Original subtitles

Is this crazy or what?

Scott, how did you find this place?

It was hidden.

I was down in the basement changing the fuse. I moved this book. The whole wall

swung open.

The joy of elderly sex.

You'll thank me one day.

Whoa! It looks like no one's been in here for years.

Yeah. I thought it'd be a perfect place for you guys to have your haunted house

tomorrow night.

I always have it at Peakyburg's. I already rigged the refrigerator to say,

out.

And the bathroom speaks for itself.

Help me find a light switch.

Whoa, who do you think all this stuff belongs to?

Property of Ed.

No, can't be.

What? What can't be?

My grandpa used to tell me stories about a guy named Ed. Who was that?

Ed was a promising young neurosurgeon.

Lived in Boston some hundred years ago.

Story is, he spent every night in his lab doing... really bad stuff.

You suck at scary stories.

I'm not done.

One night, an angry mob descended upon Ed's laboratory, destroying Ed's work.

Cool.

Legend has it, he still waits.

No.

Lurks. No, no, wait.

Ready to take his bloody revenge.

Scary.

Whoa.

This place is amazing.

Of course we have to have the haunted house here.

The kids will be traumatized for life.

Gonna make such a great mom.

Ha ha ha ha!

Maybe we should keep the haunted house up here. I mean, the basement might

the kids.

That's okay, Petey. You could sleep with me and Ashley tonight.

Hey, guys.

Hey. You got everything?

Yeah. Bring eyeballs.

Bert, you work at a hospital. You couldn't have gotten real eyeballs?

Well, I tried, but a blind kid beat me to them.

Hey. Hey, baby. How was the hospital?

Eh. I was in the ER all day.

You're working on Halloween? I thought you'd be spending time with your family

in Salem.

Gee, it's nice to see my spell to turn you into a witless turd has taken

We've got to get started on the blood punch before Johnny gets back with the

eye. I still need to figure out my costume.

Why don't you borrow some of Pete's pants? Then you can go as a kid with a

recent growth spurt.

you can put on Ashley's pants and go as a real man.

Hey.

I'm sorry, man. I was aiming for her.

Wow. Look at that lightning.

You know, it's funny. All year long, you tell kids, whatever you do, don't take

candy from strangers.

Come on, Ashley. Get in the Halloween spirit.

Halloween's about coming together as a community to scare the hell out of eight

-year -olds who pee their asses off. Aquaman costumes.

Someone jumped out at me.

I can't believe you guys. There is nothing scary about Halloween.

Why are you so down on Halloween?

Is it all those little girls dressing up like you?

Irene,

what's wrong? Why were you screaming?

Was I screaming?

I must have been thinking out loud.

A danger to yourself?

Someone's a Halloweeny meanie.

I thought you guys were having a haunted house.

We are. We're setting it up in the basement, but it's not ready yet. So

just hang out here with the whole gang.

There's no place like home.

Okay. Tell you what, I give you permission to go down there and have

own sneak preview.

You think there's a man crazy enough for her out there?

After you.

What, are you scared?

No, I'm not scared.

I'm just being polite.

Really? You're in a damp, gloomy, rat -infested basement

on a dark, stormy Halloween night?

You're not scared?

You should be.

Ashley, if you're here, who's running hell?

God.

Wow, this is incredible.

I imagine you were grown in a lab much like this.

But I think we should go back upstairs.

You're like the little sister I never had.

Ooh.

Look. A skill saw with blood on it.

Sharon's such a sicko. It's not a skill saw. It says skull saw.

Are you Decatur?

Matthew's listening to the radio in the tub again.

It's good to see Ashley get into the Halloween spirit.

That was Pete.

I don't know. Ask the witch you're dating.

You are the witch I'm dating.

Ferg, I have a headache. Leave me alone.

Yo, Endora, talk to your boyfriend.

Would you pipe down, Pete? My head is throbbing.

And my voice sounds odd.

What was the last thing you remember?

Well, you were being a big baby.

And then we came...

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

The caterer.

The caterer must have switched our brains.

Very funny, guys. Keep it up, and we'll leave you strapped in like this. You

see? You see? You see? I told you. I told you, Ashley. I told you I didn't

to come in here, but now you're the little sister I never had.

Now look what happened.

How did you guys get strapped in? The guy was easy, but the girl put up quite

fight.

created the version while I run.

Who are you?

Ed. See? Ed.

Why are you doing this?

I'm doing it for revenge.

But we didn't do anything to you.

Okay, so revenge is the wrong word. Is my motivation so important?

She must have smoked marijuana once.

Don't do drugs, kids.

Want to see something funny?

Are you always this gassy?

Okay, just a little farther.

Lucky to run into you.

You're a lifesaver.

I'm a people person.

You know, if you're going to freeze yourself, you're going to need a lot

dry ice than that.

No, it's for the punch bowl.

Oh, then you're fine.

So, um, what do you do?

I don't think you'd be interested. It's kind of cerebral.

No, I'm a pretty open -minded person.

Well, maybe I could come back later to pick your brain.

Later.

What a nice guy.

Hey, guys, you down there?

Hey.

What are you guys doing? Oh, Johnny, thank God you're here. A mad scientist

switched all our brains.

With what?

Others, duh. Now get us out of here.

Is there some kind of prank?

Johnny, honey, honey, Johnny.

I'm over here.

You guys, enough is enough. Come on. Pete, help me up. Over here.

Hello.

I guess that would make you Ashley.

Yes, I'm Ashley. What is so hard to understand?

Come on, you guys. Your trick -or -treaters are already starting to

Johnny.

Can't you tell that it's really me?

Look, you guys, if you're just gonna... Johnny!

Honey?

Hi, baby.

We should call the police.

And tell them what?

Somebody swapped our brains?

And get that stupid look off my face.

I knew you could do it, Johnny. You were so good with your hands.

Berg is Sharon.

Sharon is Berg.

You're Pete.

Where's Ashley?

Guess what?

I just peed standing up.

Okay.

Problem solved.

The problem is not solved.

I mean, look at me. I have breath and a thong and... And I'll be right back.

kitchen. Sharon Berg in the living room.

Berg, get your hands out of your pockets.

forgot to tell you.

Oh, my God.

And you are going to be in no mood to go to work on Monday.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. My new job.

And my boss is such a dog. And with my luck, he'll have bad taste.

All right, Pete, put a cork in it. I have my own problem.

You should buy some boxes or you're never going to have kids.

a little steam bath social.

For once, I could sit in a room full of naked babes without rerouting the old

blood supply.

Johnny, stop me. I'll get a reputation.

Oh, my God. What are we going to do?

What if we never get out of these bodies? What if we are trapped this way

the rest of our lives?

Honey, I'm scared.

Whoa, whoa, that there.

Just, uh, walk it off.

Johnny, be sweet to me.

Johnny, she's scared. She needs you.

Go to her.

I need a beer. Oh, yeah, that'll fix everything.

here do you love me for my mind or is it the way i look well of course i love

you for your

That's okay, baby. You don't have to kiss me.

I mean, you know I love you. I love you, too.

Something goes wrong.

That's a chance I'm willing to take.

Okay. I see a thingy for that thingy.

A thingy for that thingy.

Attach this to your dad right here.

And then throw the switch.

Or this switch.

And what the hell, it's beating Ashley.

You guys okay? Did it work?

Wait a minute.

I can't tell.

Okay, okay. Time to do Berg and Sharon.

All right, Johnny, just hurry up before that crazy guy comes back.

Sharon? Honey, sweetie, I'm going to put your pretty little brain right there.

Say it, okay.

Chick Bird's brain.

Upsy -daisy.

Severed head is no reason not to be a lady.

Is the cerebral cortex lining up with the spinal column?

Sure.

Do you have any idea what you're doing? Hey, I put your bookshelf together,

didn't I?

Johnny! Johnny, the crazy guy behind you! Okay, stay away from us.

Your brain -switching head?

That's me.

Of course, I do other things, but I'm pretty much focused on that right now.

Remember you promised I could pick your brain?

down here.

Okay, how about this switch?

Oh, yeah, come on.

Oh, whatever!

Well, I guess I won't be getting that breath back.

Hey, guys, the game's almost over. You want to go get something to eat?

Yeah, let's just wait for Sharon to get back. Got to hand it to you, Johnny.

You did a great job.

Yeah, it's great having everything back to normal.

Hey, Cher.

Hi,

guys.

Cher,

I need a shake.

I just did.

Apparently I'm part Greek.

I guess you really do love me from my mind. Yeah.

You're so strong.