Original subtitles

Let me get this straight.

First, you hit him with the chair to the head. Right, or you smash your face

into a turnbuckle. What you got to make sure you do is daze him first, and then

way out, kicking the gut. Pick him up like this.

Oh, you got your pile driver right here.

Must be awesome being a pro wrestler.

That's pretty cool. I got a couple action figures.

Hey, where's the boss, Val Irons, anyway?

She's out shopping.

Cleaned her fridge out like a pack of starving rats.

Hell, I was hungry. Still am.

What's the finishing move?

Well, I'm going to pick you up.

Bam! Dropped you like a bad habit. You probably ain't gonna get up for quite

some time.

Well, I basically hit everybody with it, from dude love all the way to Sergeant

Slaughter. I can't wait to try this out on Quick.

He's all slacking off tonight.

All right.

You guys just started listening, right?

Stone Cold Steve Austin is off limits.

All right. We'll have it your way.

You want some more. You want some more.

They're on to us. Can you make yourself real small?

Hey, smell back with the food yet or what?

Don't you ever get full?

You guys don't understand. I got no lucky punch. I'm not a bodyguard. But we

are. You'll just be a figurehead.

A name on the door. You'll probably never even leave the office.

You'll help us pull in the rich and famous.

We'll do the rest. We're professionals.

We'll take care of all the tough stuff.

So I'll never be in any danger?

Never. Never?

Never.

Well, two guards.

They weren't a problem.

Max, can you get up here?

Does it look like my name is Mr. Belvedere?

Hey, if I lived in a fancy apartment for free, I would at least get the phone.

Hey, you do live in a fancy apartment for free.

Swim over.

I'll watch with all my new sunshine lotion.

All right.

Valerie Irons' office.

Hey, Maxine, it's Quick.

Hi, Quick. How you doing?

Fine. Can I talk to Val? Okay, hold on.

Oh, it's that dreamy quick.

Okay.

Hey,

DQ, what's up?

Ah, what's happening?

Oh, I'm watering the plants here. I don't want to let this place go

Yeah, well, park those dogs in some hills and meet me out front. We got a

client. Anybody interesting?

Yeah.

Bio Glam International.

Cosmetics company. They do perfume, lipstick. I'm on my way.

Yeah, you got it.

Skin rejuvenation, makeup, and fragrance.

Combined revenue of those three divisions topped $1 .3 billion last

I guess it's important to look good.

And undoubtedly the target of some sly industrial lesbian, huh?

It's very good, Mr. Williams.

We can set up an employee ID system.

Microtags to track all sensitive documents.

It works.

We've got all that. It's our brain power I need you to protect.

One brain in particular.

A very big brain.

Dr. Richardson to collagen lab.

Dr. Richardson.

Come on, Rizzo, give it up.

Ken. Hey. Hey, Julie.

Hi. Listen, are you free for lunch? Because I can go right now. Ken, it's 9

and up. I have a lunch today.

All right. Well, what brings you by then?

Ken Miller.

Meet Valerie Irons of Valerie Irons Protection.

Hi. Oh, my associate, Brooke Williams.

Sorry, ma 'am. Sorry. What?

Coconut and honey oil.

Yeah, yeah. It's a little top note Rizzo's been working on.

Oh, Rizzo is a RizTech. It's a brand of scent analyzer.

What we got here looks like a bottom note of Smith & Wesson.

I thought you said you had the security thing covered.

We've doubled the guards.

The point is, walls and refrigerators can be replaced.

Ken can't be.

Did the shooter get away with anything?

Uh, just a vial, something we call an inactive serum.

It was a sample of a new formula Ken's working on.

Fortunately, he's not very far along.

What's the formula?

If you're retaining us, you might as well know the only down payment we

on is full disclosure.

It's called Kismet.

It's the code name for Ken's pheromone project.

Pheromone?

What is it, some kind of love potion?

Oh, the olfactory senses. They transmit extremely complex signals to the brain,

some of which, yeah, they can induce sexual arousal.

It's the holy grail of aromatherapy.

So do you have any idea who stole the sample?

Could be any one of our competitors.

Fortunately, everything that's known on the subject is stored right here.

So could a competitor use a stolen sample to make their own kismet? Like

said, the pheromone sample was inactive.

Indecipherable, really.

Except to Ken and Tina.

Tina? Dr.

Tina Stokes, Ken's protege. She left Bioglam without notice and no one's

from her since.

Now Ken is set to deliver a paper tomorrow at 1, day 3 of the

Fragrance Symposium.

The break -in today doesn't bother me nearly as much as the potential damage

anything happens to him.

Well, don't worry. He'll be well protected.

Yeah, she's the best.

Why don't we have them put it in a big cup with a straw?

Sorry we're late.

You're stoked.

We were just enjoying our soup.

Let's do the down payment.

Not so fast, boys. It's tough.

Kismet, is this a joke?

Am I laughing?

Miss Stokes. Dr. Stokes.

I'm an arms broker.

Bring me some Stinger missiles.

Or better yet, some of those new mini -rail guns and we'll talk.

I was promised a down payment.

All right, I'll take 20 like that.

I'll do you one better.

The serum in this vial, when mass -produced, can destabilize an entire

in six days.

You have my undivided attention.

Pheromones? An odorless hormone secreted by the sweat gland in order to

stimulate the opposite sex.

Doesn't exactly sound odorless to me.

Okay.

Not brave enough.

What are you?

That depends.

There's no such thing as a love potion, no matter what Barbie over here thinks.

I didn't say I believe it. I said Dr. Miller believes it.

Whatever. We've got two hours to secure the conference room before Dr. Romeo

gives his speech.

Let's go.

Ready to wow?

Listen, is Julie here yet? Have you seen her? Julie got held up for some kind of

corporate planning session.

Hey, she can catch it on videotape, right? Come on.

Now, common thinking in our industry has a playing to the nose, when in fact the

brain is our main target. As my recent studies in mammalian pheromones have

demonstrated, endosterone stimulation of the hypothalamus has a profound effect.

Sift through the mumbo jumbo, and it's still just a splash of old spice.

These are chemicals that our noses can't detect, but our brains can't ignore.

Dr. Miller, what about the risk associated with prolonged exposure to

malpheromones? The so -called rebound effect leading to extreme aggression in

female subject?

Yeah, well, it sounds like you've read my former colleague, Dr. Stokes. Her

findings were inconclusive, so... It's crazy.

What is it?

This guy working on a love potion?

It's the one man alive who does not need it.

Is?

So tell me he was a major babe.

Well, unfortunately, Dr. Stokes... W .W .T., whatever with that.

That was an excellent lecture, Dr. Miller.

May I call you Ken?

Sure. It's the bomb. You're so together.

Thank you.

Hi, Dr.

Miller. I thought you might want to take a look at this paper for the New

England Journal of Medicine I'm working on.

In private, of course.

Hey, we don't need that. Thank you.

Guess it's true what they say.

Smart sexy.

That explains why Jeff Goldblum keeps getting worse.

I don't like too many people.

You should have just stolen the formula from his lab when you could.

We sold the vial to whet your appetite.

Oh, so now you must re -talk me? You got a sample of Kismet and you still can't

duplicate it.

It was inactive.

That doesn't matter because what I need is in his head.

Oh, so what do we do? Just cut it off at the neck?

No.

Just listen to his thoughts.

Angel's going to take care of that, right, Angel?

You'll never know what hit him. Dr. Miller?

Helen? Dr.

Miller, I've been sitting next to you at the symposium for three days now.

I know, Helen.

Let's go.

And the first day I know you're speaking to me, only to me. Back off, briefcase.

And now, now it's like you're looking right through me, Dr. Miller.

And I can't have that.

Whoa, get down.

Oh, wait, wait.

You've got to count three to put that down.

What's that about?

I think we're getting an unplanned demonstration.

Run! I don't care what happens to me. Ken has to pay!

Excuse me.

So I'm not mistaken. Miller's even further along than I thought.

No!

Nice work, Val.

Go.

Go. Go, Angel. Go.

Ken.

Ken.

Help me. You okay? Yeah.

Is he all right?

Yeah, I think we've got to watch what he says at these lectures from now on.

He's fine.

Hey, hey, I thought you were going to be there at my symposium.

I'm sorry, Ken. We had an 11th hour name change on a new tanning lotion, New

Block. New Block? I love New Block.

I just tested it out myself, but... Can I speak to you alone for a second?

Sure. Excuse us.

So you were pretty worried about her, huh? No, I was.

Come on, Ken. The company would be lost without you.

I know what you're up to.

Well, it's not like I'm trying to hide it here or anything.

I don't get you.

How long are we talking about?

As far back as I can remember.

You have had Kismet perfected that long?

No. I mean, is that what you're talking about?

What did you think?

Ken, the second you get a stable formula for Kismet, I want to apply for FDA

approval.

My God, our stock price is going to double in one night.

Well, believe me, when I'm done, you'll be the first one to know.

You wouldn't hold out on me.

Why would I do that?

Good.

Well,

it's not as fancy as your bio plan, lad, but at least you can keep an eye on it.

Vacuum.

What's that?

Somebody took the security sensor's case.

There's a cellular broadcasting device.

Who's he?

Dr. Ken Miller.

And I don't want him hurt. I'm sure he's not the problem.

There's one sure way to find out.

Body search.

I think that's my job.

But you might miss something.

Don't you think it's funny that Dr. Miller's working on a pheromone spray

everybody's coming on him?

Except you.

Now we know it's not in your shirt.

Uh, Nikki.

I'm checking.

Ow!

It's a bug.

It's a subcutaneous micro -implant transmitter.

Did that get there?

That's a good question.

Someone went to a lot of trouble.

I told you they would find the bug.

I'm sorry, Dr. Stokes. I hid it the best I could. Doesn't matter. Now we know

Miller's perfected the formula.

So you keep saying. Why don't we just nab him, make him give us the formula?

Exactly what I was thinking.

Of course, then your theories better be right, or I'll have wasted a lot of

valuable time.

I've already done the computer modeling.

Come take a look.

This... is the population of 4 million.

The size of a third world country.

Now let's assume you spray 50 % of the male populace.

First phase, complete breakdown of the family structure.

Assuming they don't have an antidote. Miller didn't even understand the

pheromone solution when we first worked together. An antidote would take years.

Now comes the good part.

After repeated stimulation, a rebound effect of aggression sets in.

Miller refused to acknowledge it.

And we've seen it with our very own eyes.

The woman who tried to barbecue him.

Imagine that aggression unleashed on a large scale.

Total chaos.

Worth more than a railgun?

Millions more.

Let's get him.

Okay, Nick. Time for a break.

Excuse me, but it's still my shift.

As lead associate, if I want to guard our client an extra hour or so, I will.

Lead associate, you're chirping.

Hi, Ken.

Need anything?

Uh, maybe I'll change a scene on you.

You know, I think you're safe right here.

Absolutely, I'm not taking my eyes off you.

Excuse me.

If you three can behave yourself, I have a very important appointment.

Hi.

Oh.

Okay, Max, do you really think there's some kind of love potion?

Oh, 50 bucks worth of Dom Perignon has been known to do the trick. So I've

heard.

I just can't figure out why Tasha, Nikki, and Kay have totally flipped out

this Dr.

Miller.

Doctor? Doctor as in PhD or MD?

The PhD. Well, I don't understand that either.

His research is strictly theoretical.

If there... Now, wait a minute, Val.

If there was a love potion, wouldn't you have been affected?

I know. I know. I can't figure it out. I can't figure out why these girls are

all falling all over me. It's just like... Guys, what about over here?

You don't need no love potion for that.

No, ma 'am.

Tasha, just get your own airspace. You are way out of line.

Excuse me. If you two can't handle this, I'm going to take over this case.

You are not even a bodyguard.

You just watch me guard his body. The new formula has proven to be

effective on almost every woman I've encountered.

But not all of them.

Can himself.

Increase the dose.

You see it after?

It was some kind of knockout gas.

I collected some residue from the air band.

This is a very complex formula.

Look at those compounds.

These triple carbon compounds, you see the way they're bonded with a metallic

reagent?

This is Tina's handiwork, Tina Stokes.

Tina, your old research partner?

You know, Julie said she left Biogram suddenly.

Okay,

so you and Tina Stokes were working on this kismet sauce, and you made it work,

didn't you?

See, I knew it. I knew it.

You know, you're hot, but you're not that hot.

So what's with all the secrecy?

Well, do you know how many layers of approval you have to go through before

can even test a new cosmetic? I mean, it's like I reinvented the hydrogen bomb

or something.

Maybe you did.

Did Julie even know about this? She'd kill me.

Breaking protocol like that?

Which I guess doesn't make a lot of sense considering I did it all for her.

You mean you've been working on this top secret aftershave just to win Julie

over?

It should have worked. I mean, it did work on everyone but you.

It didn't work on me.

Yeah.

I mean, face it, Ken. You can't make a foolproof love potion.

If there's chemistry between two people, you don't need to mix it up in a lab.

What should I do?

Let Julie know how you feel.

Do something from the heart.

You'll know.

Hi.

What's up?

Nothing. I just wanted to talk.

So I guess you're not mad at me for using that pheromone spray without

you, huh?

Do I look mad, Ken?

No.

But can we slow down a little?

See, now I'm in control, Ken.

What you made me do was lose control.

I don't like that.

Oh, come on.

It's been a really long day. I'm really tired.

A little pukey.

You've been a bad boy, Ken.

Now you're going to have to pay.

Oh, where are we going here?

I know where I'm going.

You? Well, looks like you're going to have to find out.

Bonjour. Comment ça va?

Bien. Put me on the box.

Okay.

Are you there, Ken? Yes.

Helen, that fire -breathing dragon back at the hotel.

She was suffering from a rebound effect, wasn't she?

Extreme aggression?

No, there's no conclusive evidence that exists.

Right, and Kismet's just a theory. I'm not buying it, Kenny.

No, the formula's for real, Tosh. Kenny just admitted it to me.

Then I'd get working on an antidote right away.

Why?

Because otherwise, I'm afraid of what I might do to you.

The hormone formula is definitely in his bloodstream.

With enough time, I can use it to replicate the serum. How much time?

Two weeks, maybe three.

Now, Miss Stokes, there are six military hot spots on the globe right now. I

would just as soon cash out. Before things chill, get my drift.

Your man was supposed to get Miller.

Angel got the skin scraping as a last -ditch measure.

Don't worry.

I know how to get Miller.

Pretty worried about me, huh? You know I was. Come on, Ken. The company'd be

lost without you.

Oh.

Damn, you brainiac types don't know jack about people, do you?

Now, don't get your hopes up.

Well, we don't have much time here.

I can't just wave a wand and make it happen.

Well, it didn't affect Julie, and I didn't get affected by it, but doesn't

tell you something?

Well, yeah, we could test each strand of the DNA in your genetic makeup, see

what you two have in common.

Okay, how long is that going to take?

Five or six years.

Julie. Julie Nock.

Yes, can I help you? You sure can, sugar.

Get in and shut your pretty little cake hole.

Who are you?

Somebody who's on a hair trigger.

Julie?

Hey, Julie, hi.

Hi, it's Ken.

Ken, I need to see you.

All right. Uh, Julie, you know, if this is about the formula... No, it's

personal. I'll tell you where I am, but I have to see you alone.

Uh, no, I was going to bring Rizzo.

Yeah, real funny.

You know how I get sick of Rizzo's jokes.

Plus those Hawaiian shirts.

Uh, Julie, Rizzo's a computer.

A real jerk, that's exactly what I mean. Just get over here.

Don't make me wait another minute.

Uh, sure. Give me the address.

Who's Rizzo?

A friend of Ken's.

He's never visited me alone.

I don't know what makes you think he'll come.

Oh, he'll come.

Take our protection tire out.

Where do you think you're going?

Uh, out. And I don't need your protection.

What makes you think we'd give it, user?

What are you doing?

What I have to do.

Prove myself to Julie.

I thought

I may hear from you after the last time.

Don't act hurt, Badger. It does not become.

And yet...

Brings me pleasure.

I'm going to give you pleasure on a platter.

Just tell me who they are and where I can find them.

On a platter.

Pleasure.

In that case... Not that I can say for sure.

But the guy in the front looks like a swindler out of Lompoc.

Works for an arms broker named Wilbur.

What's Wilbur buying these days?

I don't know, but your Uncle Sam always has plenty of castles for Taylor to

play. Who's your Uncle Sam?

And I celebrate his house every day. He's a good Russian duck.

A friend of mine delivered an entire chemistry set to this address a couple

days ago.

Wilgen paid the bill.

A necklace?

What's this?

It's your platter.

Don't use too much and don't sit around the next day.

Do svidaniya.

Do svidaniya.

I'm here. Tasha, can't phone.

Where'd he go?

We said he was going to go see Julie, but I called him at Bioglam and he was

missing. He took a gun.

Oh, great.

I'm really worried that he's going to try something heroic and it's all my

fault.

All right. I've got an idea of where they might be.

I'll call quick. At least he can focus.

I can focus.

I thought you didn't want to be in any danger.

Go work on your tan.

Just blowing off some steam.

You know, this is Ken's pheromone craft doing this.

I have an antidote.

Suntan lotion?

Yes!

I mean, how do you explain the coincidence? I've had this on since I

Julie had it on.

We're the only two unaffected. Hello?

Get out, Mom.

Well, yeah. Were you expecting somebody else?

Come on in.

No, well, well.

I'm a fairy godmother.

Come on in.

Ken, I'm sorry.

They would have killed me.

They said all they wanted was a formula.

Now I know better, Julie.

They're not letting either of us go.

I guess that's why he's got the PhDs.

But you came anyway.

Of course.

I never let them hurt you, Julie.

You should have stuck to your test tubes.

Can't watch out!

You guys have to do this right now.

You're right. I'd rather blow something up. No. Will you guys put some of this

on, please?

Don't you realize how weird you guys are acting?

Come to think of it, I have felt kind of strange.

I guess we could try it.

Okay. Please.

Do it.

I've got an audio scope.

Let's hear what they're saying before we rush in.

Don't bother. Redeem the police is part of my training.

CIA?

Never heard of them.

Yeah, right.

So what are they saying?

As soon as Ken gives them the formula, they're leaving the country.

And they're taking Ken and Julie with them for insurance.

They could be off to any part of the world, especially since they're arms

dealers.

Isn't that what your ferret friend said?

Badger, are you done?

Yeah, let's make it happen, baby.

Write it down.

The entire formula.

We're packed. We're ready to go.

Roll out the weapons.

How's he doing?

Uh, I think I'm done.

What the hell is this?

Where's Julie?

You're my ticket out.

They've got too much on you. Doesn't matter.

Tampa booth detonator.

House of Y to blow.

Tina, you're sick.

More than you know.

30 seconds and the whole lot will be leveled. It'll look like Wilbur had a

lab that got out of control.

Shoot if you want, but I suggest you get out of the van. You know those

explosives under the house?

I moved them.

You're bluffing.

Why don't they ever believe me?

Poor Julie.

Come on, let's take my car.

I'm right here, Julie.

Slow down.

You better catch me.

Give me your hand.

Give me your hand. Hang on. I got you.

I got you.

Why don't they ever believe me?

Any more moggies, anybody?

Fantastic idea, Val.

I know, isn't it cool we got together on our off time?

Val, you do this all the time.

I know.

Okay, we need to talk.

Okay,

I'll start.

You know, when I told Ken to pursue Julie, I didn't realize that she was

held hostage. So I guess my timing could have been a little better.

I guess letting him run out of the office with Tasha's 9mm Glock wasn't

great idea.

I think I've had my fill of guns for a while.

And arguing.

Hey, Tasha.

I was captivated, bewitched, enchanted, enraptured, smitten, whatever.

It won't happen again.

What happened to Miller anyway?

Me and Julie hooked up.

Oh, so the story has a happy ending.

Case closed and filed away.

With your eyes only.

On a need -to -know base.

Yep, and as far as I'm concerned, nobody needs to know.

Hey, guys!

Val told me about that love potion.

Sounds like you guys had a pretty crazy time.