Original subtitles

Oh. This is a story about a guy named Al, and he lived in a sewer with his

hamster pal, but the sanitation workers really didn't approve, so he packed up

his accordion and had to move to a city in Ohio, where he lived in a tree, and

he worked in a nasal decongestion factory, and he played on the company

team, and every single night he had a French recurring dream, where he was

wearing leader holes and in a vat of sour cream, but that's really not

in the story.

Well, the very next year he met a dental hygienist with a special attitude on

her arm, but he didn't even touch any lobster number, then he got a full job

a tater tot farm, and he fed his life since he's got a split level game 20

below the surface of the earth and he really makes a mighty fine jelly bean

pickle sandwich for what it's worth and one day i was in the forest trying to

get a tan when he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man he was

caught in a bear trap and al said i'm free and the guy that he rescued was

grateful us could be and it turns out he's a big chef producer on tv so he

al a contract and what do you know now he's got his very own weird

Today's lesson is, the best way to work out a problem with a bully is through

peaceful communication!

Besides, being a bully just isn't cool.

Oh, hey, how you doing?

You're probably wondering what I'm working on this week. This invention is

to change life on this planet as we know it.

It's an automatic toenail clipper!

Just think what this will mean to future generations.

I think I finally got all the bugs out, so now I just need some kind of guinea

pig to test it on.

Well, I don't have a guinea pig, but I do have a

hamster! Hey, Harvey!

Hey, buddy!

You want to help me test out my new invention?

Yeah, your toenails are a little long.

This will be good for you.

Okay, here we go.

All right, let's check out those toenails.

Oops.

Sorry, Harvey. I guess my invention needs a little fine -tuning.

Oh, excuse me.

Jankovic, que pasa?

Who's my favorite star?

Uh, what can I do for you, J .B.? Good. Right to the point. I like that.

It's take an extended relative to work day, and I'm bringing in my little

nephew, Huey.

Oh, that's real nice of you. I thought so. He should be showing up at your

any minute now.

My place?

Yes, and oh, by the way, I told him he could be in charge of your show. What?

That's right. I should warn you, he's used to getting his own way. I would try

very hard not to upset him about you. Because when he gets upset, his mother

gets upset. And when his mother gets upset, my wife gets upset.

And when my wife gets upset, I get upset. And when I get upset, you're

You understand me, Yankovic?

Yes, sir.

All righty, then. Well, have fun.

Ciao. Well,

Harvey, looks like we're going to have some company.

JB's nephew is coming over.

I hate to say it, pal, but I don't think the big hair thing works for you.

That's cold, man.

Excuse me, do I know you? I'm Buford.

I'm the new band leader.

We're your house band.

Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. I didn't order any house band.

That's right, I did. He's here because I told him to be here.

Hello there. You must be, let me guess, JB's neato nephew.

Huey, right?

Oh, I sure have heard a lot about you, mister.

Hey, Buford, guess what? What?

Chicken butt.

That's cool, man.

That is cool.

So, Huey, would you like a little tour of the cave? Maybe watch a little TV?

TV? I hate TV. And from now on, I want you to call me sir.

Okay.

Well, sir.

How did you get that name?

Were you knighted or something?

Knights are wieners. Where'd you get that shirt? Hawaii or something?

Well, uh, no.

But if you're interested in knowing more about Hawaii... Hawaii is a chain of

volcanic and coral islands in the Central Pacific.

Settled by Polynesians in the 6th century A .D., it later became part of

.S. in the year... Boring!

From now on, whenever the band starts playing, I want you to sing.

Sing?

What do you mean, sing? Make up a song.

Tra -la -la -la -la. Sing.

Why? It doesn't exactly work that way.

Talk much?

You're supposed to be nice to me, remember?

Yeah.

Anyway, I can tell by the old clock on the wall that once again it's time

Al's Mailbag! That's right.

Well, let's... Sing the Owl's Mailbag theme song.

Uh, Owl's Mailbag doesn't have a theme song. Make one up and sing it now.

Okay, I just did, in my head. If you don't sing the Owl's Mailbag theme song,

I'm gonna have my uncle kick you off your show.

Buford, Mailbag song, hit it!

Letters.

I get letters.

So many letters.

A whole bunch of letters.

I'd even read mail from a cow.

It's time for Al's mailbag now.

Huff it!

Hit the...

really look like Mozart.

If I had that on tape, I'd tape over it.

Oh, man.

That's cold.

Okay, well, let's see what our viewers have to say this week.

Got a letter here from Bill Burke in Wausau, Wisconsin, and Bill says,

Dear Al, I've got a special request.

Could I see Dick Van Patten in a tutu doing a little pirate dance?

Hmm.

Well, sure, I guess we have time for that. Okay, here you go.

Well, that was fun, wasn't it?

Okay,

here's a letter from... I'm bored!

I want someone to draw a funny picture of me right now!

Gee, would you look at the time?

Well, we're going to have to take a quick break right now, but don't go away

you'll regret it for the rest of your natural life.

Will Al figure out how to communicate with Huey? Will Huey figure out that

a bully isn't cool?

Will I ever stop this annoying shouting?

Don't go away.

We'll be right back.

It's time for more of the Weird Al Show.

That doesn't look like me. I'm cuter and taller.

My head's too big.

Hey, there's someone at the door.

Remember what I said, Al.

Sing. Buford, hit it.

There's someone at the door. There's someone at the door. There's someone at

door. Please don't make me sing anymore. Can't you see that there's someone at

the door?

Buford!

We got to open the door.

We got to open the door.

We got to open the door. We got to open the door.

We got to open the door.

Open that door.

Open that door.

I can't. I can't. I just can't open that door. You got to. I

can't. I can't. I just can't open that door. You got to. I can't. Can't. No.

Can't do it.

Should I open it? Yeah.

Should I open the door?

Well, maybe I should answer it then.

But first, I just have to ask.

Who's at the door? Who wants to come inside?

Say, who's at the door? But don't stand out there and hide.

Is it Sam or Joe or Fran or Bill or Bob or Clyde?

Who's at the door?

It's big -time TV star Tajmori. Hi, Al. I just thought that I'd... Tajmori, you

wacky swinging cat.

Tajmori, Tajmori, would you like fries with that?

Mr. Tajmori, now welcome to the Weird Al Show.

Um, what's with the singing?

and maybe show a clip?

Well, of course. Hey, everybody, what do you say?

Why don't we show a clip now?

Why don't we show a clip now, mon?

Why don't we show a clip now?

Let's show a clip right now.

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark.

All the dinosaurs are running wild.

Someone let T -Rex out of his pen.

Cause they sure don't act like Barney. And they think that I'm their dinner,

their friend.

What was that?

Jurassic Park, smart guy.

You were in Jurassic Park, remember?

No, no, I wasn't. And besides, that wasn't even a clip from the movie. That

just your music video.

I can't even believe you came on this stupid show.

Why did you come on this stupid show?

Everyone watching. Everyone watching. We sure like to know.

We sure like to know.

This was a big mistake.

That's it.

I'm out of here. Okay, Taj, but first, will you do me a little favor?

Pretty please?

What? Will you try out my automatic toenail clipper?

What do I have to do?

Just take off your shoe and put your foot in that box.

Okay. I can't believe I'm doing this. Let me just take off my shoe.

I think my machine needs just a little more work. Forget your machine. Look at

me. You made me into a freak.

I made you into a freak.

You're the freakiest thing I've seen all week.

I may be an accordion playing geek, but my friend, you're a full -fledged

freak. And I'm not kidding.

I made you.

Into a big, fat freak!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, where did Taj Mori go? He was just here.

I think I just saw him limping away.

Oh, you know how those sensitive artists are.

Speaking of artists, what's going on over here?

You're the worst!

I can draw better than this with my butt! Get out!

That's JB's nephew, Huey. Looks like he's in charge of the show today.

Holy cannoli!

Dora, you want me to take care of him for you?

Nice thought, but better not. Just try to ignore him.

In fact, when I was a kid, I always cracked under the silent treatment.

I just won't say anything to him.

Hey, who are these people?

What are your friends' names?

I'll name them.

You're Dummy.

You're Stupid.

And you're Nuclear Stupid.

Actually, I'm Corky. This is Val Brentwood and the Hooded Avenger. You

go to court to change your name, Dummy. Isn't that right, Al?

Why aren't you talking? I order you to say something.

Perhaps if you asked nicely. Who asked you, Hood Boy?

Okay. If you want to smell my socks, don't say...

Anything.

Al wants to smell my socks.

Al wants to smell my socks.

That's cold, man.

That is cold.

Say it once in a while, not a million times a second.

Okay, now let's talk about fun stuff. What did everybody have for breakfast

today? I had waffles and maple syrup. Okay, enough about breakfast. Let's all

have a party for me.

Or you're fired.

Well, he certainly has a healthy level of self -confidence.

Okay.

Let's play musical chairs.

Go.

Al, don't ignore him.

But don't let him push you around.

Find a way, find a way to communicate with the... lads.

Get ready. The music could stop at any time.

Okay. Maybe I can kill him with kindness.

Stop!

I win!

Gee, Huey. That was amazing.

What skill.

What finesse. Can you teach me how to be as talented as you?

Wait a minute. Look.

I got you a cake because I think you're so great.

Hey, everybody. Isn't Huey just the greatest?

Oh, did you know I started a Huey fan club? We've got our own Huey website and

everything. Would you autograph this for me, oh Master Huey?

Do I look like a ski instructor?

Huh? I said, do I look like a ski instructor?

Uh, no.

Then spare me the snow job.

Just checking in to see how you two are getting along. Just fine. Hold on. Just

fine, JV.

Terrible! I want Al out of here right now, but he can't ever come back!

Yeah, right. Whatever you say, Huey. Well, I'm late for my liposuction

appointment. I gotta run.

Bye.

Did you hear that? You're out of here!

Too bad.

So sad.

Bye -bye!

You're right, Huey. I am out of here.

I've had enough of this bullying from you.

I quit!

Oh, sorry, Huey. I mean... I quit, I quit, I

quit!

Poor Al.

He tried to communicate peacefully, but that Huey, he's such a bully.

We'll be right back.

Don't you move!

The Weird Al Show is back!

Did you miss me?

Harvey, as soon as I put down some roots, I'll send for you.

Until then, take care, buddy.

Oh, really going to miss you, Buford.

Keep providing musical accompaniment and punctuation to dramatic events.

You're the man, Al.

Yes. Yes, I know. Say, Buford, since I'm probably never going to see you again,

I wanted to give you something to remember me by.

This chunk of ice from my refrigerator.

Wow, man.

That's cold.

That's really cold.

Piece of pie.

We've had some good times together.

But now you're going to a better place.

Are you finished?

Yep, I'm done.

Well, there's nothing else you have to do, like play your accordion or kiss

stalagmites goodbye?

Nope. Well, don't you have to make a banana mustard sandwich for the road?

No, I'll just be on my way.

Farewell, cave.

It's been fun.

Wait, you can't go.

What? I order you, come back in here now.

What is it, Huey? Are you trying to say something?

I order you to do a cartwheel right now.

Sorry, I'm all cartwheeled out of the moment.

Well, see ya.

Fine, go if you want.

And I'll be here all alone as usual.

Everyone hates Huey.

Huey Pooey.

Well, you're no bully, are you, Huey?

Come on, please don't cry.

Everyone hates me. Nobody wants to play with me.

Huey, I had no idea you felt this way.

I had no idea you felt anything.

No one likes me.

I like you.

I mean, in theory.

If you weren't so bossy. In an alternate universe where you're this totally

different person and not a tyrant, I like you.

Really? Sure.

You know, if you just gave it half a chance, you might find that people think

you're okay.

Like these people from Honolulu.

You mean you forgive me?

Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't really have the right to forgive anyone.

mean, I don't live here anymore.

Well, see ya.

Well, that, yeah.

Um, I guess you don't have to go now.

Oh, great.

Go watch some TV.

Hello, boys and girls.

I'm Fred Huggins.

And these are my little friends, Papa Bully and Baby Bully.

I'm hungry. When do we get paid?

Oh, what a beautiful day it is. It's such a nice day, isn't it? It's really,

really nice.

I like that word, nice.

I hate you, Fred. You know, you should always be nice.

Because it's nice to be nice.

It'd be nice if you'd just shut up! And if you're nice to people, people will be

nice to you, too.

How about that?

I wrote a little song about it. It's called, It's Nice to Be Nice.

Oh.

This is fun.

I like hanging out with you.

Ah, you're not so bad yourself, sir.

No, you don't have to call me sir anymore. Just Huey. Now that we're

can come over here all the time and hang out.

Finally, Huey learned that it's not good to be a bully and misbead others.

The Weird Al Show will be right back.

I promise!

And now, the spine -tingling conclusion of The Weird Al Show!

Harvey, what were you doing in there? You mischievous little imp.

Anyway... My foot!

Look what he did to my foot!

He's nuts, I tell you! He must be stopped!

Please! Ah, you'll be all right.

Well, Huey's gone now, and he promised me he'd try really hard to be nice to

everyone. I have a feeling he'll be back someday.

Unless I can get that restraining order.

And from now on, I'm going to try just talking to people instead of letting

stomp all over me.

Anyway, before I sign off, I just have to try my automatic toenail clipper one

last time.

They're beautiful!

Do you know what this means?

The world will never be the same again.

Thus begins the dawning of a new age.

An age in which we can all be free.

Free to live in a world without hangnails.

Oh, what a glorious thought.

Anyway, it's the end of the show. So until next time, remember to always look

both ways before crossing the street.

Because you never know when someone's going to...