Original subtitles

Air Patrol's going to be on us in a couple of seconds.

You're never going to get your hostages back to your country.

Let's talk more fun.

Hey, Max!

Hey,

Lizzy.

What's going on here?

Hello?

Wake him up, wake him up. You think you can still fly the plane?

You think you can still fly the plane after you wake him up?

He's not napping, okay?

He's dead.

Stop laughing.

Look, look, you try and find the plane. I'm going to go look for an instruction

manual. Okay, I got you covered.

I got you covered.

I found you.

A parachute.

Great, is there one for me?

There's only one.

Polly!

Polly!

You ungrateful little...

Polly!

Don't worry, I was waiting for you. I had a pair of shoes. Whatever you do,

don't let go.

Believe me, I won't.

You guys don't understand. I got in a lucky punch. I'm not a bodyguard.

But we are.

You'll just be a figurehead. A name on the door. You'll probably never even

leave the office.

You'll help us pull in the rich and famous.

We'll do the rest.

We're professionals.

We'll take care of all the tough stuff.

So I'll never be in any danger?

Never. Never?

Never.

Will?

What are you doing?

I'm startled by the recoil.

A Beretta 92S has no recoil.

Besides, I can't think of anything more rude than dropping a loaded pistol at a

target range.

I'm so sorry.

I should have gone with them to meet Victor Bailick.

I'm sorry about my student.

It won't happen again. It's not working.

It's impossible for me to concentrate, okay?

Take it easy, Arnie. It's only us and the little ladies.

This automatically makes you the second best shooter here.

You know, if you were any good, I might even be offended.

Don't you worry your pretty little head about us. We're doing just fine.

Really? Well, your weight is distributed improperly and your grip is lousy.

But other than that, you're right. You're doing fine.

Excuse me, Arnie.

You like that, little girl?

Come talk to me.

You can shoot like that, little man.

Oh, wait.

See, that'll never happen. What am I saying?

Hello there.

And you find out with security analysis, thorough yet discreet.

Lips are super glued.

Your competition gets nothing from us.

Even if they yank our limbs off.

In addition to which, our ability to perform surveillance and counter

surveillance... What the hell is wrong with the global positioning system?

My shiny eyes.

No, where were we?

Lips sealed, yank off our limbs, counter surveillance.

Parents here is all over it. Aren't you, parents?

Me and the 65 trained security professionals under my command.

65, huh? That's a large number, no doubt about it.

Question is, do they all wear those ugly brown shoes?

Because I got to tell you, Mr. Bellick, 130 of those plumping around, the word

that pops into my head is conspicuous.

At a time when you don't want anyone giving your business the old glove

exam. Sir.

Your bid for transglobal communication is up for approval.

Very persuasive, aren't they, Ferris?

I don't think the time frame is right, Mr. Bailey.

Good point.

As soon as transglobal closes, I celebrate my .6 billion dollar profit

little trip around the world.

I get it.

Transglobal for transglobal is funny.

And if the security thing doesn't work out, we have to talk about a spot in

marketing.

Actually, he's okay with the security thing right now. Thanks for listening.

Where are we with our little problem?

The law firm is getting nowhere, Mr. Bailey.

May I suggest more aggressive tactics?

You may.

So, how's our crack shot doing?

Tasha has a bug up her butt about the way I hold a gun.

And your hand would be nice.

Hey,

guys. We hit a bullseye.

Wildest Bailick guy, big time.

Bailick? That's who you were talking about.

Victor Bailick.

Medium mogul. Rose to prominence in the last six years.

Small to medium -sized cable market visionary.

Worth over $2 billion.

Our pitch was a brick. Bailick's got his own guy.

Hey, I'm optimistic, all right?

Worrying you, Tosh?

Somebody followed me and Val from the range.

Are you sure?

See that car?

It was at the gun club.

The only thing that car would have followed was a tow truck.

I'm going to check it out.

Not without me or not.

Come on, Val.

Be careful.

Got a gun.

I got him.

Hey.

What are you doing?

That's that weirdo from the target range.

Thanks.

Careful with that.

What about the Instamatic? It's a high -video camera.

Could I have that?

That's what I do. I'm a documentarian.

And I'm a humanitarian.

Why do you follow us?

I heard you mention Victor Bailick's name, and I thought that...

I thought if you were working for him that maybe you might try to kill me, so

came to investigate.

I think you're being a little paranoid.

Victor Bailick wants me dead by Thursday.

Victor Bailick doesn't even know you exist.

Yes, he does.

And he's not who he says he is, and I can prove it.

Kay mentioned something about a Bailick expose with ads on the internet.

Is that you? Yeah, those are my ads. That's me.

I'm Arnie Fane.

Arnie Fane.

No?

Bailick. He's doing everything in his power to stop me, but with this

I'm going to the top, straight to the top. If you were a dog, do you see

yourself chasing a car or being chased by a bigger dog?

What?

Answer the question.

Being chased.

When you squeeze a lemon, where does the juice go?

In my eye.

When you think of home, do you see a person, place, or something else?

Something else. What?

A camera, all right? Look, you think that I don't know what you're doing

I'll have to see if I'm a lunatic or not.

Sorry for inconveniencing you.

You may go now.

Don't we want to hear what he has to say?

Sure. He can make an appointment.

Bye -bye.

Well, I don't know much about bodyguard etiquette, but...

Your manners stink.

He flunked the Kirby Rosenzweig test.

What is that? Val, Arnie was right.

I administered a test developed by the CIA to check for paranoia.

Tasha was dating the agency's head shrink.

Actually, he was the assistant head shrinker.

Arnie flunked with flying colors. He's totally paranoid.

Well, that doesn't mean that Bayluck isn't trying to kill him.

Arnie Fane.

The type of guy we protect people from.

Not the type of guy we protect.

I don't believe it.

She feels sorry for him.

There is no way we are letting her talk us into working for him. Her ride is

busted. We're supposed to believe a billionaire is afraid of what he's got

say? Funny thing is, the antenna's still up. She retracts when you kill the

engine. A radio antenna is frequently used by car bombers to catch the

signal. Nikki, you are seeing bombs everywhere you look.

Wow, wow, you all right?

See?

Okay, so you do need protection, but it still doesn't mean that Bailick is

trying to kill you. I'm telling you, he's after me.

You believe me, don't you, Val? Yeah.

Don't blow an O -ring. Whoever blew your jalopy didn't want to kill you. They

purposely set it off while you were as safe as was away. This is a warning.

There's something the bomber wants from you.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Am I not speaking English here?

Victor Bailick, okay?

He wants my expose on the Internet stopped. This only proves that he's

to kill me if that's what it takes.

Well, it's a good thing that you're with us, isn't it?

Like Tasha said, definitely needs protection.

Good. Then you're hired.

But it's only because Val swears that you're not working for Bailick. Hey,

it easy, Arnie.

There's a small matter of our fee.

Fee?

My expose of Bailick is important to the world.

Can we just call it pro bono?

You can call it sunny bono. For all I care, we still get a fee.

I can't believe you guys.

Hold on. I was saying it could always work at all. Say, with the electronic

press kit on VIP and its fly mail operative.

Yeah. A little publicity never hurt.

Oh, great. From the Hugh Grant School of Life.

All right.

Better drop in on Bailiff and give him the don't mess with us beat.

As in Arnie Fane.

Oh, so you admit knowing him.

Oh, I certainly do.

I'd rather detest the little troll, if you must know.

My company's official opinion is that Fane is neither a journalist nor a

filmmaker.

We taught him that when he applied to be a host on The How and The Why.

Heard of it?

Sixty minutes without Andy Rooney, according to Howard Rosenberg.

A real ratings grab.

Fane tried to work for you?

Back is more the word.

Oh, so you don't have a problem with Arnie Fane's pending expose.

Mr. Williams, did you know their laugh when I bought my first small market

system?

Today, one of three homes in America are wired by Bailey Communication.

Do you realize how easy it is for me to counter any charges Fane might make

against me? I'm interested.

in his exposé for the entertainment value.

The day after the air does quash, Arnie faints, like the small rodent he is.

I'll find a way out.

What have you got on them? A highly skilled sterling reputation.

Valerie Irons is the best in the business.

There might not be a point.

Everyone does.

Find it.

See how the gears turn here at VIP.

Jay Simmons.

Dave and Geeks Clothing.

The pentium processor of the little Intel chip we call VIP.

Probably tracking some high -level perp without ever leaving her desk.

She may be the receptionist, but Kay's a real pro.

Hey!

This is a really gifted fighter. She's got it under control.

Not in the dojo.

Come on, you little chili pepper.

Oh, Aunt Nikki, how you almost blew off Arnie.

Beat it.

Nikki apparently prefers a company of bombs to people.

See, this is what I'm talking about. From wearing the pit rig, it ruins a

Of course, all I really care about is getting the job done right.

A potent message.

Even bodyguards have to look.

I love callings with automatic lines that tell you what your balance is.

Funny you should mention it.

You asked about VIP's weakness?

Money.

Valerie Irons' protection assumes all assets and liabilities of Colt Aero

Protection.

Mostly liabilities.

Act like I'm not here.

I can't.

Because you have a camera in my face, and I'm shy.

Okay. Well, okay, maybe I can interview you.

Oh, no.

Okay, what do you want to know?

Okay, all right.

Okay, do you like being a celebrity bodyguard?

Yeah, I love it. You know, famous people, rich people.

People are people. I love people.

As a concept or a species?

Whatever.

You know, when I was growing up, my mom lied to my dad, my dad lied

to my mom, they both lied to me.

And I think that if you tell a lie, you kill something precious

in yourself, and you starve something special in others.

See you on L .B.

Lie buster.

I thought I was supposed to be interviewing you anyway.

Oh. I can tell you about my office.

Okay. What about it?

It's fully decked out.

Soundproof, bulletproof, desk. You know, we have a bomb, sniffer thingy. Put a

private line, you can tap.

Val,

those are security measures, as in secure.

Confidential. It's a promo video, so we have to talk about it. You just don't

get it, do you? Don't yell at me.

Maybe that's the only way to get through to you. I don't think I have the

problem. You do. You should have stopped with your first three words because

you're right. You don't think. You must be talking to my butt because my hand

ain't listening. Okay, we all need to just count to ten right here. Yeah, as

soon as she stops being CP. Cranky pants.

Excuse us.

Don't you have some phones to answer? Don't tell her that way. This is VIP.

here to serve your security needs. Please leave a message.

Ms. Ahrens? This is Victor Berwick. I've been thinking about your firm's

proposal.

My references are impeccable.

I'm prepared to pay top dollar.

Let's say...

I'm not your brother.

Got that right.

Stop the gap, me brain.

A retainer.

Mr. Bailick wants to take you up on your proposal.

We're not interested.

He's scared off on it.

He should consider himself lucky.

You really do need to talk, Tasha, about trying to find Arnie.

Five minutes. I'll be in a much better mood.

It's going to be hard to find a paranoid.

He could be anywhere.

Well, he could track his family.

Typical fugitive's first move.

Not Arnie.

His relationship with his parents is totally whacked.

He told you that?

You know, he never talked to any brothers or sisters either.

I think it has to be work -related, because that's Arnie's entire life.

Man, you know, you two ought to get your own talk show. Like Donny and Marie?

Okay.

Sarcasm.

Oh.

Well, if Arnie does want to get his expose on the Internet, he would

want to bypass any cable or satellite link.

Right. Baelic could torch those plans.

Bolic. It's Baelic.

Which really only leaves a direct long -line telephone server.

Hey, you know, I did notice something when I tapped into his credit report.

There it is.

He's leasing an Internet access server from a man named Avery Bardouche. Do you

have an address?

The account is encrypted.

I can't get in without a password.

We'll hit up every contact and informant we have.

Well, I'll keep surfing the net.

You never know. May get lucky.

What can I do?

We'll call you when we find him.

Hey, where do you see what I've been working on?

I call it Maxine's Slippin' Chat.

Nice. Rolls right off the tongue. What are the two things that people in this

town cannot live without?

A Mercedes and a shrink.

Ooh, a water bottle and a cell phone.

You can take it to the gym, to the market, night out on the town.

That's cute.

Check this out. Check this out.

Whether you're shooting down thirst or shooting your mouth off.

Zip and chat.

Hello?

Huh?

Okay, I gotta talk to you.

I'm so worried about Arnie.

Well, Val, I mean, can you honestly say that you did your best to protect him? I

think I did. I mean, I did everything I can.

All right, well, if you're honest with yourself, then that's all you can do.

Honest? That's it?

Okay, I'm trying the word truth for Arnie's password.

Not working. How can you try again? Because that's the one word Arnie lives

Guys, are we forgetting?

Normal logic does not work here.

He's a video nerd.

Probably a trick.

In Klingon, the word for truth is... Just a thought.

Well, that's Latin to me.

There it is.

Working.

The internet access site is a Malibu mansion available from that Avery

guy. Let's go find Arnie.

Oh, can I come?

I've never seen an internet access server site before.

Don't you ever have any work to do?

Lighten up, Tasha. What could it hurt?

Arnie Fane.

We know that's your facility. Just tell us where it is. I'm telling you, I don't

know.

Give him room. I'm sure Mr. Barduch doesn't want to prolong his mutual

embarrassment.

How much longer?

Just a passing.

Why don't you go down below and wait for me?

Arnie Faith.

Where? I don't know what you're talking about.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know.

He's lying.

You brought him here to lie to me?

Mr.

Bailiff, please!

You see what you made me do?

You made me hurt someone I really like.

Same!

He's at a house I leased at the top of Hacienda Drive.

4206.

I've got it rigged with all this state -of -the -art communications equipment.

See? It wasn't too hot, was it?

In a story of special interest to viewers, BCC founder Victor Bailick says

received death threats from a young documentary filmmaker with whom he is

currently in litigation.

Arnie Fane is out to get him, Bailick told police, so he's hired top Hollywood

security firm Valerie Iron's protection to act as his personal bodyguards.

Fane said something I'd rather not go into.

And I felt I needed to respond quickly for my own safety.

If anybody can keep him away from me, it's VIP.

And I'm sure they will.

I hope for Mr. Fane's sake, his reckless behavior doesn't inadvertently put him

in harm's way.

He's going to get me.

I bet he's going to get me.

Let's get out of here. Relax.

It's just Arnie.

I can't believe he's shooting at us. Pretty quick trigger finger for someone

innocent. He comes from a dysfunctional family, you guys.

He doesn't know that we're here to help him.

He doesn't care who he shoots at.

Oh! Need to do those bullets.

I brought flash bombs so I can knock him off balance.

Nikki, we can't use explosives on a client.

She's right.

I say we shoot him.

Or not.

Nobody needs to get hurt.

Tell that to your friend.

I will. A white flag should do the trick.

Wow, that's a high -powered light.

You get tagged and it's game over.

It's all in the approach.

This is the bravest woman I have ever seen.

I don't want to hurt you.

Can I come up and talk to you?

I know this is a trick.

You distract me while the others sneak up.

No, nobody's going to sneak up on you. I just want to come in.

Okay. Then you all come up at once so I can see you.

We're all here, Arnie.

No trick.

Okay.

Okay, that's far enough.

You guys aren't going to stop me because I'll shoot you. I swear.

Whoa, my man. Slow down there.

We're on your side.

You conspired with Bailick. I saw it myself on the news.

What's he talking about?

BCC. Bailick hired you for protection.

And listen, this thing is going out on the internet and the whole world's going

to see it.

Arnie, the B in BCC is...

Bailick. He can say whatever he wants to. It doesn't mean it's true.

Arnie, listen to me.

It's okay.

I know how it looks.

But do you really think that we're working for Victor Bailick?

I mean, please.

They're the guy who needs a real attitude adjustment.

You know, you stand by your principle.

Hey, Rob.

Here you go.

Why don't you try it now?

Look, Arnie, we don't want Bailiff's money.

We work for a guy who stands by his principles no matter what.

That's you.

Ten years ago, I lied my way into a group of journalists headed for Bosnia.

I got a lead on a secret meeting of local leaders trying to put an end to

war.

I managed to sneak into a vent to film it, figuring out who Paul's pros.

The meeting was just about to begin when Ilya Petrovsky arrived.

Petrovsky.

They call him the Widowmaker.

Oh, good reason.

I just, I cowered inside that van. I was too scared to do anything.

He killed them all.

Every single person in that room.

Nobody knows what he looks like except me.

And I kept quiet for ten years until I saw this magazine with Victor Bailick on

the cover.

Bailick is Petroski?

Yeah. He plundered the Republic's treasury to buy himself this new

become an international media baron.

I always wondered how those guys got started.

I just, I can't, I can't keep quiet any longer. But if I go to the media, then

he'll use his power to squash my story.

Not to mention you.

Like a small rodent were his exact words?

No. Well, you see, if I get the truth out to the whole world simultaneously,

then there have got to be others who know who he is, and they know the truth,

and then they'll come forward.

That's probably your best hope in keeping Bailiff from killing you.

That's my only hope.

Well, you got us.

Shut up. They're shooting at us, too. Hello?

Where do you keep your ammo?

I don't know. That's not even my gun. I found it.

Looks like Ferris brought all 65 of his goons. We're going to die.

We're going to die and the Widowmaker wins again.

I thought you said that you were armed.

You call this armed?

It's okay. We're going to be okay, Ernie.

We'll get you through this.

Right, Clay?

Right.

He sounds pissed.

All I want is Arnie Fane.

Come out now and I guarantee the rest of you stay in passage.

We're not giving up Arnie!

Yeah, come on, hide along.

I got the back.

What about my expose? It's supposed to go on the internet in like a half hour.

The internet server is down.

Felix, you guys must have cut the line.

So this is what it comes down to in these, the last hours of my life.

Nobody go anywhere.

I'll be right back.

Look, maybe we can fight our way through.

With what? We don't even have enough ammo to block with.

What is your answer, Miss Irons?

We haven't decided yet.

We're going to take a vote.

You have five minutes.

I can reprogram a link between Bardouche's mainframes to go to an

in San Francisco via the regular phone line. Now, I don't think there's going

be time to actually download the expose, but I think I can get us on the net in

real time.

Live. How long?

20 minutes.

I'll be dead.

It's hopeless.

No, that's what you've always wanted.

It's a chance to tell your story to the whole world.

Let's do it, Kay.

Tom's father's 30.

He got five hours. It's about, what, 24 of them.

I was just thinking about this old movie I like.

Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier.

Great. Now, hear me out.

When Davy runs out of buckshot in the movie, he makes it sound like he's got a

dozen guys, even though it's really just him and Buddy Epson.

Chet Clampett?

Before that. Anyway, he tricks the Indians into using all their arrows.

Puts them on equal footing.

I know how I can get these guys to wait for Mama. Me too. All right, let's do

it. Let's talk parents.

Let me in, now let me out. Nothing left here for me now.

The time has passed, it's back again.

Now there's too much to forgive.

Fire me up, bring me down.

Only silence kills those down.

You're too late for me.

Taking a new boat!

Sorry!

This

is ridiculous.

Move and kill them all.

Roger that.

Brett, I've got them pinned down in the north one.

Fire now.

Move it to the right.

Cover wet one.

Cover wet one.

There's been a little help over here.

I forgot.

Jimmy, just don't let them into the house.

I got a clean shot on Ferret. You want me to take him?

Move, move.

Hold up.

Everybody, hold your fire.

Put another team on the roof.

Anybody got a target? That's a negative. Nothing but muzzle flashes.

She's got more people than we thought she'd.

She's very good.

Shoot at the muzzle flashes. Pour on everything you've got. Yes, sir.

Everyone, another 50 rounds.

Way fast.

Come on, come on.

He's fired.

On the left, on the left.

Come on, let's win.

At four o 'clock.

Would you like to do the honors?

I'm Arnie Fain.

A little breaking news story from Malibu, California, where Valerie Irons

her crack team of bodyguards are trying to protect me from media baron and mass

murderer Victor Bailick, whose men now have us under siege.

Bailick is trying to prevent us from revealing his true identity.

On the left! On the left!

Admiral Chapman. We're getting low.

We still have the number.

Take the house now.

Okay. Milk bombs.

I hope they work.

Let's go.

Go! Come on, up the house.

Only silence, still no doubt, you're doing good.

The one thing, the one thing, the one thing in your head.

The one thing, the one thing, that keeps your heart to yourself.

Take me here, take me there, nothing left for me out there.

Pull me up and set me out, nothing to wait for.

Me. I warned you, man. Yeah, that you did. Which is why I brought a little

something extra for the occasion.

You lost in the fog of war, man.

I can see that thing's empty from here.

Guess what?

I lied about your gun.

So I wish I knew how to thank you guys.

Would you like to see our rate card?

I was kidding.

Kidding.

Where you at, baby? What?

What? Huh?

Hey,

great working with you, man. You too.

Take it easy, man. Thanks. Good luck, Arnie. Thank you.

Thanks again.

I'll look for your next piece on the internet.

Hopefully it'll be the end of this one.

You know, Bailick's still at large, you know. Well, now the FBI's after him,

thanks to you.

The War Crimes Tribunal confirmed your findings.

His days as media baron, they're over.

See you later, Barney.

See ya.

Oh, Val.

You know, you're the best, you know, and I just hope that someday I can... I

don't know what can I ever do for you, but if there ever is anything... No,

don't worry about it.

I'll walk you to your car.

It's a rent -a -wreck.

It's beautiful.

Yeah, the price is right, and it kind of fits my style, don't you think? Yeah,

this is great. And the trunk is great. It's got plenty of room for my gear.

Get in the trunk, Arnie.

Quietly.

What are you doing?

Come with me.

Open the door and slide over.

You don't want to ride in this thing.

It's not your style.

Do what I say or you'll sit down. Okay.

Drive.

Buckle up.

I said drive.

This is what it comes down to in these, the last minutes of my life.

Later, Bollock.

Bye -bye.

He didn't buckle up?

This is a well -oiled machine.

Resourceful.

Skilled.

Invincible.

Willing to expose themselves, if necessary, to all kinds of danger.

What about the Baelic News Network report that I had stolen some VIP files?

It's complete BS.

A total lie.

Oh, you're my sipping cat on TV.

I know, and Arnie's going to sell it to the network. Everyone in the world's

going to see it. Oh, I know you'd find a way to help me. Thank you. Well, it's

pretty handy.

Okay, okay, wait, wait.

Listen, Flash, I want to see when you mention my name.

Well, you know, the story's about VIP.

My big chance of success and you don't even tell me behind the order?

You better be careful.

Because I was squirt gun champion since I was six years old.

I'm not afraid of you, Miss Invincible. Bring it on, honey!