizzy

You should be.

Pay your ticket out.

Why should I trust you?

I overheard Brenda say profiteers in your office were a hype.

Come on!

Go!

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Welcome to Shangri -La.

VIP's got some pretty nice digs.

Check out this Coke machine.

It's got the old -fashioned bottles. I love these bottles.

What the hell is this? Your girlfriend.

Hey, settle down, boys. You know we got a job to do.

Take out that military convoy and put VIP's stamp on it.

So, uh, where's all this Bravo you keep promising?

Look in that weapons locker right there.

They got the biggest stash of firepower you can serve with.

That army convoy will never know what hit him.

That's what I'm talking about.

This hearing has been called in order to determine the fate of the Valerie Irons

Protection Agency.

February 1998.

Nicolette Janine Franco deposits an explosive device into a manhole, sending

iron cover 50 feet into the air, demolishing a city repair truck.

No comment.

November 1998.

A person with no public identity operating under the alias Tasha Dexter

Jacob Martin, a talent agent at a Brentwood poolside party.

I don't know any Tasha Dexter, but if such an individual works for me, I'd be

happy to fire them.

January 1999.

Mr. Theodore...

Quick Williams interrogates an uncharged suspect at gunpoint, threatening to

blow off his kneecaps if he doesn't provide information.

Look, he probably was very stressed out that day, and I'd be happy to talk to

him.

Lookie here.

My man.

Quick, wait.

Mr. Dale, brother, what brings you by?

What, you low on ammo?

Check it out.

I got you.

I got something special for you, baby.

Fresh from Guatemala.

It's my special of the day.

That is sweet.

But I'm shopping for information today, Monk.

Information?

Not very sexy, baby.

That depends.

You know about any military shipments coming up from Pendleton or any other

bases?

I haven't heard of any.

Pendleton's too busy disarming those cab warheads.

You mean chemical and biological warheads?

Well, anthrax mainly.

Why not?

Main road secure, Bravo unit. Move to designated route.

Copy, Bravo. Moving out.

Alpha unit, join Bravo on designated route.

Copy, Alpha. We got it.

Bravo units breaking off on 17th, heading towards primary route. Over.

Prophet, the girls are in place.

Look at this.

Check it out.

Hi,

ladies.

Problems? Wow.

Trouble with the bus?

Yeah, I guess we can help out. We're a little busy here.

Looks like you got a flat tire there. This shouldn't take long. They're in

position, Prophet.

Move in any time.

Mother load.

Get it. Come on.

All

right,

we got it. Let's go.

I'm sorry, Ms. Irons. These are very serious charges. If you have nothing

to say for yourself...

I'm having a law and order moment.

Yeah? Do you know back in four seasons ago when it was good? It was good.

Could I have a chance to speak for myself?

You may, Ms. Irons.

Look,

I am not going to deny that VIP has occasionally, or very oftenly, operated

outside of various city, state, and federal laws.

But when you cut through all the legal jargon, official regulations, and

judicial mumbo -jumbo, We're the good guys.

There are bad guys, very bad guys, like the terrorists that wanted to kill David

Duchovny, you know, that other guy on X -Files. And they are the good guys, like

VIP, that stop the bad guys. That's the American way.

I may be Canadian, but I know that in America, the good guys are supposed to

win. I can't believe that Los Angeles City Council wants the bad guys to win.

I mean, did you guys really want Darth Vader to take over the galaxy?

Yes, we've smashed up dozens, heck, maybe hundreds of cars, shot up a few

hotels.

We've even blown up the whole city a few times.

Whatever. That's what it takes to get the bad guys. Nobody's perfect. I mean,

you guys approved the subway system.

It has sinkholes, explosive gases, budget overruns, an amazingly wonderful

subway that goes nowhere and is useless.

Then there's the LAPD. Ha!

It's one of the finest police forces, even though they ran away during the

and can't solve a simple double murder.

How about L .A. itself? A great city, except for the earthquakes, fires, and

mudslides. And that is the point.

L .A. isn't perfect, but it's great, just like V .I .P. And sometimes you

have to blow things up to get to the bad guys.

have been informed that a terrorist group is threatening to destroy the

They're about to broadcast their demands over the Internet.

I currently have in my possession an anthrax biological warhead capable of

killing everyone in the Los Angeles basin.

I will detonate the bomb if the city does not deliver me $100 million in cash

one hour.

I'll also require a hostage to ensure my safe passage.

Councilwoman Doris Blasker will do.

You were right about VIP.

We're the bad guys.

I'll expect your answer at this internet address where you will receive further

instructions. But know this.

If you don't comply, the city's toast.

No one's going to believe I would hijack the city.

It doesn't matter. By the time they figure it out, maybe I will be on a

long gone somewhere on some island drinking wine.

You won't make it past the city limits.

Who's going to stop you?

Maybe.

Is that right?

I'd like to see that.

My pleasure.

Leaving so soon?

Hey, Curly.

She had a previous engagement.

I'm really sorry, Val.

Well, it's not your fault. Tasha caught a darn brick.

We're not running a talk show here. Take him away.

And arrest them, too.

The prophet forced me to say everything.

He set up shop at our offices.

We don't have much time.

Why should we believe you? You've been harassing the prophet all day. You think

I'd be stupid enough to show up here if I was behind this?

It's for the courts to decide.

Officers, take them all away or I'll have your badges.

Let him go.

We have to stop that bomb.

If I wait on a warrant to get the prophet, we'll all be dead.

I have some handguns and a couple of assault rifles in the trunk of my car.

not much, but it should do the trick.

No guns for me.

I need something much deadlier.

Without a proper scud delivery device, the only way the warhead would be

effective is if it was blown up at a centrally located high elevation.

Great. The entire city's surrounded by mountains. It could be anywhere.

Griffith Park is the highest point close to a dense population.

That's what the prophet was doing there.

Let's rock.

Well, since I'm here, somebody's going to know it's

a civil service. Val ought to know about this.

There you go. Thanks

a lot.

Okay.

It's got to be around here someplace.

Those guys look like godness to you?

More like they need to be mowed down.

What is she doing here? The prophet is behind this. He used the VIP offices to

steal the war hit.

All right, one for the good guys.

It's time, Councilwoman.

Have a seat, please.

Prophet, this is Councilwoman Blasker. We know you're behind this.

Well, what can I say, lady? The song remains the same.

One hundred million dollars.

And the clock is ticking.

We have your money.

What do you know? That's a great thing.

Meet me on the roof of the Gibson Hotel, okay?

I'll be there.

You may have a tree trunk up your bum, but you're very brave.

Someone's got to keep this city safe.

It's already activated.

Get this off. I can't. Anything I do will kick it sooner.

In five minutes, L .A. is going to be sucking spores.

If we burn the anthrax before it hits the air, then we might have a chance.

we need a bigger bomb to do that.

Got all the firepower we need.

We don't have much time.

Go, go, go!

I'm at a victory kiss, baby.

to realize how evil I am. You actually think I wanted to split that cash with

lazy ass crew?

Say adios to Los Angeles.

Ha! I should have snuffed you in Las Vegas.

Well, I wish you would have because I lost $700 in that wheel of fortune

So what?

I think that worked.

Yeah. We all alive.

Think we'll get any slack if we don't put them up?

Time to pay the piper, baby.

All that money just flew into the air. Eh, what a waste.

Don't remind me.

Look, at least our permits are reactivated. And VIP is back in

Huh? You know, Val, you impressed a lot of people at the city council with your

speech. There's some serious talk about adding your name to the next mayoral

ballot.

Yeah, like I know how to run a city.

Like you know anything about bodyguarding. You could just be a

And we can handle all the policy decisions for you.

We'll take care of all the police work and you don't even have to lift a

Yeah, and now you're going to say I'll never be in any danger.

Never. Never. Never.

Never ever.

Never.

Yeah, right.

I'm going to fall for that again.