Original subtitles

Oh. Well, this is a story about a guy named Al, and he lived in a sewer with

master pal, but the sanitation workers really didn't approve, so he packed up

his accordion and had to move to a city in Ohio, where he lived in a tree, and

he worked in a neighborhood congestion factory, and he played on the company

bowling team, and every single night he had a strange recurring dream, or he was

wearing leader holes and had a bat of sour cream, but that's really not

important in the story.

Well, very next year he met a dental hygienist with a special and a dude on

arm, but he didn't even touch any lobster, and then he got himself a job

tater tot farm, and he's back. And his life -saving battle -split level came 20

miles below the surface of the Earth And he really makes a mighty fine jelly

bean and pickles sandwich For what it's worth Then one day Al was in the forest

trying to get a tan When he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man

He was caught in a bear trap and Al set him free And the guy that he rescued was

grateful as could be And it turns out he's a big shot producer on TV So he

Al a contract and what do you know? Now he's got his very own weird Al!

Today's lesson is take responsibility for your action and always be

of others.

Oh, hey, how you doing?

I thought I was going to get all my chores done before the show started, but

these things kind of creep up on you.

Being a cave owner is a lot of work. It's taken me all morning just to wash

stalactites.

Maybe I should get a bigger brush.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I gotta give Harvey his weekly sponge bath and pedicure, fix my leaky atomic

reactor, recycle my used tissues, vacuum all the spicy cheese doodles off the

sofa, alphabetize my soap collection, visualize world peace, wax the kitchen

floor, scrape the mold off the cheese log, and throw out any milk that's not

from this year.

Man, this is too much responsibility.

Uh -oh, company!

Hi, Akaz. Hey! What brings you around here? I was wondering if I could borrow

box of smelly socks.

What do you need smelly socks for?

Well, actually, it's more the box I need.

Okay. I don't have time to explain. It's for an art project I'm working on.

There's big art fairs today, and I'm going to enter and win the grand prize,

autographed picture of Fabio.

Well, it's nice to have goals in life.

So, about that box?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Sorry. There you go.

Thanks. Now...

since I did a little favor for you.

Oh, no. What is it? Well, I am just swamped today. Could you maybe help me

with a few chores around here? Oh, I don't know, Al. I've got to finish my

project. I've got to get to the art fair.

Oh, please!

Please! Please! Please! Please!

Okay.

Just because you're so pathetic.

Oh, thanks, Corky. You're the best.

You can start on the... I'll give you the rest later.

Wash the hundred -year -old corn cob?

Well, now that Corky's on cave maintenance, I can get back to the show.

Speaking of which, I can tell by the old clock on the wall that once again it's

time for... Al's Mailbag, that's right.

Well, let's see what's in the old mailbag this week.

Corky, you're going to have to fix the mail chute. I think it's stuck.

Never mind, Corky.

Let's see. Got a letter here from Steve Chai in Bellingham, Washington. And

Steve writes, oh, it's an answer to our trivia question.

If you remember, we asked our viewers to name all 42 presidents of the United

States. Let's see if you did it.

Uh -huh.

Yeah. All right, Steve, you named them all.

You named them all Bob, but close enough.

You win this lovely used toothbrush. Good going.

Okay, what else we got here?

Junk mail.

What do I need with a travel brochure?

Spend a glorious vacation in beautiful Hawaii, sipping tall fruity drinks under

a shady palm tree with Daisy Fuentes rubbing your sore, tired shoulders.

That doesn't sound too javy.

Too bad I've got all this responsibility.

Got this cave, got this show.

Hawaii.

No, can't even think about it.

But you know, I really do deserve a break.

Probably shouldn't be doing this, but I just have to.

Corky can fill in for me. She's a real trooper.

Okay, it's off to see the world.

Bye, Harvey.

I'll probably be gone for several days, so...

I'm going to give you all your food right now.

Now, remember to pace

yourself. Don't eat it all at once.

Harvey, you hog.

Well, I'm out of here. While I'm gone, watch this Fat Man cartoon.

The Adventures of FATSMAN!

All

right,

pops, out of the way. We're on a big...

here. What? No.

You're kidding.

I'm on my way. Don't tell me evil alien pirates who look like giant fish and

come from a planet where they use bagels for money are robbing every deli in the

area. Yep. That is just so typical.

We need to formulate a plan.

Of course.

It's so obvious.

I'll just take down all the deli store signs.

Then the aliens won't know where to go.

Uh, do you really think... Sleep

easy, sir. You'll never be

vandalized again.

Harry,

run these up to our ATM, will ya?

Now that we've saved some for a rainy day, let's go shopping!

Excuse

me,

could I borrow this for just a tiny sec?

Saw this in a movie.

There. I just zeroed in on a signal from the fish's home planet and used it to

empty out their bank accounts. All those fish are now flat broke.

Decided I should get the bakery signs, too.

Good thinking.

Will this be cash or charge?

Let me check this out. Hey, running kind of low.

Better use my card.

I can't hold on anymore. I need to talk to someone about my bank account, and

I'm calling really long distance, and you don't... Oh, man, she put me on hold

again.

Fat man, the aliens are standing right over there.

You got a lot of fish, a lot of bagels.

That's all I'm gonna say.

We're the flamethrowers. I am four.

Okay, now let's see. One, aim away from faith.

Two, push button.

Take that, evil seafood!

Hey, everybody! We got a special today!

Bagels and smoked lox!

And it's kosher!

Come on!

isn't funny. What's this?

Al left Corky in charge of the show?

Looks like he isn't being very responsible or considerate!

Don't go away!

We'll be right back!

Can you believe it? The Weird Al show is back!

Hi. Um, I don't know where Al is right now, but I'm sure he's going to turn up

any second. I mean, this is his show, after all. I mean, he wouldn't... Phone!

Aloha, Corky.

Greetings from beautiful Hawaii.

What are you doing there?

This is so irresponsible of you. You're in the middle of a show.

Oh, I do a show every week. I'm entitled to a little time off.

Hey, you know Daisy Fuentes, don't you? Hi, Corky. Hi.

Al, you can't do this to me. Look, I agreed to help you out so that you could

your show, not so you could play hooky.

This is so irresponsible of you. Now, I don't know how to host a TV show. You've

got to get back here right now.

Corky, you would not believe how many Hawaiian shirts they have here. It's

amazing. Are you listening to me? I'm not kidding around.

Relax. You'll be great.

Just cover for me this one time, all right?

Oh, look.

It's Don Paul.

Wow. I've got to go. I'll send you a postcard. Bye. Wait.

Well,

it's me again.

So, is everybody having fun?

Don't worry.

I'll be back any day now.

Oh, doorbell's ringing.

Guess that means I should answer it.

Oh, hi, Bobby.

You're not Al.

Yes, yes, I know. Al's not here right now. Can I help you with anything?

Well, I'm doing a report for school.

Can you tell me how a nuclear reactor works?

Well...

No. Oh.

Anything else?

I really need to know how a nuclear reactor works.

Okay, okay, nuclear reactor. Think, Corky, think. What would Al do?

He'd show me a movie. Right, right, of course.

All right.

Well, Bobby, I hope this short film will answer your question.

On the way to school.

It isn't far.

And oh, it's fun.

Walk to school, walk to school. This is the way we walk to school. Walk to

school, walk to school. This is the way we walk to school. Skip to school, skip

to school. This is the way we skip to school. Skip to school, skip to school.

This is the way we... Say, there's something to see up here.

The new garage.

Well... Did that help?

Are you kidding?

That film had nothing to do with nuclear reactors.

Now I won't be able to do my report for school.

I'll fail out of class.

My self -esteem will drop through the floor. I'll start hanging out with the

wrong crowd. They'll trick me into joining some band of counter

from some small third -world country like Aruba. Then I'll be captured and

hostage by rebel forces only to escape from jail and live the life of a hunted

boy. A haunted boy!

It's all your fault!

No, it's not my fault! I was supposed to... Phone.

Hello?

Bonjour, Corky. Just checking in. Al, where are you?

Gee, I thought the Eiffel Tower thing back here would have been a dead

You're in France.

Oui, oui, Corky.

We eat the snails and we love the Jerry Lewis and we think all other Americans

are filthy pig dogs.

Okay, Al, listen to me very carefully.

While you're out globetrotting, your show is falling apart.

Oh, I am sure you are exaggerating. And besides all that, you're being really

inconsiderate. I had plans today. Now I can't finish my art project, I can't go

to the fair, and I'll never win that autographed picture of Fabio. Well, I

there's always next year, right? And Bobby was over here. He said that

of you, he's going to join a band of counter -revolutionaries in Aruba.

I think we've got a bad connection.

Look, Al, this show is your responsibility.

I never wanted to do it. I'm a lousy host, and I'm all out of ideas.

Hey, no problem. Just do what I do. Turn on the TV and see what they're doing on

the other channels.

Look, I've got to go. Corky, I really appreciate this. I'll call you later.

Okay, well, I guess we'll take a look at what's on the other channels right now.

Get those neck muscles really...

and four, and two, and two, and...

A new study says

if given the choice, most Americans would prefer to eat as much chocolate as

they can without getting fat over the ability to fly.

Fools.

Dad!

Dad, I'm stuck again!

Okay, son. You stay there. I'll be right back.

Well,

that wasn't very inspirational.

Yes, young lady, that's a very good question. Where is Yankovic?

Uh -oh. I mean, uh, hello, JB. What a nice surprise.

Speaking of surprises, you can imagine mine. When I turned on the Weird Al

and lo and behold, there's no Weird Al. Yes, well, I can explain. People like to

get what they expect.

And when I don't get what I expect, I become unhappy.

And when I'm unhappy, I'm not happy!

Of course not, but if you just... Now, I'm not an unreasonable man. You tell

Yankovic he can keep his TV show as long as he's back on the air in no, say,

five minutes.

Otherwise, he's out -ski. You got that?

Yes, sir.

I'm gonna kill him to cut his hair once in a while.

Just a thought. Ciao.

Oh, this is bad.

This is really, really bad.

Oh, thank goodness!

I'm Vanna, the squirmish cook.

I was watching the show. It looked like you could use some help.

Oh, boy, could I ever.

Well, if you would allow me, I would be very happy to help with the Harvey the

Wonder hamster stunt.

Really? You've worked with hamsters before?

Oh, yes. They're my specialty.

Okay. Well, yeah, I guess it's fine.

Wonderful. Just let me get set up. You go vacuum up your spicy cheese doodles,

and I'll take it from here.

Well, okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Varna, the Squirmy's cook.

Thank you, Corky.

Corky. Hello, everybody.

I'm going to say I'm so very enthusiastic about this opportunity to

today's Harvey the Wonder hamster stunt.

You see, in my native country, hamsters are a very important part of our culture

because hamsters are so intelligent, hamsters are so supple, and so

very... Very delicious.

Any last words?

What's that?

Go to a commercial?

Okay. We'll be right back. Oh, no! If only Al were responsible, I'm doing his

job. Maybe Harvey wouldn't be in such hot water.

If you thought Twister was terrifying... Did you feel something?

If you thought Daunted Peak was daunting...

If you thought volcano was something with a V.

If you thought there were no more natural disasters left to make a movie

You thought wrong.

60 % chance of rain, the most horrifying new movie of the season.

When the weather got out of hand.

We can't go starting a panic.

Not during tourist season.

Only one man had the courage.

Mr. Mayor, I don't care what happens. your tourist season. Somebody has to

these people that they might need a jacket to bring Mother Nature to her

Come on, people, let's go! Everybody in the rec room!

We don't know what we're in for.

Come on inside, everybody!

When the barometric pressure increases, so does the terror.

So we don't even know if it's gonna rain?

No, son.

We don't.

50 % chance of rain coming soon to a theater near you.

Maybe.

Hold your horses!

We'll be right back!

All right!

The Weird Al show is back!

Not so fast, you delicious little hamster with the strong legs.

You haven't done your stunt yet.

Corky, you'll never guess where I'm calling from. Never mind that. You

get back here right away.

I can't leave yet.

They're just serving the ice cream.

Mmm, butternut fudge mint ripple swirl. My favorite. You're driving me nuts.

Listen, JB called. He said if you don't come back on the show immediately, you

won't have a show to come back to. Oh, he's bluffing. Hey, watch this.

Look, it's an ice cream float.

What are you now, carrot top?

Look, if you want to lose your show, that's fine. Just don't tell me I didn't

warn you.

So, what's on the show right now?

Oh, some guy named Varna, the squirmy cook, is helping out with the Harvey the

Wonder hamster stunt.

Squirmy, huh? I was in squirma once. Interesting culture.

The food there is really bizarre. You know what they actually consider to be a

rare delicacy?

Ham... Al?

Al, you okay?

Hello?

Huh.

That was strange.

Got disconnected.

Harvey the Wonder Hamster will now attempt to break Houdini's record for

his breath underwater.

A feat made even more daring and death -defying by the fact that the water is

boiling hot and contains chopped celery, diced carrots, and a pinch of salt.

Let's go, Harvey!

No!

I can't believe you were going to cook, Harvey!

I was just trying to teach him how to play water polo with his pearl onion.

or you'll regret it for the rest of your life!

The Weird Al Show is back!

Did you miss me?

Okay, look. I'm really sorry for bailing out on a show like that. I don't know

what I was thinking.

Harvey, I'm so sorry.

I promise I'll never blow off my responsibilities like that again.

Can you ever forgive me?

Please?

Oh, thanks, Harvey.

Oh, and Corky, what can I say?

I abused our cousinly bond and took advantage of your kind and perky nature.

There's no excuse for what I did, but as a way of saying I'm sorry, I brought

along somebody I thought you'd like to meet.

Fabio!

Hey, you want me to sign your left snuffle?

Yeah!

That's just what I wanted to hear.

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore.