Original subtitles

Three more minutes and you'll have 24 hours of continuous struggling.

Give it up for Zila E.

Stand by, Nick. We're almost ready to get Sheila E. and her solid gold

drumsticks out of here. They're worth a couple of million.

We've got a problem here, but Sheila E. will continue drumming.

Nick, you want them?

have no idea you guys don't understand i got my lucky punch i'm not a bodyguard

but we are you'd be a figurehead a name on the door you'll probably never even

leave the office you'll help us pull in the rich and famous we'll do the rest

we'll take care of all the tough stuff i'll never be in any danger never never

never

I'm Canadian. What can I say? It's in the blood.

We're making the Dr. Lonnie show.

Dr. Lonnie, did you hear that guy yesterday who's getting a divorce

doesn't like the way his wife cleans up?

I know. She told him to marry his mother.

Yup. The doctor calls no punches.

He doesn't love me anymore, but I know he does.

Lorraine, listen to me. He walked out on you.

That's a funny way to say I love you.

Lorraine, if he doesn't love you anymore, he showed real guts by leaving.

He doesn't have the problem.

You do.

Right in the eyes.

Hello? Next caller, you're on the air with Dr. Lonnie Hippelman.

Caller?

Hello, Dr. Lonnie.

I thought you and your listeners should know you're down to your last two shows.

Really? Why's that, Lord Vader?

You've heard enough, people.

Now I'm going to kill you and your family, your husband, your son.

You're going to feed... Oh, please.

It's only 10 o 'clock in the morning and I've already been threatened.

I think that's a new record.

We'll go to a commercial break now.

I can't believe that guy just threatened Dr. Lonnie and her whole family.

Could you imagine going to work every day with the possibility of your life

being threatened?

Sweetheart, did you just hear what you just said? Yeah, but that's my job.

I gotta help her.

I am the head of the world's most famous bodyguard agency.

Fig your head.

Don't tell anybody.

Okay, but Tasha's gonna hate you if you don't talk to her first before you call

her.

Tasha has a stick up her butt.

So you just picked up the phone and told Dr. Lonnie to swing on by?

No.

I asked her whole family to swing on by.

First, I would have scheduled an appointment for a risk assessment.

Meanwhile, Dr. Lonnie and her family are gunned down over the frost in many

weeks. Then I would have checked our calendar, okay?

Ben Affleck's ex -manager called for an appointment.

I'm sure we can reschedule. Ben Affleck's ex -manager needs protection.

He's trying to win Ben back by getting him an entourage, and he heard that we

travel in a large group.

I have some reports to fill out. We'll talk about this later.

I have some reports to fill out to talk about... Okay, what do you think of this

lovely shade of blue?

Uh, Tasha, don't get mad, but those reports may have to wait.

Heppelmans have arrived.

My hair.

Her hair.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, Jeremy, darling, take a good look. Who knows, the next time you'll be in a

bodyguard's office. Right? You'll love this.

My wife doesn't take threats too seriously.

Well, hopefully the threat is nothing more than that.

Quick Williams.

And this is Nicky Franco.

And, uh, what's that?

This is Rex.

Got the nose of a bomb -slipping dog, and I don't need Cooper Scooper.

Oh, cool. Does that mean there's a bomb under our sled?

Let's check it out. You see? See how this escalates?

There aren't going to be any bombs, sweetheart.

What does that mean? It means it's a good thing you've come to VIP.

Come on upstairs. I'll introduce you to the rest of the team. Let's go.

What do you got, Nick?

A bouncing Betty.

Let's punch through the floorboard and whammo.

Maybe you should give Betty a little more respect.

Well, that's the thing. I mean, either the bomber wants to give the doc a

warning or he's a complete nimrod. I mean, the activator's not even

What'd you just do?

Uh, checking to see if it's for real. Maybe we should check to see if you're

real. Uh, Nikki, remember, we've already been cited three times because of

demolition violations.

Okay, well, don't blow an O -ring. I mean, the thing's big on shrapnel, but

just got a little baby explosive charge. I'll get rid of it.

Anyone down here?

No, why?

when the e -mails started coming.

Darling, you've got to stop laughing at all.

Now, there was a bomb under our car.

Darling, I'm a Ph .D. Now, when people want to kill, they get it over with.

This is just a sign of someone looking for attention.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, Jeremy, darling, be a sweetie and hand Mommy the gargle in her purse.

She has to keep her throat in shape. That's right.

This maniac knows our routine.

If the limo takes us all to Lonnie's work and to Jeremy's school, then

get dropped off.

I get dropped off at Aircrest Industries.

Jeremy goes to the station and rides home with Lonnie after her late show.

Aircrest? The aerospace company?

Yeah. Roy's an engineer there.

He thinks that this crazy's been watching it.

Oh, teethy, total coward.

Where'd you learn your psychology?

Oh, mostly the, um, animal network.

Dr. Lonnie, I'm a huge fan.

But not one of those darker kinds like Kathy Bates, you know, James Caan in

Misery. That's okay. I love my fans. Me too.

One of them has a big grudge and access to explosives.

Which eliminates your driver.

I ran a background check on him. He's been with the same company for 22 years,

and he doesn't have a criminal record.

Well, at least they take it seriously.

You want us to run around with day -glow targets on our backs.

Jeremy, why don't you go with Mr. Quick into... Do you have any other offices

here, or is this the whole place?

I'll take him into the Oval Office, on the way to the East Wing.

Come on, kid.

So, what now?

You stay here until we can arrange a safe house.

Meanwhile, we'll be on you like shrink wrap.

Oh, we'll be all over you non -shrinks, too.

Uh -uh.

No way am I giving my show up to Peter.

Peter Merkin? Mm -hmm. Isn't he that shock jock who follows you on the radio

every morning?

If I saw much as slip a purple bikini hair in the ratings, he'll devour my

slot. Okay, quick, and I'll stay here with you and your son.

Fabulous. I mean, Jeremy and his stepdad are always looking for bonding time.

And Nick shows it, too.

Okay, well, Nicky and I will be with you at the station all day. Great.

Sweetheart.

So darling.

KXIW welcomes you to the Dr. Lonnie Show.

Good afternoon, everyone. I hope you're doing well, and if not, I hope you have

our phone number.

Joining me in the studio today is the beautiful and lethal Valerie Iron. Thank

you. You're not a professional therapist, right, Val?

Well, no, but I'll give plenty of love life advice to people at work, you know,

clients, things like that. Okay, great. Let's go to Alexa from Woodland Hills.

Hello, Alexa.

Hi, Dr. Lonnie.

I was out on a date last Thursday, and during dinner he excused himself and

never came back.

Sounds like you seek out men who abandon you. Has this happened to you before?

Well, never before the salad course.

Your man radar needs adjustment. You're picking up the wrong signals. What do

you think, Val?

Oh, um...

I don't know. Where'd you guys go for dinner?

Yeah, or so. Oh.

Did you go with one of those slimy studio guys or maybe mogul type?

Yes. Was he married?

Technically, yes, but... Separated.

This is what we call a behavior trap. You know, a lot of people just have

routines that they can't seem to get out of. Oh, yeah. You know someone like

that, Val? Yeah, I do.

Tell them. Okay, I'll just... Let's call her Sasha.

She's totally anal. She files her bullets all the time. Finally, finally,

finally. She drives me crazy.

You know when you get those little snags on your nails and it catches on all

your clothes? I'll stop at anything and get rid of that sucker. But your

bullets? Hello?

Whatever with that.

What? It sounds like Sasha uses her routine as a security blanket.

Who's Sasha?

Your friend. Oh, my friend.

Don't you have some homework to do?

Oh, I'll go.

I was thinking sweet thoughts about you, Sasha.

What are you doing?

Interfacing with the radio station's phone system.

If the mystery caller tries again, I'm going to trace it. You know, a lot of

people confuse compulsiveness with being a good organizer.

They do it. My husband's like that. Just very into sticking with a routine. All

right, for example.

It's his job to make sure that the freezer is stocked with ice cream in the

every morning. Really? Why?

Well, in the afternoons, the car picks up Jeremy and me, and we like to make

sundaes right there on our way home. It's just a, you know, mother -son

tradition that we have.

All right, let's go to our next caller. Okay, great. Hello, caller?

Hello, doctor.

Caller, could you clear your throat? It sounds like you've got a loopy caught in

there. I can't wait till you sign off today.

When I get through with you, it's going to be permanent. You think he can find

him? Faster than you can say double click. Your time is up, Dr. Lonnie.

You've hurt too many people.

But those days are over. He's in a phone booth on 5th and Alameda. Make him the

closer.

What's your deal? Your mommy thanked you and now you're taking it out on me?

Today's late show will be your last.

An end to Dr. Lonnie once and for all.

Keep him talking.

What's your favorite color, sir?

You'll regret how you treated everybody.

I'll make you regret it.

You deserve to die after what you did to me.

Maybe if you tell me who you are.

You and your husband and son.

You're going to feel the pain that you caused me.

How about just your initial?

Goodbye,

doctor.

I'm just a messenger.

You better get out of the car now.

No.

You're going to shoot.

Honey, you've got bigger problems than that.

After talking to that guy, I knew he had... I'm going to call Roy and tell

this whole mess is finally over.

I wouldn't make that call.

They found a tape recorder melted into his front seat.

I saw him with one when he jumped out of the phone booth.

So he taped the call?

Well, he told me he was a messenger, and now he's a briquette.

And you think this guy was killed by the same nutjob who's threatening me?

Well, I don't have a 401 on that yet.

All right, and your professional opinion?

It doesn't look good.

Mommy!

So sorry about all your troubles.

Yeah, Peter, I'm sure you are. Don't worry about your time slot.

I've talked to the general manager, and he assures me it's mine if you get

bumped off.

Your own heart.

God knows you've got to compensate for other parts of your anatomy.

Oh, well, love to stay and chat, but I've got an important show to do.

On -air body painting.

It's radio, not TV, Bozo. As long as I get to see it, who cares about my

listeners? Meet Miss Red, Miss Yellow, and Miss Blue.

Oh, yeah. It's like a war dog.

Without the email.

Hey, if you're interested, I'm in the market for a couple of pastels.

Not you, Lon. Just hearing you naked could make people bark.

Get along there, doggie.

A few between you and Merkin. You think he could be our guy?

He's wanted my time slot for years.

The extra exposure can mean a syndication deal for him. Really? How

worth?

Millions.

I've accessed the caller database from the Dr. Lonnie Heppelman show looking

potential threats.

Your wife is...

extremely organized.

Actually, that's me. I set that up for her.

Very impressive.

It's a simple algorithm.

I'm an engineer. That's the way my brain works.

Nikki said the guy that fried in his car looked like some kind of mercenary.

We could be looking for someone with police or military experience.

Or a criminal record.

Where are you going?

Outside. These non -smoking buildings are killing me.

Does the term sitting duck mean anything to you?

My next show doesn't start for an hour, and I swear I'm jumping out of my skin.

Lonnie, chill. We can protect you much better in here.

Lonnie.

Lonnie, I hope you're not trying to avoid me.

Don't you know we have a date?

It's coming from the speaker.

No. No, it's not on the air.

Do you want to come?

Your voice just makes me crazy.

I feel worse.

Lonnie, but we could be so much closer.

Uh, pay no attention to the man behind the desk.

What

the

hell did you... Oh, my God, it was Peter.

Ease up.

I was goofing on you.

I'm a jerk. Do I look like a killer?

Ask Freddy, the engineer. We cooked this up together ten minutes ago.

Well, you'd have to be a total loser to do this right under our nose.

What she said.

Val's right. You don't even have the brain pan to pull it off.

I can't believe you think this is funny.

Oh, yeah?

You'd think it was funny, too, if she didn't have you under contract.

She didn't have us under contract.

Yeah? Then you're the only ones.

She's got a John Hancock from everyone she ever met promising hands -off the

Lonnie fortune.

No wonder the world's filled with so many sickos. Guys like Peter, pull them

of the woodwork. Yeah, like people feel so much better after talking to you. At

least they don't have to shower.

Prude. Jerk. Bitch. Ass. Dip. Why?

It's yourself.

Welcome to Loser Reel, Population 1. You.

Ow!

Why'd you have to do that?

Girl Scouts.

Cool. Nice.

One more show.

My advice, skip it.

You're like shrapnel in this guy's shorts.

My professional opinion.

She's right.

This guy hates me.

So, Peter, I'm alive.

Oh, that guy's a loser, and the guy at the collar, he's an idiot.

Look at me, my hands are shaking.

Uh, Bill, um, do you have to do something for me?

Anything.

I want you to go on for me and do my show.

Me? Okay, I just, um... I need a break.

I'm not a shrink.

It's okay.

My Ph .D. is in psychology.

It's in film history.

But... No, no, just do what I do.

Make up enough.

Okay.

Five, four, three, two...

Yes,

ma 'am.

And you like to wear women's underwear.

Yes, ma 'am.

You got to understand, I'm sitting in my truck ten hours a day.

So you're into them for the comfort, not the sexiness.

Yes, ma 'am. That's right.

Good, good, good. I can help you with that.

There's a store in Hollywood called Pure Elegance. Go there, ask for Janet, tell

her I sent you. Stay away from the French cuts because after a couple

miles, you're going to have to get those out with the jaws of light.

Ben, how much do you pay to keep this job?

Hey, hey, I'm trying to show you something, all right? All right.

Hanley tried to suck on me with his jab, right?

But I wasn't playing his game.

I stood my ground, right? Boom, boom, boom, bobbing and weaving, waiting for

shot, right? Bam, bam, bam, bam. It's all over, baby.

Out of here.

Game over.

Yeah, that's great.

You know, uh, you know what I love to hear one of the honeys is doing?

Hey, sweet thing.

You feel like the feel of cold steel in your hand, huh, babe?

You want cold steel?

You got a boyfriend?

Tasha.

What do you got, Kay? There's an ex -Marine drill sergeant named Dun Lee. He

called Dr. Lonnie about some family problems.

Ex -Marine?

He could have gone mercenary.

Gets worse than that.

I checked the city records.

This Dunley character attacked his wife two hours after getting on -air advice

from Dr. Lonnie.

Then the wife got a restraining order.

My wife gives a guy free advice and he wants to kill her?

What kind of maniac... Does Dunley have an address?

I'm checking that for you, too.

Bigfoot?

Nothing. Wait a sec.

Is there an asterisk after his name?

Yes.

See, this is a list of all the calls that came in.

Anyone who actually got on the air, they made a note of. See?

Like this guy.

I'm missing something.

The station gives stuff to callers who get on the air, mails it to them.

Which means there'd be a record of Dunleavy drug.

And there it is.

This one's mine.

Sorry to bust your workout.

The weights on the floor, nice and slow.

Sure.

You wouldn't hit a girl with that.

Must be pretty good with the explosives, huh, Dunley?

I'm not Dunley.

So you're working for Dunley.

Which one of you made the calls to the Dr. Lonnie show?

Hey, Morty, give me a minute with this guy alone.

Hey, wait a second.

Don't you worry.

We'll be right back.

The question is, you've had your little accident, buddy.

Accident? Better one when you grab my gun and shoot yourself in the kneecap.

What are you... Hey!

I want to see an attorney. It could happen.

Meanwhile, my attorney's already here.

He's got seven little assistants.

Now, I want to know what your game is.

And I want to know it in ten seconds.

Nine. Eight.

Seven. Okay, okay. Wait a second.

Well, now it's six.

Five. Four. Some guy called us with instructions.

Dunley? I don't know. His voice was disguised.

He sent us recordings one at a time.

The call's threatening Dr. Lonnie. That's right.

Now get away from me. The boy who got blown up.

I was told there was a bonus if we didn't leave any loose ends.

So you tied him up with a car bomb?

I want a lawyer.

Help!

Come on.

You think I'd violate your constitutional rights?

I've seen these markers.

Some kind of right -wing cell.

Ex -military.

You after them?

I'm not sure.

Listen to this.

You've hurt enough people.

Now I'm going to kill you and your family.

Your husband.

Your son.

This is just a normal voice run through a harmonizer. Any kid with a synth

keyboard can do it. The question is, does it match this?

I'm a dancer machine.

No.

It's still the only safe way to record sensitive methods.

This is Sergeant Edward Dunley. If you've got time to make this phone call,

you're probably sitting on your ass like the rest of America, oblivious to

what's going on right under your nose.

Now, I'm preparing for the works, and if you know what's good for you, you will,

too.

Hold on, hold on.

You working, though?

You know, this is not going to be as easy as I thought.

I mean, I've got to strip away the harmonics.

Adjust for the overtone signal from the recording device.

Okay. How long?

One hour tops.

All right. Talk to you in an hour.

I wish my co -workers would all rot.

Look, superstar, you got it easy, okay? I had to work as an office temp once. It

was awful.

Weren't you recognized?

No, I wore a wig.

I have a wicked injury to prove it. I had a huge bald spot on my head. My

forehead's filled up with water. I look like a Klingon for a week.

All right.

I'm going to go shave my head.

Thanks, Valerie Iron.

Jenny, no.

No, no, no, no. Don't hang up. Don't hang up.

We're going to take a commercial break.

That's quite good.

You know, this is usually the time that Jeremy shows up.

We're going to get you back to your family soon.

No, I may be.

But kids just grow up so fast.

Yeah. What about your husband?

He's already grown up.

He's a saint for putting up with me.

We're going to get you on here in about 30 minutes.

Okay.

Did you bring me a nash crib?

Couldn't you just bring some up from your limo this morning?

Well, there wasn't any in there.

I'll pick you some up later.

VIP!

One moment.

Tasha, Badger, line three.

What'd you find, Badge? Well, the voice is definitely Dunley's. Did you pick up

a trail?

Yep, and it's colder than a bottle of vodka I keep in my freezer.

Dunley was killed serving in a mercenary unit in Kosovo two weeks ago. So the

messages were recorded.

Ah, but not by Dunley. They're fabricated samplings from his answering

manager. Whoever is threatening money.

Wanted us to think it was Dunley.

Exactly. How big's your freezer badge?

Big enough. Good.

I'm gonna fill it.

Dolly vodka, okay?

Only if I can repay the fillip.

Both of a dime.

This must be hard on you, Roy.

On me?

I'm just worried about Lonnie.

The caller targeted the whole family.

Jeremy, too.

We're well protected here, aren't we?

I just want you to know, I would never let anything happen to you. That's what

you're worried about.

Good.

I just want to see you through this.

And Lonnie, too.

Of course.

Of course.

What was that all about?

Don't worry, Roy's not my type.

Hi, this is Valgal here. You're listening to KXIW.

I guess our next caller doesn't have a name. I wanted you to hear me one last

time so you can take this voice to the grave.

Who are you, dammit? Why are you doing this to me?

Goodbye, Doctor.

Show's over in more ways than one.

I just want to be with my husband and son.

You don't have to ask twice. You're going to be ten times safer back at VIP.

Come on.

I'm putting the bird in the boat.

You got it.

Lonnie, all we need to do is get you back to VIP in one teeth, we've won.

Move over, Chad.

Mix it.

No, Jimbo, punch it.

I think you'd be safer in Valerie's office with Jeremy.

Get the call across to make good on the deadline.

Lonnie... It's on her way.

Roy's access card to Aircrest.

I'll give you an old pickpocket trick.

Tasha?

Just hack into the mainframe. I want to see when he comes and goes.

Are you feeling okay?

First you bond with a 12 -year -old child.

So unlike you.

And now you've become a grifter.

Now, hold on.

I'm sure Tosh has a good reason.

Jeremy's a cool kid.

And I want him to be with his mother just a little bit longer.

Haven't either of you wondered why Mr. Tight Sphincter in there hasn't socked

the ice cream today?

He does it every day. Why not today?

Almost as if Roy knew Jeremy wouldn't be with his mother for the ride home.

But she's only alone because of the threat.

And that didn't happen until they'd already left in the morning.

So Roy would have had to have known in advance.

Ew.

But Roy was here, and the caller... Was pre -recording.

Oh, no.

What you're saying is so terrible. Maybe I'm wrong.

Okay, we'll get started on it.

Boy, I really lost it back there, didn't I? Well, if someone threatened my

family, I'd be a total basket case.

I doubt it. Those stories you told? I mean, people have tried to shoot you,

you, drown you, blow you up, run you down.

No, no, no, no. This is no time for a nap.

Hello? Mr.

Bell? I don't think he's sleeping.

Mickey, Mickey, Mickey, Mickey.

Check your warranty.

I don't think it's going to do any good against Hellfire Missiles.

It must be the buildings or something.

Grab your cheese strings, ladies.

Hey, it's on signal.

VIP?

Oh, Val, one second. I'm going to put you on the speaker.

Val, where are you?

Where are we? We're just past the convention center. There's some kind of

chopper trying to blow up the smithereens.

I can outmaneuver them for a while, but we're going to need the cavalry.

You can outmaneuver them for a while, but we're going to need the cavalry.

We're on it.

Looks like it's your turn to play cavalry.

I'm not getting it.

Val, you see any markings on that helicopter?

Uh, no, no, no, it's totally blacked out, but there's... Um, yeah, there's a

number on the side.

N -4 -1 -0 -J -C. You hacked an aircraft, right?

Uh -huh. Run that registration number.

Just a hunch.

Either way, it's going to turn out badly.

Oh,

I wish you weren't right.

But the helicopter is registered to the proving grounds out of aircraft.

Roy's button.

Quick, show Jeremy the secret exit while they were in here.

I don't get it. Shouldn't we stay inside where the killer can't bite us? You'll

be safe with me, Jeremy. You're always safe with me.

What's the rush, Roy?

We are just about to serve some ice cream upstairs.

I don't want any ice cream from you.

Good boy, Jeremy. Say goodbye to Miss Dexter.

Jeremy, what I did upstairs, you've got to believe me, I was just trying to

help. Very touching. We'll be going now.

How'd you get your buddies on board with the attack, Chopper Roy?

Calling a favor at work?

Or were you going to pay them off with the money you made after your wife was

gone?

Are you okay?

That was close.

Just get in the warehouse.

Get in the warehouse. I have a plan. You have a plan. Yeah, I have a plan.

Whatever, Bob.

But you try living with her, taking apart everything I do.

You could have just left.

With what? A buck twenty in my pocket after all those years of making her life

run like clockwork? You made me sign a prenuptial agreement that leaves me

penniless unless she dies. It was a stupid plan, Roy. You think death

would have deflected suspicion from you forever?

I don't need forever. Once I get a hold of Dr. Lonnie's estate, I'll back off.

Man, Nikki's always going around with the sights.

Okay, Max, how long does it take to get a couple of corn dogs?

I'm on a few days.

Oh, we're going to meet Dr. Lonnie.

Don't you know I work there? Yeah. So where'd you take her on your first date?

You know, Zany Times Arcade in Putt -Putt. Okay, for a first date, that

Winning a heart through Putt -Putt only works in the movies and only if you're

Tom Hanks. How old are you?

Eddie, if you want an adult relationship, the first thing you have

up. Amen. All right, let's go to Mona from her cell phone and say to Monica,

hello, Mona.

Dr. Lonnie, it's about my roommate. She's a total slob. All she needs is a

and a curled little tail. I can relate to that.

Have you confronted this oinker?

Ah, she don't listen. I can't even look at her anymore. Walking around in skimpy

little bathing suit.

Crash the little princess. Poo, poo, poo.

Leaving banana peels on the couch and dirty coffee cups everywhere.

Tracking mud on the carpet and the bathroom. I mean, the place would be

quarantined. Help me.

She watches these stupid movies on TV and leaves, get this, Dr. Lonnie, little

hot... Hockey pucks everywhere.

Little hockey pucks.

Max!

Are you sure it's all true, miss?

You're damn right I'm sure, me chief. Uh -oh, got to go, Dr. Lonnie.

What's wrong with my bathing suit?

I was just kidding.