Original subtitles

Only Katie and Spud would get registered at a trendy gadget store like Future

Image. I think it's genius.

I say we chip in and get them the night goggles.

That's good, Bert. Nothing says commitment and trust like surveillance

equipment.

Hello? Want a beer?

Is there a float parked outside?

It's my first time being a bridesmaid. If I want to wear the gloves, I'm

the gloves.

Hey, Pete.

Hey, princess.

I'm telling you, the only way to watch the Godfather movies is one right after

the other.

And I believed that then.

I believe that now.

Hey, give me 20 bucks for Katie's wedding gift.

How about the, uh, the toothpaste maker?

Toothpaste maker? Katie who?

Katie. Your ex -girlfriend.

Well, you know what? I don't think I'm going to go. I'm not good at weddings.

That's not true.

You're only not good at weddings compared to me.

He is quite the dancer.

You're a cross between John Travolta and Fred Astaire.

With a dash of Gomez Adams.

Cara Mia?

Oh,

you still got it.

And I plan to use it.

If I can get Ashley to go with me, I'll twirl her.

dip her, and charm her right into my web of love.

Genius, Gomez.

Of course.

Ouch!

Sorry, Tish.

spoke with Katie, she really wants you to come to the wedding.

Fine. You know what? Aren't ex -girlfriends supposed to drop off the

earth? And if they don't have the decency to do that, they should at least

miserable.

Or get majorly, majorly fat.

Well, I heard she has put on a few.

Really?

Come on!

If you don't make up your mind, then it won't be time to rent you a tux.

Fortunately, I already own a tux.

You do? Really?

Sure. For those jukebox repairman awards.

All my buddies are getting married.

I've been best man, like, seven times.

Now, James Brown.

Now, that's a tux.

Ow!

That man had style, yeah?

Super wide lapel, striped down the pant leg, pleated cummerbund, all in a

cranberry -crushed velvet. Sing it. Not perfect. No.

I'll see you later?

Wish me luck.

Uh, Ashley?

Oh, hey, Berg. Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Um,

listen, I'll get right to it.

I'm tired of hitting on you.

I mean, it doesn't seem like either one of us are really getting much out of it.

Okay, Berg, what's the catch?

No. No catch.

I just want to be friends.

Fair enough. We're friends.

Yeah? Yeah.

Excellent. All right.

Listen, I have this other group of friends, and we're all going to a party

Sunday. No.

It was a little late, but the catch finally got here. No.

No, it's just a party. Now, there's people in a room. You know, nothing big.

A little wedding.

A wedding? Berg, there's no way. Come on. It's not like it's our wedding.

Just think of it as a party with a couple of vows up front.

A couple of vows, Berg? It's the most important day in two people's lives.

Why are you putting all this pressure on us?

Thanks, but no thanks.

How'd it go?

Well, if I had a seatbelt and an airbag, I'd be alive today.

Hey, Ashley.

Uh -huh? Can I talk to you? Yeah.

For what it's worth, getting involved with someone like Berg would terrify me,

too. What are you talking about?

Okay, I'm freezing my butt off. You know what I'm talking about.

Berg's great.

Knock it off and give him a chance.

Sharon, I like Berg.

I just don't like him in that way.

Oh, okay, okay.

So that's why you never walk through the store to study without wearing fresh

lipstick.

Okay, I have dry lips.

Yeah, yeah, I knew it had to be something.

I mean, when a girl turns you down for the 11th time...

You've got to be able to take the hint.

She didn't even want to be friends with me.

Friends isn't exactly what you were going for. Yeah, but she didn't know

Katie and I, we're just friends. Just friends, you know?

No!

Come on, guys, snap out of it. You're not the only ones with problems.

There's a very good chance I could show up at this wedding with a fourth top.

How you doing with all this?

I know you and Katie were... It's bad.

Oh, come on, Pete. Just think. She's going to be stuck with Spud for the rest

her life.

Does anyone know exactly how much weight they've gained?

He's exactly the same.

Bert?

Buy me a drink?

Hank, Cape Cod, no fruit.

You know what? Good for Bert. Maybe Terry will take his mind off that ice

for a while.

Oh, you can't totally blame Ashley for being a little wary of Berg.

I am very impressed you remember what I drink.

That's not all I remember.

We had some time, Berg.

Like that time we pulled the old risky business on the subway?

Yeah.

That wasn't me.

Yeah.

It was.

No.

But I do remember that time on top of the Prudential building. Oh, yeah, that

was incredible.

That wasn't me.

You know what? What if Terry's right? What if Katie was the one?

When did she say that?

She didn't.

But she honestly thought we were good together.

You're blowing this whole Katie thing out of proportion.

You're just freaking out because everyone you know is moving on, right?

Doing things with their lives, their careers, and you don't have any of that.

We must have. I know we wanted to. Then why wouldn't we?

We must have. How could we forget?

I say we should go refresh our memories.

Uh, we're going back to the apartment for a while. We, uh, forgot something.

So, get this.

Ashley switches from the day shift to the night shift to get away from... This

girl just keeps rejecting you and rejecting you and you keep going back

more? I'm as baffled as you.

She doesn't laugh at any of my jokes, won't return any of my phone calls, and

she has... She has probably the best, most amazing smile I've

ever seen.

Wow, you really know how to turn a girl on.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's okay. I just... I miss you, Berg.

I miss me, too.

I don't think this is going to happen.

Really?

You want anything?

Well, yeah.

But I'll settle for soda.

In some cultures, soda can be more satisfying than sex.

No.

See?

It's okay, I'm okay.

Do you have a blow dryer? In the bathroom, yeah.

What the hell is wrong with me?

What are you doing here? Oh, I just, um, I wanted to apologize for the way I

blew you off before.

And, um, I'm really flattered that you offered to take me to the wedding. And I

would love to go with you as your friend.

Are you kidding me? No.

Well, this is great.

Actually, that's outstanding.

I don't know what to say.

These really are easier ways to get a girl undressed.

Okay, because we are all friends here.

Obviously some closer than others.

But no, we are just friends, Berg, right?

Friends. So I will see you Sunday.

Okay.

That was Ashley.

And you know what the real tragedy is? The real, real tragedy. That tomorrow is

the first day of the rest of Katie's life without me.

Really? I thought that was like four years ago, the day she dumped you.

Oh, I see.

Relationship insight from Ashley's friend, Ashley's pal, Ashley's buddy.

Hey, she's coming with me, isn't she? Yeah, as a friend.

If that's the game she wants to play, I can play along.

She wants a friend, I'll be a friend. I will ooze friend.

How does that feel? Just a sec.

It's perfect.

You know, with Katie and me, it was just a scheduling thing.

You know, I mean, I was ready for a serious relationship, and she wasn't.

I bet. Who would have thought Spud would be the love of her life? He's not.

He's not.

No. She always told me that I was the love of her life. She said that she was

just going to wind up marrying whoever she was dating when she felt like

married. I bet Spud would love to hear about that.

Let it go.

You got enough room in the arms?

No, no, let me see.

Katie! Katie, give me a hug, you yowick.

Yeah, it's perfect.

You guys look great.

Oh, you know what? Johnny called me this morning. He has to borrow some

cranberry socks.

What?

You guys are so childish.

It's not about the clothes.

It's about the man.

And I love the man. I don't care what he's wearing.

Ah, Miss Carter, your dress is ready.

You'll make a beautiful bridesmaid.

It's not about the dress.

It's about the pathetic liar inside the dress.

Well, I would like to take this opportunity to say that you look

Thank you.

Shall I sign us in? Sure.

Okay.

Michael Bergen and Powell.

Wow, this is great.

Ash, take care of this for me, will you?

Sure. What are friends for?

Not only was Katie the first one of all the girls I dated who could have been

the one, she's also the first one of all the ones who could have been the one

that's getting married.

You see what I'm saying?

All I know is she's the last one that should be allowed to pick up bridesmaids

dresses.

I hate these shoes.

They're like little pink street jackets.

When's Johnny getting here?

He's meeting me here. He had to work late.

Hold on. Let me blow up your floaties.

Does she take it?

Oh, look at you.

Honey, what's wrong?

You look so handsome.

Thanks.

There it is.

Terry? Please.

Okay. Ashley? Oh, thank you, Berg. I would love some. You got it, amigo.

Thank you.

Why aren't you dancing with Ashley?

She is your date.

She's not my date.

She's a friend.

All... week you're telling me, practice your foxtrot, practice your foxtrot, and

now you won't dance with me?

Because I feel ridiculous in this thing. I don't care about the dress.

All right? It's the girl in it that I'm crazy about.

You are gonna get so lucky tonight.

I'd like to say a few words to the man who's stealing my Katie.

There's a certain feeling a father has when he sees joy on the face of his

little girl.

And since Katie's met Steve, I've never seen her so devoted, and I couldn't be

more proud to you, son.

She only got married to him because she felt like getting married. That's what

they ought to say.

Would anyone else like to say a few words?

Yeah, over here.

Hi.

Katie, you know, as you all know, Katie and I, we go way, way back.

We were very, very close.

And she told me something that was very, very interesting.

But I see you, and you're looking at her with all that love in your eyes.

Even though she's chomping away on that gum, God, I used to hate that.

And then I'd say something about it, and we'd get into this huge fight.

That morning we fought a lot, you know?

You know, I'm pretty happy now.

I'm pretty happy.

You know, I just...

career and Melissa broke up with me.

No, no, no, no. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I see other women. They do.

Can we shoot him now?

Let him go.

Actually, you know what?

There's this girl at the bank and I'm pretty sure she likes me.

I think I'm going to ask her out.

No, I am going to ask her out.

just great.

Don't worry about me, everybody.

You know, Pete Dunville, he's gonna be okay.

So, so, so, Katie, Spuddy, be healthy, be happy,

be married.

Oh, listen to that.

You got ooze and Oz. I'm the Wizard of Oz.

See that girl out there in the white dress and the 12 -foot head thing?

You mean the bride?

Yeah, her.

That could be me dancing with her.

Yeah, I know. I heard your toast.

You know, you gotta admit, it feels pretty stupid watching someone dance

the person that you should be dancing with.

That was subtle.

Wasn't meant to be.

Thanks, Pete.

Hey, pal.

Hey.

Want to dance?

Finally!

You're only giving me one dance, right?

That's right.

Yeah.

Tango!

with another woman, didn't it?

That's ridiculous.

And?

It bothers you that it bothers you, doesn't it?

Absurd.

Really?

Tell me something, Ashley.

Why else would you be dancing with me?

Oh, just admit it.

Okay, listen, Bert. You tried to play your childish little games on me, and it

didn't work, and I just don't need this anymore. Oh, you don't need this

anymore.

Oh, my God. I've been taking it on the chin from you for the last three months,

and I figured something was wrong with me. Well, you know what? Thank you.

Congratulations, Ashley, on making me feel this big.

So you can take your ice queen, game -playing, mixed -message crap and dump

on someone else,

What do you think of that, pal?

Kidding.

Look, I'm sorry, all right? No, no, no, Bert.

I'm sorry. You were right.

I'm right about what?

I do have feelings for you.

You do?

Happy?

Yes. I mean, I'm happy. I'm stunned. I'm a walking festival.

It's not... It's not that simple.

The problem is I have... Wait, wait, wait. You have what? You have a plane to

catch? A rash?

We met at undergrad, and now he's at school in Oxford.

And just when the hell were you planning on telling me this?

When it mattered.

So you're saying it matters?

Yeah, Berg.

I'm saying it matters.