Original subtitles

Get back here. It's going to get ugly.

Max, Max, hey.

You have to get your butt up here because you're not going to believe it.

Caesar's Palace gave us a bomb suite. Free champagne.

You can't believe it.

Herod, why would anybody from the Ciccone family want to put a hit on you?

don't know, Nikki. Maybe they heard how well I did on Chips 99.

Coming.

Call waiting. Hello?

Val, it's Nick. Listen, go in my room and get an M6. Three banana clips and a

grenade belt. We got action by the pool. Hurry.

Um, I really don't want to. Is that okay?

Val, get your skinny butt down here.

Tasha told me just to stay out of her hair and hang out and relax a little

so I'm going to listen to Tasha.

You can totally handle it on your own.

Here,

you are you with her.

Look, according to the contract, my understanding is that you're supposed to

the one protecting me down here. Don't even worry about it. I'm just going to

set a camera. You know, you got Nikki over here fighting with a sword.

Well, look, Nikki can handle it. I know she does it all the time. But how else

are they going to learn? I have to delegate sometimes.

Just tell us, Taylor. Free champagne.

Excuse me.

Whoa!

That hurt.

You know what? Looks like Nicky's getting this under control.

Nicky is an expert.

Don't even worry about it.

Is that okay? I think I'm just going to stay up here and lounge around. You guys

can take care of yourself.

Wow, things are looking really good.

It's all under control.

I never had any doubts.

Stay in the tub. I'm going to send you a rubber duck, okay, and some wine.

Goodbye. Got to go.

You guys don't understand. I got my lucky punch. I'm not a bodyguard. But we

are. You'll see a figurehead. A name on the door. You'll probably never even

leave the office.

You'll help us pull in the rich and famous.

We'll do the rest.

We're professionals.

We'll take care of all the tough stuff.

So I'll never be in any danger?

Never. Never?

Never.

Salut, Gregor. On appelle le projet.

C 'est toujours un test entre les hommes, hein?

Fitting. Says you will be paying me in dollars.

Ten million, as I recall.

How lucky for the revolutionaries of the world that the Russians finally get to

take their free enterprise.

Don't keep silent. 72 hours from now.

Federal agents!

Drop your guns!

You could have hit the test tube and we'd all be dead.

The only one dying is you, Gregor.

Who's your buyer?

I won't die alone.

Move, pose it for me. Come on, pose. I want to see it.

Here we go.

Nice.

Yeah.

Beautiful.

Work it. Make love to the camera, girls.

Yes, beautiful.

I want to see it. Make love to the camera. Come on, work with me.

Now that's hard.

I'm no pastry chef, but that looks like cheesecake to me.

What we do every day and we do it well.

Oh, now.

We're shot by Volker Helmstadt.

He does a high -end calendar every year.

Yeah, that's a high end, all right. Can balance a tray of margaritas on that

butt. Yeah, yeah, thanks, Volker. Listen, the deal is...

He wants to photograph VIP.

And you need to be seen in Speedos. Why?

Not me.

You ladies.

Huh? On a three -day, all -expense -paid cruise to the Caribbean.

Who wants to see us in bathing suits?

You just might be surprised.

All right.

You're pitching harder than Dave Tone in last year's World Series.

What's the dealio?

The dealio is three good reasons to do it.

Good PR.

Greek brews, and I bet my man Judson 50 bucks I can get Tasha to do this.

Or not.

So, Sarman, National Security Agency, you're going on a little trip.

Somewhere near the Virgin Islands. Did you say Virgin?

I don't think I qualify.

An ex -Soviet named Gregor helped develop a advanced form of contact toxin

called Thunderclap. Ever heard of it?

And they make synchronistic symptoms in their final stages?

Instant renal and pulmonary shutdown?

You have a sample? We liberated it from Gregor 36 hours ago.

Now... You want the buyer.

So you need someone to take a splash for the handoff.

Someone from the wrong side of the law who knows about biological weapons.

you. You've got that scaled all to yourself.

Who's going to protect me?

I'll be with you every minute.

You're the one I want protection from. If things go wrong, I make quite the

fall, gal. You're in no position to make demands.

You've just got to remorse the sociopaths. It's an IQ of 187 released

prison. I'd say you're pretty desperate.

All right.

Let's take a argument.

What sort of protection do you want?

Private bodyguards of my choosing.

I can tell you exactly where to find them.

How did you get in here? The front door.

Who are you?

Darman, National Security Agency.

But our alarm system... Works fine.

Bypassing security is just a little trick of the trade.

Is that like the fourth?

Never mind.

Nice reflex.

I didn't see why she wanted to hire you.

Look, Tina Stokes, who tried to steal that pheromone potion.

You know those explosives under the house?

I moved them.

You're bluffing.

Why don't they ever believe me?

Wait a second.

She blew up, I thought, with my own eyes.

You saw what she wanted you to see.

We found her in Ecuador baking anthrax brownies for a terrorist film.

So she's alive and she wants to hire us. Why?

She wants protection. She says that you're the best.

Protection? From what?

Me.

Pretty ungrateful, considering I got her out of prison.

Well, I guess that makes you the designated babysitter.

Could you be more vague?

Stokes is part of an operation I'm conducting on the island of St. Kitt.

And everything else is strictly need -to -know.

You have six hours to decide.

Oh, by the way, I am authorized to pay you $20 ,000 a day.

Buy your own suntan lotion.

You guys are looking at me like that time I forgot to pay my visa bill.

Val, I pay your visa bill.

Oh, right.

What's up?

Where's the icky dead scientist, ma 'am? She's alive.

Hasn't offered to, Chris. Hasn't wanted to hire us. All right. Not our favorite

potential client, but there's a positive side here.

This secret meet's set for St. Kitts in the Caribbean, right?

Secret meet?

Please don't tell me you're still trying to push that fantasy photo shoot.

Now, hear me out.

If we're supposed to be guarding Tina Stokes, what better way to do it than by

going in undercover with this photographer guy, Volker Helmstadt.

He's got an airline set to fly us anywhere we choose in the Caribbean.

Hello, Volker Shutterbug knows we're the girls of VIP.

You can keep it secret.

You guys composed for the life and sport annual swimsuit issue.

Yeah, she looked real hot in the thong.

Whatever with that secret meeting with Tina the Brick.

That would give me some serious thoughts.

Serious thoughts, you?

Yeah.

Who wouldn't want to pose for the cover of some sexy magazine?

Well, not that you mention it.

I know I have.

I guess I could kind of picture it.

It never occurred to me.

Oh, whatever, Cindy Crawford. You want to pose for some professional

photographer once in your life?

Good. Then it's settled.

So, we meet again.

I still want to know how you survived that explosion.

There's a lot of things I want to tell you, but mainly, I want to do something

good for a change.

Valerie, I've heard you're big on second chances.

Save it for the wrap party.

We'll see about her. People do change.

Why don't we just make her a new member of our team?

I think somebody needs a date.

I resent that.

What the devil?

666? I'm not taking that.

Hey, Bob.

Oh, my God. Sweet.

I got this. This one I got. I got it.

That door was locked.

You're not the only one who knows that trick.

Time to tell us what's in the cooler, Darmy.

No, it isn't.

Let's see.

Tina Stokes.

Bioweapons. Cooler.

Probably something cutting edge or it wouldn't be worth all the black ops BS.

Thunderclap.

Where'd you hear about that?

Came to me in a dream.

Do you have any idea what this stuff is worth on the open market?

Enough to buy a lot of ugly Hawaiian shirts?

About $10 million last time we checked.

Don't worry, I'm happy with my federal retirement plan.

And Stokes?

How's her retirement plan?

Next time, knock the both of you. There won't be a next time if you don't handle

this stuff right.

Three degrees Celsius, no more, no less.

We don't want it freezing, and we certainly don't want it evaporating.

That is, if you want to live to see happy hour.

All right,

the transmitter's set.

I need Dr. Stuck to come through for me.

Agent Darman, you think you can hack into his personal files?

Can Volker Helmstadt take a snapshot?

All right, ladies.

This is the part where you take off your robes, right?

Huh? Hey, come on. We want to maintain our cover, right?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We cannot work with guns like that.

Come on.

I'm just shy, that's all.

Don't be.

It's only you in the game and no one else in the world.

What about them?

They don't exist.

This is all you see.

You love her.

The man of your dreams.

He's going to glide down your back, glide up your legs, caress you, kiss

neck, whisper in your ears.

Now, let's give it a try, yes?

Here we go, ladies. Are you ready?

I'm there. Hit me.

Me too.

Yes.

Very good.

Nice.

Good.

Work. Come on. Energy. Energy.

Energy. Come on, baby. Very good.

Nice.

All right.

All right. All right.

And who is this?

Hey.

Your assistant.

Turn around.

Quick, quick, quick. Come on.

Hop, hop, hop.

Do we have another bathing suit?

Uh, Nikki?

No. No.

Where's Tina?

No biggie. I got my eye on her.

I got that information on Dharma. So look, he was reprimanded three times for

overzealous behavior.

Any theft or embezzlement?

He did check out a large sum of money from the drug procurement fund and never

made a buck.

So you think Dorman's a skis?

Maybe. I hate to be the one to ask, but isn't he the wrong person to be

safeguarding a beer cooler full of nerve gas?

Time to talk to the figurehead.

Nikki?

Lady Wings again.

I am.

Valerie.

I've always wanted to do that.

Val.

Hey, Tosh. Want to play some Burt Bacharach?

I'm just learning.

Meet me at the Tropical Barn.

Anybody have a watch?

Here you are.

Dr. Stokes?

You don't have to be so formal.

Well, it's kind of hard to be buddy -buddy with someone who's been to train

thousand after me.

Val, I asked you about second chances.

I did bad things.

Very bad things.

Like Christian's murder in that movie?

That's really bad.

Darwin's making me do this, but I want you to know, if I still had my way, I'd

be in that prison paying my debt to society. Okay, let's see.

Little room, rusty cot.

No running water, big Bertha as your roommate versus luxury hotel suite,

pool, those little soaps in the bathroom that are all free. I don't think so.

I'm a scientist.

Last time we met, I was obsessed with that pheromone formula.

But I've learned my lesson.

And now I'm worried.

About what?

Darman.

Does anyone even know why we're here?

Oh, wait.

Hey, Josh.

I'll be right there.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, my God. I can't believe we're in the Caribbean.

This place is so fabulous.

Val, what was Tina Bain in your ear about?

Oh, she just doesn't trust that Dharma dude.

That's exactly why I wanted to see you. That's why we've got more to do.

Work? Well, for us, it's work.

No, no, no, no.

You guys are going to tell me I'm not in any danger again, and every time you

guys tell me that, I end up hanging off a speeding bullet train or something

like that.

Don't worry. All you have to do is distract Don.

See? Isn't this fun?

I really don't like this being anything.

Okay, it's only crime if you take something, right?

No.

There's no time to be a stickler.

That's what the camera sees.

I'm setting it on infinite loop.

Nice work, Kay.

So, Val, why did you ever bring me here?

Like I said, for company.

I don't believe you.

You don't?

No.

I think you can feel the energy between us.

I think it's the underwater lights that give off some kind of weird radiation.

Dorman's room.

I'm not finished with trading water.

Yeah?

I'll get a really nice big tub.

Huh.

What is taking you so long, Pasha?

This thing's wire tricker than I thought. Just give me a sec.

Wait.

Wait, wait, wait for me.

Guys, hurry up.

I hear someone coming.

Stay here.

Sam, let go of the gun and grab on.

Why don't they ever listen?

My beer.

They got away with it.

That one who jumped over the side.

How did they know where to find it?

You showed up at an awfully convenient time.

Drove that intruder right into the drink.

Are you accusing me? If I wanted to steal it, I simply could have switched

bottles. But this is where your ass is covered.

You knew where it was, too.

I can prove we didn't take it.

Here it is.

We didn't trust you with it. Good thing.

Midnight swim, huh?

You conned me.

It was with the attitude I just got here.

All right, I know I didn't try to steal the toxin, and now I know it wasn't you.

You examine the cooler in my room.

I'm here to help.

Yeah, she's only here because of you.

Besides, first rule of science, always look for the simplest explanation.

Meaning? A high -powered compact cooler like that gives off a Freon signature

easily detected by low -wave spectrography.

The infiltrators could have been anyone.

I don't like being conned.

a transmitter?

Let's just say it could star in a bug's life.

I found it in the cooler.

So that whole line Tina Stokes gave about Freon's signatures was irrelevant

true. Someone knew exactly where to find that cooler.

I'm going to email these pictures to Badger and see if we can help us narrow

down the possibility.

Okay, you. Changing of the guard.

Val, don't you usually want your employees handling the field?

No, I want to bodyguard her.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

I really admire you.

Well, don't.

No, really. A woman taking charge like that?

Men usually resent you, and the women don't trust you.

Or vice versa.

And yet you have the absolute respect of your colleagues.

Maybe if I had that...

I would have been seduced into a life of crime.

Well, you know when you were talking about second chances, Tina?

I used to work at a hot dog stand.

Many, many, many years ago. Of course.

Look at me now.

I feel better knowing you're watching me.

Well, honestly, it doesn't look too dangerous to me.

Oh, but it will be. Trust me.

When the deal goes down, let's just say I hope you're between me and Dorman.

All right.

Time to recon to the rendezvous point.

Oh, that won't look too obvious.

Not at all.

Volker's itching to do the rest of his photo shoot, so we're going to kill two

birds with one stone.

What?

I said get up, ladies.

This is perfect.

Yeah, it's good.

Come on, girls.

Let's go, let's go.

Over this way.

This way, please.

Who are they?

Some local girls I rounded up.

Who else did you tell?

No one, trust me.

These girls don't even speak English.

What's the harm?

Takes a load of you VIPs, yes?

Since none of you girls are into it at all. Woo!

Let's go.

Woo!

Okay, I was wrong.

Come on, girls.

Let's get ready to shoot.

All right, girls. Everybody look over at the video. Yeah, let's do this.

Ooh,

hey. I like that.

Let me tell time.

I'm surprised to hear from your operative.

You're known as a chemist, not a metal man.

Sometimes the sky opens up and out falls good fortune.

I've done the clap.

So what is the plan?

It's a trap to grab you.

In that case, it sounds like I should leave town. No.

Demand to see the goods.

I've hired the world's top bodyguards to keep the federal agents busy while we

escape with the coolers.

And what kind of show did you offer these buddy girls?

Nothing. They don't even know they're part of the plan.

Now I've got to get out of here before anyone gets suspicious.

You

got

to wait.

What happened? I got hit with something.

It's my favorite CD. You're going to love it. Thanks, Mom.

Here you go.

I don't like

this one hairy little bit.

We can handle it without you. That's not what I meant.

Can I first?

Hello? Doesn't that put Tina at risk?

Tina? Since when did you two become sorority sisters?

She thinks that Darman guy is after her. That's why she hired us.

Maybe that's what she wants us to think.

Well, what if she's right?

We should be looking out for Tina. That would take some kind of bodyguard oath

or something.

A fat from Badger for you.

That bug in the thunderclap was originally developed by the National

Agency.

Darn it. Well, not necessarily.

You can buy these things off the black market, too.

But what does it mean?

That means we do our job.

And keep an eye on Tina.

Do I hear an echo in here?

Echo in Mexico.

After that last attack, I've doubled the number of agents on hand.

Gee, they really look like locals, too.

Rendezvous is at 1100 hours. We'll have snipers in key positions.

We'll be there.

Not a chance.

You will be deep background or back in your hotel room. You take your choice.

You hired us to do a job. And you'll do it from second position or not at all.

Am I clear?

Hey, guys.

What's up?

And I don't want this phony anywhere near the action.

Phony? Nothing about Valerie Irons is phony.

It's okay.

I did a little checking.

Valerie Irons' private bodyguard didn't exist six months ago. No license, not

even a mention in any police report.

So, I keep a low pro.

No need to jam a cork. When this assignment is over, you're finished.

You've backgrounded her out of sight.

Gentlemen.

Nothing about Miss Boney?

you will never be out of our sight. Please, he's going to kill me and take

everything. I'll kill you right now if you don't get down to the rendezvous.

We've got Andre in sight.

Right on schedule.

Copy that.

Showtime, people. Remember, you're never out of our sight.

I'm clean. They don't need a wire.

They're watching our every move.

This is really fun, huh?

Let's see some cash.

Let's see something to clap.

Gosh, you don't mind if I make sure that it's real, huh?

Of course it's real.

I told them you'd have to see a sample.

These are really fun parties.

If you've done anything to trick me, my men back here, they will shoot you dead.

You play this right. You get to keep the stuff and the money. I'll get my cut

later.

That sounds almost too good to be true.

That's because it is.

Tina's trying to get away.

Okay, people, let's do a little bit more comedy.

Thank you.

I give all scientists a bad name.

She's some poet.

It's all about him.

I was extremely excited to be able to shoot VIP this year.

I still say a TV special, it was never discussed.

You saw the cameras there. Why didn't you bring it up then? These girls know

to work the camera.

Make love to the camera.

Yeah. Here we are.

Hey, man, we look pretty good.

I can't believe she stuck her knee in like that, Biatch.

Don't sweat it, Val.

She was once the customer. She had us all.

Not me.

You've been doing this as long as I have, and you can sniff out a mole a

away. How about some lotion?

I don't know. You look pretty chummy over there.

Well, you know what they say.

You keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Thanks.

Someone's going to pay for this.

Big time.

I'll be back.