Original subtitles

Ashley, are you ready for some fun?

Oh, gee, I'd love to, Pete, but I'm going to a football game.

Ashley, if you've never been to a football game before, then how do you

won't like it?

Well, that's a good argument, Berg. And when my mother used it, I vomited

broccoli on her lap.

All right, I just want to remind you guys that today, everything is on me.

My treat.

Then can I get a foam finger and a leather jacket?

Hey, guys!

All right, and I just want to remind you that today is my treat. Your money is

no good with me. You know, you don't have to pay for us.

Now, now, since Pete has generously offered to pay for the game with the

that he earned from the job that he stole from me, I say let's bleed the

dry.

I'm getting a foam finger.

Ashley, you look really cute.

Oh, thanks.

What? Well, usually when one girl tells another girl that she looks cute, the

other girl then says, so do you.

All the time.

Yeah.

But you're dressed like a boy.

I'm going upstairs to change.

So what's with Sharon?

Oh, she's just been a little on edge, you know, with the wedding plans and

everything. All right. How's that going?

I don't know. Sharon's handling all the arrangements. She's been planning this

since she was six.

Guys, can you stop talking about the wedding?

All right? Today is not about a wedding.

Today is about football.

It's about me treating you to football.

Too bad you're not getting married today because Pete would pay for it.

Yeah, Bert, make fun of me. But you know what? This is really important to me.

I'm making good money now.

Money isn't everything.

Yeah, that's what people who don't make money say.

Oh, Sharon, I have to say, that's a really cute outfit.

Why, thank you, Ashley.

Okay, I'm changing. No, come on, come on.

Hi, Pete.

Hi, Irene.

Gosh, gosh, I haven't seen you since... Valentine's Day when you humiliated me

and dumped me.

No, I was going to say, look, I'm really sorry. Oh, don't be a stupid.

You don't have to apologize.

I've done a lot of reflecting since then, and I realized that I was just a

bugaboo.

Oh, here.

I made you this at the hospital.

Oh.

You were at the hospital?

Did I say hospital?

Where's my head? I meant ceramics class.

Hey, look, guys.

I can put my marbles in here to keep from losing them.

in it. You just put it in there, all of it. All the hate and the bile and the

blood, red screams from the night.

Bad voices, bad voices, go away!

Well, thank you, thank you. Irene, I will cherish this bowl always.

I would, but we're all going to the football game, and I only have five

Oh, hi, Berg.

Hi, Amy.

Okay.

Well, some other time, I guess.

See you later, woman hater. Oh.

Whoa, whoa, you can't go to the game dressed like that.

Why not? Just because it's cold.

And if you wear that, everyone will know it.

Come on, no one's even going to notice what I'm wearing, right?

Hmm?

Going upstairs.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, Sharon, no changing. The game's

starting.

I don't think so, Pete. It's really starting to pour.

Come on, we're going. I paid for these tickets.

Well, don't they give you your money back when the games rain down? They

cancel football games for rain. They cancel baseball games for rain. Yeah,

they don't cancel football games. But they cancel tennis matches for rain. But

not football games. But it's flu season. They don't cancel football games for

rain.

Well, it doesn't matter. I'm not sitting in the rain for three hours. Me either.

The top gets see -through when it's wet.

Apparently the sales girl warned her at hooker's dress for less.

Fine. Then, you know what? Just us guys will go.

Pete looks like I won't make it to the game.

Johnny, I already have the tickets.

Well, you can buy us tickets to something else. Oh, yeah. How about an

gallery? Hey, hey. Everybody, who's up for an art gallery?

No, seriously. I think they're showing the works of Boris Two -Tier.

Well, how about a movie?

I'm game for that.

How about this one?

Chick flick. How about this one?

I don't want to go to the movies with everybody. I want to spend the day with

you alone.

I know, but it's my one day off. Can't I spend it with my friends?

Yeah, but I thought you'd want to spend your one day off with me.

All the time.

Geez, how much do you think I can take?

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that I want to see how much I can take.

Because I never seem to get enough.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't count on getting any more for a long, long time. No, no,

no.

I'm sorry. That came out all wrong. Look, what I meant to say was Sharon

like a hooker.

Guys, let's just see the movie that's playing at the Beacon. All right. Starts

in 20 minutes, so let's go.

Please? Okay, fine, but I have to change.

What? What? What?

This is a football outfit, not a movie outfit.

Man, is she ever obsessed.

I'll be right back.

Come on.

Guys, we're going to miss the film.

Don't worry about it. Just why don't you run ahead, get the tickets, and we'll

meet you at the theater.

Why didn't I think of that? I mean, you know, you're letting me pay for

everything. The least I can do is scurry on down and save your seats.

Hey, hey, hey.

Godspeed.

Everything okay with you and Ashley? Yeah, I think so.

I got a hand to you, though, Johnny. Letting Sharon plan the whole wedding.

You're a bigger man than I.

What are you talking about?

Aren't you at all curious about what she's planning?

You guys don't exactly have the same taste, remember?

When she had you tied the sweater around your shoulders?

Pete and I still laugh about that.

Okay, I'm ready. Let's go.

Yeah, we gotta wait for Sharon.

Okay, I'm ready.

Hey, honey, Sharon.

I was just thinking maybe we should discuss the wedding plans.

Oh, no, no, no. It's just gonna bore everybody.

Well, I'd like to know.

Okay, well.

It's going to be a very simple ceremony.

We'll arrive at the church in your standard horse -drawn carriage.

Then, as the cathedral doors open, three harpists will be playing Ave Maria.

As I'm walking down the aisle with my 20 -foot train of satin, which is trailing

across the carpet of yellow and pink rose petals.

You know, Falstaff picture picture.

Sure. Am I there? I don't remember you.

I don't recall you mentioning me.

Oh, God.

Of course you're there, baby.

You're the one signaling the guests to release the 200 white turtle doves.

Hey, bring an umbrella.

Pretty amazing, huh?

Well, honey, I don't think my family's going to understand.

You know, we have some traditions that we like to do, too. Oh, like what?

Well,

like the money dance.

The money dance?

Yeah. All the guys take turns dancing with you, and then they each pin a

bill to your dress.

Strangers are going to be pinning dirty dollar bills to my wedding dress?

There's bound to be a couple of fives in there.

And then what happens?

Well, then you walk around all night with currency pinned to you. What a

bride you'll be.

Sweetie, I really don't think we should get involved in this. Oh, why not? These

are your friends. Don't we do everything with your friends? Would you let up?

You're like a dog with a bone.

Did you just call me a dog?

Johnny, I just think the money dance sounds stupid.

What's stupid is a horse -drawn carriage. Don't you think the horse

going to get all tangled in the string of cans?

I will no sooner do the money dance at my wedding than I will the chicken

Oh, chicken dance? What kind of wedding?

She just needs a little time alone.

Why, you think I should talk to Sharon?

No, she just needs to cool off.

You know what he plans? Oh, oh, try, try. I dare you. Oh, Johnny, I got a

Okay, I don't know what the hell that is, but I'm not changing.

Ashley, sweetheart, listen, if you're still upset about the art gallery...

I think we should put a cork in it about the art gallery because I can't go

anyway since they don't allow dogs.

Okay, as long as we're cool about the art gallery.

I have been stuck down there in the cold and the rain and no one shows up except

for emotionally unstable Irene, who of course is mad at me because I told her

I'd be at the game.

Which is on TV!

It's a great game, too.

So, Irene and I are sitting in a sold -out theater saving six seats and I keep

saying to her, Irene, you'll see my friends are coming. You'll see they're

coming. Do you know how stupid I looked?

Have you seen Sharon?

you guys forgot.

You're a bunch of insensitive, self -centered jerks. Where's Irene?

I ditched her at the theater.

As long as we're going to watch the game, you might as well have these.

Big foam fingers? No, I don't have big foam fingers.

I have tickets.

Here's yours.

Here's yours.

Here's yours and yours. Thank you. There you go.

He's getting a beer.

Hey, everybody.

Sharon's going to the kitchen. Release the doves.

path with pink and yellow rose petals.

How long have they been arguing?

Uh, they started a couple minutes after us.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am not going to sit around here and watch you

fight. I'm going to get something to eat.

I could eat. I'm starving. Me too. What the hell? It's on peak.

I'm not going anywhere with you guys if you continue to bicker, so if you want

to come with me, you're all just going to have to get along.

Yeah. Well, we've all been acting silly.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Not me.

Said the girl wearing the money.

All right.

Where do we want to eat? I don't care. Any place is fine by me.

How about Italian?

I had that yesterday. I can't have that two days in a row. I hardly think

beefaroni qualifies as Italian.

Too fatty. Indian? Too spicy.

Sushi? That's too raw. Stop it!

Just... Stop.

All right, um, how about Chinese?

We all like Chinese.

They serve pork.

And? I can't stand pork.

I can't smell it, I can't look at it, I can't have it anywhere on the table.

Right, and I forgot they don't eat their own.

Excuse me? Nothing. All right.

Why don't we just get Chinese and nobody orders pork?

Sounds good. All right.

See? See how hard was that? See how easy things are when everybody shows a

little consideration?

Pete?

Irene? Uh -huh.

Would you like your popcorn?

Hey, Irene, you know what? I was just coming to get you. We're going to go out

for Chinese food. Why don't you come with us?

Okay, where's the joke? Because if there's a joke at the end of this, it's

joke. It's a meanie.

No joke. We're going to Red Dragon. It'll be fun.

Okay. Then I'll go feed my cats and meet you there.

Okay. Red Dragon. Half an hour.

Did you just say Red Dragon? Because I don't feel like Chinese food.

This is an amazing game.

And look at all the single guys that got to go.

Look at this way, Johnny. At least we're not getting any.

Pete's is here.

Hey, how much do I owe you?

Fifteen bucks.

Okay. Pete.

I am starving.

Fifteen.

There you go. Thank you. Belly. Belly.

Belly.

There you go.

Who had the pasta? Pasta. Pasta.

Who ordered Chinese?

Oh, I did.

What? I said I didn't want it then.

Does anybody have a five?

That's a low.

a chinese restaurant i drank three pots of tea but i was afraid to get up go to

the bathroom for fear i'd lose the table do you want to use our bathroom

You know, you've all been acting like children all day, and now somebody got

hurt. I want you to think very hard about that.

He sure yaps away for a guy that doesn't feel like talking.

We'll be good.

Why should I believe you?

Huh?

You know, I was really excited about today.

I got a brand new job, and I just wanted to treat us all to something really

special. And I kept thinking, why don't we do this more often?

You know what?

Now I know.

Do me a favor. Just sit here and eat your meal in silence.

Oh, for God's sake, we're trapped in a

room with pork.

It's just Chinese food. Yeah, Chinese food. We could have been eating in a

restaurant if it wasn't for you. Hey, hey, hey, careful how you talk to my

fiancé. Yeah, or he won't invite you to the hoedown. I mean wedding.

You know, Bert, none of this... This would have happened if you hadn't forced

to go to a football game.

What's that, Ashley?

Thank you, Pete, for your kindness. Thank you, Pete, for dinner.

Mine's cold.

You know, Pete, we're sick of you rubbing it in our face. Ooh, look how

am. I can take all my friends to a football game.

Oh, yeah, I'll let you guys know. Those tickets were free.

What? What?

Some guy gave them to me at work.

Wait, what, what? I'm the bad guy now?

Great relaxing Sunday, Berg. I'm leaving.

Fine, fine. Walk out, because I want to spend the day with my friends. Yeah,

your friends, your friends. We have to spend all day with your friends. They're

your friends, too. Oh, please, since when?

We're not your friends?

Oh, come on. Let's face it. I'm just the friend -in -law.

I mean, I wouldn't even be here if I weren't attached to Berg.

Is that the way you really feel? No, that is the way you feel. It's the way

of you feel. I mean, nobody ever asks me what I want to do, and Pete compares me

to swine.

And Sharon, you're always competing with the way I dress.

Ashley, have you ever had friends before? That's what friends do.

Well, today didn't feel like friendship.

Yeah, like you have a point of reference.

This is what friends do.

You know, you guys might have a difficult time believing this, but I

time getting close to people.

Well, we're getting close.

No. Okay.

You know, Sharon, in the spirit of forgiveness, you don't have to do the

dance. Damn straight I don't.

And I don't have to ride in a horse -drawn carriage, right?

Phoebe, I thought we were making up.

This is supposed to be my wedding, too.

Look, if you wanted input with the wedding, you should have said something

before I started making all the plans.

You were sick.

me to. Well, I don't actually want you to help, but I want you to want to.

you'll want to.

Thank you.

That's all I wanted to hear.

Now stay out of it.

Hey, you know, well, who's to say that this day is a total write -off? You

I bet if we hurry, we can still make a late movie.

Yeah, finally, we're getting out of here.

All right, my treat.

Are you wearing that? Yeah.

I'm going to change.

Are you sure this is going to work? Yeah, I do it all the time. Buy half

tickets during the day for full -price showings at night.

He treats me like such a queen.

Nice try, lady. This is a matinee ticket.

Berg! Pete! I'm so embarrassed.

I'll go buy more tickets.

Hi.