Original subtitles

Around the back, right? Uh -huh. Use what's inside.

I can't do that quick. It belongs to our client.

That would be a breach of our... Oh, no.

A deck pack?

Are you crazy?

I can't do this.

Check.

Look around.

You got any better ideas?

But I don't even like to fight commercial.

Where'd she go?

She's up there. Huh?

What?

My whole career depends on that jetpack.

Well, what are you doing with the jetpack anyway, Joey?

So you let me borrow it for the weekend because I promised that I would get it

back. Well, how come you left it at the Greek theater?

I didn't have Pearl Jam tickets, all right?

So look, how are we going to get this thing back, huh?

I mean, by airmail or what?

You guys don't understand. I got my lucky punch. I'm not a bodyguard. But we

are. You'll just be a figurehead. A name on the door. You'll probably never even

leave the office.

You'll help us pull in the rich and famous.

We'll do the rest. We're professionals.

We'll take care of all the tough stuff.

I'll never be in any danger.

Never. Never.

Never.

Just get the extras to be alive.

I don't want zombies. Give them chocolate or something. Can you guys not

that up too much? I don't want any flares for the camera.

Can somebody check continuity on the spaceship? Something looks wrong to me.

Perry! Where is Perry?

Perry! I need a 10 on Perry.

Perry!

We're ready for you on the set.

What's up?

Look, Perry.

We got you the new leopard teeth in the Fox Cruiser 2000, okay? Just like you

asked for it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

No more stuff with little C's in it. They get stuck in my teeth. Network,

network. Why are those people in my eyeline?

They just live around here. Well, have them move.

All right, listen, Perry.

Honey, baby doll, just a quick rehearsal, and then I got a meeting with

your new bodyguard. Oh, just... PC. More hangers -on. No, no. VIP.

They're the best. And believe me, you need them.

All right.

If you can explain to me why they have SUV dealerships on the planet gonad.

Planet. Planet gonads. Okay? And if you really must know, transpo budget is in

the dumper because your boyfriend crashed the lunar rover.

Ty was just getting me away from the paparazzi. Okay, whatever. Look, just

this rehearsal, I need you to drive down to the end of the street and stop.

Okay, can you handle it? Whatever!

Go again.

No.

What the hell is she doing?

Look out, look out.

Hey, these brakes won't work.

Harry Woodman is so cool.

That awesome magma laser gun.

She could teach you guys a few things about kicking butt.

Val,

Bucks Are One is a TV show, okay?

The gun is fake and her butt kicking is totally choreographed.

Well, she still has the coolest stuff. No, the writers do. Okay, Perry Woodman

is a whiny, spoiled brat.

She happens to do a lot of charity work with little sick kids.

It's Hollywood. They spin everything.

Okay, so she's spoiled.

But I'll tell you one thing. Perry Woodman does not whine.

It looks a lot better on TV Well, follow her!

Stay calm. Just stay calm.

Hit the wheel steady.

Here is not my problem. The accelerator.

I'm so glad you're okay. You?

You almost killed me. No, hold on. She's Valerie Irons. That's in Valerie Irons'

protection. VIP.

What, like I'm supposed to know that?

She's under a lot of pressure.

Shouldn't have told her to buckle up.

Let go of me!

Superstar. Well, mostly it was the usual crank letters.

Perry, you were my intern in a past life.

Signed, Grover Cleveland.

Perry, I read how much you liked the new family feud, and now I know that we're

soulmates. Fine, blah -biddy -blah. This is one of my personal favorites. Perry,

let's marry, don't tarry. Love, Gary.

Barry. So these are just the run -of -the -mill stuff from loser nut jobs,

then these started coming in.

Perry, go home.

Retire, Perry.

Make yourself an Xbox or the hounds will tear you up.

There we go, Laurie Ann. Somebody wants her off the show.

Like who?

Like everyone.

Well, sure, you know, on the surface, she's obnoxious, but take her out of the

equation and the networks aren't exactly clamoring for Star Fox 2. Just like

Wall Street, Perry Woodman creates jobs.

Well, that's where the similarity ends.

I don't think Miss Woodman is attracting A -type men in suspenders and boring

suits living in New York and being driven around in private cars.

I might know what this dog guy wants.

Well, I was counting on your knowledge of human nature, and it looks like I

won't be disappointed.

Well, if you guys don't mind, set call.

Question is, was that Foxmobile screw up a fluke or a warning?

I'll hit you to that as soon as I check in with the studio's auto shop.

Oh, stop.

Shouldn't we see what Paris is doing?

Well, she's not going to come to us.

In two days?

No way.

Cancel it.

Don't come in.

Shana, you're my publicist, not my pimp.

I don't care how much Dave likes me.

I'm booked on Letterman again. Why don't you guys cancel it for me? And I said

don't come in.

Well, yeah, well, we're here.

And we're your bodyguards, not your agents.

Fine. Guard me from those wacky inventors and four -year -old salsa

always has to run into my time.

Is this spearmint lotion?

It smells like wintergreen.

at all these famous people. You know everybody.

Yeah, and I've got dirt on most of them. Just wait until my memoirs come out.

Another reason why I want to go easy on the chat shows.

I'm building up the spend.

Oh, nothing exciting ever happened to me before I was 19.

Well, I won a limbo contest once.

Isn't that special?

Okay, so here's the deal.

We'll cancel Letterman. You agree to keep a low profile.

Uh -huh. I pay people good money to keep my profile the size of Mount Rushmore.

What's plan B? Plan B is you do exactly what we say.

Or whoever took a run at you today might succeed.

Wait, you mean someone tried to kill me?

You mean the Fox Cruiser wasn't... Was not an accident.

Talking doesn't mean you were almost murdered, as in whacked or rubbed out.

just means maybe you got a bad break job or something.

Just, look, I want to be alone, okay? Just shoo, go away. Shoo.

Go away, go away.

To escape GLONASS, you must sacrifice the magma laser, no matter how many

dollars it's worth.

Oh, cut, cut. It's GLONASS.

GLONASS. No matter how much it's worth. Kim, there are no dollars in the 22nd

century. Do we know that for sure?

Yeah, we're pretty sure.

Kim, darling, believe it or not, this is all just make -believe.

Well, I don't know how you expect me to act with this dorkus staring at me.

Why can't Perry be here?

Okay, let's just take five, everybody, shall we?

You were doing really well.

You know, except for that monetary conversion problem.

Perry is really pissing me off.

Sometimes I just want to kill her.

That sometimes include a little mishap with the Fox Cruiser 2000?

Come on. I have a good thing here, okay?

Perry Woodman is my bread and butter.

There she is now.

Perry!

Hollywood.

Oh, man.

Watch out, he's hitting for Perry.

Whoa, oh.

Oh, man.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Okay. Jill Amazonia, I took her.

Bringing my gal.

Double latte from Starbuck.

Ty!

You know this guy?

Don't you read any magazines?

It's the Senator Barton Spencer's son, Ty.

You are correct, sir. Been dating for, like, ten months.

Eleven, but who's counting?

I know who you are.

You're the wild woman of Wonga from episode nine.

Oh, you did that Wonga mating call. It was, uh... I don't think so.

Wonga, woo!

Wonga woo!

That's okay.

Ty was just leaving and won't bother me at work anymore.

Your wish is my command, Foxy Star Fox.

Okay, who switched the gears on this thing?

Yeah, okay.

Take it easy.

Nick's ready in the mechanics bay.

I'll flip you to see who stays here with Teen Witch.

That's okay. Looks like you could use some air.

Yeah. Took me a while.

Didn't even cut the brake line.

That was a coincidence.

Wrong. Our mechanic, whoever he is, looks a little more clever than that.

A remote minibar.

Wired to the starter.

So who are we dealing with?

I don't know, but you've seen his handiwork before.

This was taped to the inside of the undercoating.

Harry, go back to Wisconsin or die.

Terry Woodman, born Hyperia Woodman, in Baraboo, Wisconsin.

Did you know that if Wisconsin was its own nation, it would be the third

dairy -producing country in the world? Okay.

Okay.

Let's see.

She and Ty Spencer have been going out for 11 months.

Senator Barton Spencer is said to be raising money for a presidential bid in

Y2K.

Year 2000.

We know. Not much new here, either.

So the notes are clean?

Squeaky. But they're definitely from the same printer.

The font's called Ransom.

So kidnappers don't have to waste time cutting out each individual little

letter, I suppose.

Perry finally went down for a nice long nap.

Hey, listen to this.

Perry and Ty first met at some big producer's Halloween party in Laurel

Perry went as Princess Leia, and Ty was Luke Skywalker.

But Luke and Leia were siblings.

So that would mean that Ty and Perry were incestuous?

Please, save that for the tabloid. You are supposed to be in La La Land.

Hello, my show's on tonight, which means I'm on tonight.

Gil, he has a party for the cast every week. I have to be there.

Oh, well, sounds like party time.

So pathetic.

Excuse me.

Hey, who's that photo hound in the picture with Ty? He's in every single

picture. Mr. Banks.

The Spencer family chauffeur slash bodyguard slash pain in the ass.

But a party beckons people. Let's blow this place.

How do you do that?

Hey there.

I noticed that you're, uh, tall.

Well.

It's hard for me to find a proper fit.

And I'm wondering if the same is true for you.

I can make it so you never stand straight again.

I like the sound of that. Oh, too strong, too much.

Okay. All right, all right.

Wonga, woo, woo, woo.

Oh,

don't be afraid. Hugs and applause are totally acceptable.

Hi.

Hi.

Hey, Gil.

Nice to see you.

Been tinkling in the pool again? It's nice and warm.

What, I got a herpes?

Tie. This party is a meet, not a nothing.

Come on, Perry, what are you talking about?

Us good, me bad.

Ty, you're a blast, but only on a part -time basis, okay?

Somebody take this relationship knife out of my back.

Have you ladies heard about my spinoff?

It's me and you guys.

Just the three of us, all alone.

into a black hole.

Ditch Perry in an escape pod and crash on a planet paved with Pringles.

Say that three times fast.

Ty, you don't need to be doing this.

Perry, he's a turtle.

Button in on my turf.

Time to go, Ty. You're causing a scene.

Hold on there, cowboy.

Tyrus is in my charge.

I work for the Spencer family.

Yeah, well, I work for the VIP family, and you were just leaving.

Go.

Perry's fine. It's okay.

Even if it's not.

Constructing Perry at the bookshelf.

Where did you hear that title? Come on, your memoirs. Everyone knows your

publisher leaks some advanced excerpts.

They weren't leaked. They had my permission.

Yeah, anything juicy in there?

Yep. They're going to blow the lid off Hollywood and DC.

Bellary Irons. Are the rumors true? Are you really going to take Perry's place

on the show?

Hartman's upcoming tell -all, memoirs, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Do you really hate me that much?

Is this your way of getting back at me for all the time I spend in Washington?

Were you there a lot?

Didn't even notice.

That girlfriend of yours, she's seen me with the tobacco lobby.

She's seen me with my speech writer.

Hell, it's hard enough to become president without some Hollywood

watching my every move.

Wipe the sweat off, Dad.

I'll take care of it.

It's a non -issue.

Do you mean that?

Of course I do.

You're my dad.

I'm not so sure the boy has what it takes to control Perry Woodman.

He's just upset.

I mean, the girl was almost killed yesterday.

Don't try and tell me that wasn't you.

Just looking out for your interest, sir.

It was only intended as a warning.

Well, I don't think she took it.

ladies, there are no small parts. Think of how Marilyn Monroe got her start.

Diane, don't hurt my start.

Come here, ladies. Put her over here.

Makes you want to get lost in space.

When I come at you with a photon laser, you knock it out of my hand, okay? Why

bother? My devil's going to do it anyway.

Humor me, Perry.

This sucker works fine.

Honey of O2.

Here you go.

Oh, hey. We got a sec. Why don't I adjust the straps on it? Let's put them

there. Thanks, Ken.

Yeah.

All set.

Wait a sec.

She's got the brighter one.

Shouldn't that be what Foster 1 would have on board?

Tell you what.

I'll switch.

Is that okay?

I checked yours too. No problem.

That's all of them.

for me.

Okay, take him with us.

Valentine's Day at Perry's desk at the penthouse.

Totally freaked.

Ken Wilson, age 42.

Prop master on Fox Star One for the last three seasons. No police record, but

he's got several payments to a criminal attorney on his last bank statement.

You hacked into his bank statement?

His password was Ken Wilson.

I don't think he's given much thought to online privacy.

want to kill a cop after?

Someone who didn't want him talking.

Oh, here we go.

Four years ago, he did a stint at a famous celebrity rehab.

And guess who else was on the guest list?

Liz Taylor?

Ty Spencer.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Does this mean Ty Spencer is behind all of this?

One way to find out.

Actually, folks, I got a rule I kind of stick to. I don't try to off my

girlfriends, okay?

Even when they diss pops in public?

Pretty small clinic you and Ken Wilson were at. You probably got to be

Look, me and some prop guy say howdy at Betty Ford. That doesn't make us

partners in crime.

Yes, Ken Wilson was obviously a very troubled individual. We're just relieved

that Miss Woodman wasn't hurt.

So, thank you very much, and we do appreciate your concern.

We will be in touch.

You got some pretty sweet -looking babies at VIP. I think I may need some

bodyguarding. Get out.

Get out of my sight.

Go stay on the boat. I just don't want you in the house now.

You have to let me handle this permanently.

How is my son ever going to learn to handle things on his own?

You never had to.

You know something in art, Harry.

I borrowed a piece of Ken Wilson's work from the crime scene.

Take a look.

There's water around the edges.

Our mystery shooter uses ice bullets.

I thought that was a myth.

One of those urban legends.

Like the one where you go to a party and they knock you out and steal your

kidney and you wake up in the morning in a tub of ice with a note to call 911?

No. Kate, nothing like that.

There's a professional shooter out there whose M .O. is ice bullets.

Three hits in the last two years. The problem is, he's been reported dead

each incident.

I really believe you guys this time.

All right, Perry, your stunt double can do the rest. So you're off for a couple

of minutes, okay?

Get it off!

You okay?

Is someone really trying to kill me?

Well, we're not sure, but we're not going to take our eyes off you, okay?

action!

Go, go, go, go, go. One more time.

Let her go.

Go! Cut!

Good, good.

Beautiful, beautiful. Are you okay?

You okay? Yeah.

Moving on. That was good.

Being famous is cool, but I just want to be, like, invisible.

Hey, when's the last time you had some fun?

Ew,

too much. Ew, too much. Ew,

too much.

Listen.

Never have I listened so closely.

here for some sort of power lunch. Wow, that is so groovy.

You have better than chasing that Perry Woodman around.

In your dreams.

Hey, aren't you the guy from... Putting Perry Woodman in front of a news camera

is like bringing a hog to slough.

Listen, buddy, I don't know...

Great. The only way I get into the White House now is on a public tour.

Not too late for damage control.

She is stubborn.

I can fix that.

Wait a second. You are not talking about hurting Perry.

Ty! This is not your business. But, Dad, come on. We're not the Corleones. We're

talking about my girlfriend here. No!

Talking about my future.

Dad, I love her.

Then you should have controlled her.

No, I won't let you.

Yeah, listen, why don't you run upstairs and have Francis fix you a sandwich?

No!

Look, I'm not going to let you hurt anyone.

No.

No priorities, the girl.

She locked herself in again.

Now we're bodyguards, not shrinks.

Perry, it's Val. Can I come in? Leave me alone.

Yeah, it's quick.

It's Kay. I've got you. Uh -huh.

Okay, on our way.

Kay's got to leave on a phantom shooter.

You okay here?

Yep. Got it.

Where'd you learn that?

Are you okay?

Aw, you're just having a bad day.

Happens to everybody.

Wanna know what happened to me the other day?

First Tasha goes totally ballistic on me because I didn't leave the right

message at work.

And then Nikki almost burns all my hair off with a flamethrower and leaves a

huge bald spot on my head. So I have to go to Kristoff, right? I go to Kristoff

to get my hair fixed, and he is off in Washington cutting the president's hair.

Whatever with that.

Then I go across the street to get my car, and my Jag is gone. It's been

So I have to go to the impound lot. I go to the impound lot, and there's this

toothless guy way back there having to go for a ride on his boat.

Who's out there?

Sorry, Perry. I have to do this.

Oh, Ty!

You bozo!

Let me out! Give me that key back right now!

What's happening?

We're banking that.

I'm outside the lot right now.

I'll get Ty out of harm's way and take care of things.

Hold on, we got a problem.

What? What is it? Don't worry, I'll take care of it. I'll call you back.

Uh, we're going really fast. I think we just got off on a freeway or something.

Just hang tight.

Kay's pulling up street schematics.

Terry's really freaked out.

We will get to you.

If you can't see anything, focus on what you can hear. I'm gonna kill him!

Tasha, Tasha, I'm losing you. You're breaking up.

Tasha?

I hate that airhead. He can't be working alone.

Where could he be taking them?

Val said they were moving fast.

There's only one road within a ten -mile radius that moves at this time of day,

the Marina Freeway.

This has got to be about Perry's memoirs.

He's not the only Spencer with something to hide.

No, you think?

That's not what I meant.

The Spencers own a yacht docked at the marina. It's called the Vito.

They even have their own onboard gourmet chef. That's it. That's where they're

taking her. Come on. Let's go.

We're on the marina freeway. They must be going to your boat.

I'll arrange for a little welcoming party.

Okay. Now's the time we need to break forth.

Sure. Through a locked door and right into Ty, who's clearly gone mental.

No, that's not what I mean.

Okay, Harry.

Just chill, okay? I can explain everything.

Ty! Ty, you better let go!

Oh, God, it's higher than I thought.

I'm going to kill you.

Please,

it was for your own good.

What do you mean?

You don't understand.

Okay, before you beat me to a bloody pulp, I had no choice. Look, I have to

her from my dad.

Your dad?

Yeah, Senator Brick.

Yeah, look, he's done all Norman Bates about your memoirs thing. Look, I have

the keys to his yacht. Let's cruise.

Reverse engine.

I can't believe Mr. Banks is trying to kill her.

I've got a plan.

Hey, you pretty boat ride. You're that guy from the impound.

What? Hey.

Sorry.

That's all there is. That's all there is.

crazy as you are.

See this?

Your lipstick matches your wig.

Richard Simmons on steroids.

So you're ready for your guest on a foster one?

Yeah, but I'm kind of nervous.

Oh, good.

Chowned.

Thanks for your help.

See? It's not so bad being nice.

Please. One more week of this and I'm going to get... Thanks, Bieber.

The FBI has arrested Senator Barton Spencer in connection with three

murders over a two -year period.

No way Spencer's the phantom shooter.

The story's bogus.

Not only bogus, perfect.

That Banks, he's one smooth operator.

You think Banks was the phantom?

He was the one shooting those ice bullets.

With a guy like that, you never know whether he's dead or still alive.