Original subtitles

Oh. This is a story about a guy named Al, and he lived in a sewer with his

hamster pal, but the sanitation workers really didn't approve, so he packed up

his accordion and had to move to a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree, and he

worked in a new hippie congestion factory, and he played on the company

team, and every single night he had a strange recurring dream where he was

wearing leader holes and in a vat of sour cream, but that's really not

in the story.

Well, well, very next year he met a dental hygienist with a specialist

on her arm, but he didn't even touch any lobster number, then he got himself a

job on a tater tot farm, and he spent...

Outro Music

Today's lesson is, it's not so important to hold a world record, but it's always

important to do your best!

Oh, hey, how you doing?

I'm just trying to get the prize out of this box of sugar -coated bits and

pieces.

Aha! There you are.

My very own artificially preserved horseradish enchilada.

Mmm.

It even takes it through the plastic.

I could use a little time in the microwave, though.

Got one of those older microwaves, and it's just got this itty -bitty, teeny

-tiny little radiation leak. So if you'll just bear with me.

Okay, all set.

Here we go.

Okay, that should be enough time.

Nothing like the smell of horseradish and

melted plastic.

Hey, Harvey, you want a bite of my enchilada?

Harvey?

Where'd that little rascal go?

Harvey! Look at you, you're huge!

What happened?

Were you sitting by the microwave just now?

Oh, no. What have I done?

I've turned you into a grotesque, radioactive mutant.

Good enchilada, though.

Wow! I've never seen any hamster this big before.

This has got to be some kind of a... world record!

Presenting the president of the Guinness Book of World Records.

Sir Alec.

Oh, man, what an honor. Oh, Sir Alec, I am such a fan of yours. I've got all

your books.

You may stand.

One leg, please.

Now, this hamster, he is yours.

Yes? A simple yes or no will do.

Well, he certainly is a very large animal.

No, no, no need for that. Let's just eyeball him.

Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Harvey the Wonderhamster now holds the new world record for largest rodent.

Whoa!

Oh, did you hear that, Harvey? He said you're the biggest. There he is.

Harvey, do you have an agent? Do you have a book deal? Do you hang out with

Incredible Hulk? Do you plan to change your name to an unpronounceable symbol?

Do you smell something funny? Harvey!

Harvey! Harvey! Harvey! Harvey! Harvey!

Show's over.

Harvey needs his rest.

Thanks for coming. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Treat Harvey well.

He's a credit to you and your cave.

Thank you, Feralic.

Oh, what's so great about a world record anyway?

It just means you're the best in the world, and no one can take that away

you, which must bring a tremendous amount of personal satisfaction and self

-worth.

Well, as my great -granddaddy Blind Lemon Yankovic always told me, Alfie, he

said, if you need to be distracted from your wretched, meaningless existence,

why not turn on the TV?

There's a big door.

We'll repair it. That way you can keep the roof over your head.

Pirate roofing. We're number one.

Well, I loved this movie. This is easily one of the best films of the year. I

agree. Nothing else even comes close. When a film is clearly the best, it has

way of making everything else that's not the best seem, well, pathetic. I know,

and you're fine. yourself scratching your head thinking, what were those

movies? Who were those characters? What were the titles? Who knows?

And who cares? Throw them in the garbage and move on.

Citizens of Earth, we are Zargonauts from the planet Zargo 7.

We want all the humans on this planet who are the very best at something to

help us start a new super advanced civilization.

Everyone else, do whatever.

Oh, man.

I guess if you're not the best, you're just worthless.

You know what?

Harvey's not the only one who can get a world record.

I can get one, too.

In fact, I'm going to do it right now.

That's it.

I'm going to set the world record for accordion sit -ups.

Yeah!

I'm going to beat somebody.

We'll be right back.

Will Al set a new world record, or will his accordion be playing a different

tune? Hey, don't go away. The Weird Al Show will be back in a flash.

Can you believe it? The Weird Al Show is back!

Six!

Seven!

Hey, Al.

How's that world record coming along?

3 ,002!

3 ,003!

5 ,000!

Oh, man. That was hard, but sure was worth it.

That's going to be a world record, right? Hate to burst your bubble, buddy.

But it says here the sit -ups don't officially count unless the accordion's

your back.

Oh. Well, okay, um, something easier.

How about most donuts eaten in ten seconds?

Yeah, that's good. Okay, you gotta keep count of the donuts, all right?

Sure.

Here I go!

Whoa.

Okay, how many was that?

One. One donut.

Is that a record? I don't think so.

Oh. Look, Al, getting a world record is a lot harder than you think.

Yeah, but look at all the attention Harvey's been getting. Yes, but do you

he's happier now?

He can't play on his habit trail. He doesn't have his privacy.

Oh, I didn't expect you to understand, but thanks anyway.

Well, better get back to my own cave. Got a souffle in the oven.

Okay, well, see ya.

Well, I can tell by the old clock on the wall that once again it's time for...

Al's Mailbag, that's right. Well, let's see what's in the old

mailbag this week.

Reading letters always seems to cheer me up.

Dear Al, my eight -year -old brother currently holds four world records.

My ten -year -old sister already has five.

I'm 12, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I only hold three world records.

Is there something wrong with me?

Well, who could that be?

Oh, Mr.

Besenmayer. How are you today? Oh, fine.

Oh, hi, Harvey.

Say, I was just in the neighborhood and I was wondering if I could borrow a

cottage cheese lava lamp.

Sure. There you go.

It's so sweet.

As long as you're here, you want to watch another one of my home movies?

Actually,

I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Oh, then we better get started.

There we go.

This one's all about my greatest achievements in the world of sports.

Wow. Can you believe I ever had hair like that? Well, here I am, competing in

very first sporting event, the one -man freestyle tire roll.

This should only be attempted by freestyle tire rolling professionals.

I have to admit, it was pretty fun, once I stopped throwing up.

Oh, here I am playing golf. I used to love playing golf. I was really into it.

even played in the Masters Tournament one year.

There I was, one short putt away from fame and fortune when... Ow!

Those darn blimp explosions.

Don't you just hate distractions?

Oh, well, what are you going to do?

Oh, and a few years later, I was on the college track team. I never actually set

any records, but I learned a lot about the value of teamwork.

Oh, hey, look, there's my old teeth.

And most importantly, I learned how to be a good sport, because it really

doesn't matter who wins or who loses, as long as you have a good time and nobody

gets hurt.

Oh, boy, those were happy days.

Ready for another movie?

I think I need to go home and walk the cat.

But you don't have a cat.

Oh, did I say cat? I meant my phone's ringing.

Well, I'm going to get back to setting my world record pretty soon, but right

now I'll give you a choice.

Press the red button if you want to see a video of me getting a root canal, or

the blue button if you just want to see some commercials. I highly recommend the

root canal video.

Is Al trying to set a world record for idiotic ideas?

Will he learn it's important to just do your best?

The Weird Al Show will be right back. I promise!

It's time for more of the Weird Al Show!

You know, Harvey, if I'm ever going to get a world record like you, I'm going

need some help.

Hello, Glynnis?

It's Al. Hey, can you send every single world record holder you can find over to

my cave? I need a few pointers.

Great, thanks.

Okay, it'll be right over. While we're waiting, why don't you watch this Batman

cartoon?

The Adventures of Batman!

Ah, I really needed this.

Watch this.

Full of piping hot split pea soup.

ate split pea soup.

What evil mind could have perpetrated this dastardly deed?

Fat man, look.

Courtesy of Dr.

Quimby P. Lagoon.

Hmm. Could be a clue.

Your brain amazes me.

What say we follow this incriminating trail of croutons?

My crime fighter's instincts tell me this is the place.

Lagoon, I presume.

It's no use trying to stop me, fat man. I must see my plan carried out. That's

the same capsule he put in the pool water.

Oh, no. This capsule is much stronger. I just have to drop this into the nearest

sink and my ultra -super -concentrated formula will spread like a mighty green

fungus, transforming the city's entire water supply into split pea soup.

It will be a triumph for science.

I will be vindicated in front of all who mocked me.

Yeah, but couldn't you have picked a good soup? I mean, split pea.

Oh, no. This is really tasty.

My grandmother's recipe.

Try it.

Yum, yum, yummy.

Uh, Batman.

This plan of yours is the best idea I've ever heard.

Oh, I'm so glad you agree.

And you'll be able to get this soup out of any water outlet.

Just picture it.

This soup, whenever you want it, it will become part of the very fabric of our

lives. The world will be happier than it's ever been.

Hey, you two are getting along like peas in a pod, aren't you?

We sure are.

I love this guy.

Well, don't you think your new friend deserves a great big hug?

You bet.

Oh, no.

Wait, couldn't we just shake on it? No, no, no.

Harvey, I accidentally delivered the hug of doom.

Now he won't be able to carry out his plan.

Bummer. Okay, well, let's go home.

No, wait.

My business here is not finished.

You didn't see any more of that soup anywhere, did you?

Look, everyone.

Fat Man has saved the day.

Back off. This is my soup.

Get your own.

No, no.

Okay, Harv, pretty soon you're going to have some company in the record books.

That's right.

I'm going to get my own world record.

A bunch of record holders just dropped by, and they're going to give me a few

helpful tips.

Look at these guys. Isn't this cool?

Hey, you must be the world record holder for consecutive free throws.

That's me. Wow.

I bet when you set the world record, your friends were really envious, huh?

Friends? My only friends are my concentration and my follow -through.

Right.

Well, what should I do if I want a better world record?

Work as hard as you can.

Eliminate all your distractions. In fact, the reflection from your glasses

distracting me. Do you mind?

Oh, sorry.

Oh, hey, Cousin Corky. Hey, quite a crowd you got here.

I recognize a lot of these people.

Well, who are they?

They hold the record for the longest game of Marco Polo.

Marco!

He's been trying to catch her since 1966.

And who's that?

She's timing them. In fact, she currently holds the world record for the

consecutive hours timing someone.

Oh, I read about this guy.

Hey, beard man, how did you become a world record holder?

Well, I didn't have much choice, did I?

I don't know. I guess you could have cut it off at some point. What are you,

nuts? I can't cut it off. It's part of my body.

That's silly. You can cut off your beard any time you want to. All you need is a

pair of scissors.

Really? Give me those.

I am finally free!

Well, good buddy.

Looks like if you want a world record, you got your work cut out for you.

But if you want my advice, I'd say it's just as important to do your best as it

is to be the best.

Yeah, you know, I still think it would be really cool to have a world record,

but I don't know. I just don't think it's for me. All that sacrifice.

I mean, how could I ever give up smashing plates on my head?

Or squirting mustard on sumo wrestlers?

Or doing the Bolus Boy Dan?

Give all that up?

You're the guy from Hanson, aren't you? Yeah. Yeah. You know, we're on vacation

looking for the world's largest rodents. Holy wow.

Harvey. Come on. No, no, stop.

The flash effect from those cameras made his place neurons in Harvey's

radioactive aura, damaging his neo -electrical field, resulting in a

and immediate growth reversal.

Oops.

See? Told you.

Sorry. Sorry.

Well, that's okay.

Harvey looks a lot happier now that he's not a tourist attraction anymore.

But you could make it up to us if you did one of your mega hit songs.

Okay. Sure. Let's go. Come on, guys.

We'll be right back with Hanson. Al has finally learned that holding a world

record isn't the important thing.

It's doing your best that counts.

Hold your horses.

We'll be right back.

Now, the spine -tingling conclusion of The Weird Al Show!

Look! Look!

It's him!