Original subtitles

How was your date with Benita last night?

Great, until get this.

Ashley shows up at the restaurant.

No way.

See, I knew it. I knew it. From the moment I met her, I told you there was

something weird about her. Yep.

She's a freak.

It's good. You finally came to your senses.

You would have been proud of me, too, because I told her I hated her. Good

And then I said, I despise you. And I loathe you.

Damn you. I detest you.

Race you to the bedroom, you freak. You're off.

She's wearing my shirt.

Oh, man.

You can't get this in your fancy health club.

The sweet smell of 50 years of cigar smoke and sweat.

That stinks of it. I never pictured you a fight fit. Are you kidding?

When I was a kid, my dad took me to a Hagler -Hearns fight. I got to sit

Eric Estrada and a woman I'm pretty sure was a hooker.

Oh, man, oh, man, there's Boom Boom Mancini on the Bum -a -da, Bum -a -da,

-a -da bag.

You want to meet him? No, no, no, it's okay. Get him on. Okay.

Hey, Rick.

Johnny, how you doing? Good, man, good.

Where's your girlfriend?

That's my buddy, Burry. He wanted to meet some real boxers, so, uh, you know

him?

Very funny.

Let's see how your sisters work.

Do their kids still look like me?

Boom, boom!

Yeah, that never grows old.

Ah, okay, okay. Here's Buster. You're gonna love this guy. Growing up, he used

to protect me from all the bullies.

You? You? Big Moose used to get beat up?

I was scrawny, all right? Up until I was 14, I wasn't much bigger than you.

Hey, Buster!

it before, Johnny. You're distracting me.

You're bleeding there. Let me take a look at that lip. This is Berg, the new

man I was telling you about. It's no use. Once it opens, it never closes.

It's like cats.

What's that?

It's a musical that's been playing for...

Put this on his lip there. Way to go, Buster. Now I gotta call a promoter and

postpone a fight.

No, you don't.

A little gauze, a little secret sauce, and you should be fine. You can take

off now.

Oh, man!

What happened to the cut?

I'm a doctor.

I heal.

Mr. Soap?

Meet Mrs. Soap.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh,

wait. Hold on, Burke. I'll let you in. Oh, it's okay, Pete. I got it.

Ashley. Ashley, what?

You have a key to our apartment? Yeah, Bert gave me one. He thought it'd be

easier. He gave you a key to our apartment without discussing it?

Oh, no, no, no. We talked about it. I agreed with him.

Ashley, you know, I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Oh, yeah? You getting ready for a big meeting in your underpants?

What's that supposed to mean?

Come on, Pete. I'm just teasing you because, you know, you got nothing going

Ashley, you know what?

No, Pete, Pete, Pete. I'm trying to study. Oh, and besides, Mrs. Soap wants

to take her into the other room.

Here's to having you back where you belong, baby.

Here, here.

And I'm sorry about that whole thing with Sean.

Uh -uh.

Ground rule.

Here you mention her name again. Okay, you got it. Let's just not fight

No, no, no.

I can't believe Ashley.

She barges in like she owns the place. She makes herself at home. She

me. I have no privacy. Move over.

I hate her. I hate her.

You know, I can't say anything because she's Berg's girlfriend.

Oh, sure you can. It's her apartment.

You should leave my apartment right now and go straighten it out.

Right now.

Pete Sharon's right. It's like that old saying, girlfriends come and go, but

friends are forever.

Girlfriends come and go?

Yeah, yeah. You know, here today, gone tomorrow. Thanks, Johnny.

Is that what you really think, Johnny?

No, no.

I'm just saying there's a powerful bond between two friends.

Right, like the powerful bond with your friend Sean?

You broke the Sean rule! Oh, you said her name! I can't believe you said her

name! Wait, wait, wait, Sharon, Sharon, look, you know what?

I don't want to take sides here.

Johnny's right.

Excuse me? You did say Sean's name first.

And in Johnny's defense... Please don't. No, no, no, no, no. You know what,

Johnny, she needs to hear this. Okay, no, no, the madness has to stop.

Look, you know what? We are all sick of hearing Sean's name.

I mean, Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean.

You know what I'm sick of?

I'm sick of people who sit around in their bathrobe all day complaining about

how they don't have a real job.

They stick their big fat noses into the lives of people who have, get this,

lives!

Thanks for sticking up for me. Yeah, sure.

came down here to tell you I support you 100%. You know, Sharon, it's a little

rude not to knock.

They're having a big guy fest up there to hell with them. I just want you to

know I am with you, sister!

What are you talking about? The thing with Pete.

What thing with Pete? You know, how you get on his nerves.

He said that? Don't worry.

I set him straight between you and...

You have every right to be here no matter how much Pete doesn't like you.

Pete told you that he doesn't like me? Yes.

It's a small man who can't handle a woman that's cold and aloof.

If you ladies will excuse me, I just came down to get me and Johnny a little

more white wine.

So, you don't like me.

What? Who told you that?

Your big mouth friend, Sharon.

Sharon? Big mouth? Well, what would you call it?

Now I know you both hate me, but I hate you one more.

I'm nowhere to go.

Oh.

You're here.

Hey, Ashley, you know what? You're flying monkeys. We're just in here

for you.

behind a munchkin.

Are you here to complain about me to Berg?

No. I don't need Berg's help to deal with you. You're lucky I don't squash

with my slipper and flush you down the toilet.

Fine. But if you're gonna wait, wait over there.

Fine.

I'm not pointing to the booth.

I'm pointing to Rhode Island.

Really great. Yeah? Throwing bunches and bunches. Yeah, it felt good.

Hey, uh, you've been doing such a great job, so I got you something. What's

this? Just open it.

Okay.

Two bird keep punching marvelous Marvin Hagler. Johnny told me you were a fan.

Yeah, I don't know what to say. Thank you. I kind of forget about it.

Ow!

most important people in my life. Come here, guys.

Buster Garrett, I would like you to meet Pete, Sharon, and Ashley, my happy

little family.

It's nice to meet you. Hey, Pete, you got any slices?

Yeah, we got pepperoni, mushroom, or Canadian bacon.

Ooh, Canadian bacon.

Coming right up.

I think I'm more excited about this fight than you are. That's because

not the guy getting punched in the face.

Can I talk to you for a second? Sure. Hey, you got any slices?

Pepperoni, mushroom, or Canadian bacon?

I'll take the Canadian bacon.

Whatever they say, it's not my fault.

Sharon,

you're babbling again. You should be home nursing that high fever.

You can't be sick, okay? Because we are all...

Going to the fights tonight.

Front row.

Buster here has got a shot at the guy who has a shot at the guy who has a shot

at the title.

It's like I'm dreaming.

Hey, you got any slices?

How about a Canadian bacon?

You read my mind.

Bert, can I talk to you for a second?

Oh, wait a minute, Bert. I need to...

Yeah, um, I think there's something wrong with Buster.

What do you mean?

He just asked for the same slice of pizza three times.

That doesn't mean anything.

How many times have you told me that Art Garfunkel in the airport story?

Berg, he just, you know, he seems kind of out of it.

No, look, trust me, okay? I'm a medical student.

Pete, you don't know what you're talking about. You're right. Pete doesn't know

what he's talking about. You want me at the apartment, don't you, Berg? It's not

my fault Pete doesn't have a job.

petty little troubles you guys are having i'm in a really good mood so

just do me a favor and handle it like civilized adult come on buster

let's go beat somebody up

Well, I figured you'd do something stupid like change the lock, so I left

window open a crack.

A crack?

Oh, wait a minute. I forgot.

Vampires can turn into mist.

Hello.

All right.

Buster is having the fight of his life tonight, and the three of you...

I'm not going to ruin it for him and Bert.

It's not my fault. Well, it certainly isn't mine.

Hey, they're not going to talk to you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No more

pointing fingers.

We're going to sit down and talk this through and find some common ground.

Fine. Fine. All right. Fine.

Who would like to start?

Ashley? What's the big deal? I just wanted to spend a little bit of time at

boyfriend's house. I mean, I thought his idiot roommate and I were getting

along.

It's not like he told me anything was wrong.

That's right. I was just sitting here, minding my own business, quietly hating

you.

Okay. Sharon?

Well, I was just upstairs trying to have a romantic dinner, and if you hadn't

said the S -word, I wouldn't have had to come down here and rat -peed out the S

-word. Gone.

the reason you got so upset and laughed. It was you.

Well, it looks like we found our common ground.

Shouldn't we be pointing the finger at her? I mean, everything was okay until

she got here.

Oh, really?

Why don't we ask Sean?

I

want

everyone to know I am just here for Bert. Well, why do you think I'm here?

according to the Bible, to balance good.

Oh, man.

These seats are awesome. We're sure to get some sweat.

I just want to say you're the best cut man a fighter could ever have.

Hey, you know, and you're the best fighter a cut man could ever have.

Forget about it.

If you ladies are through, it's time.

have a beer for me and my friends? How many?

One.

Can you believe her?

Oh, I'm still mad at her. I'm talking to you.

Where are you going?

I'm going to talk to Berg.

Do you believe her? Do you believe her? She's probably going over to Berg the

bad mouth. I hope so.

After the fight, I got something for you. Hey, come on now. You already got

that picture of Hagler.

Who told you?

Get in his face, kid. Get in his face.

Get out of his face. Out of his face.

Hey, Bert.

The fight's starting.

Bert. Pete.

I'm in the middle of a fight here. Yeah, I know. So am I.

It's true. I don't like Ashley hanging around.

What? I didn't tell him.

What? Yes. Once again, you're the idiot.

Well, you know what? I never would have said anything if Sharon didn't open her

big mouth.

You suck.

Guys, some bikers are eyeing your seats.

No kidding. I'm getting killed out there.

Hey, how you doing?

Get back to your seats.

I'm not going back to my seat. And you know what? This is all your fault. None

of this would have happened if you didn't give Ashley a key.

Wait a second. You gave Ashley a key without checking with Pete first? That's

really wrong. So this is all Berg's fault. You know, kid, it's none of my

business. But they make a good point.

I'm going to tell you how it is, all right?

Sharon, you and Johnny, you fight and you make up, you fight and you make up.

Find some other kind of foreplay.

You're my best friend. Ashley, you're my girlfriend, and I'm keeping you both,

so deal with it. And you.

Spit!

That's right.

As long as we've been together, why haven't we not been fighting? Sorry.

What, you don't think I'm sick of it?

Maybe girlfriends do come and go, and friends are the only ones that laugh.

Come on, Cher, I didn't mean it. Then why did you say it? I don't know.

Face it, I'm going to say a lot of stupid things in our lifetime.

If you want to hold all of them against me, we're going to be miserable.

What did you just say?

Again, I said something stupid. I'm not very... No, no, no, no, no, no.

You said we were going to be miserable for a lifetime.

Oh, Johnny, that's so sweet. No, no, no, actually... Why should I be nice

to you?

It's not like you ever said a nice thing about me.

You know, Ashley, it's pretty clear you don't like me very much. Actually, Pete,

I happen to like you a lot. Oh, yeah, right.

I guess that's why you put me down all the time. Yeah, like how you and your

friends always tease each other. I mean, you call me the devil.

You're the spawn of Satan.

Exactly. I was just trying to be part of the gang.

Well, you know what?

Could you maybe try to not be so good at it? Yeah, I could do that. All right, I

can help, too. All right, I'll try to be more patient when you're around.

I'll try and remember that you're going through a difficult time and you don't

really have anything going for you except for your routine.

Try to be less abrasive, that might help. And try and be less of a baby.

enough making up. Okay.

How am I doing?

You're behind on points, kid. We need a knockout. He's not looking so good. Work

your magic.

I'm counting on you, Larry.

I'm not Larry.

Larry was his old cut man.

Buster, who am I?

You're Larry, Larry.

Jeez, you'd think he was the one in the fight. Okay,

that's it. That's it. We're stopping the fight. I'm calling in the radio. Hey,

what are you doing?

Something is wrong with you.

I can beat him. He's tired.

From beating you senseless.

I want to stop the fight.

All right.

He looks fine to me. Let's go.

No, no, no.

He shouldn't be fighting. He said my name was Larry.

You look like a Larry.

thrown in the towel.

punch drunk. They say I shouldn't fight anymore. They don't know what the hell

they're talking about.

Buster, you know they do. If you don't stop fighting now, you're risking

permanent brain damage.

Yeah? That you don't know what the hell you're talking about? I got a shot now.

It's over.

The hospital is going to report you to the boxing commission.

I don't have to worry about them.

See? I gave the hospital a fake name.

Buster Garrett with one R isn't going to fool anyone.

Playing with your life here.

Fighting is my life. Not anymore.

I'm reporting you myself.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how about I show you how well I can still fight by breaking your face?

Okay, okay.

You have no idea how terrified I am right now.

But I'm still going to report you.

You're... You're fine.

Well, uh, the shoulder's acting up again, and there's this hole in the

And, oh, I had to tell a guy that the only thing he's ever done in his life he

can't do anymore.

How you doing?

Bert, come on. You did the right thing.

Yeah, Bert. And you know what? Look on the bright side.

In a few years, he won't remember.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Is there anything that we can do?

No, I think I'm just going to take a walk.

Okay.

You're a buster.

Sure puts our problems into perspective.

Yeah, I know. All I could think about was how I was going to get Berg back for

giving Ashley a key.

Me too.

What were you going to do?

Leave a message on his machine as an ex -girlfriend.

You? I was going to leave a home pregnancy test kit on his dresser.

Good. You really put a lot of thought into that.

He's my best friend.

How long

till

you think somebody finds us?

This was a really dumb idea.