Original subtitles

Hey, hey, hey.

Any old dudes still alive in here?

I brought you some groceries.

I know I'm a little late, but I was under review.

Apparently, someone made a complaint.

Someone doesn't like the way the germ visits the old dudes.

Two old dudes wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

Oh, come on.

I know you love me.

Man, I'm dying for a grilled cheese sandwich.

So where do we leave off on our last visit?

Opal, I believe that you were just sitting there.

And I, you were doing the same.

Oh, okay, that started before I got here.

So where have you been all morning?

Oh, such a hectic morning.

I had to get my nails done, then I went to yoga, then I got my hair highlighted.

Oh, I just need an hour for myself.

You must be all pampered out.

Baby, you still measuring?

That's what you were doing when I left.

Ah, yes, but it was time well spent. Check this out.

You see...

Most people think that you need 12 nails per sheet of drywall, but I figured out

a way how to just use 10.

Pretty cool, huh?

Wait a second. You spent the entire morning figuring out how to save two

Per sheet.

Six sheets, we're talking 12 nails.

So funny.

Johnny, for two months, all you've done is destroy walls.

God, this house is starting to get really old.

What?

Well, it's just that you said the house is starting to get really old, but it

already is old because they built it. Stop.

I mean, please.

I just need for this to be finished.

I mean, okay, isn't there somebody who could give you a hand? No.

No, I take a lot of pride in doing this by myself. You know, my great

-grandfather. Built the house I grew up in.

Well, dig him up!

Because you need help!

Okay, Mr. Johnson, I'm just going to get you to bend over, and this shouldn't

hurt a bit.

Well, you shouldn't be doing that.

Why? Is it against hospital policy?

Don't do that here!

Where? Admitting?

I have never been so bored in my entire life.

Let's play a game.

No, I always win.

You do not. Besides, you don't even know what I'm going to suggest.

Fine. Suggest something.

20 questions. Good. You're sleeping with Irene. I win.

Okay, that's not a question. The answer is George Washington.

And apparently you don't want Pete to know about it from now on. I win

everything. Now shut up.

Dude, shut up. You shut up. I don't care if you tell Pete. I hope you tell Pete.

What? Nothing.

Tufts General, do you copy?

Pete? Is that you? I'm giving you the heads up, Berg. We got a big fire.

Everybody got out, but we got some smoke inhalers.

We'll be ready. How'd it start?

Dude, I'm on the radio.

You need it.

This is not a toy.

Do you know who gets to use it? Fire.

Fighters, not fire makers.

Oh, yeah.

Firefighter is hot, man.

Oh, I know. That's Marty.

I'm sleeping with her.

Thanks, bro. I needed a good laugh.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's not with you.

Marty, get over here.

Yeah, what? Somebody hurt? No. Tell Jerm you are so my girlfriend.

What?

So embarrassing.

She is. Honey, tell him.

Are you kidding me?

I'm trying to do my job and you call me over here to lay claim to me like some

stupid bimbo trophy in a macho man contest?

In front of everyone?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was terribly, terribly wrong.

But since I already did it, could you just tell him?

Hey, man, call her back, and this time she's my girlfriend.

Oh, my God!

It looks great!

It'll only take you an hour!

My husband's been working on this for two days.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is he disabled?

shirt is this oh gosh you know what that's mine i'm right oh

don't embarrass us both do you really think i wouldn't catch on

You let him where I eat?

Oh, God, I think I'm gonna be sick.

And deep breath?

I asked for you, you know.

Lucky me.

I feel just like the pretty hooker in a Vegas whorehouse.

And let it out.

Hey, um, if you're about done, I could really use a break.

How many times have you told Irene that?

I really need you to stop making jokes about it. And how many times have you

told Irene that?

Oh, man, is she saying what I think she's saying? Oh, that's just great,

That's just great. Why don't you tell the whole world I'm sleeping with Irene?

Oh, dude, that was way off.

Well, Germ, you seem completely normal.

Or as close as I can determine without actually touching you.

Wow, paging Miss Anger.

Misdirected anger, your table's ready.

What are you babbling about?

Basic human instinct.

Your ex is sleeping with someone else, you're worried about the comparison, and

you're taking it out on me.

You don't know a thing about me, you don't know a thing about women. Women

aren't quite as competitive as little boys.

Is Irene a better lover than I am?

What? Is she better? Does she make your real, slim, shady stand -up?

I really don't think that we should be talking about this.

You were better than Nomar. I knew it!

So, um, how much better? You know, way better? Or just, uh,

way, way better?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to joke about this. Look, if you want

to have a sincere conversation, then fine.

Okay. Okay.

Look, despite all your other obvious faults,

You were a very generous lover.

Definitely the best I've ever been with.

Well, thank you.

So, was I better than Irene?

No.

on the job. All right, but you know what? In my defense, there's a lot of

couples who are totally comfortable with showing their affection on the job.

I mean, look at Tim and Clarence. They have no problem with it.

Tim and Clarence do a lot of things we don't do.

All right, stop, please.

You have every right to be upset. You do, but it's just that you mean so much

me. That when I see you and I'm near you, you make me so happy and full of

everything. It's like if I don't touch you or hug you, I'll explode.

But if you want me to hold that back, then I will.

I will, okay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That was a slip. It'll never happen again.

Hey, yes, it will.

I just, I can't work with you.

I'm requesting a transfer.

Over one lousy hug?

I mean, Whit, it's taking so long.

The Amish build an entire bard in one afternoon.

You are so, so right. I mean, I asked for grilled cheese on white, and they

me raisin bread.

There is no God.

Mr. Focus, do you really think I have a point?

Of course, you're a hottie.

Yeah, it was my mom.

It's very simple. A hottie isn't a right.

She has to be earned.

She has to be given gifts and compliments and made to feel special

better than the rest of us.

But do rule number one. A hottie doesn't have to be right.

She just has to be hot.

What is your problem?

I am a hottie.

You should earn me.

Well, frankly, I think being the only one who does any work around here is

payment enough.

What are you supposed to mean?

Well, the only reason you notice me not getting this done is you just sit around

all day and look at it.

You don't think I'm busy? I happen to volunteer over 20 hours a week at the

hospital helping those who are less fortunate than us. Well, we don't make

enough money for you to do good deeds.

You want me to do something that makes me miserable?

I just want you to get a job that pays. If it makes you miserable so much, the

better.

Well, maybe we should spend more time with your sisters and call it even.

My sisters practically raised me.

Well, when are they going to finish the job?

If I could think of something mean and clever to say, I would...

a really good suture on that last patient.

Thank you. See, you do that better than Irene.

Okay, you've had your fun. Now get off of me.

Boy, does that bring back memories.

Just stop. We both know you're only doing this to get back at me. No,

I'm not.

Oh, Bert, come on. I'm an experienced woman of the world, and she's freckles

hairs. Hey, look, Irene is a wonderful person, all right? She's sweet, she's

caring, and in the opinion of the court, no longer a danger to herself or

society.

negative about her you called her freckles and hair it's okay some people

actually believe that you should like the person you're making love to we are

not making love we are

How badly does something have to be burned before I can take it home?

Come on, I killed with that on the first two floors.

Please.

Listen, I've been thinking about what you said. Now, the only time we fight is

when we're at work, right? So I think one of us should get a transfer.

You do? Yeah.

Yeah, and then we'll spend all our time doing the things we love, you know, like

you cooking for me and giving me a back rub. We love that.

I think that we need some time apart in our personal relationship as well.

Are you breaking up with me?

Company 54, fire and peabody.

We can't talk right now.

It was one lousy hug!

Oh, hello, Burgermeister.

Meister Burger.

What is it? Oh, you're looking at me funny.

I think I like you.

I just don't think she should be

able to criticize when I'm the one working like a dog. I mean, volunteering

the hospital, it's not a real job.

Hey, dude, tell me about it. She doesn't do anything.

I just sit around watching her sit around.

So you want my advice?

Actually, no.

No?

No, I mean, I just wanted someone to vent to. No offense, but you dress

you talk funny, I'm pretty sure you think funny.

All right, now do my mom.

Okay, you see what I'm talking about?

Totally, man. I don't know why you put up with it.

Wait.

You said I'm always right because I'm a hottie. Yeah, but you're not my hottie.

Look, Big Daddy's basically working two jobs for you.

So either get off his dime or give him his prop.

Thank you.

You know, he may think funny, but he talks sense.

And you, man, you gotta pick up the pain.

What do you mean?

You are just so slow.

I mean, I've watched the way you walk, the way you eat. You even breathe slow.

We should see him reach for a check.

Look, man, you did marry a hottie, and you can't keep her locked in the

forever. So either get your acting gear, or your Betty's gonna split.

And you already did way better than you deserve.

No, he didn't.

Yeah. Honey, actually, I did.

Oh.

Of course, now that I said it, you're probably going to use it against me.

I promise.

You won't see it coming.

You know what?

What? I'm going to get some help with the house.

Okay. I'll get a job.

Really? Yeah. When are you going to start looking?

When you get help.

This is going to be a great house.

Oh, I know, I know.

And a germ is welcome any time.

Okay, all clear. Good.

What are you doing?

I just want to have a conversation.

Well, can we have it on the ground? No, this is too important. I don't want you

running off to save people.

What do you want to talk about? Okay, first off, lose the attitude.

Pete! Why are you breaking up with me?

Pete, come on.

Not yet.

Is it because I'm too controlling?

Because I could stop that.

No, it's not that.

Then what is it?

Whatever it is, I can take it.

Just tell me.

I met someone else. You slut!

Pete! Who?

You don't want to know.

Marty, who?

Nomar.

You okay?

Yeah.

You just couldn't wait to tell me, could you?

Hey, old dudes.

This place doesn't look so bad.

Well, sorry I can't stay.

I've been reassigned.

Seems I'm not allowed to work anywhere without a camera in the ceiling.

But I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to think about you guys any time I

see two people just sitting.

I know this is just as hard on you as it is on me.

Yeah, you're right. There's nothing to say.

I guess so.

Goodbye.