Original subtitles

Oh, this is a story about a guy named Al, and he lived in a sewer with his

hamster pals, but the sanitation workers really didn't know through, so he

packed up his accordion and had to move to a city in Ohio, where he lived in a

tree, and he worked in a neighborhood congestion factory, and he played on the

company bowling team, and every single night he had a strange recurring dream,

where he was wearing leader holes and in a vat of sour cream, but that's really

not important in the story.

Well, the very next year, he met a dental hygienist with a special attitude

her arm. But he didn't even touch any lobster number. Then he got himself a

on a tater tot farm. And he spent his life sending out a split -level game 20

miles along the surface of the Earth.

And he really makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle salad for what it's

worth. Then one day, Al was in the forest trying to get a tan when he heard

tortured screaming of a funny little man. He was caught in a bear trap, and

set him free. And the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be. And it

out he's a big shepherd who'll turn on TV. So he gave Al a contract, and what

he... And now, now he's got his very own weird elf.

Today's lesson is, when faced with a challenge, try your...

And don't be afraid to seek good advice.

Oh, hey, everybody.

Well, I guess the sign already gave it away, but today is the day of the annual

Weird Al Talent Show.

Isn't that exciting?

Well, it's really great.

All my friends are going to come over and show off their unique talent.

I'm especially excited because a few special guests are dropping by, such

Are you ready?

My mom!

Wow, Harvey, can't you just smell the excitement?

The great thing is, everybody's got some kind of talent, some artistic or

creative or unusual thing they can do that makes them special.

And even though I run my talent show in the spirit of non -competitive fun, I do

award a special grand prize to one performer.

Come here, check this out.

My friends are so excited about this.

Today, some lucky person is going to walk away with this unique, specially

handcrafted ice sculpture of Marvin the Sea Bass.

Isn't this the most beautiful?

Okay.

If we went back in time to before this freezer stopped working, you would have

seen a beautiful and ornate ice sculpture of Marvin the Sea Bass.

But now it's melted.

Well... I guess I better see if I can come up with some kind of replacement.

Al, can you come help with that?

Oh, hi, Karky. I got it.

Oh, that's good.

That corner's fine.

Wait a second.

Today's not talent show day, is it?

Well, gotta be going. Oh, no, Corky. You're not getting out of it this year.

Today you're finally going to be in my talent show. Oh, thanks, but I don't

think so. You have to. I already told my mom you were going to do something.

Come on.

Let me think about it.

No. Corky, just try really hard and focus on doing whatever you do best.

It'll be fun.

You know, fun.

Woo -hoo.

Hey,

it's the doorbell.

except for my mom. She was late again.

Boy, Al, I am really pumped about this talent show. I don't know, but I think

this might be the year I win that ice sculpture.

That's nice. I hope you brought a thermos.

What? Nothing.

Good luck.

Okay, cuz, well, I got your name down on the list, and you'll be up in a few, so

don't worry. You're gonna rock the house. But I... Hey, that must be my

I'm starting to worry about you. You're late.

Oh, I'm sorry, Alfie. I tried to get here on time, but I was practicing and

getting ready, and the next thing I knew, I was late. Oh, well, don't worry

about it. Come on in. Have a seat.

And where are you going?

Kirky. Alfie tells me you're performing in the show today. I can't wait to see

your act.

Yeah, me either.

Okay, well, better get the show on the road. When we come back, you'll be

spectacular performances from all my town.

Hey everybody, welcome to the annual Weird Al Talent Show!

Remember,

it's not whether you win or lose, as long as you give it a try. And of

Judging the show this year will be the winner of last year's talent show, the

one, the only, Harvey the Wonderhamster!

Let me just move the judges down a little closer.

Seems to be stuck.

Can I get four or five strong men to help me out here?

Thanks, Kirky.

Okay, well, let's get started. First up, the lovely and talented Hooded Avenger!

Thanks, Al.

Today I am going to demonstrate one of my lesser -seen superpowers.

I am going to mold this cube of ice into the shape of a horse

with my tongue.

And Arabian gelding.

Thank you. Thank you. I hope to be leaving here with a much larger ice

sculpture, if you know what I mean.

Thank you for the adventure. It was going to be great.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the otherworldly talents

of Madam Judy the Psychic. Yay!

Hello,

my little tax deductions. It is I, Madam Judy. Only I can channel the living.

Yes. So many celebrities want to be me. No, they cannot possess me. Wait, I hear

voices. I must channel them. Oh, no. It's Roseanne.

Hey, you guys. You better be good or I'm going to have to sing and stuff.

Too late.

Oh, sorry. Can you sing?

Oh, no. I'm Barbara Streisand.

Oh, no. Oh, I'm a serious singer.

Oh, I'm like butter.

Oh, Papa, can you hear me? Oh, no. Wait.

Elvis is coming back! Elvis! Oh, no!

I'm Elvis, and I'm back, and I came to Elso to eat some donuts.

You're fabulous!

Wow!

Are you going somewhere?

I've changed my mind. I don't want to be on the show.

What's the worst thing that could happen? Look, no matter what, we're all

going to like you. It's easy for you to say. You have talent.

You're getting too worked up over this.

Just give it your best shot. Just try for once.

Now, according to my list, you're going to be up pretty soon.

Good thing I made a copy.

Anyway, like I was saying, you're going to be up pretty soon. I don't even have

any idea what I would do!

Well, why don't you do what I do when my mind is completely blank?

Watch TV!

Better spin again, Cindy.

Welcome to Celebrity Close -Up. Today, we'll be talking close -up with

actor and director, Clint Eastwood.

Mr. Eastwood, it's a pleasure having you here.

Yeah, well, thanks for having me here.

Direction's okay? You found parking all right?

Yeah, fine.

No problem.

Good. You know, I'm a longtime fan of your work, and your last film I found to

be a masterpiece. Wait a minute.

I didn't come here to talk about movies.

I came here to talk about my new line of salad dressing.

I have five shiny objects in my coat pocket. What are they?

I'll tell you tonight at 11.

And it looks like you're going to have to spin the wheel again.

All right.

Out of the Southwest, we have a lovely low pressure system, which is creating

the conditions for...

You guessed it, rain.

And over here in the east... Oh, um, I've just destroyed Cleveland.

Uh, well, here in Illinois, where my parents... Oh, my parents!

There's nothing there!

And there's no weather anywhere!

Clint Eastwood Blue Cheese, Clint Eastwood Ranch, Clint Eastwood Honey

Clint Eastwood Fresh and Zesty Poppy Seed.

Oh,

and you gotta spin again.

I can't. I'm so tired.

Spin the wheel!

Oh, well, that's about all the time we have. Thanks for joining

us, and we'll see you next time on... Spin the wheel!

Well, that wasn't any help.

Weird Al Talent Show proudly presents the off -the -wall comedy of The Guy

Boarded Up on the Wall.

Thank you, thank you. I love it, thank you. Okay, knock, knock.

Who's there?

Olive. Olive who?

Olive behind the wall.

I got another one here. Listen to this. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lemmy. Lemmy who?

Let me out of here. I'm boarded up in the wall.

Okay, okay, wait. I got another one here. So, did you think of something to

No.

Well, you better think of something quick, because you're up next.

What?

Thank you, thank you. You're beautiful. I'll be here all week. I love you. The

guy put it up on the wall, everybody.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I proudly give...

Will Corky give up, or will she try harder to find something she can do?

don't know. I can't imagine. What'll she do? I'm completely stumped. Beats the

heck out of me.

Hold your horses!

We'll be right back.

Hey! It's time for more of the Weird Al Show!

Come on, Corky. You're missing the show.

Everybody else has some kind of talent, and I don't have any.

I'm just a big nothing loser.

You know, Corky, most people weren't good at what they do the first time they

tried it. The thing is, you've got to keep trying.

Well, take my acting career, for instance. You know, I was in the

of a pretty famous show, and, well, things didn't quite turn out as I'd

Why, I remember it as if it were just yesterday.

Uh, aren't you going to show me?

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

Okay, are we ready to shoot this?

We got speed.

Take 37.

And action!

Brad, you never tell me you have a long -locked cousin.

Gee, I hope it's okay, Wilma. I sent it to drop by for dinner.

Brad!

That must be him now.

Well, if it isn't Al Yangstone. I haven't seen you in years.

Fred, old buddy, you haven't changed a bit. And where's your lovely wife,

Cut! Oh, boy.

The name is Wilma, not Helga.

Sorry. All right, we'll pick it up from Fred answering the door.

Take 38.

And action.

Well, if it isn't Al Yangstone. I haven't seen you in years.

Fred, old buddy, you haven't changed a bit.

Wine. And where's your lovely wife, Wilma?

You blockhead.

Cut. Cut.

Take 39.

And action!

Well, if it isn't Al Yangston.

He ain't there.

Where is he?

Oh, are we going again?

Cut!

That's it. That is it.

I can't work with this man.

I will be in my trailer.

Okay, that's lunch, everybody. One hour.

Wow,

you're right.

You stunk.

But you just kept at it, didn't you?

That's right. If at first you strike out, you just got to get right back up

that horse.

I know it's easy for you to say.

You have talent.

I'm just a big, talentless...

Blob.

Doesn't that hurt?

What?

Crushing cans?

Smashing walnuts with your fist?

I mean, anybody else would have broken every bone in their hand. I mean, that's

pretty amazing.

Well, anyway, I've got to get back to the show. Bobby's been on for a while

ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to bring to the stage... Al!

Al, I'd like to give it a try.

Really? I want to go on.

Great! And now I'm very pleased to bring to the stage the one, the only, Corky

Woman of Steel!

Yeah!

And now,

to finish off the show, here's my mom with her famous banjo solo and balancing

act.

Hmm,

who could that be?

Hold on, everybody.

Wow, it's the guys from Immature.

We heard it through the grapevine that you have in the talent show. I was

wondering if we could be in it.

Oh, gee, guys, that would be great, but we really only have time for one more

act, and my mom is already... It's okay, Ma.

You did the best you could.

You know what?

I think a slot just opened up, right? All right.

Hey, look, everybody.

It's immature.

All the times we shared I can't seem to forget The

love that we shared And I miss your pretty smile Just needs to brighten

up my day I want you here with me I'm calling out your

name Hear me My pretty girl You're on

my mind I want to hold you in my, my, my heart

tonight.

Let's make it right. Unless with these two days you can relate to what

I have to say.

I'm not a fool.

I'm not a fool.

Please don't bring my heart.

I've been dreaming about you and I need you.

Don't break my heart.

Don't break my heart. Don't break my heart.

I'm sitting in my window watching what's good about you. I'm hoping

that one day you will be inside.

And I want you here with me. No explanation goes.

Oh, no.

My baby girl, I want to hold you in my

arms, in my arms.

So now, let's make it right. Unless we're face to

face, you can't relate to what...

They're dreaming about you and I need you in my life.

I'm not a fool.

Please don't break my heart.

Please don't break my heart.

By my side.

I need you in my life.

I want you by my side. I need you in my life.

What do I think? You just sabotaged the show.

Well, of course.

Sabotage is my talent.

Oh.

Valerie Brentwood, everybody.

Well,

looks like that's the end of the talent show. I want to thank everybody for

coming. Wait a minute, Al.

Where's our grand prize?

Yeah, what about the ice sculpture? Ice sculpture!

Ice sculpture! Ice sculpture!

What would you think about having a different prize this year?

Just kidding.

Don't go away. We'll award the winner when we come back.

Won't we? It looks like Al's in a jam, but at least Porky learned her lesson.

Always try your best, always seek good advice, and always floss after eating

bricks!

The Weird Al Show will be back in a...

I have some bad news.

My beautiful, ornate, specially -made, handcrafted ice sculpture of Marvin the

Sea Bass melted.

Oh, don't worry about it. I'm sure there's another one in this bag here.

Oh, Mom, you're a lifesaver!

Have you made your final decision, Harvey? Oh, great.

And this year's winner of the annual Weird Al Talent Show is...

special E for effort goes to my cousin, Corky.

Oh, I've always wanted one of these.

I'll try even harder next year.

That ice sculpture shall be mine.